Despair -- need support desperately

[[Tr...]]

WILDFLOWER: People think we are playing a harp. But the truth is something else. In Sweden "hartz violin." - a kind of tool for inducing noise that is often used as a practical joke. A thread, such as a fishing line, is rubbed with resin. By tightening the wire different hard you can achieve different sound frequencies. Maybe a bad translation? 

 

And this sounds AWFUL! Do you know what I mean? I want to to this every day as a distraction. Do you want to join?  :thumbsu

[[Wi...]]

I'm not sure I understand you completely on this one, Anna...I'm not all sane, these days...!  I often feel bi-polar. I never know what state the next day will bring. Grief and confusion and deadness, many days. I can't communicate.

 

But when I can, I will join you.  Always. I need the laughter and distraction, for sure!

 

 

 

 

[[Tr...]]

In my right mind?  Nope, I'm not, this drives my crazy. I just want to scream!

 

But we can do this Wildflower, together! 

[[Wi...]]

 

But we can do this Wildflower, together! 

 

[[Ca...]]

Hey there Wild...

 

Sorry to hear of the tough times... Not much strength to spare here, -but its yours, and given with pleasure... -Returned even..

 

I pray this is a storm before the calm, which has been evident in my journey to a degree, and the added life pressures just “ping off” and give you a much deserved break... -Its not like you havnt put the work in...

 

Oo

 

 

 

[[Wi...]]

Hey there Wild...

 

Sorry to hear of the tough times... Not much strength to spare here, -but its yours, and given with pleasure... -Returned even..

 

I pray this is a storm before the calm, which has been evident in my journey to a degree, and the added life pressures just “ping off” and give you a much deserved break... -Its not like you havnt put the work in...

 

Oo

 

Cant, I appreciate you so much. Thanks for the support. I'm the same regarding strength...helluva hard times for all. Your presence is more than enough. I know you're in the thick of things also...thinking of you...treading the water right next to you in this storm. I'll stop by your blog to check in sometime. Again, thanks for stopping by....

 

Wild

[[Ca...]]

Hey there Wild...

 

Sorry to hear of the tough times... Not much strength to spare here, -but its yours, and given with pleasure... -Returned even..

 

I pray this is a storm before the calm, which has been evident in my journey to a degree, and the added life pressures just “ping off” and give you a much deserved break... -Its not like you havnt put the work in...

 

Oo

 

Cant, I appreciate you so much. Thanks for the support. I'm the same regarding strength...helluva hard times for all. Your presence is more than enough. I know you're in the thick of things also...thinking of you...treading the water right next to you in this storm. I'll stop by your blog to check in sometime. Again, thanks for stopping by....

 

Wild

 

[[Ca...]]

So sorry you are going through this wretched ordeal. I understand exactly how it's going for you - identical to my situation at 3.5 yrs. It's just abject misery that I honestly feel I can bear another day. What's insult to injury is the utter lack of respect or concern shown by others for what they will not or cannot see. It's left me so dismayed at how insensitive people tend to be. But I really wonder how far I'd extend myself in a reversed role. It's deeply disturbing to be judged as spineless, and irresponsible. I feel this Benzo ordeal has shoved my face into the ugliest underside of life to the point of trauma. I don't see how one can recover such an experience. It's caused me to doubt myself in the cruelest way as to what anything ever really meant - or perhaps to say - a blinding intrusion upon everything I ever held dear. Many days have I spent with my face buried in my hands in mental anguish, yet unable to cry.

[[Wi...]]

So sorry you are going through this wretched ordeal. I understand exactly how it's going for you - identical to my situation at 3.5 yrs. It's just abject misery that I honestly feel I can bear another day. What's insult to injury is the utter lack of respect or concern shown by others for what they will not or cannot see. It's left me so dismayed at how insensitive people tend to be. But I really wonder how far I'd extend myself in a reversed role. It's deeply disturbing to be judged as spineless, and irresponsible. I feel this Benzo ordeal has shoved my face into the ugliest underside of life to the point of trauma. I don't see how one can recover such an experience. It's caused me to doubt myself in the cruelest way as to what anything ever really meant - or perhaps to say - a blinding intrusion upon everything I ever held dear. Many days have I spent with my face buried in my hands in mental anguish, yet unable to cry.

 

Catt, thank you. I relate to everything you wrote. Yours is one of the best descriptions of this experience I've read.  And yet even that doesn't quite capture it. I'm very much where you're at, and so I can't and don't want to offer facile platitudes of comfort. I'm digging deep here, but I just want to say that I still believe the human spirit can overcome in the most unbelievable ways. I watched a recording of survivors of Auschwitz, now in their 80s/90s. So many of them were able to move on and live happy, successful lives. They must have felt so much of what we do now, except they didn't know whether they were going to come out alive. And many watched their children and relatives die.

 

I'm so sorry, Catt. I do understand completely. Thank you for lending your voice. It means a lot.

[[Ma...]]

Wildflower, it must be really difficult to be where you are right now, but so many people who have, posted to help support you.  You are a wonderful person and provide so much support for others.

I really pray you get some relief soon.  All the people that are responding show how much you are cared for on bb.  Please hold on!  We love you, Mary :smitten:

[[Wi...]]

Mary, thank you so much. Your support means a lot. I don't know...it's the darkest and most painful place I've ever been. And it doesn't let up. I just didn't think it possible, in this life.... But I know many others on here know that place, too. I have to believe that this will end for all of us. I have to.

 

Sending you love and many thanks.

[[sa...]]

 

 

Wildflower, sending you lots of love from Switzerland.

 

Stay strong, it really is worth it. Things will get better. And if you can't be strong, lean on the community for a while, we will carry you.

 

 

[[Wi...]]

 

 

Wildflower, sending you lots of love from Switzerland.

 

Stay strong, it really is worth it. Things will get better. And if you can't be strong, lean on the community for a while, we will carry you.

 

Satasha, thank you for your kind message. I truly appreciate it. Stay safe in beautiful Switzerland, lovely lady.

 

Much love,

Wildflower

[[Ca...]]

...a nocturnal smile and thoughts from Australia...

 

[[Wi...]]

...a nocturnal smile and thoughts from Australia...

 

...and a very grateful nocturnal smile back at you from chaotic South Africa...