Obsessed by getting older

[[al...]]

Are there more people recognizing this?

 

yes

[[Sl...]]

Yep.... I too echo most of what is said. Hyperfocusing on aging... I felt comfortable and was embracing change until wd. ( I’m 42). Now I feel I look soooo much older.. and feel much older. Unfortunately I’m single and this is type of thinking has led me to believe… who’s gonna want to be with me now?

 

I find myself questioning my mortality as well. Almost to an extreme. I thought it was due to losing my aunt recently to cancer, and expect that has aggravated it. All of these distorted thoughts can be overwhelming. I pray that we will get our minds back! And our looks.....

[[ce...]]

Are there more people recognizing this?

 

Yes meeeeeeeee. I am 62 and dreading I will not recover because i am dealing with an autoimmune disease too and both the withdrawal and hashimotos thyroiditis have really taken their toll on my body.

 

I have spent the last 2 years just sat in the same chair all day as I feel so weak and my heart pounds just walking into the next room.  I pray to god that things improve now that I am off the Valium.

 

I used to be so active and could never sit still (before I got thyroid issues) and now I am at the polar opposite.

 

I keep trying to use mind over matter and positive affirmations to help with my symptoms but it does not seem to be helping.  Perhaps I need to stick at it.

 

sending healing thoughts to all.

[[vi...]]

I'm 34, age never bothered me. I always felt 25 since 25. Now I obsess about it dearly. I think to myself I'm getting old quickly and this is not ending. I obsess about how short life is and the truth is nobody knows if there was life before or life after death.

 

Im looking forward to getting my mind back and feeling 25 again.

[[Li...]]

I feel like I don't have room to speak here, but I'm 28 years old and suddenly terrified of getting older. Mortality frightens me, sickness and death, losing loved ones.. It just spins through my head and I am always afraid. I try to be rational with myself and remind myself that I am still young, but it just doesn't seem to matter. Yet another irrational looping thought caused by the withdrawal.

[[Gr...]]

I feel like I don't have room to speak here, but I'm 28 years old and suddenly terrified of getting older. Mortality frightens me, sickness and death, losing loved ones.. It just spins through my head and I am always afraid. I try to be rational with myself and remind myself that I am still young, but it just doesn't seem to matter. Yet another irrational looping thought caused by the withdrawal.

 

From all I have read those kind of thoughts are quite normal in withdrawal and will go away with time.

[[Li...]]

Thanks, Grandma D.

[[Gr...]]

Thanks, Grandma D.

[[Er...]]

I was already worried about getting older long before benzo, when I was 37/38 , the big 40 was coming.  I work out a lot , not to look like an old fat guy.

I dye my hair and took a hair transplant, very expensive but I hated getting bold and don't have the face for it.

I want to get healthy and stay healthy getting old, now 48 .

No stress, work less. 

[[re...]]

I am 63 and definitely have this problem...I feel like life is over and it is all downhill from here on out...my son just got engaged and is not planning to get married for like 2 years...my first thought was "I wonder if I'll be around by then"...I have weird thoughts like, "maybe I should write a will and letters to my children"..."what will happen to my cats when I'm gone"..."I better make sure my kids have spare keys to my apartment, so they can get in and find my body"...it is so morbid, but it feels like there is no good outcome at this point, no future that looks bright, just more mental torture and suffering...I keep thinking I will wake up one morning and be happy to be alive, but that has not happened yet...UGH...so frustrating, but I am glad I am not the only one...

[[Co...]]

I am 63 and definitely have this problem...I feel like life is over and it is all downhill from here on out...my son just got engaged and is not planning to get married for like 2 years...my first thought was "I wonder if I'll be around by then"...I have weird thoughts like, "maybe I should write a will and letters to my children"..."what will happen to my cats when I'm gone"..."I better make sure my kids have spare keys to my apartment, so they can get in and find my body"...it is so morbid, but it feels like there is no good outcome at this point, no future that looks bright, just more mental torture and suffering...I keep thinking I will wake up one morning and be happy to be alive, but that has not happened yet...UGH...so frustrating, but I am glad I am not the only one...

 

Redfox, I've had the same exact thoughts.  I also worry about who will discover my body when I die.  I even worry that no one will come to my funeral.  It's crazy and I was never like this before!  

