Please help - cannot stand being tired even for one day

[[al...]]

I'm a male, so 10mg Ambien is my dose.  It only puts me down for 90 minutes, sometimes less.

 

I am so scared.  I've been to the ER twice in the last two weeks because I become psychotic without adequate sleep.  They involuntarily committed me to a psych ward where they fed me 2mg Ativan and 200mg Seroquel to get me to sleep.  This of course is not sustainable.  I can't be going to ER after every night of not taking enough sleep meds to get me decent sleep.

 

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get used to night after night of bad sleep, because it really isn't a question of willpower to push through, it's a question of my brain FREAKING out.  I wake up screaming sometimes.  My parents, who are 65 (I'm 45) are at their wits end.  We've been to multiple doctors, psychiatrists, etc, and everyone says that I'm one of the most severe cases they've ever seen.  They also give conflicting advice.  I do not know who to trust.

 

I have not taken the Ambien today, and I've been up for 6 hours.  So that is a small victory I suppose.  But let me tell you, the desire to sleep is insane.  It's like restless legs.  I can't stop thinking about it, not even for a second.

 

I'm completely at a loss on what to do.

 

There were more than a couple of nights that I was very tempted to go to the ER since one is located within an easy walking distance from my home, but my wife (who is a nurse) always talked me out of it because she knew that they would only treat the immediate symptom of insomnia with drugs that would only serve to make things worse in the long run.

 

I don't know what other medical or psychological condition you may also be suffering from (and I am not a doctor anyway), but I would bet money that a big chunk of your current sleep anxiety is due to the effects of the drugs. Once the short acting sleeping pills are cleared out of your system for a while you will probably find yourself not being so frantic at night. In the meantime it is a good idea to find things that offer some sort of calmness to you and focus your attention on them. Walking and exercise (even when tired), non-stimulating TV shows, meditation, a pet or anything else can help calm you down and make the process just a little bit more bearable. Even screaming at night and bawling like a baby can release a lot of pent up energy (just do it into a pillow until you calm down). Been there and done that, as they say.

 

The good news is that you now understand what you fell into and can start to work to make yourself better.

[[Sl...]]

Stacey -  you mention that you feel awful everyday, even though you say you sleep over 10 hours on some nights.  How is that possible?

 

[[al...]]

Stacey - according to Aloha's sig it took around a year for her sleep to return to ok levels.  A year!!!!  I can barely lift my head off the pillow today and it's only been 6 hours on the first day!

 

It was not a pleasant year, but it was also not hell for the entire time. The early phases are the worst, especially when the pills are still in the equation. You learn, get stronger and begin to understand acceptance after that so it is doable.

[[St...]]

Stacey -  you mention that you feel awful everyday, even though you say you sleep over 10 hours on some nights.  How is that possible?

 

Just the withdrawls. Yes. The sleep minimizes them some, but I just feel pain in my head, very low energy, depression from this whole situation, feeling unrefreshed, wanting the old me back, feeling dizzy. All the typical stuff that comes along with this horrible hell im in. I know it could be worse, but I still want my life back like it was just 7 months ago.

[[St...]]

All those sleeping pills made me feel horrible anyway. I tried almost all of them except lunesta.  I woke up feeling drugged. I still don't feel the best but it was worse when I was taking a lot of benzos and sleeping pills.

[[al...]]

Yes, all of us on this forum found ourselves in a long dark tunnel of misery. Backing out is impossible and standing still only causes the tunnel to close in on you more and more. At the end of the tunnel is a potentially normal and happy life that makes going forward worth the cost.

[[St...]]

Yes, all of us on this forum found ourselves in a long dark tunnel of misery. Backing out is impossible and standing still only causes the tunnel to close in on you more and more. At the end of the tunnel is a potentially normal and happy life that makes going forward worth the cost.

 

I can see I'm making progress but did you find yourself ever feeling spaced out and dizzy from anxiety from not sleeping and feeling depressed all the time?

[[St...]]

UUUUGGHGHGHGHGH.  I'm not sure how I can do this!!!!!!!!!!!! 

 

To top it all off, when I was in the psych ward my wife informed me she wanted a divorce.  After 25 years!  She says my sleep problems make me unsuitable as a partner because I can't do my part in raising our 9 year old daughter (who is my world and I love more than anything).  She sent me an itemized list that was 47 items long listing all the ways I've let her down over the years. 

 

How much can one person take.  OMG.

