Benzo and insomnia survivor!

[[8d...]]

Hey 8damien8,

 

Glad to see you stopped back.  I took a long break too and pretty much completely recovered also.  I am back on here as I promised Aloha I would come back and help how I could.  I keep repeating what you just said.  Given enough time, everyone will heal and the insomnia and other symptoms will eventually end too.  Glad you are doing so much better and enjoying life.  Me too.  Wrote my success story in early November 2017.  Take care!

 

Writing that success story feels great! Maybe on my anniversary of quitting Benzos this year (May) I will go over this forum and read all of my posts just to remind myself how much I struggled and fought. We can't forget the journey. I should make us grateful for everyday ahead.

[[Th...]]

Hi again ThEwAy2 and everyone,  I agree with you.  I cannot get out of bed when I am not sleeping.  I cannot read a book, get up and watch T.V., etc.  I  feel that I might miss out on some sleep, so I just lay in bed the whole night.  I feel by just laying at least my body is resting.  I don't understand , that while laying there, my mind is everywhere, so anxious and thinking of everything.  I never use to have this.  Is this the withdrawal from Clonzapam and  Amitriptyine?   

 

ThEwAy2 - YOU CERTAINLY GIVE ME HOPE !!!...  I KEEP READING ALL OF YOUR POSTS AND YOU ARE SO POSITIVE AND ENCOURAGING!.  When I feel like crap, I go and read your positive posts. 

 

I want to be normal again.... sleep, get up, run, work out, eat right, go do all my errands, have fun, etc. etc.    This is so debilitating....but I have to keep positive.  This has to get better.

 

Hi Runnergirl,

 

You hit the nail on the head.  Your racing mind and your inability to sleep are all direct consequences from having been on Benzos and Amitriptyline.  You can't change that, but you can continue to be positive and know that there is an end to this nightmare.  We all want our lives back when we go through WD.  I kept telling my wife I just want to be "normal" and live a "normal" life.  Why is that so much to ask?  I even thought of changing my Benzo Buddy name to "IWantMyLifeBack!" before I joined the 2nd time under my current name, but I wanted to let people know I was the same person that originally joined under ThEwAy.  I am sorry you are experiencing this.  I get very upset that doctors continue to prescribe these drugs and then look the other way when you tell them what you are experiencing in WD as if it doesn't exist, or that you have some other illness or condition that requires more drugs! 

 

Working out, running or being physically active is very hard on little or no sleep, but you can push through and do whatever you can to stay active, even if it is only walking!  You CAN do this.  Don't let the WD beast get the best of you!  You are way STRONGER than WD is.  You are in a FIGHT with WD to get your life back.  Don't FIGHT fair and don't let WD even think for one second it has a chance to win.  It is already defeated.  Its days are numbered and it knows this.  That is why it fights dirty and tells you lie after lie after lie.  Lies such as you won't get better.  Lies such as you will never sleep normally again.  And given the fragile state of your brain and being sleep deprived, it is very easy to start believing the lies.  Don't give in.  Don't do it.  They are all just BIG FAT LIES!  You WILL get better and you WILL sleep again and the WD beast knows this and will do everything it can to hang around as long as possible.  Don't give it anything to feed on.  Be as positive as you can, Be thankful for whatever you can be thankful for.  It WILL get better.  I PROMISE!

[[te...]]

Hi 8Damien8, reading about your experience on here, especially the post you wrote about your sleep returning was a huge encouragement for me and helped me to keep going. I'm 14+ months out from short-term usage, and doing a lot better, though not back to normal yet. It sure does take a long time. But anyway, thanks for coming back to give others hope! Hope you are enjoying your life to the fullest now that you are healed 

[[La...]]

Good to hear from you damien and to learn things are going great for you. I made a full recovery, and like you insomnia was my worst sx, that dragged on long after jumping. But this far out, my sleep is fantastic!

 

Happy New Year and best of luck.

 

 

laser 

[[Th...]]

