6-12 month thread....

[[...]]

Peace, I just do my best to live with the tinnitus! I got hearing aids about a month ago, due to my decreased hearing, and those help some days!

 

I totally get the depression! That's been my worst symptom lately! The last few days have been a tad better! Thank goodness!

 

I pray you have a better day!

 

Hope everyone is doing well!

 

[[ga...]]

I know how bad the depression feels.  I still have down days, Peace. Overall though, it is improving as I am sure yours will too.  Patience is the hardest part.  You will get there!

[[Mo...]]

HI Kids,

 

Jumped on board to say hi really quick.  Month 11 is proving to bring LOTS of healing.  I still have residual sensations but nothing big, bad and hairy.  I worked a 7hr day yesterday and at one point felt agitated with the sensation of a vibration running thru my body.  Then I had the sensation to cough, but that is it.  None of the deck of cards stuff.. (depression, fear, panic, anxiety, morning funk, terror, etc.) 

 

Hubby and I do have a trip planned to NYC in December.  I want to go, but not excited to get on the plane or fry my CNS again.  My focus right now is all about food and my metabolism.  Too many or too little calories does affect me but not too bad.  I'm getting a uterine ultrasound tomorrow to make sure the girl is still in there since she stopped working in July.  Also, we will do a hormone blood test.  The Vit C is still holding up.  I will not be doing any hormone stuff just precautionary.

 

Here is good read from Dr. Jennifer Leigh who is feeling 'normal' again:

 

Life Is Looking Normal Again, Whatever That Is!

NOVEMBER 10, 2014 / JENNIFER

I can’t say I am totally healed. I still have bone pain, muscle pain, head pressure, ringing ears, dizzy spells, weakness and fatigue, to name a few of the remaining symptoms. However, life is looking pretty normal these days. I have normal fears/worries/concerns like “normal” people have. I am no longer consumed by withdrawal and the mental anguish that is the hallmark of the healing syndrome.

 

I still limit my exposure to stress. I don’t allow myself to get too happy or too sad. Any strong emotion can kick off an avalanche of symptoms, one of which is the internal feeling that I am going to fast. Very hard to describe this one, but it is very unpleasant.

 

I still am hopeful that one day I will wake up with ZERO withdrawal symptoms (excluding the ringing in my ears. I think its permanent).

 

I am working at re-establishing a career and being of service to others. Sometimes I even daydream about finding the right man to settle down with and to go through the golden years with, but that is not a pressing need/want. What is most pressing is getting back to work and having a purpose.

 

My dream is to coach again and to buy a little piece of land near the coast so I can create a bigger garden than I have now so that people with brain injuries, PTSD, or are healing from a serious illness, loss, trauma etc. can come and work alongside one another. I want to scale the garden I have now to a much bigger platform so it can serve more people.

 

I am still grateful for the adventure I have been on. It has been utterly brutal, but it gave me the chance to become a much better person. I have SO much more love and compassion for myself and others. My ego is less fragile too. I don’t need to be submissive and below people, feeling less than, nor do I need to be superior and feel better than.  I just need to be me, on equal footing with all of God’s children.

 

If you are still battling the symptoms of benzo withdrawal, hold on. Keep fighting the good fight. It will get better. I used to think I would never heal. I thought that everyone else would heal, but that my brain was far too damaged. That is not the case. It won’t be the case for you either. You ARE going to heal. Even if you don’t believe it. You can’t stop your brain from healing. It wants to return to its normal state, the state it was in before you swallowed your first benzo.

 

Thank you all for the love and support over these hard years. Let’s keep holding hands until we are ALL at the finish line. Let’s leave no benzo buddy behind.

_______________

 

I cut and paste because sometimes I am too lazy to click the link.  This woman knows her stuff and has suffered as much or more then any of us.  If she can do, any of us can.

 

No buddy left behind.

 

Love you guys..getting on the treadmill,

MyR

[[No...]]

Hi MyR ... thanks for your good news and the update on Jennifer ... seems my "encouragement bowl" never overflows ... donations always gratefully accepted ...

 

[[Gr...]]

