I’m Returning to BB to say I’m Recovered

[[...]]

C73,

  Thank you for sharing.  It's so easy to become so fully immersed in my symptoms.. to analyze, dissect, argue, debate, etc, etc, etc.  I've been feeling the need to move beyond my current coping level... my handful of distraction sources and comfort zones... but I guess I've been waiting until I felt better.  Maybe just doing it, and carrying my symptoms with me as you said, is the answer.  Very scary to do, but I see the truth in it.

For me, the challenge is to still carry around this blanket of brain fog and not have the lies it tells affect my current thinking.

 

Hi Turtle

 

The lies can seem so true - the brain is creative! Those lies can prevent us from doing so many things. When I decided to live a “value action” life it helped me bring those lies along. If I knew I wanted to take a trip, hike a trail, see a concert etc I would go do it even though the lies were telling me there’s no point to this, you’ll never get better, doing this thing will make you feel worse. Eventually those lies took a backseat and eventually quiet down.

 

If we’re waiting for a perfect time to engage back into life the brain will quickly create more lies and  and a new criteria and we’ll just keep waiting and waiting. It’s up to us to teach the brain through value actions that were getting on with our lives and the lies are coming with us

 

Small steps are the biggest

 

[[...]]

Apologies again for typos!

[[Tu...]]

C73.. can you explain a little about a "value action" life?  Is there an online site about this? TYIA

[[...]]

C73.. can you explain a little about a "value action" life?  Is there an online site about this? TYIA

 

Hi Turtle

 

You bet - I use a guideline from Mark Freeman (he wrote “You Are Not a Rock”).Its not benzo specific but it resonated with me in regards to anxiety and fear. It gave me a roadmap on how to move on with my anxiety and fear still present.  This is a bit from his Website:

 

 

”In your own life, when you encounter uncertainty and anxiety, I’d suggest you fall back on the values

 

Figure out what your values are and implement them consistently, and fearlessly. For many of us, and I know it was definitely the case for me in the past, I didn’t have any values. I didn’t want to be disliked so I did whatever anybody else wanted me to do. I was afraid of so many things that I let my fears of those thing potentially happening guide all of my actions. My life was a long series of reactions to paranoid fears of possibilities.

 

SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?

 

1. Start simple. Pick one value. Write it down. For instance, it might be: “I value being honest”.

 

2. Implement that value. When you encounter an uncertainty related to that value, let the value guide you. So, for example, if you were wondering about whether you should honestly tell somebody something, you would refer back to your value, which indicates you should be honest. Your brain will think up all sorts of terrible things that could happen if you implement that value. Just agree with them, shrug, and do it anyway. Your brain’s paranoid fears don’t have to run your life.

 

3. After a week of implementing that first value, add a second one. Begin to implement both of them consistently. Design your values. Build them, test them, rebuild them again. You don’t have to get them “right”. The tough task here isn’t getting the “right” values, it’s consistently implementing them.

 

This can be a big reorientation in your life, just as it is for organizations when they quit reacting to fear and instead act according to values. We get hooked on fear because it mistakenly feels safe to constantly be managing anxiety. When you reorient yourself around values, much of what makes you anxious and depressed on a daily basis, just fades away.“

[[Pa...]]

Clementine thanks for coming back and sharing your story.  It's stories like this that give hope to more people than you can imagine.  It's also a tribute to your healing that you are thinking of others and returning this wonderful gift of your message.

[[...]]

Clementine thanks for coming back and sharing your story.  It's stories like this that give hope to more people than you can imagine.  It's also a tribute to your healing that you are thinking of others and returning this wonderful gift of your message.

 

Hi Pardner

 

Thank you for your kind words

[[Wi...]]

 

Hi Wildflower

 

Yes - acceptance is SO hard. In my experience the w/d took all of my emotional and mental struggles (that I had been ok with skirting around or not addressing) and blew them up 1000%. It didn’t create anything that wasn’t there before but made everything I had already experienced and struggled with/avoided that much harder. It was like having an massive examination light on my past every day.

