12-18 month support

[[No...]]

TM ... I have never heard of any permanent damage to muscles from drug use or the taper ...

 

The consensus seems to be that eventually we heal from all the spasms, tingles, nerve stuff, and tightness ...

 

This is tough stuff we are going through ... and it will get better ... you have had some testing done and nothing found ...

 

Everyone I have spoken to eventually got better ... you will too ... 

[[No...]]

Siggy ... well blast and blimey ... going to bed at 11 pm could eventually turn into a habit ... better be careful ... 

 

Have a good day ...

[[dr...]]

Hi all...I am just getting walloped as my symptoms never let up.  I woke w a big adrenal rush at midnight.  Add a little panic and fun times.  My brain runs even wilder at night.  I've been up most of the night w adrenal/cortisol rushes.    This feels like acute!  This actually feels the worst ever to me but I'm sure that's not true. I'm scared this won't let up and I know that's not true either.  I don't remember getting hit at night like this but I'm sure I've had it before.  This has been a killer past few months. I had one decent day on Friday and that was really it in the last twenty or so.  I'm worried this isn't withdrawal or if it is I'm going to have this for years.

 

I even dialed the Bristol Tranquil at 3am.  Ian picked up the phone but said they are too overwhelmed to talk to anyone outside Britain.  He did say that it's not unusual to get worse than ever right befire big healing.  He's not sure why but it happens.  Also, he said just keep going no matter what.  It's so worth it.  He was apologetic but had to hang up.  It is sad that we have nothing in the U.S. As even one minute was helpful.

I just took 10mg propronolol which I take when it's really bad. This qualifies.  I am trying to test before work.  The rest of my team is out so I do have to go in for a bit.  Will go in late.

[[No...]]

Drew ... hang on ... and this one is really bad ... and it will pass ...

 

Sure it feels like acute ... it is an acute rush that drives us crazy ...

 

I know I forget the intensity of stuff that happened a while ago so it gets confusing that this is withdrawal and feeling like I will be like this forever ...

 

Hang on ... you will get through this one, just like all the others ... 

 

[[Co...]]

TM....the muscle pain is common to so many in this process. It seems that none of us escape it. The only thing that I find helpful is hot lavender Epsome salts bath sosks, arnica cream, some easy yoga stretches and tylenol when it's really bad.....and all of those are temporary. Eventually it gets better. Time...more time... so sorry you are in so much pain.

      Wishing you some relief and a better day....coop

[[Co...]]

Drew,....I had a 3.5 wave April -July/Aug. ....months 17- 21..  and then things started getting so much better. Jenny had a 5 month wave and emerged from it to feel healed in the following 1-2 months.....It does feel exactly like acute....and then you start feeling solid sustained improvement.

    My heart is with you .  .do whatever you have to do....or not do to get through ....You are going through a terrible time. The propanolol is entirely understandable and I hope it is helping...love to you.....coop

[[No...]]

Morning Coop ... how are you doing? ... seems the west coast is up early today ...

 

I am doing better than yesterday ... got the throat and breathing stuff again, more a nuisance than anything else ...

 

Hope you have a good day ... 

[[Co...]]

Well, sometimes it's really the actual flu.  I think. ..Woke up with headache, nausea, body pain and weird dream states....and a temp of 102.. and my legs hurt so much...just the calves.  They hurt much more than my RA pain. This could also be an RA flare... either way looks like a bed day after the stinkin swallow test, I would cancel it if it didn't take 2 weeks to reschedule. ..  This stinks....and I am freezing cold....then swatting hot....I know it will pass.  I know an Epsome salts lavender hot soak would help a lot.....if I could get out of bed

.......Wishing everyone a better day.....coop

[[Si...]]

TM yes I still have the burning and tingling. It comes and goes and decides to focus on different parts of the body at different times. You may feel like the physical activity brought on the s/x, but it may or may not have. Being physically active, whatever you can do, is actually very good for us. So either way, just try to ride it out. I'm trying to do the same every day.

 

drew, I can identify with this fully. I've had some nights where I really just wanted to jump out of our second story window. And I'm not even talking about opening the window first. Every time I'm in a window I can't even fathom how it feels in a wave. And then when I'm in a wave I have no idea how I could feel that good in a window. It's like two parallel universes. I take comfort in what Ian said though (and others that have come before us) that big waves usually lead the way to bigger healing. Let's hope (nope know!) that the next few months will see us into a newer better phase. You'll be getting married soon. I'll tell you that that was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Anyway, hope your day at work isn't too bad. Usually after I've had a bad night, the morning is the worst. Then as the day goes on it gets a little better.

