Rough day

[[In...]]

Day 6 or so of my latest really bad wave. Great reminder of what acute w/d was all about, I had nearly forgotten. What a great time for Thanksgiving to come around! Gathered up my pie, wife and kids. Took the keys from my wife and said the hell with it, I'm driving even with this raging DR. Made the 20 minute drive on the freeway with no problems. First couple hours were decent enough for a wave. Snacks, chit-chat, chasing my kids all over along with all the other kids.

 

Halfway into the day after playing some ball outside with the kids everything went to hell in a handbasket. The sickening, unsettling feeling that something is horribly wrong with your entire being came back again. And the weird feeling of your throat closing up and not swallowing right. Grabbed a piece of ham, threw it on a roll and started doing laps around the block. Felt nauseous and thought for sure I was going to get sick, pass out and die the entire walk. About an hour or more later finally came back and gritted through the festivities. 40 or so people. Tons of kids. My uncle brought his whole setup and played live with his guitar complete with singing. Somehow my heart rate calmed back down under 100 after those couple hours and I started to improve again. Thank goodness for coping techniques and the really intense bad bursts only lasting hours instead of days. Managed to get back to a place where I could do some more visiting and even another round of ball with the kids. Also took the keys and drove home.

 

Hope everybody had a bit better day than me, but I am feeling proud of myself for not asking my wife to drive us all home early or hiding outside for 3 or 4 hours. I took the best punch this w/d has given me in months and got myself back together enough to make it through and feel ok by the end of the night.

 

Screw you wave!

[[Sn...]]

Nice job fighting the demons of WD!  If only people knew what we were going through.  If anything this WD experience will make us stronger.  Just think what we will be able to do after we are thru this.  We won't be afraid of any situation. 

Someone could put a gun to our head and we will be able to laugh it off because really what we a re going thru now is much worse.

 

Hope you feel better soon!

 

Peace and Blessings

Snufi

[[...]]

Hope you feel better soon!

 

 

Fonz

[[Be...]]

Thanks for posting that.  It gives us all hope and motivation that it will keep getting better.

[[Ga...]]

thx inna cause sometimes i feel ok thn BAM that feeling hits me like im just gonna fall apart.

you carried on and was ok

[[In...]]

Thanks everyone! I hope this can help someone else try to push themselves when they feel up to it. Earlier in w/d if I would have been in this situation I wouldn't have made it the entire time. Would have left or hidden out.

 

So although things are still hard at times many months after jumping, it gets to a point you can settle down within hours or less and continue on with what you are doing sometimes. You won't always have to shut it down and call it a day at the first (intense) signs of trouble as you get farther away from the acute stage. 

[[Ma...]]

Tho sounded like a good post to me. Happy for you. Hugs.

[[he...]]

Took the bull by the horns!!! keep on keeping  on…...

[[Sv...]]

This wave is really tough Daze. Are you getting the feelings of euphoria in between the wave surges too?  It's amazing how it can alternate so quickly. Every time a surge hits I'm looking for some explanation. Did I just eat some sugar?  Drink caffeine?  What did I do wrong?

 

Gripping waves of irrational fear and paranoia?  The head pressure and headaches are insane!

 

It's just another rough patch and we have to go back to the basics used in acute. That's great that you went for a power walk around the block. I'm trying to get that exercise in early in my day. I had gotten used to drinking coffee and eating sugar again, but that may heed to stop.

 

I hope you managed to enjoy your Thanksgiving. Needless to say I don't think it's a good idea to brave the crowds in Black Friday!

 

Take care my friend!

[[Te...]]

Hang in there. I've been hit like that and it's just not much fun. Congratulations for hanging in there -- you WON the battle!

 

Well, we made it past Thanksgiving, thank goodness...

 

I hope this wave passes quickly!

 

Tex

[[In...]]

This wave is really tough Daze. Are you getting the feelings of euphoria in between the wave surges too?  It's amazing how it can alternate so quickly. Every time a surge hits I'm looking for some explanation. Did I just eat some sugar?  Drink caffeine?  What did I do wrong?

 

Gripping waves of irrational fear and paranoia?  The head pressure and headaches are insane!

 

It's just another rough patch and we have to go back to the basics used in acute. That's great that you went for a power walk around the block. I'm trying to get that exercise in early in my day. I had gotten used to drinking coffee and eating sugar again, but that may heed to stop.

 

I hope you managed to enjoy your Thanksgiving. Needless to say I don't think it's a good idea to brave the crowds in Black Friday!

 

Take care my friend!