 

I still have days when I get angry about my benzo experience. I used to try to stuff that down - make it go away - ignore it. That just made it persist and grow bigger when the anger would return. Now I try to let the anger be there - I talk about it more - I acknowledge its there and go on about my day. Sometimes it hangs around and I’ll cry about my experience. I cry when I read others stories on BB. It’s ok to feel all the feelings - we’re humans who are doing / did a tremendously hard thing to do and we’re going to feel things about that. I hope I continue to learn more about my feelings around my benzo w/d because it’s so much harder to control the memories and try to make them go away.

 

 

Many thanks, Clementine, for your thoughtful reply. I experience it very much as you describe. It's in my nature to push and to want to see results, so to accept the feelings of helplessness, loss of independence as a result of w/d etc., and the rage I feel around this, is hard.... I'm experiencing a lot of pain and angry frustration tonight, so I'm trying to just let it be as it is....

 

Also, your explanation of a 'value action' life is very interesting and helpful to me. Anxiety is my worst symptom, so I'm bookmarking your description to implement the suggestions.

 

Thanks again for taking the time to share your experience.

💕

[[Vi...]]

What a beautiful success story Clementine! Thank you for coming back and sharing your story with us.

In the protracted board we are living for success story like yours.

 

I’m almost 4 years out and still suffering greatly with head/ scalp pain thingling and anxiety 24/7.  I never had any of this symptoms before benzo what I got for peri menapouse time for sleep.  Those are my worst symptoms and still not able to work. The pain still so severe is very hard to except ...

I wish I would able to take some supplements but I can’t... everything is makes my symptoms worse.

 

Have you had any head scalp pain, if you had how you were able to sleep with it or help yourself?

 

Wishing you a very happy healthy life with a lots of joy and laughs

Vica

 

 

[[...]]

What a beautiful success story Clementine! Thank you for coming back and sharing your story with us.

In the protracted board we are living for success story like yours.

 

I’m almost 4 years out and still suffering greatly with head/ scalp pain thingling and anxiety 24/7.  I never had any of this symptoms before benzo what I got for peri menapouse time for sleep.  Those are my worst symptoms and still not able to work. The pain still so severe is very hard to except ...

I wish I would able to take some supplements but I can’t... everything is makes my symptoms worse.

 

Have you had any head scalp pain, if you had how you were able to sleep with it or help yourself?

 

Wishing you a very happy healthy life with a lots of joy and laughs

Vica

 

Hi Vica

 

Yes - I had burning scalp - and where it burned was where my hair fell out. It took time through the protracted w/d but it did pass and my hair grew back in. Most of my nerve pain issues were related to my gut health.

[[Vi...]]

Thank you for writing me back.

Can I ask when is your head scalp pain started to get better? How many years you were out? How did you heal your gut?

My scalp burning all over even my face, but very bad on the top left side. Is feels like all my nerves are firing in my scalp very painful thingling and squeezing numbness .

Did you had something like this?

 

I’m free of gluten sugar alcohol coffee and eating very healthy but my guts is still not healing.

When you are in severe pain you are stressed and the stress effects your guts. I feel until my pain not getting less severe, I have no chance to get better.

I’m very sensitive with high histamine and glutamates food, so my food intake is very limited.

[[...]]

Thank you for writing me back.

Can I ask when is your head scalp pain started to get better? How many years you were out? How did you heal your gut?

My scalp burning all over even my face, but very bad on the top left side. Is feels like all my nerves are firing in my scalp very painful thingling and squeezing numbness .

Did you had something like this?

 

I’m free of gluten sugar alcohol coffee and eating very healthy but my guts is still not healing.

When you are in severe pain you are stressed and the stress effects your guts. I feel until my pain not getting less severe, I have no chance to get better.

I’m very sensitive with high histamine and glutamates food, so my food intake is very limited.

 

I don’t specifically recall the time frame. I also have histamine issues (and have adhered to similar food eliminations) and that contributed to the burning sensation (including my face and mouth). I found most of my histamine to reduce as I treated my gut issues (Candida and SIBO and managing the anxiety)

[[Ba...]]

Near 6 years off, i long ago tryed your state of mind to just go through symptoms and go live life whatever the symptoms were after seeing no improvments for more than 4 years waiting as " benzos experts" were saying that you can turn a corner anytime.

