Dang it!

[[In...]]

Another month, another wave. Sure enough I'm following right along with my Buddies who are 8,9,10 months along and getting yet another crappy wave here at just over 8 months. I thought it was DR from my new glasses prescription, but unfortunately that was only the start. Now the DR is getting much thicker, cloudy cog-fog thinking, anxiety ramping up, weird sensation of like adrenaline in my chest where I have to sit up because it is such a shock it feels like something terrible is wrong, and now the stupid shakiness in my limbs and feels like muscles all over are going to start jerking.

 

Never fails to freak me out when it comes back feeling heavier and heavier as the minutes go by. Seems like I'm on here every 2-4 weeks writing the same damn thing. Sorry about that. I'll probably continue until it is finally over and done with. Always makes me feel a little better to come on here and vent about this junk, like a making a little entry in my diary.

 

Hope everyone is doing well and seeing progress toward their recovery. I've lost sight of healing today. Can't wait to see what my new baseline is, it has been getting better with each wave that passes. 

[[Ga...]]

I have felt that, too innadaze. like min to min just getting worse.

 

it will go away.what a relief when its gone for good

[[In...]]

I have felt that, too innadaze. like min to min just getting worse.

 

it will go away.what a relief when its gone for good

 

Yep, it's like you are climbing the hill by your fingernails and then you feel the grip giving away and you just start sliding and sliding back down again. Faster and faster. I'll try to enjoy that relief even more when I get back to baseline. Maybe tomorrow, or maybe next week. Who knows!

 

How have you been doing these last few weeks Gardenia? I've not been able to read much about the progress of all my Buddies. Take care 

[[cu...]]

It's unbelievable...the number of waves. Just when I would think that things were improving, yet another wave with yet different symptoms. So obnoxious. Yet at 14 months out I struggle with two symptoms, akathisia and what I call the heebie jeebies, that feeling of utter dismay at the simplest of tasks. No new symptoms so I feel as though healing is taking place and that is what I wanted to share with you.

[[Ch...]]

Another month, another wave. Sure enough I'm following right along with my Buddies who are 8,9,10 months along and getting yet another crappy wave here at just over 8 months. I thought it was DR from my new glasses prescription, but unfortunately that was only the start. Now the DR is getting much thicker, cloudy cog-fog thinking, anxiety ramping up, weird sensation of like adrenaline in my chest where I have to sit up because it is such a shock it feels like something terrible is wrong, and now the stupid shakiness in my limbs and feels like muscles all over are going to start jerking.

 

Never fails to freak me out when it comes back feeling heavier and heavier as the minutes go by. Seems like I'm on here every 2-4 weeks writing the same damn thing. Sorry about that. I'll probably continue until it is finally over and done with. Always makes me feel a little better to come on here and vent about this junk, like a making a little entry in my diary.

 

Hope everyone is doing well and seeing progress toward their recovery. I've lost sight of healing today. Can't wait to see what my new baseline is, it has been getting better with each wave that passes. 

 

What a terrific attitude despite your misery!!  Someone else recently wrote 'It's like watching an iceberg melt'.  So true!

Challis 

[[Ch...]]

It's unbelievable...the number of waves. Just when I would think that things were improving, yet another wave with yet different symptoms. So obnoxious. Yet at 14 months out I struggle with two symptoms, akathisia and what I call the heebie jeebies, that feeling of utter dismay at the simplest of tasks. No new symptoms so I feel as though healing is taking place and that is what I wanted to share with you.

 

So well said, cuddlemuffin.  I saw major change around 15 months off and now at 19 months off I have had no noticeable waves for four months.

 

Challis 

[[In...]]

It's unbelievable...the number of waves. Just when I would think that things were improving, yet another wave with yet different symptoms. So obnoxious. Yet at 14 months out I struggle with two symptoms, akathisia and what I call the heebie jeebies, that feeling of utter dismay at the simplest of tasks. No new symptoms so I feel as though healing is taking place and that is what I wanted to share with you.

 

No new symptoms, that is wonderful! I'm still getting them here and there the past couple months. Some day it has to stop. Akathisia is a nasty one, sorry you still have that    Thank you for sharing how your progress has gone, it is helpful an encouraging to read!

[[In...]]