 

I am getting weird thoughts and fears Svenhoak. Mostly the surges are DR, vacillating from moderate to super heavy. The swings throughout the days are much quicker, just as you mentioned. Some of the things like tight throat swallowing issues come for an hour or two, vanish for a couple hours then back again. I've been trying to work on some music the last several days but when I step away whatever I was working on loops and loops in my brain for hours on end.

 

Keep on getting out for those walks. Feels like I'll be taking 3 or 4 today. I am drinking a cup of coffee with spoonful of sugar right now trying to clear out this cog fog. Hasn't been working as well. This slice of leftover pumpkin cream cheese pie might not help either, but it's delicious! No shopping here today, unless it's on eBay. Going to hang out with the kids having a lazy day. Take care!

[[In...]]

Hang in there. I've been hit like that and it's just not much fun. Congratulations for hanging in there -- you WON the battle!

 

Well, we made it past Thanksgiving, thank goodness...

 

I hope this wave passes quickly!

 

Tex

 

Yep, we made it and won another battle. Hope your Thanksgiving was a little calmer than mine!

[[OM...]]

Innadaze, I'm sorry you had such a craptastic TG day. Good for you in pushing through it but damn, that had to suck massively.

 

I'm sorry you are in a wave and I hope it passes soon.

[[In...]]

Innadaze, I'm sorry you had such a craptastic TG day. Good for you in pushing through it but damn, that had to suck massively.

 

I'm sorry you are in a wave and I hope it passes soon.

 

Thanks OMGWTH! Ya, that was some really bad timing. All the commotion probably made things worse, but I wasn't aware of it bothering me so who knows. Then I came home to journal my story here on BB, clicked on the infamous Robbed "rubber balls" post and laughed and felt happy to end the day. Sliding back a bit now as the day goes on, crazy how fast this wave moves now. I got used to being pinned down by them for weeks, now the waves send me thrashing and churning around not knowing what to expect next! Enjoy your black friday!

[[dr...]]

Innadaze,

 

Same thing happened to me my friend. Headed out with my fiance to her mother's house for turkey day. I was feeling a bit dizzy from the damn vertigo wave that has hit me recently. Decided I wasn't going to let it stop me or I was going to die trying. First few hours were ok after some heavy eating and chit chatting with her family. I also was nursing a beer for about 2 hours. Then after about 4 hours I started feeling like I was going to pass out and felt so dizzy. I even started shaking and got the chills. But keep in mind I've had a beer or two before and it didn't affect me. Luckily by that time my fiance was already getting ready to leave. I managed to drive home fine and took a nice warm shower in hopes it go away. 45 minutes into sleeping, as it happened before, I woke up breathless, shaking and bp was off the charts. I felt so discouraged because I haven't had one of those episodes in a very long time. I'm glad I made it through thanksgiving alive but still feel discouraged that I'm in this for the long run. I'm still hoping that the one year mark will bring us some much needed relief. 

[[In...]]

Innadaze,

 

Same thing happened to me my friend. Headed out with my fiance to her mother's house for turkey day. I was feeling a bit dizzy from the damn vertigo wave that has hit me recently. Decided I wasn't going to let it stop me or I was going to die trying. First few hours were ok after some heavy eating and chit chatting with her family. I also was nursing a beer for about 2 hours. Then after about 4 hours I started feeling like I was going to pass out and felt so dizzy. I even started shaking and got the chills. But keep in mind I've had a beer or two before and it didn't affect me. Luckily by that time my fiance was already getting ready to leave. I managed to drive home fine and took a nice warm shower in hopes it go away. 45 minutes into sleeping, as it happened before, I woke up breathless, shaking and bp was off the charts. I felt so discouraged because I haven't had one of those episodes in a very long time. I'm glad I made it through thanksgiving alive but still feel discouraged that I'm in this for the long run. I'm still hoping that the one year mark will bring us some much needed relief. 

 

Ugh! Sorry you had to go through that as well DF2K 

 

The weak, shaky uncoordinated feeling that pops up is so annoying. Glad you were able to make it in one piece. On to another day and eventually some relief!

[[Sv...]]

These waves that started somewhere in month seven sure are short intense bursts. I'm really looking forward to this being over. It's just wave after wave of crushing anxiety, depression, fear and all the BS that comes with it!

 

Perhaps tomorrow we will be fully healed!

[[In...]]

These waves that started somewhere in month seven sure are short intense bursts. I'm really looking forward to this being over. It's just wave after wave of crushing anxiety, depression, fear and all the BS that comes with it!

 

Perhaps tomorrow we will be fully healed!

 

Yes, I'm getting so tired of walking, coping, breathing, surviving. Day after day with no clear end in sight. Hope the benzo gods give us a break from this soon. 

