Knackered Zooms with Benzos

   Hey there, Knackered here. Getting in to see the Dr. used to be an all day commitment.  I can remember times when my mother would take snacks, books and allow us to bring along some small toy we were currently jonesing for and spending all morning gazing at the fish tank.  My brother and I often tried out our wrestling moves on the carpet in the children’s corner.  As long we didn’t mess with the other folks waiting, she left us alone.  I remember the standard procedure once we gained entry: saying ”Ahhhh”, having our ears checked out and breathing deeply while he listened with his hearing thing.  It was always a he, except for the she, the nurse of course.  Some of the Dr.’s even smoked while they discussed things with my mother.  

   Somewhere along the line things changed, and then changed some more to the point where we can now meet Dr. She or He in the comfort of our own homes.  This works most of the time in the behavior health realm, but fails badly if you have to present your screaming child with an ear infection or show some growth that just appeared since the benzo taper began.

   Nowadays, it seems like telemedicine is on the menu anytime I want it to be.  I had one today, but not at my request.  You see, I’ve been without a provider since Christmas as my previous one left for greener pastures and his successor is yet to appear.  Since then I’ve been making it up as I’ve gone along.  Apparently you’re not supposed to do that and when I had to reinstate 2mgs in early February, my medical compliance was called into question.  Since behavior health would not give me a new script when I ran out of the old too quickly, I was labeled a ‘drug seeker’ and told that no additional meds would be coming until I saw a provider.  Of course they had none to offer and so I went to my primary care provider to try again.  He said ‘nice try’, but accused me of Dr. shopping, illegal in our state, and sent me back to behavior health to see a provider, which, of course I did not have. Groundhog day.  I’m living it. 

   I’ve never been a quitter, even telling me ‘No” usually only serves to ramp me up to a higher level of defense.  It was time for this thing to go nuclear.  I have spent the last month, pestering the nursing triage with online messages and phone calls pleading my case.  I whined during my last therapy appointment and she decided to take things into her own hands.  Shortly after arriving home from our visit, the phone rang.  It was the administration and they had suddenly decided to become my friend.  No, they had no idea I was unable to see a provider, they were too underfunded to hire a substitute to pick up the slack and gee, they were so sorry.  When all this was over I was offered a reprieve: a small slice of telemedicine.  They even offered to pony up a new script if I was to present my face on the screen.  

   The big event finally happened early this afternoon and lasted about thirty minutes.  I booted up the laptop and followed my entry instructions.  It’s a bit of a job to introduce, expand on your medical history and explain what brought you to this point in five minutes before you turn things over to base command.  The whole thing went ‘OK’, but just.  I’m more or less being held hostage with future scripts.  I promised not to make but just one cut before seeing the new provider.  Not sure if and when that will occur.  I’ve got the gear and am ready to go on.  As for the new provider, her arrival is now bumped up to May.  Urge to……..?!!!  stay compliant? We’ll see about that.