Valium/Diazepam Support Group

[[so...]]

I just remembered that someone asked about my 8 doses of ativan. It's two 0.5 mg pills per day, but I cut them into quarters and take those every few hours. Probably sounds nuts but that was how I got down from 1.5 mg to .625 mg without adding valium. At that point, all hell broke loose, but for six months it was working (cutting 1/4 of a pill each month). I likely don't need to do that now that the valium is in my system, but it feels comfortable. Habit, you know.

[[Ju...]]

I...have become quite convinced that I and all of you will arrive safely to the other side of this raging river.  I am weaving a long long rope for anyone who needs help once I get to the other side.

 

I will not give up..................

 

Every post or PM I read from you mountainyogi, always makes me and many others I'm sure, feel so encouraged because what you describe as your stubbornness is also the part of you that is going to get you to the other side of this raging river. And thank you for weaving that long rope... and that you're going to be on the other side soon. Because for me and the other BBs who are new and only starting to cross the river just now, that rope may be the only thing we can feel in the dark moments. I have huge appreciation for you and your rope weaving. Thank you!

[[Te...]]

I just remembered that someone asked about my 8 doses of ativan. It's two 0.5 mg pills per day, but I cut them into quarters and take those every few hours. Probably sounds nuts but that was how I got down from 1.5 mg to .625 mg without adding valium. At that point, all hell broke loose, but for six months it was working (cutting 1/4 of a pill each month). I likely don't need to do that now that the valium is in my system, but it feels comfortable. Habit, you know.

 

Hey,  I just to do something like that, I split my 1 mg in 4 parts,  I take it at 8 am, 12 am , 5 pm and 9 pm.

It worked fine.

 

Tex

[[Ju...]]

Just been speaking with a BB about how grateful we both are to have the encouragement of the people on this site, and thought I'd share a little of what I wrote to her. Because although I've been having such a good window since I started doing the vodka titrations you all taught me to do, I knew that I would still get waves. The longer my window lasted, the more I began to dread the inevitable wave that would eventually hit.

 

And last night I took a nose dive and felt rotten and really anxious. My heart was racing and I felt sick, ...today I'm feeling better, but still nervous about tonight because nights are hardest for me. Fingers crossed.

 

Yeah. The waves still come but they're much shorter and less frequent than they were several months ago. But when they do hit, that's why this website is so valuable to have others who know what it feels like come alongside us. It's like learning to surf the waves instead of feeling like you're drowning. I fell off my "surfboard" last night but I'm not drowning like I used to, and that's largely because of you BB's, thank you 

 

[[Di...]]

Hi JustDo

 

I understand how you feel. The nights were always the worst for me too. Apart from getting some afternoon headaches if my taper was going too fast, or having anxiety and depression if my insomnia was bad, the days were usually okay... but boy oh boy those nights of insomnia were killers. The windows feel great, but when those waves hit it can be devastating.

 

There's no way around it I'm afraid, except patience and acceptance. That sounds like a broken record I know, but apart from doing all the things you know are right, like not going too fast and holding when you need to, there's nothing else you can do. Just stick with your plan and it will get better. I promise.

[Guest [mo...]]

Just been speaking with a BB about how grateful we both are to have the encouragement of the people on this site, and thought I'd share a little of what I wrote to her. Because although I've been having such a good window since I started doing the vodka titrations you all taught me to do, I knew that I would still get waves. The longer my window lasted, the more I began to dread the inevitable wave that would eventually hit.

 

And last night I took a nose dive and felt rotten and really anxious. My heart was racing and I felt sick, ...today I'm feeling better, but still nervous about tonight because nights are hardest for me. Fingers crossed.

 

Yeah. The waves still come but they're much shorter and less frequent than they were several months ago. But when they do hit, that's why this website is so valuable to have others who know what it feels like come alongside us. It's like learning to surf the waves instead of feeling like you're drowning. I fell off my "surfboard" last night but I'm not drowning like I used to, and that's largely because of you BB's, thank you 

Ms. Do, I notice a HUGE difference from the frightened lady who joined a couple of weeks ago.  You seem more confident, even in the face of a wave!  I have been doing your breathing exercise and I think it is helping. Keep on rocking little sister, you are doing it while helping others with great care and compassion :thumbsup:

 

[[Ju...]]

