need encouragement, feeling very frustrated right now

[[ea...]]

Star, I know just what you mean. All of this bwd stuff IS incredible, but it also very true. I have been thinking about that more lately. The utter horror discovering how awful benzo wd CAN be was truly traumatic. As an RN, I thought I knew a lot. Turns out I didn't and that came as a rude awakening.

I am so glad to hear you aren't needing BB quite so much. I think you are right on, that is a small sign of your starting to heal. I LIVED on BB for almost a year. It was my only lifeline. It wasn't like I was addicted to BB, as I always kept a sort of odd distance no matter what. But I did depend on BB for information, support, and a small form of love, something we all need during this.

Star, keep in mind that this is one helluva rollercoaster, with ups and downs, and just when you think you are doing a bit better, it gets worse again. Don't let this bother you, please! Keep in mind that healing is not linear. There will always be fits and starts, small improvements that then disappear, but other stuff starts to get better. I cannot think of anything more frustrating than benzo wd. All you have is written words on a screen, and that alone makes it worse. If we all had local support groups, things might be a  bit easier. But we don't. One can go to NA but you might be made to feel you are simply an "addict". This is something I thought about a lot. I now know and understand that I WAS addicted to benzos and often obtained them illegally. I admit to that! because it is the truth. The last 12 years on benzos were legally prescribed but for almost 20 years I got benzos at work. I hate that I did this and still feel a great shame. I did not fit the "mold" of a street addict, but an addict I surely was. And I KNEW benzos were addictive! There is a lot of self forgiving I still need to do, despite all the progress I have made these 7 years.

You just keep on going, because what I have tried to tell people here on BB is the truth as I know it.

Hang on tight, Star, better days are heading your way.

Annie and BearBear