Knackered Tears it Down with Benzos

   Hey there.  Knackered here.  The most exciting thing happening in our locale is just two blocks away from our doorstep.  It seems that the city council has condemned a house in the neighborhood and is in the process of tearing it down.  Next to the 4th of July parade that includes both a fire engine and a logging truck, and the annual squirrel fest (bloody little hoppers have taken over), this is the hottest thing around right now.

   I think is safe to say that our very existence depends on tearing stuff down to make way for the new.  Ancient civilizations are built on top of one another.  The once mighty Romans sought to pave their way across much of what is now known as Europe and supposedly laid the foundations for what is today London.  One civilization built on top of another.

   The entirety of our natural world consists of an ancient cycle known as ‘Gaia’.  Trees grow over the tops of old ones when fires destroy the landscape.  Insects and small animals reappear when all has been destroyed by fire, earthquake, or storm. Our area turned landscape once ruined by volcanic activity into a recreational paradise.  A long dormant volcano decided to take it back earlier in my lifetime.  It’s the way things are; one thing ceases to be, another takes its place.

  While on the trail of Benzo withdrawal, all of us have had to make some serious choices and changes in our lives.  Attitudes about pain and suffering, changes in our mindset regarding having our way, and dealing with frustration and the situation that we’re seemingly stuck in have all taken their toll. Change or cease to “survive” has become a necessity.

   Metaphorically, it’s nearly been the death of me, both mentally and physically.  I have no intention or desire to quit what I’ve started here, but you’ve got to admit, you can’t hang around long without wanting to just escape the whole affair.

   If we decide to stay for the long term it’s doubtful that we’ll make it without  being ‘torn down’.  The life we knew before won’t exist and a new one will have to be built on top of the one that we now know.

   Taking Benzos helped a lot, until it didn’t.  Sadly, I wish I could return to that feeling and that time, but I know that it will never be that way.  Time changes everything and having things the “Way They Were” is the stuff of film and a song written by Marilyn and Alan Bergman and sung by Barbara Streisand.  It doesn’t work in real time.  We can’t go back.  The new is always built on top of what once was.

   Rumi, an ancient Sufi mystic (1207-1273) has left us with a wealth of wisdom and advice about life.  Among his most famous truths is, “Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.  Today I am wise , so I am changing myself”.  That’s probably the best hope we all have of getting out of this “thing” better off than when we started.