 

I realized long ago it was a scam and went offline and just forced myself doing everything again in life even feeling insane symptoms,  with time it made me able to participate more in life, beeing somewhat functional,  but the symptoms just never went away, i dont call that healing as symptoms never disapeared, its more learning how to cope with brain damage trying to have somewhat a life.

 

Can you tell how long it took you to heal ? How many years ? Because i have already done what you are saying for 2 years now, and symptoms still there, i am even in the worse wave 6 years off now back as sick as 6 years ago like i havnt done any progress.

 

Dont see the point on that healing anymore, just seel a pretty mess up lottery russian roulet.

 

How long it took you to heal ?

[[Br...]]

Hi all

 

My old screen name was Clementine. I originally joined BB in 2011. I was given Klonopin for a back injury. I used the .5mg (once a day) for 2 weeks and hit tolerance w/d very quickly with symptoms of agitation, anxiety, uncontrollably weepy and d/p. My dr suggested to increase the .5 mg to 2x a day and I did this for a month. At the six week mark I started to have an allergic reaction to the benzo (swollen lips and rash) along with a long list of w/d symptoms including dramatic hair loss. I started to Google symptoms and I found BB. I posted my intro, met my first BB (Bevoir) and I was immensely grateful to know I wasn’t going insane. The BBs developed a titrating plan for me and due to the allergic reaction I was experiencing I jumped off Klonopin very quickly.

 

I’ve returned back to tell you I have returned back to a full life. I’m not going to list all of my w/d symptoms - but know that I had experienced them all other then a seizure. I would like to share some things that helped me recover:

 

Share your status with people - it’s important to not hide your suffering. Most will not understand (including drs) - that’s ok - you have support here from others who do. You are an educator at this point. Use your experience to educate others. Be your own best advocate and find power in that. If you cry when you tell people then cry - that’s ok too

 

Take care of your gut - the burden of the intense stress and suffering will wreak havoc on your gut health. Why is gut health important? There’s a lot of information to find on the gut brain axis. If your healing one you’re healing the other. Find a gut health protocol that works for you - if you can’t add things in (like probiotics etc) consider taking things out (caffeine, acidic foods, sugar etc). It’s not forever. It’s a support system for the time being

 

Feel all the feelings - I tried so hard to avoid this one. It’s part of why I left BB and deactivated my account. I SO desperately wanted all of “this” to be done that I didn’t want a reminder of it anywhere. A big page turner in my recovery was being ok with how scared, sad, depressed, angry, lonely etc etc I was. Not assigning meaning to the feelings  is tricky. My go to assignments were - I’m a failure - I’ll never get better - I’ve ruined my life - I’ve ruined my families life - I guess I deserve this etc etc. Feelings are scary but the stories we tell around them are scarier and often not true

 

Exercise - it’s pretty simple - just go for a walk - everyday. Emotion is motion. Move your body and you move your mind.

 

Live life - this seems so hard, I know. I had a point in my protracted w/d to say “F it.” Obviously my healing was going to take a while but I as to get to a point where I was still going to go do things. And yes, I was still experiencing so many symptoms and even new ones at times. But hell - there’s still life to do - and not just a job which seems impossible to get to - taking care of family members - trying to make a dinner. There is more good things in life to do and see - small and big even during W/D

 

You can do this - you can do hard things. Reach out for help when you feel like you can’t and get back on the path. I recovered - you’ll recover too

 

Clem 

 

Hi C73,

 

Thanks so much for posting your success story!!  Thank you for your candor in describing what you struggled with and how you healed - so incredibly encouraging.  Thanks also for your very thoughtful and insightful suggestions for getting through the withdrawal journey.

Your story and your insights sustains everyone here looking for hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

So happy for you!!! 

Brighterday

[[Ch...]]

Hi all

 

My old screen name was Clementine. I originally joined BB in 2011. I was given Klonopin for a back injury. I used the .5mg (once a day) for 2 weeks and hit tolerance w/d very quickly with symptoms of agitation, anxiety, uncontrollably weepy and d/p. My dr suggested to increase the .5 mg to 2x a day and I did this for a month. At the six week mark I started to have an allergic reaction to the benzo (swollen lips and rash) along with a long list of w/d symptoms including dramatic hair loss. I started to Google symptoms and I found BB. I posted my intro, met my first BB (Bevoir) and I was immensely grateful to know I wasn’t going insane. The BBs developed a titrating plan for me and due to the allergic reaction I was experiencing I jumped off Klonopin very quickly.