Hey Everyone

 

I couldn't be here for a while.  I have that big 12 month wave HH talks about.  I lost my center.  I can't seem to get a grip.  The symptoms are cycling fast and are relentless, so I can't seem to get a handle on it.  Sleep problems, depression, and everything else under the sun.

 

This one kind of rocked me, and I was thinking of finding some kind of outpatient therapy, some more support than what I have. And I'm on the fence.  Part of me says go, it will be helpful, you need a little help.  the other part says, stay away from mental health, the first thing they'll do is offer drugs, you get enough support right here, these are the only people that understand.  so that's where I am, exhausted, nauseous, depressed, and tired. 

 

I know it will pass.  waves seem to last forever.

 

I caught up on the reading.  Happy to hear about ppl doing well, and feel better to those struggling.

 

sue

[[No...]]

Sue ... 

 

During my last long wave I thought it would never end ... and it really messed with me ... did not know which way to turn ... and there where days I did not know what I could do ... and I did nothing ... and it ended ...

 

The relentless part was the hardest for me ... and our center is always there ... and there were times I did not know where "there" was ...

 

Hang on ... stay "slow" ... and do what you feel you need to do ... we have come this far with what we "know" ... and that always seems to have been enough until the wave leaves ...

 

[[dr...]]

Green....sorry you're getting hit.  If just talking to someone about what you're going through will help n any way please do it.  I have a psychologist I can phone at any time to help me out in the darkest hours.  Beyond that you know you just need to wait it out.  It sucks and sending healing thoughts your way.

[[pe...]]

Dear self,

Please remember the darkness never lasts.

 

After a long day in the classroom, I connected with some  friends tonight.  I just walked into my bedroom with a grin on my face and some brightness in my heart.

 

It can turn on a dime. Thinking of you dear Sue. 

[[dr...]]

I'm happy for you peace!  You deserve a break.

[[...]]

So happy for you Peace!! 

 

[[Fr...]]

Green, I'm sorry you've been hit so hard.  Remember the good days you've had; those will come back again soon.  I know how hard it is.  I am having a hard time hanging on too.  The pattern recently changed.  I had two weeks where I felt better overall with lesser waves that lifted around noon and then the best day yet in wd.  The next day, Sunday, I was sent into a bad wave.  I'm struggling to stay up.  The pain is awful and the weird overall sensations are getting to me.  Rest is even hard.  I hurt and am so tired.

 

I read and re-read Jenn's success story now and how Rosalind is doing better and Florida Guy and Parker and listen to Laura Delano's video for hope.  I'm running out of hope.

 

My husband is so sweet to me and feels so bad for me.  He prays over me and touches my head.

 

I think talking with a knowledgeable therapist may help you.  Mine keeps telling me that this will all end one day and I will heal.  She soothes me too.

[[...]]

So sorry Green and Lisa...I'm not feeling well! This is such a long, hard process!

 

I hope you get relief quickly!

 

[[Fr...]]

Thanks GMIT.  I'm sorry you're not feeling well and hope you feel better soon too.

 

Lisa

[[pa...]]

 

Life Is Looking Normal Again, Whatever That Is!

NOVEMBER 10, 2014 / JENNIFER

I can’t say I am totally healed. I still have bone pain, muscle pain, head pressure, ringing ears, dizzy spells, weakness and fatigue, to name a few of the remaining symptoms. However, life is looking pretty normal these days. I have normal fears/worries/concerns like “normal” people have. I am no longer consumed by withdrawal and the mental anguish that is the hallmark of the healing syndrome.

 

I still limit my exposure to stress. I don’t allow myself to get too happy or too sad. Any strong emotion can kick off an avalanche of symptoms, one of which is the internal feeling that I am going to fast. Very hard to describe this one, but it is very unpleasant.

 

I still am hopeful that one day I will wake up with ZERO withdrawal symptoms (excluding the ringing in my ears. I think its permanent).

 

I am working at re-establishing a career and being of service to others. Sometimes I even daydream about finding the right man to settle down with and to go through the golden years with, but that is not a pressing need/want. What is most pressing is getting back to work and having a purpose.