 

Will your mind just not shut off? Is that's what's going on?

[[Lu...]]

I’m with Stacy; the pills made me feel awful and weren’t improving my sleep any, so I had to ask myself: what’s the point? Consider your situation from every angle. For me, I knew the average person should’ve been knocked out with what I was taking. That’s how I knew I was reacting to these pills instead of them providing any relief. The anxiety about sleep WILL lessen when you come off the drugs. Especially when you start to get some natural sleep back, and you will.

[[al...]]

Yes, all of us on this forum found ourselves in a long dark tunnel of misery. Backing out is impossible and standing still only causes the tunnel to close in on you more and more. At the end of the tunnel is a potentially normal and happy life that makes going forward worth the cost.

 

I can see I'm making progress but did you find yourself ever feeling spaced out and dizzy from anxiety from not sleeping and feeling depressed all the time?

 

Yes, my wife who is actually a psych nurse always tells me that I was a total "hot mess" during my early withdrawal period. I actually had a lot of suicidal thoughts during that time, but I want to tell everyone in that boat that I am so very happy that I did not act on any of them since I am now back to a nice normal life again. That period passes.

[[St...]]

Yes, all of us on this forum found ourselves in a long dark tunnel of misery. Backing out is impossible and standing still only causes the tunnel to close in on you more and more. At the end of the tunnel is a potentially normal and happy life that makes going forward worth the cost.

 

I can see I'm making progress but did you find yourself ever feeling spaced out and dizzy from anxiety from not sleeping and feeling depressed all the time?

 

Yes, my wife who is actually a psych nurse always tells me that I was a total "hot mess" during my early withdrawal period. I actually had a lot of suicidal thoughts during that time, but I want to tell everyone in that boat that I am so very happy that I did not act on any of them since I am now back to a nice normal life again. That period passes.

 

Omg..I've been more than a hot mess. My husband had to take care of me right after both surgeries that I didn't sleep at all through. Ativan gave me constant panic attacks and was running around the house like a crazy person. No telling how many doc bills I've racked up. Woke my husband up in hysterics over and over again, spaced out when he's talking to me, complained non stop, cried every day, no energy for house work or groceries, can't get out of the car to even go in the store, sent him to the store for sleep meds a million times, ruined our beach vacation because of this mess, and so desperate for my old life back, I beg him not to go to the basement bedroom to sleep. I would say he's ready for me to get back to normal. Lol

[[Sl...]]

Ok, I've made it 9 hours without taking any Ambien.  That means that I will not take any sleep meds until I take my 4mg Valium tonight around 12am.  So, I'll make it through my first day. 

 

Question though: I've only been on valium for 16 days (at 5mg, then I went down to 4.5mg about a week ago).  Can I do a quicker taper off than the recommended 10% every two weeks.  At that rate tapering off 4mg would take months.  When I tapered off 7.5mg Valium in 2016 I went down .5mg every 3 days.  But I was also taking Mirtazapine and Seroquel to help sleep (it mostly didn't work).  I've been taking Mirt for about 2 months now (15mg nightly) but only recently started the seroquel.

 

Ugh.

[[St...]]

Ok, I've made it 9 hours without taking any Ambien.  That means that I will not take any sleep meds until I take my 4mg Valium tonight around 12am.  So, I'll make it through my first day. 

 

Question though: I've only been on valium for 16 days (at 5mg, then I went down to 4.5mg about a week ago).  Can I do a quicker taper off than the recommended 10% every two weeks.  At that rate tapering off 4mg would take months.  When I tapered off 7.5mg Valium in 2016 I went down .5mg every 3 days.  But I was also taking Mirtazapine and Seroquel to help sleep (it mostly didn't work).  I've been taking Mirt for about 2 months now (15mg nightly) but only recently started the seroquel.

 

Ugh.

 

I would try the daily liquid titration. That way, you don't have to keep up with it. There's a calculator online that tells you how to do it. I take out 5ml a day.

[[br...]]

The sad but true fact is that the sleep that comes with benzos and z drugs  is not restful normal sleep . Also at higher doses the C.N.S has a problem regulating normal nightime body functions including safe oxygen levels. This is really scary. Amy Winehouse died from an overdose of a combination of benzos and alcohol . She died in her sleep after falling asleep on her stomach which cut down her oxygen levels to non sustainable  status.

 

The combination of drugs you are on is life threatening. Getting just a few hours sleep a night and not feeling great about it is not life threatening.