Thank you DiazPam and MountainYogi, that honestly means so much. Definitely comforting to read before I try another night's sleep.

 

And DiazPam yep that pretty much sums up exactly how my days and nights go when a dumb wave comes. Trying not to think about how many years this is going to take. That's why I made my nickname just do today. But thankfully now for every 2-3 days of "blah" I seem to have a week or more of "yay"

 

Mountain Yogi, thank you. I got a bit over confident last week with how I was going, and it's embarrassing to hear myself whinge about having hard days at 7mg when you're having a much harder taper on a low dose.

 

At night I feel nervous like a little kid who feels scared to go to bed because there's a monster in the closet, but I think anything is better than how I was doing earlier this year, having hallucinations about imaginary intruders and thinking that a walk to the letterbox was terrifying.

 

Thanks to you BBs I am doing better over all...even went on a train on Monday, sounds basic but I haven't been on public transport for months. So thank you for all your patience with helping me do this titration. I will officially be down to 7mg daily valium tomorrow!

 

Question: it's okay if I make double batches right? I mean, the other day instead of 1mg diaz and 1ml vodka into 100ml water I did 2mg, 2ml, 200ml so that I don't have to make a new batch every day.

[[be...]]

JustDo, you are a member of a great group of BB Welcome.   

[Guest [mo...]]

Thank you DiazPam and MountainYogi, that honestly means so much. Definitely comforting to read before I try another night's sleep.

 

And DiazPam yep that pretty much sums up exactly how my days and nights go when a dumb wave comes. Trying not to think about how many years this is going to take. That's why I made my nickname just do today. But thankfully now for every 2-3 days of "blah" I seem to have a week or more of "yay"

 

Mountain Yogi, thank you. I got a bit over confident last week with how I was going, and it's embarrassing to hear myself whinge about having hard days at 7mg when you're having a much harder taper on a low dose.

 

At night I feel nervous like a little kid who feels scared to go to bed because there's a monster in the closet, but I think anything is better than how I was doing earlier this year, having hallucinations about imaginary intruders and thinking that a walk to the letterbox was terrifying.

 

Thanks to you BBs I am doing better over all...even went on a train on Monday, sounds basic but I haven't been on public transport for months. So thank you for all your patience with helping me do this titration. I will officially be down to 7mg daily valium tomorrow!

 

Question: it's okay if I make double batches right? I mean, the other day instead of 1mg diaz and 1ml vodka into 100ml water I did 2mg, 2ml, 200ml so that I don't have to make a new batch every day.

The batch I make lasts for  4 days, I don't keep it beyond that.

 

You are re-claiming normal JustDo, and there will be a little fight about that-- but you will win. I believe on an energetic level, these pharm substances have an intelligence of their own, like, say candida, and it tries to manipulate and control the host.  For the last 3 years,  doctors have kept me on a constant stream of pharaceuticals.  Opiates>>Suboxone>>oh now you can't sleep from PAWS and feeling depressed and suicidal>>SSRI and Ativan.  Plus, they tried to convince before I started the Ativan that I needed an antipsychotic drug   These unsuspecting lapdogs(doctors) for the pharmaceutical industry are misinformed, unfortunately falling prey to their agenda.  I don't necessarily believe that a medical student sets out to do harm when pursuing medicine, but it's a club, and if one wants to make the big dollar, he or she must play the game according to the overlord's rules. 

 

I felt great for about a week on the SSRI, in fact euphoric, and then it stopped working---tolerance level.  They kept increasing the dose to get the same effect and my anxiety and suicidal ideation increased.  Now I say no to all drugs-- period. If a doctor misdiagnoses an individual with cancer and tells the patient he or she has 6 months to live, death will generally ensue. Why? We have been conditioned to believe that these people have the last word, the gospel truth of what is happening in the body. The body shuts down and believes the prognosis.  How did humankind progress throughout the ages successfully without SSRI's and benzo's?  I feel sometimes like I am being culled from the population and this drug and it's symptoms have me believing at times that I have no right to be here--pretty potent chemical?

p.s.

the monster in the closet and the fear of the outdoors, people, and traveling has nothing to do with you dear, it is the beast that is the benzo- created in a lab and packaged in pretty commercials on TV about how fabulous your life can be if you ingest their current designer drug for better sex, longer eye lashes, better moods, deeper sleep, fungus free toenails etc.