Hi Laserjet,

 

I remember reading some of your "old" posts when I joined in August of 2016.  You were recovered when I joined.  Thanks for stopping back and giving others hope.  Glad to hear your sleep is fantastic at 4 years out.  Everyone will heal given enough time.  Wishing you an awesome 2018 and beyond!

[[8d...]]

Hi 8Damien8, reading about your experience on here, especially the post you wrote about your sleep returning was a huge encouragement for me and helped me to keep going. I'm 14+ months out from short-term usage, and doing a lot better, though not back to normal yet. It sure does take a long time. But anyway, thanks for coming back to give others hope! Hope you are enjoying your life to the fullest now that you are healed 

 

I'm always amazing to hear about the havoc these drugs can wreak on people that use it for a short while like us. I think it took me well over a year to start feeling like myself again, so you're probably close to being in the clear. It's definitely a long and excruciating journey, but take this experience with you always, and allow it to make you grateful for all your days ahead

[[8d...]]

Good to hear from you damien and to learn things are going great for you. I made a full recovery, and like you insomnia was my worst sx, that dragged on long after jumping. But this far out, my sleep is fantastic!

 

Happy New Year and best of luck.

 

 

laser 

 

So glad to hear from you, and to know you're doing so well. I wouldn't say my sleep is "fantastic" as I have a toddler and run my own business, sometimes sleep becomes less of a priority than the other stuff. But I definitely don't have the fear and struggles that came with benzos and withdrawal.

 

Funny thing, I was just sitting no the couch with my wife, and we were reminiscing about the hell we went though together in 2014. We even got to have a laugh at the fact that I ended up in the psych ward for a night! Never thought I'd be able to see the humour in that!

[[8d...]]

Hi Laserjet,

 

I remember reading some of your "old" posts when I joined in August of 2016.  You were recovered when I joined.  Thanks for stopping back and giving others hope.  Glad to hear your sleep is fantastic at 4 years out.  Everyone will heal given enough time.  Wishing you an awesome 2018 and beyond!

 

I agree, time is the only things that heals with this. I went to the pharmacy yesterday to get my wife some cough syrup, and the pharmacists was confused the nighttime cold meds were not putting my wife to sleep. I commented that everyone reacts differently to drugs, to which she seemed puzzled. I tried to support that comment by sharing how benzos almost killed me, and he response was "oh wow, you must be really sensitive".

 

I had no words. I just looked at her as I do to people who say utterly stupid things, and I walked away. They'll never get it. They just keep pushing these drugs out to anyone and everyone they can give them to, and they never for a second have to face the consequences of their actions. It makes me furious and ill.

 

Anyhow, on a positive, happy 2018 you as well. I'll be checking in with you guys from time to time.

 

Cheers

[[8d...]]

By the way, does anyone know what happened to the benzo documentary "As Prescribed" that was supposed to be made?

[[So...]]

Hello:

 

I have been away from BB for six months, but I decided to come back and check the insomnia forum gain. Found your inspiring story and read some of your log. If you don't mind me asking, how are you dealing with the Bipolar diagnoses? My story is similar to yours. It's been two months since I finished my ten months DLMT. BB was a blessing for me because a member helped me figure out how to do a direct liquid tapering from Lorazepam. I was on and off of it for 14 months, but boy  my body is still trying to recover. In the interim, I have been through so many setbacks, I still struggle with sleep. I have resorted to some natural supplements again, and it is helping me some. I may have to continue with them for awhile and see what happens. Are you taking any supplements or did you ever in your journey? I know some people feel that even supplements are a no no; but I don't feel that way. I too was diagnosed with Bipolar II by the first psychiatrist whom I fired. My second one feels I am not therefore she didn't diagnose me as having it. I do agree with her diagnoses of GAD (which is hereditary, my mother had it) and Insomnia caused by the anxiety. However, I still have it in the back of my mind about the bipolar diagnosis because is still in my record and most other doctors feel I should be on conventional drugs, except my holistic psychiatrist. Have an insights about this? I will appreciate your input. THanks and contragulation on your newfound freedom and happiness!