Everyone who has replied to your post has experienced or is experiencing insomnia  and we are there to help you . Please be safe and listen to us.

[[Sl...]]

I've decided that I'm going to continue on my Valium taper (even though I've only been on Valium for 2 weeks) and drop the Lunesta.  I'll taper the Ambien too.  From 10mg to 9mg to 8mg, etc. 

 

The Valium taper will be .1mg per day.  This is right in the middle of the Ashton suggested reduction of 1mg per 1-2 weeks. 

 

Does this sound aggressive or stupid?  Should I even be so careful with the Valium since I've only been on it for 2 weeks?

[[br...]]

 

So , the only two meds you will be taking will be ambien and valium ?

[[Sl...]]

BraveRabbit - correct.  Valium currently at 4mg (down from 4.5mg which I've been at for the last 3 nights) and tapering down ambien from 10mg to 0.  Whatever insomnia comes I'll just accept.  It seems like the only way through this.

 

I guess my big concern right now is the sxs from tapering the Valium.  I've only been on it for 2 weeks but by using the Lunesta and Ambien I'm sure it's got its hooks in me somewhat.  I really don't want to feel that dreadful chemical anxiety.

 

[[St...]]

BraveRabbit - correct.  Valium currently at 4mg (down from 4.5mg which I've been at for the last 3 nights) and tapering down ambien from 10mg to 0.  Whatever insomnia comes I'll just accept.  It seems like the only way through this.

 

I guess my big concern right now is the sxs from tapering the Valium.  I've only been on it for 2 weeks but by using the Lunesta and Ambien I'm sure it's got its hooks in me somewhat.  I really don't want to feel that dreadful chemical anxiety.

 

So you haven't taken any other benzos besides Valium lately? Did you take anything before that recently? I would probably still taper just to be safe but you might could handle a jump off since it hasn't been that long.

[[br...]]

Hopefully the short times that you were multi dosing will give you an easier ride back to health and sanity.

I would go to the taper support boards for help with you taper. There is a lot of help and a fund of knowledge waiting for you.

Whatever you do , stick with your taper plan and keep the drugs minimal. No more A.D.s , sleeping pills or over the counter meds. It won't be easy but the side effects from kindling would be far worse.

[[Sl...]]

BraveRabbit - correct.  Valium currently at 4mg (down from 4.5mg which I've been at for the last 3 nights) and tapering down ambien from 10mg to 0.  Whatever insomnia comes I'll just accept.  It seems like the only way through this.

 

I guess my big concern right now is the sxs from tapering the Valium.  I've only been on it for 2 weeks but by using the Lunesta and Ambien I'm sure it's got its hooks in me somewhat.  I really don't want to feel that dreadful chemical anxiety.

 

So you haven't taken any other benzos besides Valium lately? Did you take anything before that recently? I would probably still taper just to be safe but you might could handle a jump off since it hasn't been that long.

 

Aside from the Lunesta and Ambien I previously mentioned I have not been on any other benzos aside from Valium.  Which I've been on for 2 weeks.  I have used Ambien for a couple months prior however.

[[St...]]

The Valium is bad news. The ambien and lunesta really are too because they work on your gaba. I absolutly can't sleep without anything though so I have to take a mirtazapine here and there because I've screwed my gaba receptors up so bad. I have to let them heal.

[[Gr...]]

Sleepless, this isn't fair and this isn't right but we are all in the same boat. It could take a long time to taper off of these drugs but if you do it in the right way you'll suffer the least amount of side effects. This takes courage and fortitude but I believe that you can do it. You'll get through this awful time and come out on the other side and be grateful that you stuck it out and got off all the drugs. I will be praying for you everyday.

[[Sl...]]

So last night I took 4mg Valium at 1am, slept until 7:30am, and then took 10mg Ambien and slept until 9:30am, rested.  It was a dose reduction night for the Valium, so that is progress.  I'm not really proud of the 10mg Ambien however, but I had to feel rested today. 

[[St...]]

So last night I took 4mg Valium at 1am, slept until 7:30am, and then took 10mg Ambien and slept until 9:30am, rested.  It was a dose reduction night for the Valium, so that is progress.  I'm not really proud of the 10mg Ambien however, but I had to feel rested today.

 

I took my 5mg mirtazapine and my .1 taper of klonopine and didn't sleep at all.

[[Sl...]]

Yikes.  Sorry to hear that Stacey.  Insomnia is the worst.  It makes every single second of the day a bear.