 

I’ve returned back to tell you I have returned back to a full life. I’m not going to list all of my w/d symptoms - but know that I had experienced them all other then a seizure. I would like to share some things that helped me recover:

 

Share your status with people - it’s important to not hide your suffering. Most will not understand (including drs) - that’s ok - you have support here from others who do. You are an educator at this point. Use your experience to educate others. Be your own best advocate and find power in that. If you cry when you tell people then cry - that’s ok too

 

Take care of your gut - the burden of the intense stress and suffering will wreak havoc on your gut health. Why is gut health important? There’s a lot of information to find on the gut brain axis. If your healing one you’re healing the other. Find a gut health protocol that works for you - if you can’t add things in (like probiotics etc) consider taking things out (caffeine, acidic foods, sugar etc). It’s not forever. It’s a support system for the time being

 

Feel all the feelings - I tried so hard to avoid this one. It’s part of why I left BB and deactivated my account. I SO desperately wanted all of “this” to be done that I didn’t want a reminder of it anywhere. A big page turner in my recovery was being ok with how scared, sad, depressed, angry, lonely etc etc I was. Not assigning meaning to the feelings  is tricky. My go to assignments were - I’m a failure - I’ll never get better - I’ve ruined my life - I’ve ruined my families life - I guess I deserve this etc etc. Feelings are scary but the stories we tell around them are scarier and often not true

 

Exercise - it’s pretty simple - just go for a walk - everyday. Emotion is motion. Move your body and you move your mind.

 

Live life - this seems so hard, I know. I had a point in my protracted w/d to say “F it.” Obviously my healing was going to take a while but I as to get to a point where I was still going to go do things. And yes, I was still experiencing so many symptoms and even new ones at times. But hell - there’s still life to do - and not just a job which seems impossible to get to - taking care of family members - trying to make a dinner. There is more good things in life to do and see - small and big even during W/D

 

You can do this - you can do hard things. Reach out for help when you feel like you can’t and get back on the path. I recovered - you’ll recover too

 

Clem 

 

Congrats Clementine, and thanks for coming by to offer hope to those who follow!

[[Ra...]]

Hi all

 

My old screen name was Clementine. I originally joined BB in 2011. I was given Klonopin for a back injury. I used the .5mg (once a day) for 2 weeks and hit tolerance w/d very quickly with symptoms of agitation, anxiety, uncontrollably weepy and d/p. My dr suggested to increase the .5 mg to 2x a day and I did this for a month. At the six week mark I started to have an allergic reaction to the benzo (swollen lips and rash) along with a long list of w/d symptoms including dramatic hair loss. I started to Google symptoms and I found BB. I posted my intro, met my first BB (Bevoir) and I was immensely grateful to know I wasn’t going insane. The BBs developed a titrating plan for me and due to the allergic reaction I was experiencing I jumped off Klonopin very quickly.

 

I’ve returned back to tell you I have returned back to a full life. I’m not going to list all of my w/d symptoms - but know that I had experienced them all other then a seizure. I would like to share some things that helped me recover:

 

Share your status with people - it’s important to not hide your suffering. Most will not understand (including drs) - that’s ok - you have support here from others who do. You are an educator at this point. Use your experience to educate others. Be your own best advocate and find power in that. If you cry when you tell people then cry - that’s ok too

 

Take care of your gut - the burden of the intense stress and suffering will wreak havoc on your gut health. Why is gut health important? There’s a lot of information to find on the gut brain axis. If your healing one you’re healing the other. Find a gut health protocol that works for you - if you can’t add things in (like probiotics etc) consider taking things out (caffeine, acidic foods, sugar etc). It’s not forever. It’s a support system for the time being

 

Feel all the feelings - I tried so hard to avoid this one. It’s part of why I left BB and deactivated my account. I SO desperately wanted all of “this” to be done that I didn’t want a reminder of it anywhere. A big page turner in my recovery was being ok with how scared, sad, depressed, angry, lonely etc etc I was. Not assigning meaning to the feelings  is tricky. My go to assignments were - I’m a failure - I’ll never get better - I’ve ruined my life - I’ve ruined my families life - I guess I deserve this etc etc. Feelings are scary but the stories we tell around them are scarier and often not true

 

Exercise - it’s pretty simple - just go for a walk - everyday. Emotion is motion. Move your body and you move your mind.

