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@KNACKERED

A blog by [kn...] in Member Blogs

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About this blog

Narratives derived from personal experiences while tapering benzos.  Real life scenarios instilled with satire, humor, and a 'different and interesting way of looking at things.  

Entries in this blog

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Knackered Seeks the Divine Feminine with Benzos

Knackered Seeks the Divine Feminine with Benzos    Hey there.  Knackered here.  My own mother was indeed a force to contend with.  While like all mothers of her time, she never worked outside our home until my brother and I were well on our way. The lessons she taught and the qualities she imparted have left an everlasting imprint.    My wife and mother to our own children taught the personal and powerful life lessons that served our kids well when they ventured out into the world.  He
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Knackered Seeks Serenity with Benzos

Knackered Seeks Serenity with Benzos    Hey there.  Knackered here.  Around the time that the US Selective Service was offering me a one way, fully paid trip to Southeast Asia (Viet Nam war), a film came out that left a huge impression on me and inspired a classical phrase that is still bantered about.  “Catch 22”, released in 1970, was based on a 1961 novel of the same name by Joseph Heller.  The film is a dark, satirical, comedy that takes place on a base in the Mediterranean during WW II
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Knackered Goes Historic with Benzos

Knackered Goes Historical with Benzos    Hey there.  Knackered here.  If you’re into daytime TV (for those who can still watch TV), there are limited options.  The Price is Right is still a favorite and if you want to find out who fathered the love child of Sheila’s cousin’s sister’s evil twin, the Soaps are still out there for you.  But the growing favorite of many is the HGTV channels of home renovations.    Home styles are too numerous for me to keep up with, but a remodeled country
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Knackered Hurts and is Stuck at Home with Benzos

Knackered Hurts and is Stuck at Home with Benzos    Hey there.  Knackered here.  During my college years, shortly after the ice crust melted, I lived on an interesting block with a unique house nearby.  The place was known as the ‘Serendipity House’ and hosted a very interesting group of people.  The windows were covered with American flags and tie dyed sheets.  The outside was painted with a kaleidoscope of rainbow colors from partially used cans that were found in the shed out back.  Thei
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Knackered Tears It Down with Benzos

Knackered Tears it Down with Benzos    Hey there.  Knackered here.  The most exciting thing happening in our locale is just two blocks away from our doorstep.  It seems that the city council has condemned a house in the neighborhood and is in the process of tearing it down.  Next to the 4th of July parade that includes both a fire engine and a logging truck, and the annual squirrel fest (bloody little hoppers have taken over), this is the hottest thing around right now.    I think is s
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Knackered's Minions of the Mind with Benzos

Knackered’s Minions of the Mind with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here.  Most of the ailments that haunt my feeble mind have done me wrong.  Anxiety, panic disorders, and a lack of impulse control have led me down the wrong direction on the garden path far too many times.    Probably the worst of them all has been OCD.  It’s obsessive, it’s compulsive, and it has definitely not been my friend.  When I was just a wee lad, I remember waking up in the middle of the night and stari
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Knackered Seeks Balance with Benzos

Knackered Seeks Balance with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here.  Probably the greatest balancing act of all time was done by a Norwegian named Tell Teigen atop a one hundred foot pole and four kitchen chairs on the Santa Monica Beach in the early 1950’s. While he successfully accomplished that feat and more, he fell to his death during a performance in 1958.  While he focussed on just one thing in life you could say that he still lived a very balanced life.    It’s safe to say that l
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Knackered Weighs in on Disappointment with Benzos

Knackered Weighs in on Disappointment with Benzos    Hey there.  Knackered here. Not far from where we live are two historic landmarks.  They are known as Dismal Niche and Cape Disappointment respectively. If they sound like bad news locations, it’s because they were.    Dismal Niche was a landing spot for Lewis and Clark and their discovery corp when they faced a fierce winter storm that sidelined them during the winter of 1805.  It was disappointing place indeed.  With a horrible wea
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Knackered is Tested with Benzos