 

As George Carlin says:  It's all bulls#%&t, and it's bad for ya.......

[[Ju...]]

Yep, those chemicals definitely play with the mind. Takes whatever fears were already there and magnifies them, adds to them, makes them feel extremely real. I hate how at the deepest point it's so easy to lose perspective of which things are real and which aren't, despite thinking rationally before and after those dark times of panic.

 

But I learned from a lovely nurse the other day (who is amongst a small but vital group of medical staff who are trying to educate other medical staff about benzos) that this is because two totally different parts of our brain are doing those two roles: rational vs irrational, and just like the same traffic light can't be both red and green at the same time, our brains switch between rational and irrational on benzos, and even more so during withdrawl which sucks, but at least makes sense.

[[...]]

Hi guys! Long time no see. I feel bad for being gone so long. I've been doing relatively good. Cog fog's gone. Still have short term memory loss but much better than a year ago. GI problems. Any recommendations for that? I'm taking it nice and slow (.02ml). If I'm feeling bad, I'll hold. I know the s**** going to hit the fan when I get low but I'm just enjoying the sweet spot right now.

[Guest [mo...]]

Hi guys! Long time no see. I feel bad for being gone so long. I've been doing relatively good. Cog fog's gone. Still have short term memory loss but much better than a year ago. GI problems. Any recommendations for that? I'm taking it nice and slow (.02ml). If I'm feeling bad, I'll hold. I know the s**** going to hit the fan when I get low but I'm just enjoying the sweet spot right now.

Hi JWL, I had terrible belly issues to the point that I went to an internist thinking I had pancreatic cancer . I started taking pancreatic enzymes, at least a half hour before eating and that horrible pain I had in my upper left quadrant of my belly is 95% gone and the bloat has minimized quite a bit.  I think our GI system is really off from meds and digestion could use a little extra help with amylase and protease on board.  Research enzymes on Google a bit and see for yourself if any of the info out there resonates with you.

I hope you feel better

yogi

[Guest [mo...]]

Does anyone know why this taper gets so gnarly at these low numbers? Once I hit 2, a whole new myriad of symptoms has arrived.  My waves are no longer 4 days long but 2 weeks long with a one or 2 day window as a break.  My body is actually getting use to sleeping two hours a night and that is perplexing to me. I try to remain positive for my son's sake.  I was angry two nights ago in a heated disagreement with my husband and my son came up to me in the kitchen and said, "you know mama, it's the meds"---gulp.  How sad is this for this child to deal with a sick mother for so many years?  What control I must have to not strangle my ND for recommending this drug?! Do I have any recourse for allowing her practice(md, nd, joint practice) to put me on a drug that I was told by her, "is easy to get off, no worries"??

[[Al...]]

Does anyone know why this taper gets so gnarly at these low numbers? Once I hit 2, a whole new myriad of symptoms has arrived.  My waves are no longer 4 days long but 2 weeks long with a one or 2 day window as a break.  My body is actually getting use to sleeping two hours a night and that is perplexing to me. I try to remain positive for my son's sake.  I was angry two nights ago in a heated disagreement with my husband and my son came up to me in the kitchen and said, "you know mama, it's the meds"---gulp.  How sad is this for this child to deal with a sick mother for so many years?  What control I must have to not strangle my ND for recommending this drug?! Do I have any recourse for allowing her practice(md, nd, joint practice) to put me on a drug that I was told by her, "is easy to get off, no worries"??

 

mountainyogi,

 

I understand your frustration. Since dropping below 2 I too have had a rough go of it but I keep telling myself it will soon get better, I guess that's about all we can do. My relationship with my wife is also strained as she has no time for my problem getting off this med. I suppose I can understand her/their frustration with it.

You have come so far and you and I are closing in on the finish line so let's keep our dreams alive and plunge ahead. Your going to be fine and life will be Rosie again and relationships will blossom! 

 

Hugs:

 

ATU

[[Te...]]