 

Live life - this seems so hard, I know. I had a point in my protracted w/d to say “F it.” Obviously my healing was going to take a while but I as to get to a point where I was still going to go do things. And yes, I was still experiencing so many symptoms and even new ones at times. But hell - there’s still life to do - and not just a job which seems impossible to get to - taking care of family members - trying to make a dinner. There is more good things in life to do and see - small and big even during W/D

 

You can do this - you can do hard things. Reach out for help when you feel like you can’t and get back on the path. I recovered - you’ll recover too

 

Clem 

 

 

Thanks C.  I have a little under two weeks left and since my taper has taken over two years to complete... I'm in withdrawal as well.  It's been VERY difficult but I'm so proud to be almost done!! Congrats to your successful taper and your post was all too familiar to me.  I've been on Clonazepam for 15 years!! You give me hope... Thank you so much for coming back! 

[[pi...]]

Hello Clementine/C73!!

 

I remember you and I'm very happy to read your Success Story.  I know it's easy and desirable to put benzo withdrawal in the rear view mirror and never look back, but I thank you so much for coming back to share your experience and your journey to wellness!

 

We all remember the days where clinging to Success Stories was a lifeline.  Our members need to know that no matter how difficult the journey, healing does happen.

 

Thanks again and good to hear from you.

 

PG 

[[J ...]]

This is the most encouraging thread along with the question and answer where C73 aka Clementine would answer questions. Awesome.

 

So true that the ones in the healing process need to speak up and educate others to the dangers of these evil drugs. I am nearing 11 months benzo free and I remember reading the success stories and wondering if I would ever get there.

 

To have C73 offer her experience and story of healing is great, we all love reading these stories. Hope keeps us moving forward.

 

Thanks to Clemetine and others for comments and info.

[[Su...]]

Hi all

 

My old screen name was Clementine. I originally joined BB in 2011. I was given Klonopin for a back injury. I used the .5mg (once a day) for 2 weeks and hit tolerance w/d very quickly with symptoms of agitation, anxiety, uncontrollably weepy and d/p. My dr suggested to increase the .5 mg to 2x a day and I did this for a month. At the six week mark I started to have an allergic reaction to the benzo (swollen lips and rash) along with a long list of w/d symptoms including dramatic hair loss. I started to Google symptoms and I found BB. I posted my intro, met my first BB (Bevoir) and I was immensely grateful to know I wasn’t going insane. The BBs developed a titrating plan for me and due to the allergic reaction I was experiencing I jumped off Klonopin very quickly.

 

I’ve returned back to tell you I have returned back to a full life. I’m not going to list all of my w/d symptoms - but know that I had experienced them all other then a seizure. I would like to share some things that helped me recover:

 

Share your status with people - it’s important to not hide your suffering. Most will not understand (including drs) - that’s ok - you have support here from others who do. You are an educator at this point. Use your experience to educate others. Be your own best advocate and find power in that. If you cry when you tell people then cry - that’s ok too

 

Take care of your gut - the burden of the intense stress and suffering will wreak havoc on your gut health. Why is gut health important? There’s a lot of information to find on the gut brain axis. If your healing one you’re healing the other. Find a gut health protocol that works for you - if you can’t add things in (like probiotics etc) consider taking things out (caffeine, acidic foods, sugar etc). It’s not forever. It’s a support system for the time being

 

Feel all the feelings - I tried so hard to avoid this one. It’s part of why I left BB and deactivated my account. I SO desperately wanted all of “this” to be done that I didn’t want a reminder of it anywhere. A big page turner in my recovery was being ok with how scared, sad, depressed, angry, lonely etc etc I was. Not assigning meaning to the feelings  is tricky. My go to assignments were - I’m a failure - I’ll never get better - I’ve ruined my life - I’ve ruined my families life - I guess I deserve this etc etc. Feelings are scary but the stories we tell around them are scarier and often not true

 

Exercise - it’s pretty simple - just go for a walk - everyday. Emotion is motion. Move your body and you move your mind.