Knackered is Tested with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here.  The beginning of our life’s ordeal with testing starts before we actually arrive on the scene.  It usually starts in the home bathroom setting, where the likelihood of our existence is derived via a test purchased either hopefully or in unbelief at the pharmacy.  Once that is determined and things are a ‘go’, we’ll be subjected to both exterior and interior tests to determine what condition we’ll present ourselves upon touch dow
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Knackered's Learning Curve with Benzos

Knackered’s Learning Curve with Benzos    Hey there.  Knackered here.  When I first found this site and logged in, I had an immediate connection with all of you.  I felt your pain and knew immediately that we had much in common.  This was not the case, when it came to the steep learning curve required to keep up with that special language of ‘Benzo vocabulary’. What’s followed has been a continual education when it came to ‘Benzo words’, that has taken much longer and is still going on ever
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Knackered Sorts Normal with Benzos

Knackered Sorts Normal with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here. It’s been said that normal is highly over rated. Yet the majority of us seek to achieve that end.  It’s true that being normal coincides with what type of pack we're running in.  It is probably the safest way of getting around in our society.  If you’re the weirdest of the flock,  they tend to bite you and attempt to drive you away.    Most of us here say that we just want to heal up and return to normal.  But yet, we’ll
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Knackered Sorts the Truth with Benzos

Knackered Sorts the Truth with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here.  Have you heard the latest?  It’s been reported that the Illumanati has sent an alien army of life force agents to attack the earth with kryptonic  transmitted laser guns.  All inhabitants are advised to don tin foil hats and go out only under the cover of darkness.  It must be true.  I read it on the internet.    Yes, conspiracy theories abound about most everything these days.  They come from all sources. some folks
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Knackered has Confusion with Benzos

Knackered Has Confusion with Benzos      Hey there, Knackered here.  It’s probably safe to say that most of us reading this don’t really know where we’re going until we get there.  If that seems like a strange way to think about this whole process, stop for a minute and reflect upon how we got to this point in the first place. There must be someone out there who researched the whole thing, talked to credible people who have already arrived, and made the decision to proceed.  You don’t
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Knackered Waxes and Wanes with Benzos

Knackered Waxes and Wanes with Benzos    Hey there.  Knackered here.  Did you see it?  It was quite the galactic event.  A once in a lifetime deal.  Alas, the knackered household was not on the path.  Actually, the only path I’m on these days is the one I share with you.  Nevertheless we did reach totality.  It happened in living color right in front of the T.V.  The only atmospheric conditions going on in our part of the world were the usual clouds and drizzle.    If you were in the r
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Knackered Shows Up with Benzos

Knackered ‘Shows Up’ with Benzos   Hey there.  Knackered here.  Woody Allen is famous for his take on life.  Probably his most appropriate quote for our purposes here is, “The most important thing in life is just showing up”.  Sounds easy until you really attempt it.  Of course, this implies that you’re out of  bed (not the easiest thing to accomplish for a lot of us).  But, it’s also quite likely that you’re already nowhere near the bedroom, having had another sleepless night. Pa
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Knackered Searches the Path with Benzos

Knackered Searches the Path with Benzos      Hey there, Knackered here.  Probably the most frustrating thing about this intrepid path we’ve chosen to follow is that we never really know where we’re at, where  the next pitfalls are, or if and when we’ll arrive safely.  An ancient Chinese proverb suggests that “A good traveler has no set schedule and doesn’t care about his/her arrival time”. That probably suited the era at the time, but would wreak havoc on our mental state nowadays.  Th
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Knackerd's Techno Goes Viral with Benzo

