Matt Samet, Mad In America: "PTSD in Withdrawal"

[[MT...]]

Tybee, I haven't seen much progress with my sleep. Essentially I don't sleep 4 nights a week-a wee bit of microsleep if I'm lucky. The other 3 nights I take amitriptyline and get broken sleep. That's enough to keep me sane but it's hard. How's yours? I see we jumped within a couple of weeks of each other.

 

Watch those state birds. They make some people get more than "slightly psychotic" Some days though, slightly psychotic might be an improvement!

[Guest [Ty...]]

Sometimes I envy the insane who don't even recognize bad days as such -- psychosis can be a lovely escape from reality, no? 

 

On a more serious subject, my sleep has been up and down, but last night I got almost 8 blissful hours of sleep with no panic.  The night before I didn't fall fully asleep till close to 5am, but slept till almost 10:00. A more usual sleep is closer to 2:30 or 3am until around 9am.  Thank goodness I don't have to work now, as I wouldn't be able to function.  I've found that I can't sleep without white noise going.  Sometimes I use straight white or brown noise, but I've also got a sound machine that makes a babbling brook sound that's comforting.  The other things that I can't tolerate at night are a dry mouth or dry eyes.  Both wake me up, but if my mouth is too dry it'll trigger panic.  Last night I used the GenTeal eye gel (heavier than drops) and oral XyliMelts, and both worked!  I did wake up once to pee and reapplied both, but then fell back to sleep.  The other thing that helps is heavy blankets.  I've thought about buying a weighted blanket, but they're very pricy!  I'm typing now with my laptop dimmed way down, as too much light within a couple of hours of bedtime will energize my brain.  I've got the f.lux light management program on my MacBook and have forced myself to not override it, even when watching movies at night.  It really does make a difference.  So -- if my brain is cycling through a wave where panic visits my nights, I struggle a lot more, but when that's not being an issue, I've learned to manage the rest pretty well.  The first months were really brutal -- and I still have enough intermittent panic to feel very grateful for what's good!!! 

 

Is your insomnia from anxiety or just that your brain can't get quiet? 

[[MT...]]

Brown noise. That's a new one on me. I checked it out on youtube and there's pink and white noise too. I learned something today.

 

I just don't get sleepy. At all. I've had some anxiety but that's not an issue at night unless something major is going on. It's like being caffeinated (but not super alert) all of the time despite consuming none.  I'm glad your sleep is manageable.

[Guest [Ty...]]

I prefer the pitch of brown over white noise.  Pink just never worked its way into my sound machines or iTunes library. 

 

After I've had a run of night panic attacks, I have that hyper alert feeling when I get into bed and it can take hours before sleep comes.  My brain worries about what could happen if I fall asleep, so it doesn't want to go there.  That's why I use all the comforting things -- to make it feel as safe and mellow as possible.  Do you use the computer or watch TV within a couple of hours of sleep?  I was really surprised at the difference it made when I cut way back on bright light before bedtime. 

 

I know that we're all unique, so am not at all trying to say that if you do what I do you'll be fine -- just throwing it out there -- in case something might sound worth trying...  Sleep is so important, and it sucks so bad when we can't do it! 

[[MT...]]

Thanks for the input Tybee. I do some similar things and some additional things--the blue light filtering programs and glasses, stopping hours before bed, reading fun stuff and relaxing, meditating most days, exercising as much as I can and then I do relaxation exercises when I'm in bed. Something that has really improved is I actually look forward to nights. It's a relaxing time and I don't usually stress about whether I'm going to sleep. I feel that more the morning after. I figure I'm just taking the long way to recovery when it comes to insomnia. This is hard but we've already proven we can do hard things by making it this far.

[Guest [Ty...]]

MT, I'm impressed by your great attitude and also by all the things you're doing to help yourself! 

Your evening rituals sound so nice -- and being able to look forward to the night is awesome! 

Yes, we absolutely can do hard things, and we'll keep doing them as long as we need to!