 

My dream is to coach again and to buy a little piece of land near the coast so I can create a bigger garden than I have now so that people with brain injuries, PTSD, or are healing from a serious illness, loss, trauma etc. can come and work alongside one another. I want to scale the garden I have now to a much bigger platform so it can serve more people.

 

I am still grateful for the adventure I have been on. It has been utterly brutal, but it gave me the chance to become a much better person. I have SO much more love and compassion for myself and others. My ego is less fragile too. I don’t need to be submissive and below people, feeling less than, nor do I need to be superior and feel better than.  I just need to be me, on equal footing with all of God’s children.

 

If you are still battling the symptoms of benzo withdrawal, hold on. Keep fighting the good fight. It will get better. I used to think I would never heal. I thought that everyone else would heal, but that my brain was far too damaged. That is not the case. It won’t be the case for you either. You ARE going to heal. Even if you don’t believe it. You can’t stop your brain from healing. It wants to return to its normal state, the state it was in before you swallowed your first benzo.

 

Thank you all for the love and support over these hard years. Let’s keep holding hands until we are ALL at the finish line. Let’s leave no benzo buddy behind.

_______________

 

 

How many months off of benzos is Dr. Leigh?

[[No...]]

Lisa and GMIT ... sorry you are not feeling "well" ... this is hard stuff ... and it just goes on and on ... and we will get through this ...

 

I am up and down ... either lousy mornings or lousy afternoons ... and the rest of the day is just sort of blah ... we are in better shape than we used to be ... and this stuff is just so relentless ...

 

Hope you have a "quiet" day ...

 

[[He...]]

Relentless is right.  I'm still riding the wave that crashed over me last weekend.  It's not as intense, but it is still hanging around.  My sleep was affected last night...did the waking every hour thing that I haven't done for MONTHS. 

We are still all healing, and we are one day closer to being done.

 

[[He...]]

Dear self,

Please remember the darkness never lasts.

 

After a long day in the classroom, I connected with some  friends tonight.  I just walked into my bedroom with a grin on my face and some brightness in my heart.

 

It can turn on a dime. Thinking of you dear Sue. 

 

YAY!! I'm so happy for you, Peace! 

 

Sue, keeping you lifted in prayer.  You will be OK. 

[[Sk...]]

 

Life Is Looking Normal Again, Whatever That Is!

NOVEMBER 10, 2014 / JENNIFER

I can’t say I am totally healed. I still have bone pain, muscle pain, head pressure, ringing ears, dizzy spells, weakness and fatigue, to name a few of the remaining symptoms. However, life is looking pretty normal these days. I have normal fears/worries/concerns like “normal” people have. I am no longer consumed by withdrawal and the mental anguish that is the hallmark of the healing syndrome.

 

I still limit my exposure to stress. I don’t allow myself to get too happy or too sad. Any strong emotion can kick off an avalanche of symptoms, one of which is the internal feeling that I am going to fast. Very hard to describe this one, but it is very unpleasant.

 

I still am hopeful that one day I will wake up with ZERO withdrawal symptoms (excluding the ringing in my ears. I think its permanent).

 

I am working at re-establishing a career and being of service to others. Sometimes I even daydream about finding the right man to settle down with and to go through the golden years with, but that is not a pressing need/want. What is most pressing is getting back to work and having a purpose.

 

My dream is to coach again and to buy a little piece of land near the coast so I can create a bigger garden than I have now so that people with brain injuries, PTSD, or are healing from a serious illness, loss, trauma etc. can come and work alongside one another. I want to scale the garden I have now to a much bigger platform so it can serve more people.

 

I am still grateful for the adventure I have been on. It has been utterly brutal, but it gave me the chance to become a much better person. I have SO much more love and compassion for myself and others. My ego is less fragile too. I don’t need to be submissive and below people, feeling less than, nor do I need to be superior and feel better than.  I just need to be me, on equal footing with all of God’s children.

 

If you are still battling the symptoms of benzo withdrawal, hold on. Keep fighting the good fight. It will get better. I used to think I would never heal. I thought that everyone else would heal, but that my brain was far too damaged. That is not the case. It won’t be the case for you either. You ARE going to heal. Even if you don’t believe it. You can’t stop your brain from healing. It wants to return to its normal state, the state it was in before you swallowed your first benzo.

