Knackered Sorts the Truth with Benzos

   Hey there, Knackered here.  Have you heard the latest?  It’s been reported that the Illumanati has sent an alien army of life force agents to attack the earth with kryptonic  transmitted laser guns.  All inhabitants are advised to don tin foil hats and go out only under the cover of darkness.  It must be true.  I read it on the internet.

   Yes, conspiracy theories abound about most everything these days.  They come from all sources. some folks have received membership cards and pattern their lives in accordance with this stuff.  Most of us know people who won’t get vaccinations due to fear of implanted computer chips that will take control of their brains.  I wish they could inject me with something that would take control of my taper and flush the last morsel of benzo junk out of my body.  I don’t even care where it passes.

And it’s a godsend that we’ve found this place to unpack the crud that we question about the whole benzo thing, before our confused minds get even more polluted by information and programs that have been foisted upon us.

But there still remain a lot of things that have bothered my poor deluded mind and have kept me in benzo agony along with the physical symptoms that seem to never let go.

For quite a while I’ve been laboring under the illusion that I was addicted to  benzodiazepines.  That’s done quite the number on my self esteem.  I sat down with phone in hand this morning and stared hopefully at the stuff that I’d managed conjure up.  Apparently, drug dependency is defined as what causes tolerance and withdrawal.  We’re talking about the physical stuff here.  Addiction, on the other hand has more of a mental component.  You'd have the mental desire that causes compulsive drug seeking. Perhaps a good example is what happens when we think we need coffee. Yes, we might get a headache if we skip our morning cup or two, but that doesn’t mean we’re addicted to it.

I’ve taken benzodiazepines for thirty years.  Foremost in my mind since I’ve been told to get off this stuff has been anxiety caused by the idea that I’ve screwed myself up for life.  Scare tactics used by the medical community to get me going on a rapid taper led to my belief that I had to withdraw as fast as possible, due to the fact that I most likely already had dementia. Alzheimer’s would follow, and would get worse the longer I continued to take Benzos.  Studies in this area are widely inconsistent and researchers have found inconclusive results. This whole notion led to a rapid taper that left me in acute and caused me to have to up dose to get back on track.  The anxiety and panic that resulted have, no doubt, caused as much damage to my nervous system as the Benzos have. 

Another factor that has haunted me throughout this entire withdrawal process is that I probably will never ‘heal up’ after this is all over.  While it’s true that it’s harder to ‘get off’ both alcohol and heroin than it is benzos, the fact remains that people can regain their previous  good health after tapering off.  You need look no farther than the success stories right here on BB to know that others have made it and yes, the rest of us can too.  Symptoms and waves will can likely linger, but the ability to throw out the last Rx bottle of this stuff is within our reach.

In the meantime, there is much that we can do to help the process along.  Realizing the sensitive nature of the central nervous system is key.  Caution should  be used when ‘add on’ medications are offered.  Rather than diving in, see if your provider will allow a ‘sample’ prescription rather than a full month’s worth, before determining any additional benefit.

Lowering expectations for yourself can provide a reality check.  Be willing to give yourself a break.  Explain your situation to those in your family circle and friends who have probably already wondered what is going on with you. Explain your limitations to others.  Even if they don’t totally understand, you need to do it for yourself.  Listen to your body and seek ways to manage your fear and anxiety.  Self compassion will allow you to come through all this and emerge with some semblance of your former self intact.  And who knows?  You may actually live on to a new and better normal.