[[Co...]]

innadaze,

 

I had a few really bad moments yesterday also. I got through that. Slept ok. Then there was this morning. Nausea and anxiety. I cannot handle the anxiety. I second guess everything I do. My self confidence disappears. I hate it. I had a few errands to run and ran into a mob of black friday shoppers. Not good. I came home and am trying to settle my mind. I think I am just so tired of not being able to predict how I will feel on any given day.

I hope you feel better.

 

CC

[[In...]]

innadaze,

 

I had a few really bad moments yesterday also. I got through that. Slept ok. Then there was this morning. Nausea and anxiety. I cannot handle the anxiety. I second guess everything I do. My self confidence disappears. I hate it. I had a few errands to run and ran into a mob of black friday shoppers. Not good. I came home and am trying to settle my mind. I think I am just so tired of not being able to predict how I will feel on any given day.

I hope you feel better.

 

CC

 

That's great you were able to make it through the holiday CC! Sorry that it came back to bite you today. Yes, it's so tiring having this grab-bag of symptoms that continue to pop up day after day. No idea how we'll be feeling a couple hours from now. Makes it hard to live life, and I end up getting stuck in difficult situations with no choice but to grit my teeth and make it through. I'm so tired of surviving something or "making it through". I long to relax and enjoy an event in it's entirety. And to not suffer the following day or week. We will make it there someday CC 

[[Co...]]

InaDaze...wow...Mighty Man..Benzo Warrior....good on you!!....Your post has given me courage to see this through. 40 people and a live mini band!  I couldn't have managed that before benzos...One of my biggest fears through taper has been that I might have one of those panicky out of body 'I'm dying ' episodes in public. Like you I actually did have a panic while at my grandson's school...and like you I made it through without anyone really noticing it, other than the fact that I left the room for about 20 minutes. As odd as it sounds that was one of the most important events to happen in my taper. As awful as those 'dying ' episodes are...getting through one in public gave me confidence that I could get through one of the s/x that I feared the most.....So glad for you Daze that your wave ..as intense as it was,  was momentary and you were able to carry on...I also notice in your signature line that you c/Ted off of X....cant imagine ...I hope you keep posting here so those of us who are still in mid-aīr from jumps can follow your success. I am just getting ready to leap and have some days that resemble mid-taper. I feel that immediately after jumping is a very vulnerable time for risk of reinstating. We are blind sided by the return of s/x and even new s/x....stories like yours are vital to keeping us going...thank you ....cooperten

[[In...]]

Thank you Cooperten, I'm glad my experiences can help! Going c/t has been painful, no doubt. Probably would have done a rapid taper if I had known better but the klonopin never worked for me, only made me worse. The wave just won't stop, it's been around 12 days now. Still making it through each day waiting for a brighter one. Good luck with your jump, certainly don't want to reinstate no matter how bad you might feel. It is temporary and you will make it and start feeling better! 

[[Sv...]]

I was just about to email u Daze!  Isn't this wave "fun". 

 

I did get a couple hours of a window this morning. Which was grand!

 

Everything seems to have changed with this wave for me in terms of how I feel. It's not just status quo. I hope that means something in a positive way!

 

Be strong my friend!

[[In...]]

I don't know about your idea of fun Svenhoak, but this sure isn't mine! I had not seen you around and was getting ready to send a PM. That's wonderful you got a break this morning! Has your wave been getting milder these past few days or still having those intense bursts? Many other times I've followed you out of a wave just a couple days behind, hope that is the case again here with the window      Glad things are changing around in your wave as a sign different things could be healing now. I'm stuck exactly like my name describes, in a daze, and am only able to sit around hardly comprehending things or able to think clearly. Gonna jump up and down when this leaves again, it's coming up on two weeks straight. Take care! 

[[Sv...]]

The wave are incredibly intense. Makes me wonder about my underlying condition, and sometimes make me think I'm bipolar. I'm not though. And it's benzo withdrawal. It's hard not to question yourself, especially with doctors refuting our situation.

 

It's been two weeks now for me in this wave. I'm still pushing myself very hard though. Exercising hard. Using my SAD light every day. Practise lumosity every day. I've noticed my performance on lumosity has decreased lately. So I attribute that to the intensity of this wave.

 

Last night was my most intense wave yet. I thought I was going to the hospital. When I woke up this morning I felt maybe 75% healed or better. I can think through the benzo fog sometimes. It's like pushing through a barrier. Lots of head jolts for me.

 

I really believe this is our last big push before we get to a major step in recovery. It's a hunch, but I want to believe it!