PTSD Club

[[pu...]]

Hi, all.  Following for PTSD support.  Thanks <3

[[Wh...]]

 

Have any of you read "The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van de Kolk?  Just returned it to the library, and while I normally cringe when "brain scans" and neurochemical explanations are mentioned, on the whole, I found it to be helpful.

 

 

This is a book I do not have but have certainly heard a lot about it.  I will put it on my list.  Thank you for the book recommendation. 

 

Hi, all.  Following for PTSD support.  Thanks <3

 

Welcome Purpleheart. 

[[pu...]]

 

Thank you for the welcome. I really appreciate it.

 

I have had so much trauma seeping out since discontinuing the benzo.  I thought I was doing better, but last week I had an unexpected setback -- for reasons of which I have no idea -- and so much trauma has been seeping out since.

 

My therapist told me this is going to happen, and it is ok.  But, holy hell, it sucks.

 

Thank you again.

[[ch...]]

hi Purple

 

so sorry to hear about the trauma, and the awful K c/t + rapid taper -- but glad you've got a therapist + are off the K.

 

can't imagine the suffering you must've endured, hold tight 

 

tbh.... in hindsight... wish i'd rapid tapered from my original dose of just .75 K.... 2 yrs ago.... instead of the equally reckless, disabling path i was forced down + now stuck on 2 benzos w/ no end in sight.

 

either way, thankfully we're here to support each other x

 

 

[[ch...]]

dear COOKIE 

 

thank you so much, v grateful for your thoughtful reply 

 

will be back asap .... time for my 10 min 'walk of pain' + then lay down w/heat packs....

 

xx

 

 

[[co...]]

Awwww

 

Hugs to all of us. 

 

Who would have guessed it would all be such a struggle?

 

One foot in front of the other and all that...

[[ki...]]

I don’t have an official PTSD diagnosis, but suspect that is likely the case. My official diagnosis is major depressive disorder with anxious distress. My issues stem from a pregnancy loss that was really traumatic and then a bad reaction to antidepressants that landed me in a psych hospital. I think my 2 unsuccessful Klonopin tapers also traumatized me (part of why I begged my doctor to switch me to Valium).

[[pu...]]

I don’t have an official PTSD diagnosis, but suspect that is likely the case. My official diagnosis is major depressive disorder with anxious distress. My issues stem from a pregnancy loss that was really traumatic and then a bad reaction to antidepressants that landed me in a psych hospital. I think my 2 unsuccessful Klonopin tapers also traumatized me (part of why I begged my doctor to switch me to Valium).

 

Have you considered undergoing any trauma therapy? I am so sorry all of this has happened to you.

[[pu...]]

hi Purple

 

so sorry to hear about the trauma, and the awful K c/t + rapid taper -- but glad you've got a therapist + are off the K.

 

can't imagine the suffering you must've endured, hold tight 

 

tbh.... in hindsight... wish i'd rapid tapered from my original dose of just .75 K.... 2 yrs ago.... instead of the equally reckless, disabling path i was forced down + now stuck on 2 benzos w/ no end in sight.

 

either way, thankfully we're here to support each other x

 

 

 

Thank you, chipmunk, and I am so incredibly sorry for what you are enduring. You are such a strong human being. Reading your signature here just now makes me want to give you such a ginormous hug.

[[co...]]

Yikes

 

I just read your links, chipmunk...I thought "turning it up to 11" for most of us was bad...but crikey!  Sounds like you're stuck at 15 at least!  I hope you have some real live support over there...nothing lasts forever (more "figures of speech")...right?  Are you able to find any joy at all in your present circumstances?

 

For me, if I can find beauty in whatever small thing, it helps me keep moving forward.

 

I always feel better outside.

 

Love to you all...

[[ki...]]

I don’t have an official PTSD diagnosis, but suspect that is likely the case. My official diagnosis is major depressive disorder with anxious distress. My issues stem from a pregnancy loss that was really traumatic and then a bad reaction to antidepressants that landed me in a psych hospital. I think my 2 unsuccessful Klonopin tapers also traumatized me (part of why I begged my doctor to switch me to Valium).

 

Have you considered undergoing any trauma therapy? I am so sorry all of this has happened to you.

 

Thank you. I found a therapist I like that practices EMDR which is supposed to be really good for those suffering from past traumas and am waiting for him to be able to take my insurance so that we can go forward with therapy. In the meantime I see my current therapist for talk therapy once a month (used to be weekly).

[[Wh...]]

Look what showed up on my youtube feed tonight for those interested in listening:  Bessel van der Kolk The Body Keeps The Score Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing Audiobook

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDfdLtSajbY

[Guest [NM...]]

Cool. I’ve had this book for a while and haven’t read it all yet.

[[pu...]]