 

These thoughts started for me a few months after I started taking clonazepam, but they were more subtle.  I began to worry about my will, and became obsessed with plans to give my possessions away.  It's actually begun getting a little better for me now that I'm off these poisons, but the age/death fears and obsessions are definitely still there.  I'm just able to think a little more rationally about them. 

 

I don't remember the last 20 years of my life very clearly - it makes me feel like I woke up one day suddenly aged and near death.   

 

I'm only 51.  I've never had these sorts of thoughts and feelings before benzos.  I'm convinced it's caused the the drugs and the withdrawal. 

[[va...]]

Absolutely! I deal with this obsession everyday! It's withdraw.

 

My drawing dealing with this:

 

http://anxiousinklings.com/index.php/2017/10/13/age-old-obsession/

 

Best,

va

[[wa...]]

I'm 57 and know that my 85 year old mother feels better than I do and does more things.  She drinks and pays little attention to her diet.  She had a hip replacement last year!

 

I get out of bed afraid of the day and commit to do as little as possible.  Sadly, my teenage son needs more attention than I am able to give.

 

I think I was doing a bit better earlier on in this w/d process.  I look white as a sheet and can barely climb the stairs to my bed which I spend an inordinate amount of time in.  All my health crap makes me think this can't all be withdrawal but maybe it is.  Little money - No booze, no sugar, no chocolate.  Sex?  What's that?

 

I do feel life has passed me by and that I'm facing the last chapter in a truly compromised state.  I wasn't doing so great before or during benzos either so it's pretty depressing.  My thinking has scared me more lately.  Will my eulogy say, "She knew how to be sick"?

[[po...]]

Wow, thanks for all your replies! I'm definitely not the only one thinking/obsessing lile this!

I hope when we are healed we all see things in a different perspective.

 

Simone

 

Simone, I am 68 years old, began tapering K by choice at 67. Everyone who has posted on your thread, regardless of age, has mentioned the mortality issue. I, too, have it big time. 18 months ago I was a physically active retired teacher, going on long road trips out west USA, hiking the mountains, traveling all over. Everything came to an abrupt end when I began withdrawal. AND I spend many a day, thinking of all I have done or not done in my life. I have two healthy, happy, hard working sons, two great grandkids and I think to myself: "but where did all that time go??  A very rude awakening to "what's it all about" and gratitude and regret and "now what?"

 

You are younger than my sons; to me "just a kid." (NO offense intended, please understand). I think of all the youth out there on BB and think to myself: oh my goodness, they are getting clean at such a young age when their bodies can recover more quickly than us senior folks. Face it, Benzos or not, the human body slows down as it ages no matter how physically healthy one is.

 

My dear, you have your whole life ahead of you. My advice is to cherish every single day, give thanks and gratitude to those on your journey, and please, oh my goodness, please, tell those you love how much they mean to you EVERY SINGLE DAY. It makes a difference. Pay it forward. Throw kindness around like confetti. Believe me, I've been there and done that: what goes around, comes around.

 

Good luck in your life and I wish you only the best.  many hugs and best wishes to you,

 

Pooh in sunny, warm Florida 

[[Gr...]]

I am 63 and definitely have this problem...I feel like life is over and it is all downhill from here on out...my son just got engaged and is not planning to get married for like 2 years...my first thought was "I wonder if I'll be around by then"...I have weird thoughts like, "maybe I should write a will and letters to my children"..."what will happen to my cats when I'm gone"..."I better make sure my kids have spare keys to my apartment, so they can get in and find my body"...it is so morbid, but it feels like there is no good outcome at this point, no future that looks bright, just more mental torture and suffering...I keep thinking I will wake up one morning and be happy to be alive, but that has not happened yet...UGH...so frustrating, but I am glad I am not the only one...

 

  Dear Red, I and others have similar thoughts like these and it's very troubling. But this is normal for withdrawal - these morbid, unbidden thoughts. With time, as our brains/bodies heal they will go away. I truly believe that. So hang in there my friend, we ARE healing even on the bad days.

[Guest [Lu...]]

At 46 and I feel like the end is nigh, which I know is NOT healthy thinking, but boy am I walloped by morbid thoughts.