 

My eyes are for sure doing some weird things. My right eye especially is behaving abnormally. I've always had Vision problems (-7 in each eye). It's almost like I have discoloration in my vision. I'm sure it will pass. I just chalk it up to getting over this cold mixed with w/d.

[[dr...]]

Thx nova n coop.  By my records I'm 2-3 months into this wave.  I've had a day here or there but that's it.  Hoping you're right coop.

 

Feel better coop.

[[ra...]]

Hello, friends! I think this is my first time posting here, as I am just over one year benzo-free. Huzzah!

 

Things are still pretty heavy, and I don't feel great. But compared to how I was six months ago I've had miraculous improvement. Reading some posts on here and talking to my mom (who's been supporting me all the way through this) reminded me to be grateful for how far I've come whenever I can.

 

You have all made amazing strides! The big thing with this is time, and we're putting in the time. It's still so easy for me to get lost in anxiety and despair, but I like what NovaScotia said earlier:

 

Everyone I have spoken to eventually got better ... you will too ... 

 

Thank you for being a source of inspiration and hope. 

 

Drew:  I totally agree that I wish we had MUCH better support in the US! It is so lonely and hard without resources or professionals who understand. I am glad that at least someone was willing to talk with you for a tiny bit. What you have done is amazing and I really believe you will keep seeing improvement.

[[Co...]]

Sig....yay for some improved sleep. How you and Drew go to work is so beyond ' getting through'.. I can barely walk the dog with head pressure.  I hope it lfits as your day goes along.  I will be thinking of you and Drew....at work....coop

[[Co...]]

Nova....Glad to hear that your day is looking better than the one yesterday. Seems like you had a 3 day wavy stretch and now things are looking better.. a good way to do a tuesday... Happy to hear you are moving through it.  Cook something good....enjoy your " better " day.  coop

[[Si...]]

Sig....yay for some improved sleep. How you and Drew go to work is so beyond ' getting through'.. I can barely walk the dog with head pressure.  I hope it lfits as your day goes along.  I will be thinking of you and Drew....at work....coop

 

Thanks Coop as always! I was thinking about it this morning. I don't know how I have maintained going to work all this time. It baffles me too. I went back to work 4 days after stopping. It's seriously one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do though.

[[Co...]]

Rapunzelblue....welcome. You sound in a good place for 12 months and a few days...thank you for your positive post, as you can see we need one this morning.

    This is a great thread with such lovely people. You will find unfailing support here.  You have come a long long way and you are going to heal....Wishing you sunbreaks....coop

[[dr...]]

Welcome rapunze and fantastic job on "qualifying" for this thread. 

[[ra...]]

Coop and Drew, thank you so much!  I really appreciate your very kind welcome.

 

I agree that if you are working during this time that is very impressive! I recently started a part-time job and I think having this routine is very helpful for me. I am grateful that I found something that gives me enough activity without being too stressful, because I still need so much rest. Learning how to really care for ourselves is a big challenge of recovery! I wish you luck with that too.

[[Lo...]]

Hi all! I wanted to stop by and say hello. Also this 15-18 month period has been a storm of dizzy stuff/rocky boat sensation/head pressure/balance issues.

 

The vestibular problem has ramped up. I had a couple of dizzy/spinning sensation since Thursday.

 

I noticed its when I'm at the computer at work.

 

I can't stop working...not an option as a single Mama.

 

Just pray for me. Thankful I can work but the vestibular problem is somewhat debilitating, depressing and upsetting.

 

Praying for healing for all.

[[Gr...]]

Green, for those of us who have health anxiety, you couldn't possibly be any more morbid than what our own minds conjure up....I think every single one of us has at least once said, " I am sick of feeling like I am dying "..

      I didn't take it as morbid... I think we all at some point or another think we are going to die from this hell. ...I am left with the same take away as you.....after this, the smallest moments are priceless, we are survivors and so much tougher than we ever imagined and my priorities have been completely rearranged.....for the better. 

    Sorry you are low energy and ' heavy'...I know that feeling of cement arms and legs.  Grab a comforter and burrow into a corner of the 'can't do it today couch'. . hang out and rest with us.....Tomorrow we are another day closer... ..coop

 

Thank you for that, Coop.  Once I write my success story, the first thing I'm going to do is burn this couch!  this couch with the concave indent where my you know what fits.

[[Gr...]]

It's a shocker. I actually started to doze off at 10:30 last night, so got in bed at 11. That about the earliest I've gone to bed other than when I didn't sleep the night before. Getting up now to get ready for work. Burning spine head pressure still there though,

 

:yippee:

[[dr...]]