I don’t have an official PTSD diagnosis, but suspect that is likely the case. My official diagnosis is major depressive disorder with anxious distress. My issues stem from a pregnancy loss that was really traumatic and then a bad reaction to antidepressants that landed me in a psych hospital. I think my 2 unsuccessful Klonopin tapers also traumatized me (part of why I begged my doctor to switch me to Valium).

 

Have you considered undergoing any trauma therapy? I am so sorry all of this has happened to you.

 

Thank you. I found a therapist I like that practices EMDR which is supposed to be really good for those suffering from past traumas and am waiting for him to be able to take my insurance so that we can go forward with therapy. In the meantime I see my current therapist for talk therapy once a month (used to be weekly).

 

Kitsune, I have started EMDR, too.  I have been too fragile to get far with it since I d/c the benzo, but my hope is that it will help for me and for you.

 

[[pu...]]

Look what showed up on my youtube feed tonight for those interested in listening:  Bessel van der Kolk The Body Keeps The Score Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing Audiobook

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDfdLtSajbY

 

Thank you so much for sharing this. <3

[[ch...]]

PURPLE, COOKIE, WHOOPSIE + the gang 

 

sorry have been quiet...+ for this mixed up single reply to you all.....really struggling, pls bear w/me....

 

i just have to thank you ALL so v much for your kind words + support + for reading my SIG / POSTS/LINKS 

 

"dialed up to 20" now.... since those Links.... from Jan '19 to now -- there's been a major Lyrica trial setback + 2nd failed Ashton 

 

just hanging by a thread.

 

no support, other than long suffering husband... who does everything... worried about him.

 

"their OWN version of history.  (the one where they're blameless)"

---> understand totally -- same case for me... so far.... but.... determined to try, ever since 'me too' movement really triggered me.... my story is entwined w/my mom's.... just don't know how /when...

 

thankful you can find joy + beauty in small things + get outside, or try therapies, like some of you -- hopefully helpful + hope one day i might get there too.

 

i do try, but cannot find joy -- maybe fleeting..... endless stressful life situations on top of this all, no respite.

 

wish i could get outside, but still unable since last July. but can stare out at a bit of lawn + garden + some birds.

 

many thanks for the book -- sounds perfect -- haven't been able to hold /read a book in 3 yrs -- so the audio is v much appreciated too -- maybe can try. 

 

kind of you to say -- wish i was, but.... i am not strong.... only trying for the sake of my poor spouse... such a burden to him... IDK what will happen to me, how to get thru this ?

 

really want to c/t -- or detox -- but too chicken..... could be better, or, worse for me + spouse... not sure 

 

lack of mobility takes every ounce of strength, takes up all my energy.... + trying to get off these poisons.

 

thank you all for being here, means the world to me    healing to you all, kind souls, + may we find peace sooner than later xx 

 

*PS: + still trying to reply to other helpful support, PLEASE bear with me....*

 

[[co...]]

Remember to breathe, chipmunk.

 

One moment at a time one step one breath...so hard.  I can see your white knuckles

 

The same for your husband.

 

I know I must assess my condition and then allot my activity to where I'm at with all this.  Sometimes all I can do in a day is feed myself.  And that's hard.

 

I've recently started quilting (such an old lady thing to do...but *my* quilt is "modern" heh heh) and have found it's something I can do for the most part when only firing on 3 cylinders.  The best advice I got when I found BB was "distract distract distract"... But man!  I'm wasting my life!!

[[Gr...]]

Hey guys.  Today's been a rough day, or afternoon for me.  I thought I was doing so well, and I kind of was.  I woke up last night and did breathing exercises and was able to get back to sleep instead of wake up and this morning I was staying positive and calm.  Then I was exercising, and I think maybe it was the raised heartrate- but I don't really know- but wow, was I just SO TRIGGERED.  I ended up lashing out at my husband via text messages, blaming him for my pain and suffering. 

 

Ugh, just...I wish I could erase today and start over like an Etch a Sketch. 

 

I don't understand how I can feel so much pain just existing.  Why would my mind want me to suffer like that?  At least it's over.  It honestly felt sort of like a panic attack...though it was full of anger and rage, and not panic or anxiety.  I did manage to calm down with breathing, though my day really feels all messed up now, and I'm still not back to any kind of nice mood like this morning. 

[Guest [NM...]]

PURPLE, COOKIE, WHOOPSIE + the gang 

 

sorry have been quiet...+ for this mixed up single reply to you all.....really struggling, pls bear w/me....

 

i just have to thank you ALL so v much for your kind words + support + for reading my SIG / POSTS/LINKS 

 

"dialed up to 20" now.... since those Links.... from Jan '19 to now -- there's been a major Lyrica trial setback + 2nd failed Ashton 

 

just hanging by a thread.

 

no support, other than long suffering husband... who does everything... worried about him.

 

"their OWN version of history.  (the one where they're blameless)"

---> understand totally -- same case for me... so far.... but.... determined to try, ever since 'me too' movement really triggered me.... my story is entwined w/my mom's.... just don't know how /when...

