Knackered is Home Alone with Benzos

   Hey there, Knackered here.  Excuse me for a moment while I pause a bit and see ‘what condition my condition is in’(Rock song by First Addition circa ’67).  Breathing is a killer right now and the legs feel like jello.  Just rolled in from an airport run. Upon return, I installed the auto in the garage and staggered inside.  I dropped my wife off and got to come home.  Round trip is about 90 miles, which is about 85 more than I’m capable of.  The freeway is not my friend any more and the airport never has been.  It reminds me of Pac Man on steroids (showing my age).

   Anyhow, here I am and here I’ll stay.   I know you’re probably thinking, what a lucky guy.  All that peace and quiet with nowhere to go.  Yeah, I thought so too.  The truth is I’m kinda scared to hang out by myself these days.  My wife took mercy on me and left food.  I do some cooking.  I’m best at warming leftovers up in the microwave, but I do occasionally use the stove.  Last time was two nights ago when I made a bowl of oatmeal.  Even put raisins in it.  It was like a whole special thing. Truth be known I wasn’t able to get food down that day and oatmeal is my ‘go to’ when I’m that way.

   No, food is not the issue.  Thing is you see, I’m going to have to be responsible.  And that scares me.  I’ve done it for an afternoon or two in the last couple years, but the benzo WD puts a whole other spin on things.  All I really have to do is show up for the day, but even that is can be quite the stretch.

   The dog won’t be a problem.  The guy is paranormal and comes and stares at me when I need to do things. Usually I just follow him to the front door, his food dish or to the pantry where the leashes are hung when it’s walk time.  I don’t think there are any bills to pay.  I posted the last one on the way back into down.  It was the drive up box, mind you.  They don’t have a handicapped parking space at the post office (ADA violation-big time).  I did take the garbage out this afternoon.  Had to walk out to the alley, open and close the gate; the whole bit.  

   I guess what’s going on these days is that I don’t really trust my capabilities any more.  It’s sad that its come to that, but you know how it is.  We never really know what kind of shape we’ll show up in.  Most of the symptoms are, of course, repeats, but you just never know.  Every once in awhile some weird wave comes through when you least expect it.  Question is: can you surf it or will you have to swim against the tide?

   I did fine on my way down (to the airport) but on the way home, my hands and arms started going numb???  I opened and closed my hands and shook my arms (one at a time of course) and that helped. Cracked the windows for fresh air.  But then my legs started to get all ‘jiggy’.   I couldn’t sit still and then on top of everything, my bladder started calling my name.  Sound familiar?  

   Well, there was no way I was going to turn off somewhere. Lord only knows where the next rest stop would show up and in the interest of better health, I wouldn’t darken the doorstep of a gas station bathroom.  Health hazard aside, you have to buy stuff first and gas is way over the top these days.  Crazy price gouging, ughh.

   I made it home of course and grabbed a water. Gotta hydrate you know.  Made my way to the bathroom and here I am.  Breathing is finally back to normal, but I’m far from it. (normal that is).  I’ve got to remember to pull the shades, turn outside lights on and indoor ones off.  It’s an early bedtime for me.  What about my pills though?  Geez, I wonder if the dog knows anything about all this stuff?