Hi jump buddy lm!  I didn't want us so attached for so long but here we are.

 

I'm working from home which makes life easier.  The beta slowed down a lot of the adrenaline but I still have that sickly feeling of it pumping through my body.  Especially my chest area.  Yuck!  I've had this before and it usually slowly lessens over the next few days. 

 

Trying always to find a bright note...this il used to come w incredible head pressure which isn't there anymore. 

[[...]]

Wow, there are lot's of posts and it was so quiet yesterday.

 

looks like there is a lot of suffering, this is so horrible for us. Even though there is lots of suffering there is lots of healing too with the occasional blip (Jenny, Coop and Nova). I suppose this is to be expected until it is no more.

 

It's nice to see you on here Rapunzel and I too find the routine of working helps, not that it's not a total nightmare sometimes. Just having to wing it most days. Everyone has their own way of making it through this nightmare and our end goal is the same for each of us.

 

I can't describe how I feel at the moment. Shell shocked at how distressing the last 3 weeks particularly and generally all the time this has been going on. I have quite a lot of fear at the moment ans a zero tolerance to stress which is impossible sometimes. It scares the life out of me as a mother that I feel like I'm going over the edge at typical teenage stresses ie. I don't feel I am there to support properly when I'm needed and that breaks my heart. I'm sure my kids would disagree, however I am sick of being in tears or shaking and unable to breathe when things get a bit challenging. I want to laugh and have fun again, wipe their tears if needed, be strong and be a good role model instead of a quivering wreck at times.

 

My ears are dodgy too; sort of throbbing and I can't bear loud sound at the moment. Head feels tingly and weird but head pressure has eased off for now.

 

Sorry you couldn't get to talk to BTP Drew. It's sometimes really difficult to get through for us Brits, but at least we have them. You will get through this and I always make reference to what Coop said about Jenny, HH and herself at our stage and how intense it was.

 

I don't know what else to say but keep at it troupers 

[[Sk...]]

 

 

Hi everybody, sorry for barging in  like this. Just a quick update before I am disconnected from Internet again.

 

I have had some busy days, with the move and all.

 

All in all, I got very tired, it was the worrying that got to me more than actual physical efforts.

 

That's my opinion,  there was some effort of course.

 

On some nights, I had to go to bed at half past ten !

 

Now, the next nightmare, will be unpacking those boxes !

 

I did not have a bad time, all in all.

 

The people in the new community seem quite friendly and Mr Sky seems very inspired.

 

As soon as I got back to my old house, and to the Internet, I got back to work on scheduling some work.

 

I would hate to lose all that I have worked so hard to build in this last year. Worked so hard to build in wd.

 

Anyway, I am trying to catch up now with all the posts, but that is practically impossible.

 

I have been having the same old symptoms, the wavy day and the day in which, I do not have palps or vibrations but my anxiety is so high it is painful. Like now, there is this sheet of pain wrapped around my chest and stomach.

 

It is getting harder and harder to decide which actually is the wavy day !

 

Then, my eyesight  comes and goes and well, my alltime favourite, brain cog, is still with me. Intrusives come and go and my naps are always toxic.

 

So, nothing has changed as far as wd is concerned.

 

But of course, there is tons of healing, but it can all disappear in a heartbeat. Literally.

 

Tomorrow, no Internet again. Scary for me, but I hope to get it back soon.

 

Lots of packing and more boxes await me.

 

Sorry not to have greeted anyone. Hope to be back soon.

 

Hope you are all managing, heal on. 

 

 

[[Te...]]

Thank you everyone for being so supportive and caring....Ive not been sleeping well with all this super tight muscles and spasms....it is hard to grasp at times all there crazy symptoms can be all benzo related.....I went through chemo and radiation seven years ago ...and suffered nothing like this...

And if I did have a lot of pain I took a pill to help cope ....it worked..

 

Darn....nothing hels with these symptoms....oh well....

 

Coop....hope your swallow test comes back o.k.....waiting to here....mine showed spasms....my whole body I think spasms......ugh

 

Thank you .....everyone......TM

[[je...]]

Thx nova n coop.  By my records I'm 2-3 months into this wave.  I've had a day here or there but that's it.  Hoping you're right coop.

 

Feel better coop.

 

 

Drew , just like coop said things seem to get worse before you turn a big corner. Mine lasted for 5 months, and I was getting much worse until things just changed like a light switch. Sounds like Ian has talked with countless people and the very same thing has happened to them.