Knackered Looks for Hope Among Benzos

   Hey there. Knackered here. We spent most of the morning today running around town and dropping off gifts at my wife’s friends.  I really don’t have many left unless I count you guys.  That means a lot to me.  My wife doesn’t buy stuff for any of these people.  It’s all churned up out of the pottery studio in the basement and our own kitchen.  She’s done this kind of thing for years.  The local newspaper even did a feature article on it once.

   As we travelled around in a rain storm, you could still see tons of flowers coming up and leaves forcing their way out of branches in the trees.  The place looked pretty dead a few weeks ago; now that we’re at the spring equinox it’s all looking alive again.  

   People have celebrated this time of year for eons.  It doesn’t really matter where the archaeologists dig, it looks like it’s happened everywhere, every year of every century.  I don’t think any sect, tribe, ethnic group or political party can claim ‘dibs’ on celebrating the hope of new beginnings this season offers.  Many will, of course, dress up, go out, and meet together as a matter of faith. Amidst the pomp and circumstance we would do well to remember that the founder of our faith was a dark skinned, Mediterranean handyman who ran around with a sketchy crowd and spent the latter part of his life as a homeless transient.

   Folks who aren’t in the know about any of any of that still sing, dance, and eat big time with friends and family.  Many have their own special rites and their reasons for putting it all out there. The name Easter originally comes from the goddess Eostre.  She represents spring and fertility.  Folks celebrated her in a month that became known as Eosturumonath, which now corresponds to what we call April. 

   Whatever you make of it, you can’t help but hope for hope at this time of year.  Stuff comes up out of the ground; the fields are full of new lambs, calves, and ponies. 

   If you can find a clear night and escape the lights of the city you'll probably be amazed by new stuff in the sky that’s really always existed.  That’s kind of the way hope is.  It’s always been out there, somewhere.  We know it exists, but the crap storms of life keep it hidden and just out of reach for most of us.  And especially for those of us who, for whatever reason, have chosen to follow this path.  

   Our lives seem out of sight, fogged in by a plague of benzo tremors, neurological pain and weirdness that we can’t just wish away.  Probably, the best we can do is try to see through some of that and find out what’s going on on the ‘other side’.  You probably aren’t any where near the ‘jumping point’ in your taper, but you may have felt a bit better between waves today.  I even managed to eat a sandwich for lunch.  That’s not much hope for the average folk out there, but it certainly made me happy.  It’ s a huge step up from oatmeal.  I haven’t even gone to the bathroom in the whole time I’ve been writing this.  How cool is that?  

   Acceptance is a tough thing for me today.  Things just hurt way too bad.  Looking at the present moment is hard when we’re battling pain all the time. But somewhere, up ahead, the traffic will clear, someone will get back to you, or you’ll get a glimmer of insight that will brighten your day.  The weather might even change for a bit. While writing this, a monster hailstorm came through, darkening the skies and hammering the windows.  Darkness hit and I had to turn the lights on.  Then, out of nowhere, it was over and sun returned.  New sun, new birth, new hope.