Does anyone know why this taper gets so gnarly at these low numbers? Once I hit 2, a whole new myriad of symptoms has arrived.  My waves are no longer 4 days long but 2 weeks long with a one or 2 day window as a break.  My body is actually getting use to sleeping two hours a night and that is perplexing to me. I try to remain positive for my son's sake.  I was angry two nights ago in a heated disagreement with my husband and my son came up to me in the kitchen and said, "you know mama, it's the meds"---gulp.  How sad is this for this child to deal with a sick mother for so many years?  What control I must have to not strangle my ND for recommending this drug?! Do I have any recourse for allowing her practice(md, nd, joint practice) to put me on a drug that I was told by her, "is easy to get off, no worries"??

 

 

ATU,

What a kind words!  That

mountainyogi,

 

I understand your frustration. Since dropping below 2 I too have had a rough go of it but I keep telling myself it will soon get better, I guess that's about all we can do. My relationship with my wife is also strained as she has no time for my problem getting off this med. I suppose I can understand her/their frustration with it.

You have come so far and you and I are closing in on the finish line so let's keep our dreams alive and plunge ahead. Your going to be fine and life will be Rosie again and relationships will blossom! 

 

Hugs:

 

ATU

 

 

Atu,

Kind words!  I hope life will be Rosie again,  I'm in the same boat of yogi,  things are getting harder below 1 mg for me.

specially when I had some nice windows,  I'm trying to control the adrenal rush with  moo's cocktail.

 

Hugs to all BB

 

TEX

 

 

 

[[Al...]]

Does anyone know why this taper gets so gnarly at these low numbers? Once I hit 2, a whole new myriad of symptoms has arrived.  My waves are no longer 4 days long but 2 weeks long with a one or 2 day window as a break.  My body is actually getting use to sleeping two hours a night and that is perplexing to me. I try to remain positive for my son's sake.  I was angry two nights ago in a heated disagreement with my husband and my son came up to me in the kitchen and said, "you know mama, it's the meds"---gulp.  How sad is this for this child to deal with a sick mother for so many years?  What control I must have to not strangle my ND for recommending this drug?! Do I have any recourse for allowing her practice(md, nd, joint practice) to put me on a drug that I was told by her, "is easy to get off, no worries"??

 

 

ATU,

What a kind words!  That

mountainyogi,

 

I understand your frustration. Since dropping below 2 I too have had a rough go of it but I keep telling myself it will soon get better, I guess that's about all we can do. My relationship with my wife is also strained as she has no time for my problem getting off this med. I suppose I can understand her/their frustration with it.

You have come so far and you and I are closing in on the finish line so let's keep our dreams alive and plunge ahead. Your going to be fine and life will be Rosie again and relationships will blossom! 

 

Hugs:

 

ATU

 

 

Atu,

Kind words!  I hope life will be Rosie again,  I'm in the same boat of yogi,  things are getting harder below 1 mg for me.

specially when I had some nice windows,  I'm trying to control the adrenal rush with  moo's cocktail.

 

Hugs to all BB

 

TEX

 

Tex,

 

Hang in there, with each passing day you are getting better and better. Continue to go slow and just accept the sxs. Give them no thoughts of fear and they will leave quicker.

 

Your doing just great and you will be fine. Try not to let the hectic pace of the Christmax season to weigh on you. Just be in the moment and let time pass.

 

Man hug buddy!

 

ATU

[Guest [mo...]]

Thanks to both ATU and Tex. Yes my marital relationship is stressed too, but it was that way before I started my hellish path down the pharmaceutical ravage of my life.  I do have my boy and he is an incredible support for his mother, and he knows it.  He told me yesterday that he knows he is the one holding this family together and he is right---nine years old. I wonder if the monsters who pedal these drugs, whether it be the big Pharma cartel, or their M.D. lapdogs, are proud of the fact that this boy has been robbed of 3 healthy years of interaction with his mother? Or that he has witnessed me in a ball on the floor on numerous occasions hysterically non-stop crying for 2 hour bouts or witnessed un-controlled rage and depersonalization on a regular basis?

 

ok breathe....................................

[Guest [mo...]]