My parents *knocks on wood* are running circles around me at 75 years old; theyre bright, alert, and running around LIVING, thank the gods. they went to a play then dowtown to eat yesterday and last night, and im laying around my own place awaiting the end, wtf...

I can barely survive each morning it feels like, clutching my chest convinced that it REALLY is the big one this time. passing out, dying feeling has accompanied me for nearly 2 years now, and i find myself doing the math if i even live as long as my folks I feel like I dont have much time.

I suppose some of this is a result of going through this horrible withdrawal right through the thick of my 40's, the midlife crisis years when you really begin to realize that you are not immortal.

But the cruel irony is that I went sober a few years ago and got back in the gym and did all these things to feel better and right the ship here on my way into the middle 40's and beyond, and ugh I just feel wrecked. I cant say my symptoms at 5 months out are stronger than they were, but egad they suck, the agoraphobia, STILL.... Ive had enough, my stamina is shot, and Im zoning out to dying and heart attacks and etc etc everyday lately. ive just had enough of this, this has been cruel torture that has destroyed my reputation at work, at home, everywhere.

this post is a rambling mess lol, but anyway...

I want to feel bright and alive again. I know Im not a youngster anymore, but Ive had enough pondering death for a while, Ive got a lot to do still...

[[Ca...]]

Hi,

 

Nobody likes getting older I know. But in wd I really don't like getting older (nearly 39 years old). It hurts when I read about people younger than me. Seeing people younger than me. It really HURTS! I keep thinking: in about 20 years I will turn 60! Years go by so fast. Is it jealousy, is it a vulnerable brain/mind? I keep thinking about where I am at this age. Difficult to explain...

Do you recognize this?

Count your blessings always. Some of us are in our 60s now

 

[[wa...]]

I think part of my morbid thoughts are due to just not feeling good due to w/d. -- but I have other health conditions (I am 58) like osteo arthritis, a busted eardrum that can't be fixed and planar fascitis so -- everything combined makes me feel more feeble.  -- I also have autoimmune stuff. -- so I feel like I have reasons to be scared of the future.  At least when the Lunesta was working I was getting some sleep.  Now I like awake with fear of how bad can it get?    How did I go downhill so fast?  W

[[We...]]

Hello!

I see this topic has been last active years ago but its still an interesting one. I bumped on it as I was trying to find if anyone else feels winkle effect. And when I found this, i found relief. Seeing I am not alone in this. But soon after I read all the thread, I found out that vast majority of people commenting it are still here active on this forum. That means noone of them healed in this 5 year time. Its so depressing to see this. Same people posting in 2017 are still posting to this day. It kills all my hope in getting a normal life one day. This is a proof that "we all heal" is not something to be believed in so blindly. Can I hear the toughts on this from this same people who commented this thread 5 years ago?

[[tw...]]

38 is far from old. Take it from an old lady.

[[wa...]]

Hello!

That means noone of them healed in this 5 year time. Its so depressing to see this. Same people posting in 2017 are still posting to this day. It kills all my hope in getting a normal life one day. This is a proof that "we all heal" is not something to be believed in so blindly. Can I hear the toughts on this from this same people who commented this thread 5 years ago?

 

Yep -- I posted and still post and am still healing.  It's an up and down trajectory.

 

I realize we all have different reasons for using this forum.  If I want to peruse threads to find things to worry about, I certainly can. 

I tap into BB frequently because I have friends here.  It hasn't all been bad for me these last 5 years. 

 

Most folks that are "healed"  (by whatever your standard is, Weekend), have left BB to live their healed or almost healed lives. 

 

If you don't want to be depressed, there are many other uplifting threads on BB.  I recommend Success Stories, too.

WBB

[[Fo...]]

Well im glad we all have this is common at least. Ha

[[...]]

I am 68 and feel like I am getting too old to torment myself. I have had a rough few months due to my impatience. I have been setback due to reasons out of my control.

I still have a glimmer of hope. I don't why.

I will try to try again once I get stable.

 

[[...]]

I just realized that I posted on the forum not meant for me.

[[Sn...]]

Well im glad we all have this is common at least. Ha

 

How old are you fox? 30?