 

Thank you all for the love and support over these hard years. Let’s keep holding hands until we are ALL at the finish line. Let’s leave no benzo buddy behind.

_______________

 

How many months off of benzos is Dr. Leigh?

 

She is protracted,  she has been off 39 months I believe.

[[pe...]]

I feel like things are getting worse. Is that possible? I know the benzo thing is all waves. Things get worse for people. But I'm scared. I feel kind of scared and desperate. I'm afraid of doing something that makes this all worse. I'm afraid of doing nothing and that making it worse. I'm exhausted. I'm wondering if this is benzo and not some underlying thing. I feel wired and depressed and out of it. Could that be benzo? I know no one knows for sure. I just feel awful.  I think my anxiety is amping up.

 

Peace2  :'(

[[...]]

Peace that sounds just like me, only not the bad anxiety...I just feel depressed but a bit anxious!

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, but it will get better!

 

[[63...]]

Peace that sounds just like me, only not the bad anxiety...I just feel depressed but a bit anxious!

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, but it will get better!

 

I feel like things are getting worse. Is that possible? I know the benzo thing is all waves. Things get worse for people. But I'm scared. I feel kind of scared and desperate. I'm afraid of doing something that makes this all worse. I'm afraid of doing nothing and that making it worse. I'm exhausted. I'm wondering if this is benzo and not some underlying thing. I feel wired and depressed and out of it. Could that be benzo? I know no one knows for sure. I just feel awful.  I think my anxiety is amping up.

 

Peace2  :'(

 

 

Hang in there, you two! I'm right there with you...in rough waters here at 7 months...ugh!

 

Somehow, I keep making it through each day, everyday. I don't know how, but I do.

 

[[...]]

Hope you feel better Robert!

[[Sk...]]

Hi, today started horribly but somehow things got better, my palps stopped and so did my vibrations.

 

So I am very grateful and, now my thoughts are crazy enough, but I am more serene than I usually am at this hour. I don't know if this makes sense, it is a good thing !

It's true, in wd we learn to rejoice over small things !

 

Peace, GMIT, hang in there. Peace, remember it was not long ago that LIFe was saying almost the same things that you are. It is so hard for us to wrap our brains around the fact that we can still get worse. no matter all the evidence to this, that is happens, we do get worse, we still struggle like at the beginning.

 

Healing to all, good night.

[[mr...]]

I feel like things are getting worse. Is that possible? I know the benzo thing is all waves. Things get worse for people. But I'm scared. I feel kind of scared and desperate. I'm afraid of doing something that makes this all worse. I'm afraid of doing nothing and that making it worse. I'm exhausted. I'm wondering if this is benzo and not some underlying thing. I feel wired and depressed and out of it. Could that be benzo? I know no one knows for sure. I just feel awful.  I think my anxiety is amping up.

 

Peace2  :'(

 

Peace,

 

"Wired and tired" I believe is the phrase -- for me, it was never really a "sleepy" or "fatigued" tired so much as it was a "lost hope" or "despaired" sort of "tired"...like I was worn out by it all, "hopeless".  Definitely benzo-related, IMO. 

 

I also experienced what I called "backwards" waves -- that is, waves that felt like they were increasingly higher in intensity each time one came.  I'm not sure if they were actually "stronger" in intensity, OR it could've been the drastic difference between the relief in a window to the "spanking" of a wave was.  Either way, they were NOT fun.  It happened when I went through the "rapid cycling of symptoms" phase, where things could change drastically (30-50% functionality change) in a matter of minutes, and would cycle in and out of intense windows and waves every 3-6 days -- OUCH is all I got to say about that.  Oh, and HANG ON   It's an icky ride, but it doesn't last but a couple months at most, and it DOES GET SO MUCH BETTER.  And STABLE again -- hooray!

 

Love you girl.  This ain't easy.  But you're on the right track, IMO.  So, hang loose tonight!  And shout out to me if ya wanna

 

Mrs.

[[mr...]]

Oh, and PS gang: I took my last dose at 9:15am today.  I'm officially BENZO-FREE now!! Hooray!

 

Mrs.