Hello Challis,

 

This is painfully slow. You are so right this is like a melting iceburg. Don't even notice until it's nearly done I guess. Wonderful to read you have felt better at 15 months and no waves for 4 months. It must feel like heaven! Keep going 

[[Te...]]

Gee, I'm just at six months. I have so much to look forward to! 

[[Ch...]]

Gee, I have so much to look forward to! 

 

Like the rest of your life benzo free…   It will be SO worth it, Tex.

Challis

[[In...]]

Almost back to acute w/d tonight. All the symptoms are piling on emotional swings, crying, despair, headache, mild breathing issues, weakness, shakiness, cog fog, worse and worse DR. Gonna be a real fun day tomorrow watching all the kids by myself....... Once again, forgot just how miserable this can all feel. Thanks for the reminder benzo Gods    Maybe I'll wake up feeling better tomorrow with that higher baseline, just in time for Thanksgiving craziness. 

[[ge...]]

I am also getting slammed. Wondering if it has to do with the stress of the holidays a little. 

[[Sv...]]

It could be the stress of the holiday. I know I felt rough at our Canadian thanksgiving last month. So sorry you're feeling rough Daze. I don't know what I'm feeling right now, but can't wait to feel better.

 

Take care,

 

[[In...]]

Hmmmm, suppose it could be the holidays. I'm not feeling worried about it. Kinda looking forward to it. All I have to do is make a Pecan Pie and meet everyone at my folks house. They are still going strong hosting the Thanksgiving festivities for around 40 years straight.

 

Ah well, even a cold breeze can throw me into immediate physical symptoms now so anything is possible.

[[Sv...]]

One thing I've been telling myself lately during a wave is that I'm feeling better and don't recognize what it's like to feel good after so many months of withdrawal. I almost believe it sometimes too

[[In...]]

One thing I've been telling myself lately during a wave is that I'm feeling better and don't recognize what it's like to feel good after so many months of withdrawal. I almost believe it sometimes too

 

I will make this my mantra this evening and however long this lasts. "I'm feeling better, remember acute withdrawal. I'm feeling better, remember acute withdrawal......."

[[pr...]]

Almost back to acute w/d tonight. All the symptoms are piling on emotional swings, crying, despair, headache, mild breathing issues, weakness, shakiness, cog fog, worse and worse DR. Gonna be a real fun day tomorrow watching all the kids by myself....... Once again, forgot just how miserable this can all feel. Thanks for the reminder benzo Gods    Maybe I'll wake up feeling better tomorrow with that higher baseline, just in time for Thanksgiving craziness. 

 

those benzo Gods are at it again huh? maybe we should just talk to them and see if they won't mind giving us a break? i like to think that the wave's are now the brain's way of doing a defragmentation like on a computer and after the defrag, all will feel good and clear again, baseline a little higher and then just gettin' ready for the next wave. until one day, it just doesn't come. i'm still in the heavily defrag stage myself. i'm just waitin' on a friend

[[Sv...]]

This wave is incredibly tough Daze!  I was up again all through the night sicker than a dog. This has been going on for two weeks now. And I can't blame thanksgiving.....

[[dr...]]

Innadaze,

 

We're just trekking along this nasty road aren't we bud? I too was doing good until I got hit with a nasty wave last week. Primarily because I got sick and had a bad sore throat. My dp/dr and vertigo became worse as well. Yesterday it began to calm a bit. This withdrawal phase is so damn non linear I tell you. Keep fighting and moving forward. We're all in this together until we reach the top again!

[[In...]]

Almost back to acute w/d tonight. All the symptoms are piling on emotional swings, crying, despair, headache, mild breathing issues, weakness, shakiness, cog fog, worse and worse DR. Gonna be a real fun day tomorrow watching all the kids by myself....... Once again, forgot just how miserable this can all feel. Thanks for the reminder benzo Gods    Maybe I'll wake up feeling better tomorrow with that higher baseline, just in time for Thanksgiving craziness. 