Knackered’s Techno Goes Viral with Benzos    Hey there, @[kn...] here.  It was a dark and stormy night.  The only light emanating into the room was from soft moonlight coming from a galactic orb in the sky.  Inside, Knackered crept carefully to the table and made for the chair.  An air of mystery was like a presence lurking about.  Carefully the laptop cover squeaked open.  He sat back, considering his options and without hesitation moved to quickly boot up.  A gasp can be heard as realizat
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Knackered Sorts His Marbles with Benzos

Knackered Sorts His Marbles with Benzos     I glanced at the calendar as I came down the hallway this morning and what I saw made my legs tremble more than they usually do at this time of the day.  It’s bad enough that the whole week starts with April Fools’ Day.  But, penciled in was a hamster wheel of stuff, none of which I really wanted to deal with.  My therapy appointment on Wednesday would be no big deal.  She seems to be the only one in the mental health department who likes me any m
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Knackered is Home Alone with Benzos

Knackered is Home Alone with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here.  Excuse me for a moment while I pause a bit and see ‘what condition my condition is in’(Rock song by First Addition circa ’67).  Breathing is a killer right now and the legs feel like jello.  Just rolled in from an airport run. Upon return, I installed the auto in the garage and staggered inside.  I dropped my wife off and got to come home.  Round trip is about 90 miles, which is about 85 more than I’m capable of.  The freewa
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Knackered Looks for Hope Among Benzos

Knackered Looks for Hope Among Benzos    Hey there. Knackered here. We spent most of the morning today running around town and dropping off gifts at my wife’s friends.  I really don’t have many left unless I count you guys.  That means a lot to me.  My wife doesn’t buy stuff for any of these people.  It’s all churned up out of the pottery studio in the basement and our own kitchen.  She’s done this kind of thing for years.  The local newspaper even did a feature article on it once.    
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Knackered Zooms with benzos

Knackered Zooms with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here. Getting in to see the Dr. used to be an all day commitment.  I can remember times when my mother would take snacks, books and allow us to bring along some small toy we were currently jonesing for and spending all morning gazing at the fish tank.  My brother and I often tried out our wrestling moves on the carpet in the children’s corner.  As long we didn’t mess with the other folks waiting, she left us alone.  I remember the standard
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Knackered in the Dark with Benzos

Knackered in the Dark with Benzos    If we’re really honest with ourselves, most of us can attest to the fact that, at this time, we’re not the sharpest tool in the garden shed.  In fact, total awareness, full cognition, acute sensibility and the like expired about the time we hit the halfway point on our taper.  Yes, if you’ve got the bucks and the wherewithal to find them, you can attend online courses in everything from positive thinking to weight loss through power eating.  Yes, multi t
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Knackered Steps Out with Benzos

Knackered Steps Out with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here.  If we’re honest about it, most of us really don’t want to go anywhere.  Left alone, we’re perfectly happy to roam the same household route every day: bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen.  Not always in the same order, mind you.  Sometimes it’s nice to change it up, just for variety sake.  And we wear pretty much the same benzo outfit all the time:  pajamas or sweats, leggings and flannel, depending on gender or if you really care at
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Knackered at the Dentist with Benzos

Knackered at the Dentist with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here.  In the beginning was the fear. And the fear led to anxiety and it was not good.  I’ve generally worried about most everything for my entire lifetime.  And, of course, it’s what got me started on the benzos in the first place.  Things were bad to begin with and then they sent me to school.  It was within walking distance or running distance depending on who was chasing me.  The boxer dog on the corner was the worst.  I was f
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Everyday life while tapering

Horse Power in the Hood with Benzos

Horse Power in the Hood with Benzos    Hey there, Knackered here.  My phone app tells me that our stint of sunny days is coming to an end, soon to be replaced by the Ides of March.  With limited time I decided to make the plunge:  I was leaving the house on foot.  Don’t get scared now, I didn’t plan to talk to strangers or do any jogging.   No, the real reason I’m on the move is not to hear the warbling of songbirds or the sweet breezes through the cherry blossoms, although there’s that too
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