[[8d...]]

Hello:

 

I have been away from BB for six months, but I decided to come back and check the insomnia forum gain. Found your inspiring story and read some of your log. If you don't mind me asking, how are you dealing with the Bipolar diagnoses? My story is similar to yours. It's been two months since I finished my ten months DLMT. BB was a blessing for me because a member helped me figure out how to do a direct liquid tapering from Lorazepam. I was on and off of it for 14 months, but boy  my body is still trying to recover. In the interim, I have been through so many setbacks, I still struggle with sleep. I have resorted to some natural supplements again, and it is helping me some. I may have to continue with them for awhile and see what happens. Are you taking any supplements or did you ever in your journey? I know some people feel that even supplements are a no no; but I don't feel that way. I too was diagnosed with Bipolar II by the first psychiatrist whom I fired. My second one feels I am not therefore she didn't diagnose me as having it. I do agree with her diagnoses of GAD (which is hereditary, my mother had it) and Insomnia caused by the anxiety. However, I still have it in the back of my mind about the bipolar diagnosis because is still in my record and most other doctors feel I should be on conventional drugs, except my holistic psychiatrist. Have an insights about this? I will appreciate your input. THanks and contragulation on your newfound freedom and happiness!

 

In my opinion, and from my experience, you're likely better off in your life not seeing or listening to the advice of a psychiatrist. I have had some terrible experience with them, and have heard even more on this forum. The mind is probably the most complex part of us, and having someone sit across from you and assume they can figure it out with a few questions is absurd. They are notorious for using meds, and that is only going to land you in hot water.

 

I think the best thing we can do for ourselves, is try to build a healthy and happy life. I think GAD is often a product of your environment and circumstances. If you work on trying to live your life without some of the stressors you may have, the issues will certainly lessen.

 

I took everything under the sun, including natural products to try to combat the withdrawal process, but in the end, it really is only time and perseverance that will fix anything.

 

I wish you all the best. There is light at the end of the tunnel

[[So...]]

Thanks for your wishes. Same to you! I work in the medical field and have worked with plenty of doctors in many specialties, and I have come across excellent ones and other not so much and down right incompetent (wondered how they passed the boards). The first time I went to a psych doc was because  my GP was kind of pushing me to see one. I was very reluctant to  do it until after six months I decided to consult with one. This was the stupidest decision I made in my life. I was so desperate to sleep that I was willing to try the conventional approach. Unfortunately, I encountered one doc that now I see her as incompetent. But I can't believe I was also so naive to trust her and follow her protocols which messed me up. After six months of this, I asked her to wean me off; she refused and wanted to add more meds instead. That is when I decided to go CT on some of the drugs she prescribed, and also fired her. That is when I came across BB and learned how to do a direct DLMT of Lorazepam. I had to find me another doc that will prescribe it, so I found the holistic one, and she was very helpful in my tapering. I haven't seen her in four months now; and still don't know whether I should let her know how I am doing after my jump. Even though she was like a necessary evil to use, I liked her; I have to admit that she helped me tremendously. For one thing, she checked my cortisol levels which were very high according to the report. Hence my difficulty sleeping. I followed her protocol of supplementation with amino acids, some vitamins/minerals, and change of diet and lifestyle, and my cortisol levels came back to normal after three months of the treatment. My sleep was getting better...so after awhile I decided to wean off some of the amino acids. However, since my jump two months ago, my anxiety has increased and my sleep deteriorated some because my mother passed away and have been dealing with some back pain from a fall. I am back with the amino acids and I can feel is helping already. During my time of tapering that took one year, I have learned different coping skills like meditation, EFT, CBT, and yoga. I have also become a fan of essential oils and use them daily. I definitely don't want to go the psychiatrist, but I am not saying never ever. Definitely all this time has been a growing experience, and I know that our bodies are trying to heal us. We just have to let them do it!