 

those benzo Gods are at it again huh? maybe we should just talk to them and see if they won't mind giving us a break? i like to think that the wave's are now the brain's way of doing a defragmentation like on a computer and after the defrag, all will feel good and clear again, baseline a little higher and then just gettin' ready for the next wave. until one day, it just doesn't come. i'm still in the heavily defrag stage myself. i'm just waitin' on a friend

 

I love this description. Our brains are repairing themselves in tiny little chunks, bit by bit, rearranging and getting back to the factory setting    I wish there was a "safe mode" we could be put in so we wouldn't have to feel it while it was happening. Or better yet the function where you can type in a date and restore the system to how it was that day! We could all type in the day before we took that first benzo.

 

Haven't seen you posting as much pretty, hope that's a sign of good things and that you are feeling better. I know you've had such a difficult time and I'm always looking forward to hearing about you making a breakthrough. What a success story it will be when we get to read yours 

 

Svenhoak,

 

Sorry to hear it has been such a long wave for you buddy. Two weeks was nothing the first few months off but now at over 8 months off that is pretty long for a wave. Are you vomiting and getting headaches and things like that keeping you from sleeping? Guess I'll prepare for my wave to be here awhile. Keep us posted on how you are coming along, some good times are just around the corner for you I'm sure!

[[In...]]

Innadaze,

 

We're just trekking along this nasty road aren't we bud? I too was doing good until I got hit with a nasty wave last week. Primarily because I got sick and had a bad sore throat. My dp/dr and vertigo became worse as well. Yesterday it began to calm a bit. This withdrawal phase is so damn non linear I tell you. Keep fighting and moving forward. We're all in this together until we reach the top again!

 

Oh wow, you too DF2K? I thought you were getting really close to being healed once your chest tightness and breathing stuff went away. It all keeps rolling along, leaving and coming back just when you think it's getting better for good. Maybe it will be your final wave and you can write a success story for us! 

[[mr...]]

I have read about people that suffered horribly for 10 months and then, every symptom just stopped.

Just completely went away without a trace.

I remember someone having this right after taking a dump...sorry for the description...and the symptoms were gone for good.

It is all so strange with no real time lines for people to follow which makes things hopeless.

However, we all heal and go on to recovery, so TIME cannot be overstated.

 

[[In...]]

I have read about people that suffered horribly for 10 months and then, every symptom just stopped.

Just completely went away without a trace.

I remember someone having this right after taking a dump...sorry for the description...and the symptoms were gone for good.

It is all so strange with no real time lines for people to follow which makes things hopeless.

However, we all heal and go on to recovery, so TIME cannot be overstated.

 

Thank you mrtmeo, I always enjoy reading your messages. I am fine with letting the time pass. It would be so much easier to know when it will be over and we could mark the days off one by one on the calendar. But there is no calendar, only success stories to hold on to. What a wonderful feeling it would be to have everything just magically stop one day! Hope your mother is well, take care! 

[[Ch...]]

For most of us who suffer in benzo withdrawal, recovery is more of a 'three steps forward, two steps back' deal… lucky and rare is the person who instantly heals.  Recovery is about nerve regeneration of the central nervous system and that takes time.  Never hurts to have high expectations, however…the mind is a magical thing. 

 

Challis 

[[mr...]]

I have read about people that suffered horribly for 10 months and then, every symptom just stopped.

Just completely went away without a trace.

I remember someone having this right after taking a dump...sorry for the description...and the symptoms were gone for good.

It is all so strange with no real time lines for people to follow which makes things hopeless.

However, we all heal and go on to recovery, so TIME cannot be overstated.

 

Thank you mrtmeo, I always enjoy reading your messages. I am fine with letting the time pass. It would be so much easier to know when it will be over and we could mark the days off one by one on the calendar. But there is no calendar, only success stories to hold on to. What a wonderful feeling it would be to have everything just magically stop one day! Hope your mother is well, take care! 

Thank you inna,

I was considering a situation where my cousin had surgery and they gave her a benzo after which caused her oxygen to desaturate.

It took 4 days for her oxygen to go back to normal.

So, I was thinking that maybe we could deduce 4 days per day (for each day on the drug) til we heal, depending on how many days we took the benzo in a year.

It wouldn't work to count the pills in more than one year, but maybe in one year.

I think the half lives would come into play after a year.

This is just something I have been using to see improvements with my mom, but really has no science behind it.

 

I'm hoping that my mom's breathing will back to normal in 204 days from June 2, 2013.

 

I sure hope u start feeling normal again soon.