Does anyone know why this taper gets so gnarly at these low numbers? Once I hit 2, a whole new myriad of symptoms has arrived.  My waves are no longer 4 days long but 2 weeks long with a one or 2 day window as a break.  My body is actually getting use to sleeping two hours a night and that is perplexing to me. I try to remain positive for my son's sake.  I was angry two nights ago in a heated disagreement with my husband and my son came up to me in the kitchen and said, "you know mama, it's the meds"---gulp.  How sad is this for this child to deal with a sick mother for so many years?  What control I must have to not strangle my ND for recommending this drug?! Do I have any recourse for allowing her practice(md, nd, joint practice) to put me on a drug that I was told by her, "is easy to get off, no worries"??

 

 

ATU,

What a kind words!  That

mountainyogi,

 

I understand your frustration. Since dropping below 2 I too have had a rough go of it but I keep telling myself it will soon get better, I guess that's about all we can do. My relationship with my wife is also strained as she has no time for my problem getting off this med. I suppose I can understand her/their frustration with it.

You have come so far and you and I are closing in on the finish line so let's keep our dreams alive and plunge ahead. Your going to be fine and life will be Rosie again and relationships will blossom! 

 

Hugs:

 

ATU

 

 

Atu,

Kind words!  I hope life will be Rosie again,  I'm in the same boat of yogi,  things are getting harder below 1 mg for me.

specially when I had some nice windows,  I'm trying to control the adrenal rush with  moo's cocktail.

 

Hugs to all BB

 

TEX

 

Tex,

 

Hang in there, with each passing day you are getting better and better. Continue to go slow and just accept the sxs. Give them no thoughts of fear and they will leave quicker.

 

Your doing just great and you will be fine. Try not to let the hectic pace of the Christmax season to weigh on you. Just be in the moment and let time pass.

 

Man hug buddy!

 

ATU

so I took a look today at the 6-12 month post jump thread and became depressed, then went over to the 12-18 month thread and became even more depressed. These people do not seem to get better and 100% normal until about 20months out.  I will have missed almost half of my son's life...........................I am angry

[[Mi...]]

Ditto that. We are all angry. Wish I could turn back the clock and never take a benzo. And I fear the lower doses so much. I'm at 10.5 Valium and .16 Ativan. My stomach is so bad I have to force myself to eat. Fear starving to death as time goes on. Depressed as hell today. At least my son is grown and my husband is supportive. I try to be thankful, but when in the midst of depression, pain, panic, fear, etc., it's hard to form a positive thought.

 

Hang in there.

 

MirandaJane

[[be...]]

Oh Yogi, you are breaking my heart, I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time, and I know it is not just today, your struggles have been for

 

a long time. Mothers and their sons, and daughters, they have a way of giving so much, and that nine yr old, is loving you no matter what, and he is

 

your strength, and I know you hate to have him see you in despair, but that little boy is stronger than you think, he will bounce back from this as you

 

will too, he is a fine young man, right now, for he is protecting his momma, please know that I am not there, but I and  many here are silently holding

 

you in our arms and will stay with you, in our thoughts and you will always have a safe place in my Heart.

[[Te...]]

Thanks to both ATU and Tex. Yes my marital relationship is stressed too, but it was that way before I started my hellish path down the pharmaceutical ravage of my life.  I do have my boy and he is an incredible support for his mother, and he knows it.  He told me yesterday that he knows he is the one holding this family together and he is right---nine years old. I wonder if the monsters who pedal these drugs, whether it be the big Pharma cartel, or their M.D. lapdogs, are proud of the fact that this boy has been robbed of 3 healthy years of interaction with his mother? Or that he has witnessed me in a ball on the floor on numerous occasions hysterically non-stop crying for 2 hour bouts or witnessed un-controlled rage and depersonalization on a regular basis?

 

ok breathe....................................

 

Yogi,

Even though I have waves, I keep optimistic,  I'm thankful to ATU and others BB for such a support, their words are a rope that keep me safe.      I hope someone find a med for fear,  but with not addiction and second sx, 

we should hire a pharmaceutic genius to developed such med.

 

One doctor told me that beer is the solution, but I'm not  a drinker.

 

Germans drink beer every day

 

We'll see.

 

Tex.

 

 

[[so...]]

Sorry I was away for so long. I got back to work and have been getting a little more normalcy back in my life, so that has had my focus. I've kept up on the thread and my heart goes out to those who are struggling. Stay strong and remember that we will be BETTER for having gone through this. It is a part of our story and we can warn others to save them from going through the same.