 

Live life - this seems so hard, I know. I had a point in my protracted w/d to say “F it.” Obviously my healing was going to take a while but I as to get to a point where I was still going to go do things. And yes, I was still experiencing so many symptoms and even new ones at times. But hell - there’s still life to do - and not just a job which seems impossible to get to - taking care of family members - trying to make a dinner. There is more good things in life to do and see - small and big even during W/D

 

You can do this - you can do hard things. Reach out for help when you feel like you can’t and get back on the path. I recovered - you’ll recover too

 

Clem 

Thank you for returning. I'm new here and hanging on by a thread, I mean it... a thin thread. I'm not well at all & really struggle with the "we all heal" narrative becuase I'm suffering so terribly. This is he'll. I'm grateful that some of you make it out of this hell alive & well. I pray for your continued health & joy.

 

[[Ra...]]

Hi all

 

My old screen name was Clementine. I originally joined BB in 2011. I was given Klonopin for a back injury. I used the .5mg (once a day) for 2 weeks and hit tolerance w/d very quickly with symptoms of agitation, anxiety, uncontrollably weepy and d/p. My dr suggested to increase the .5 mg to 2x a day and I did this for a month. At the six week mark I started to have an allergic reaction to the benzo (swollen lips and rash) along with a long list of w/d symptoms including dramatic hair loss. I started to Google symptoms and I found BB. I posted my intro, met my first BB (Bevoir) and I was immensely grateful to know I wasn’t going insane. The BBs developed a titrating plan for me and due to the allergic reaction I was experiencing I jumped off Klonopin very quickly.

 

I’ve returned back to tell you I have returned back to a full life. I’m not going to list all of my w/d symptoms - but know that I had experienced them all other then a seizure. I would like to share some things that helped me recover:

 

Share your status with people - it’s important to not hide your suffering. Most will not understand (including drs) - that’s ok - you have support here from others who do. You are an educator at this point. Use your experience to educate others. Be your own best advocate and find power in that. If you cry when you tell people then cry - that’s ok too

 

Take care of your gut - the burden of the intense stress and suffering will wreak havoc on your gut health. Why is gut health important? There’s a lot of information to find on the gut brain axis. If your healing one you’re healing the other. Find a gut health protocol that works for you - if you can’t add things in (like probiotics etc) consider taking things out (caffeine, acidic foods, sugar etc). It’s not forever. It’s a support system for the time being

 

Feel all the feelings - I tried so hard to avoid this one. It’s part of why I left BB and deactivated my account. I SO desperately wanted all of “this” to be done that I didn’t want a reminder of it anywhere. A big page turner in my recovery was being ok with how scared, sad, depressed, angry, lonely etc etc I was. Not assigning meaning to the feelings  is tricky. My go to assignments were - I’m a failure - I’ll never get better - I’ve ruined my life - I’ve ruined my families life - I guess I deserve this etc etc. Feelings are scary but the stories we tell around them are scarier and often not true

 

Exercise - it’s pretty simple - just go for a walk - everyday. Emotion is motion. Move your body and you move your mind.

 

Live life - this seems so hard, I know. I had a point in my protracted w/d to say “F it.” Obviously my healing was going to take a while but I as to get to a point where I was still going to go do things. And yes, I was still experiencing so many symptoms and even new ones at times. But hell - there’s still life to do - and not just a job which seems impossible to get to - taking care of family members - trying to make a dinner. There is more good things in life to do and see - small and big even during W/D

 

You can do this - you can do hard things. Reach out for help when you feel like you can’t and get back on the path. I recovered - you’ll recover too

 

Clem 

Thank you for returning. I'm new here and hanging on by a thread, I mean it... a thin thread. I'm not well at all & really struggle with the "we all heal" narrative becuase I'm suffering so terribly. This is he'll. I'm grateful that some of you make it out of this hell alive & well. I pray for your continued health & joy.