 

thankful you can find joy + beauty in small things + get outside, or try therapies, like some of you -- hopefully helpful + hope one day i might get there too.

 

i do try, but cannot find joy -- maybe fleeting..... endless stressful life situations on top of this all, no respite.

 

wish i could get outside, but still unable since last July. but can stare out at a bit of lawn + garden + some birds.

 

many thanks for the book -- sounds perfect -- haven't been able to hold /read a book in 3 yrs -- so the audio is v much appreciated too -- maybe can try. 

 

kind of you to say -- wish i was, but.... i am not strong.... only trying for the sake of my poor spouse... such a burden to him... IDK what will happen to me, how to get thru this ?

 

really want to c/t -- or detox -- but too chicken..... could be better, or, worse for me + spouse... not sure 

 

lack of mobility takes every ounce of strength, takes up all my energy.... + trying to get off these poisons.

 

thank you all for being here, means the world to me    healing to you all, kind souls, + may we find peace sooner than later xx 

 

*PS: + still trying to reply to other helpful support, PLEASE bear with me....*

 

Hugs, Chipmunk!!!

[[se...]]

Hey guys.  Today's been a rough day, or afternoon for me.  I thought I was doing so well, and I kind of was.  I woke up last night and did breathing exercises and was able to get back to sleep instead of wake up and this morning I was staying positive and calm.  Then I was exercising, and I think maybe it was the raised heartrate- but I don't really know- but wow, was I just SO TRIGGERED.  I ended up lashing out at my husband via text messages, blaming him for my pain and suffering. 

 

Ugh, just...I wish I could erase today and start over like an Etch a Sketch. 

 

I don't understand how I can feel so much pain just existing.  Why would my mind want me to suffer like that?  At least it's over.  It honestly felt sort of like a panic attack...though it was full of anger and rage, and not panic or anxiety.  I did manage to calm down with breathing, though my day really feels all messed up now, and I'm still not back to any kind of nice mood like this morning.

 

I’m sorry this is happening to you today GreenCup.  I have been experiencing similar today and I’m angry with myself and this situation.  It’s startling and such a huge contrast to how I was yesterday and I want it to go away. All I have to offer is the rational thinking that if you felt better before, it will happen again and if it’s been getting better overall since you’ve been off, it will continue to get better as long as you don’t go back on.  That means eventually it’ll go away or become insignificant. Best.

[[pu...]]

Hey guys.  Today's been a rough day, or afternoon for me.  I thought I was doing so well, and I kind of was.  I woke up last night and did breathing exercises and was able to get back to sleep instead of wake up and this morning I was staying positive and calm.  Then I was exercising, and I think maybe it was the raised heartrate- but I don't really know- but wow, was I just SO TRIGGERED.  I ended up lashing out at my husband via text messages, blaming him for my pain and suffering. 

 

Ugh, just...I wish I could erase today and start over like an Etch a Sketch. 

 

I don't understand how I can feel so much pain just existing.  Why would my mind want me to suffer like that?  At least it's over.  It honestly felt sort of like a panic attack...though it was full of anger and rage, and not panic or anxiety.  I did manage to calm down with breathing, though my day really feels all messed up now, and I'm still not back to any kind of nice mood like this morning. 

 

Hey, Green — you are not alone in that. I forced myself to have a good morning. And by forced, I mean FORCED — after another dismissive visit with a doctor today. I feel so awful after that happens. I think dismissing the validity of what we are enduring is utterly cruel. But, hey, it’s not in the DSM-V, so it must not exist, right? Ughhhhhh.

 

Keep on keeping on, Green. <3

 

 

 

 

[[co...]]

I like the etch-a-sketch metaphor...

 

After an ugly, gas-lit disagreement with my adult daughter, which ended when I wound up feeling triggered and my concerns dismissed (again) my first thought after hanging up was that it was going to take at least 10 lifetimes to fix what I've screwed up. Oh, yeah...I yelled.

 

I don't even bring up my brain injury to them anymore...

 

Hope tomorrow is better, GC.

[[Le...]]

I’m about 9-10 years off 2.5 mg of Klonopin.  Healing from withdrawal took about a year. I’ve had nine good years without any symptoms or return of anxiety. Last month I had the influenza flu and had a panic attack.  By that I mean I had a huge adrenaline rush and got really light headed. Since then I feel like I’m back in withdrawal. The anxiety, adrenaline rushes, eating and sleep issues, and intrusive thoughts.  I’ve had a few good days here and there. I’m learning about PTSD. I’m also learning that it can cause a reoccurrence of withdrawal symptoms even after years of good mental health.  It’s very scary to be back in it especially since I don’t know how long it will last. 

[[co...]]

I've gone NC with all 'family' and Mother's Day will be the test.

 

Mornings hard again with the grief for the loss...

[[Tr...]]

Bad memories: my bedroom, TV, the world outside my window. So I think this is some sort of PTSD. And a long way back to a normal life.