 

I think I'm ready to make the jump and start cutting 1/4 of a 0.5 mg ativan every day. I just wish I could know that the valium would cover the WDs. It's hard to give up feeling good when you've finally got that back for at least part of the day. But you guys already know alllll about that. (((hugs)))

 

I've decided to switch doctors and hope for the best that they will support my taper plan. Unfortunately, my insurance makes me change PCPs without even meeting the doctor. But I am going to someone that my cousin, a nurse, recommends. Fingers crossed that all goes well. I'll be making that appointment Monday. So afraid they'll cut me off, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I wish I had an emergency supply. I wish I knew even one person who had some extra. But no good doctor should leave me with nothing. I have to have faith in that.

 

I also have an appt with a very good gynecologist for my ovarian cysts on Dec 17th. I'm scared but it's time. What can I do but go and face it?

 

That's about it for now... if anyone has any input on cutting the ativan, I'm listening. Probably going to do it on Monday, or if I'm feeling really brave, maybe tonight.

[[Al...]]

I have been quiet lately because I tend to do that when in a wave myself. I am in the midst of living through my art cut. This time around it hit me on day 6 but got really bad day 8 today. For the last 24-48 hours I have been suffering terrible muscle pain and tightness in my shoulders and back, this is a common sx I get hit with every cut but this time it was accompanied by horrible tooth pain. Last night I was constantly awoken with this pain. I took Aleve but alas it did little. Now early evening Saturday the tooth pain is starting to pass and quickly, I am thankful for that. I still have many muscle pains and some GI stuff but mostly managable.

I don't expect to be back to baseline until 11th or 12th, that is if this follows previous bouts of sx after cuts and there is no way of knowing.

As Tex has said, just try to remain positive, accept it and let time pass.

 

Have a great weekend everyone.

 

Peace & Healing to all!

 

 

ATU

[[Al...]]

Sorry I was away for so long. I got back to work and have been getting a little more normalcy back in my life, so that has had my focus. I've kept up on the thread and my heart goes out to those who are struggling. Stay strong and remember that we will be BETTER for having gone through this. It is a part of our story and we can warn others to save them from going through the same.

 

I think I'm ready to make the jump and start cutting 1/4 of a 0.5 mg ativan every day. I just wish I could know that the valium would cover the WDs. It's hard to give up feeling good when you've finally got that back for at least part of the day. But you guys already know alllll about that. (((hugs)))

 

I've decided to switch doctors and hope for the best that they will support my taper plan. Unfortunately, my insurance makes me change PCPs without even meeting the doctor. But I am going to someone that my cousin, a nurse, recommends. Fingers crossed that all goes well. I'll be making that appointment Monday. So afraid they'll cut me off, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I wish I had an emergency supply. I wish I knew even one person who had some extra. But no good doctor should leave me with nothing. I have to have faith in that.

 

I also have an appt with a very good gynecologist for my ovarian cysts on Dec 17th. I'm scared but it's time. What can I do but go and face it?

 

That's about it for now... if anyone has any input on cutting the ativan, I'm listening. Probably going to do it on Monday, or if I'm feeling really brave, maybe tonight.

 

solaceandpeace,

 

I also have thoughts that this is something we were meant to experience,..maybe even chose to experience prior to coming into this life. This is one tough lesson and we are being hardened for something I think.

 

I just want to say a few things about your plan. If you have been on the Valium for three weeks or more pit should be built up in your system enough to cover the Ativan cuts. Most do a timed staged crossover from A to V but if you have been on Valium long enough and make very small cuts with Ativan you should be ok. Remember Ativan us like ten times stronger than Valium so small cuts!

 

Hope you find Solace & Peace as with all of our brothers and sisters here.

 

Blessings!

 

 

ATU

[[la...]]

solace, did you just add in the 10mg of Valium all at once?

 

How are you dosing each drug now  I too am going to add in more Valium and then get rid of my .5mg Ativan

 

but haven't gotten all the valium in yet

 

I dose as follows

 

6:00am                        11:00am                        4:00pm                        10:00pm

 

2.5mgV                        .25A                                .25A                            2.5V

 

want to dose 3xs a day V to start and then go to 2xs

 

but need to add more V in slowly

 

was wondering how you were doing it