 

May I ask you what kind of surgery you had?  I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well but I'm believing things will get better with time. 

[[Su...]]

Hi all

 

My old screen name was Clementine. I originally joined BB in 2011. I was given Klonopin for a back injury. I used the .5mg (once a day) for 2 weeks and hit tolerance w/d very quickly with symptoms of agitation, anxiety, uncontrollably weepy and d/p. My dr suggested to increase the .5 mg to 2x a day and I did this for a month. At the six week mark I started to have an allergic reaction to the benzo (swollen lips and rash) along with a long list of w/d symptoms including dramatic hair loss. I started to Google symptoms and I found BB. I posted my intro, met my first BB (Bevoir) and I was immensely grateful to know I wasn’t going insane. The BBs developed a titrating plan for me and due to the allergic reaction I was experiencing I jumped off Klonopin very quickly.

 

I’ve returned back to tell you I have returned back to a full life. I’m not going to list all of my w/d symptoms - but know that I had experienced them all other then a seizure. I would like to share some things that helped me recover:

 

Share your status with people - it’s important to not hide your suffering. Most will not understand (including drs) - that’s ok - you have support here from others who do. You are an educator at this point. Use your experience to educate others. Be your own best advocate and find power in that. If you cry when you tell people then cry - that’s ok too

 

Take care of your gut - the burden of the intense stress and suffering will wreak havoc on your gut health. Why is gut health important? There’s a lot of information to find on the gut brain axis. If your healing one you’re healing the other. Find a gut health protocol that works for you - if you can’t add things in (like probiotics etc) consider taking things out (caffeine, acidic foods, sugar etc). It’s not forever. It’s a support system for the time being

 

Feel all the feelings - I tried so hard to avoid this one. It’s part of why I left BB and deactivated my account. I SO desperately wanted all of “this” to be done that I didn’t want a reminder of it anywhere. A big page turner in my recovery was being ok with how scared, sad, depressed, angry, lonely etc etc I was. Not assigning meaning to the feelings  is tricky. My go to assignments were - I’m a failure - I’ll never get better - I’ve ruined my life - I’ve ruined my families life - I guess I deserve this etc etc. Feelings are scary but the stories we tell around them are scarier and often not true

 

Exercise - it’s pretty simple - just go for a walk - everyday. Emotion is motion. Move your body and you move your mind.

 

Live life - this seems so hard, I know. I had a point in my protracted w/d to say “F it.” Obviously my healing was going to take a while but I as to get to a point where I was still going to go do things. And yes, I was still experiencing so many symptoms and even new ones at times. But hell - there’s still life to do - and not just a job which seems impossible to get to - taking care of family members - trying to make a dinner. There is more good things in life to do and see - small and big even during W/D

 

You can do this - you can do hard things. Reach out for help when you feel like you can’t and get back on the path. I recovered - you’ll recover too

 

Clem 

Thank you for returning. I'm new here and hanging on by a thread, I mean it... a thin thread. I'm not well at all & really struggle with the "we all heal" narrative becuase I'm suffering so terribly. This is he'll. I'm grateful that some of you make it out of this hell alive & well. I pray for your continued health & joy.

 

May I ask you what kind of surgery you had?  I'm so sorry you aren't feeling well but I'm believing things will get better with time. 

 

You mean this question for me? If so, I had my thyroid removed at doctors advice.... thyriod turned out to be totally normal, wasn't the problem at all.

[[bo...]]

"Feel all the feelings - I tried so hard to avoid this one. It’s part of why I left BB and deactivated my account. I SO desperately wanted all of “this” to be done that I didn’t want a reminder of it anywhere. A big page turner in my recovery was being ok with how scared, sad, depressed, angry, lonely etc etc I was. Not assigning meaning to the feelings  is tricky. My go to assignments were - I’m a failure - I’ll never get better - I’ve ruined my life - I’ve ruined my families life - I guess I deserve this etc etc. Feelings are scary but the stories we tell around them are scarier and often not true"

 

I can relate to this. I keep thinking the depression and anger is all because of my job, family, or something else situationally. I don't think it really has anything to do with my situation but I keep assigning meaning to everything around me.