Metacognition/Introspection/Hyperawareness of thinking/thoughts

[[Ta...]]

All of the insane rumination and looping thoughts were absolutely dreadful for me for quite a long time. I couldn't help but obsess over it because it was so scary. I would try everything to distract my brain and keep it occupied- TV, movies, meditations, sound therapy, walking, puzzles, computer brain games and other stuff I cannot even remember. My focus couldn't stay on one thing very long, nor could I even follow plots of movies or TV shows, but I just tried to give up control, accepted the insanity as best as I could, and kept telling myself "this will soon pass." It really is just the neurotransmitter dysregulation.

And over time (lots of time for me) it did get better. My brain calmed down and thoughts got less ominous an clearer. I have developed a mindfulness practice and do yoga and it helps keep my brain calm. You will heal naturally on its own. Just hang on and know that day will come.

[[di...]]

Are you still like This? I need help ...  Help please ...  I can't do this anymore.. ..I can't ..

I can see that you are struggling very badly and I'm sorry for that. It's not fair at all.

 

But please, you really need to not repeat things like this. You're highly suggestible due to your state and so every time you utter that you can't do this, you make it more true. It becomes self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

A better way to approach this is to say that you don't know how you can do this. I'm sure that's true sometimes. You can do this and you will do this because your good health depends on it. None of us know how in advance but the people who manage the best believe they will find a way. They don't believe this because they are any less ravaged by these horrible drugs. In my case, I believed it because I had to and because I wasn't going to let some twisted cunts break me for good.

 

There are ways to vent without repeating negative mantras. Please try "I don't know how I'll get through this" as a replacement for "I can't do this". The benefits will multiply over the coming weeks and months and then you'll realise what happened and preach the same message.

[[De...]]

All I can say, is this mental stuff is confusing.  One minute you think your ok. Then u get sides wiped and think you have everything wrong. I have a new thought which I doubt 8s true that if miss something that I need to fix, it will traumatized me later. After I heal or I won't get better if I miss something.  Did anyone else have these thoughts.

[[Ma...]]

All I can say, is this mental stuff is confusing.  One minute you think your ok. Then u get sides wiped and think you have everything wrong. I have a new thought which I doubt 8s true that if miss something that I need to fix, it will traumatized me later. After I heal or I won't get better if I miss something.  Did anyone else have these thoughts.

 

Extacly these thoughts! I wrote papers full of ideas and thoughts , very OCD

[[De...]]

Do you think its true? I never thought 9f this before  until wd. Are you are writer

[[Ma...]]

Do you think its true? I never thought 9f this before  until wd. Are you are writer

 

I actually am a writer and have been working as a journalist, too and writing has been a part of me since I was little... but in withdrawal it became such an obsession to observe everything and write things down. I have tons of documents on my computer... so weird. I am happy it is over and I could return to normal. And so will you!

[[De...]]

Oh Thank you Marigold,  I hate these thoughts. I am so happy you are better. Def alot of interesting things to write about in wd! Sounds like a great job!!!

[[Ca...]]

Those are some fancy words, applicable or similar to my case. I've got OCD as well, or so I'm told. There's a list of mental since day one. But I would say it comes down to anguish. That pretty much covers it. Behind that, fear, sustained through guilt. I would say this world (domain) of perception is quite literally a guilt trip. I often think of life as a separate sort of entity. I suspect the ego would have it that way. I have done meditation where all thought is suspended where the moment. But anymore, I really cannot focus, as usually it goes with this Benzo ordeal. What a hideous substance to be entangled with. But if it really is a guilt trip, it could follow that it is nothing more, certainly not something I wish to identify with or that, given the choice, I'd willfully go along with. I would even doubt it's basis in fact or slightest reality.

 

I am not certain of any of this but that doesn't seem to matter.