The Xanax Club, Let Us Know How You Are Feeling Today

[[La...]]

Here comes some honesty, as it looks like we have more in common than what we're going through now. Myself, I kicked coke twice and fully know I do not have another recovery in me from that and had two sinus surgeries because of it. Honestly, when this whole ordeal began back in August of '12, I thought it would be a cake walk after what I've been through. I figured maybe a few weeks of feeling low or off beat. I only was taking .5 mg at night and not once, not once did I ever abuse xanax. I was into uppers like coke, even dropped acid in my days. But it's been herb only now for 15 yrs. I never smoked nor shot coke, but justified my use because I only snorted it and had to stop when my sinus' plugged up. I fully know it's far behind me, as the last line I did was in 1997 and I honestly have not looked back.

 

I am living in a medical mj state and do have my card for my back and it really helps with the depression and anxiety too that I'm going through in this ordeal. As for the fear, I've dealt with tons of it in my life too. I grew up in an abusive household (my father), and feel that any man who thinks he has the right to hurt a woman or child should be hung by their jewels. However, a woman should not be abusive either and I've seen that side before myself. I have zero tolerance or compassion for abusers and am sorry you've had to live that.

 

Never heard of a latex bed...? I know my foam mattress rocks for my back !

 

Hope you have a great night and sleep well.

 

[[va...]]

So, we do have more in common.  Bodybuilding, inversion tables, now this.  We seem to have a lot in common, frankly.    My bottom with coke, let's just say, I didn't just snort it and it wasn't pretty.  I got clean in 1989, right after I moved to LA and got into the music business.  (I know, how ironic, right?)  I also experimented with a lot of drugs, hallucinogenic plants being my favorite, like mushrooms and peyote.  I quit everything I've ever done CT and I'm angry I can't just do that with xanax.

 

I wish mj was legal here, but it's not.  I've tried smoking it a few times over the years to help with my pain, but I absolutely hate the way it makes me feel, I get extremely paranoid.  So, if it was legal, I imagine I'd be able to buy a low thc/high cbd strain and I wouldn't have that problem, or I could just buy the oil.

 

My last relationship, it wasn't abusive in the physical sense, but I did have my soul killed, and then he turned around and accused me of being abusive, but he thinks all women are abusive.  I'm not kidding.  And you wouldn't believe how well I treated him.  He has no clue how good he had it. 

 

Latex comes from the rubber tree.  It's all natural, unlike other foams which are made from petrochemicals.  They tap the trees to get the liquid out, and it's a sustainable resource.  They don't cut the trees down; they can harvest latex for up to 30 years from one tree, then they replant them.  Latex mattresses have been around for a very, very long time.  There are people out there who have had a latex mattress for 50 years and still say they sleep very well and haven't broken down.  I actually have a latex mattress now, but it's a Sealy, and it's not all natural latex.  It's a mixture of natural latex and synthetic latex (meaning, it's mixed with petrochemicals) and I'm not even sure if it's all latex, or if it might have layers of other kinds of foam in it (some manufacturers do that and then say it's all latex when it isn't, I don't know how they legally get away with that).  I wanted a real, all natural, organic mattress this time, even though they're more expensive.  I imagine if I'd spent the money last time I would still have a great mattress.  Also, the company I bought from allows you to make your own layers (according to firmness and softness) and you can unzip the cover and switch them around.  So if the top layer wears out eventually, you only have to replace that one layer, instead of the whole mattress.  They also don't use any fire retardants in the fabric covers, it's all organic cotton and natural wool, which is a natural fire barrier.  I can send you information if you're interested in learning about them.  (I feel like I'm giving a sales pitch.  lol)

 

Anyway.  Have a good one.

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hello there K and here's hoping you're having a wonderful day. Lol, about the mushrooms, as they're really good for depression when taken in mirco amounts. Never tried peyote but the shrooms were nice. As for the mj, there are two specific kinds, indica and sativa. An indica is superb for anxiety when grown and harvested properly. It'll relieve thee worst anxiety within 3-5 minutes of smoking. The other, sativa is racey and can induce anxiety. It's really good for depression though and getting out of the rut. They are opposites in effect and how they work. I do believe there are no thc oils available now that are cbd only and no law against those.

I'm aware of rubber and such, but wasn't aware of actual latex beds, per-say. So they last longer than a conventional foam mattress ? I'm all about bang for my buck and how you speak of them makes me want to know more.

 

My day is now getting better since the depression is letting up and the anxiety is dwindling. Had one challenging day if I say do so myself. Let's begin with last night when my toilet plugged and I wasn't able to plunge it out. Don't own a snake, so I was w/o a toilet all night. Slept very little (2-3hrs), and went n got a snake this morning and it didn't work going down the shower as is recommended, then the anxiety set in. Then I got and used a longer snake, to avail. After that, I pulled the toilet and went down that way and between plunging it and snaking it, I got it opened up. HUGE relief, as a weekend plumber around here isn't gonna happen. I then replaced the toilet, mopped the floor and am beginning to relax some. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that if it had been a week or two ago, I would have been defeated. I am coming out of it, so slow, but I am seeing it happen. Three steps ahead and two steps back.

 

Glad I grilled extra last night and even have a choice of a NY strip and or bbq chicken legs. This has been one of the first days that began with what felt like tragedy and is smoothing out nicely. Usually when they begin running amuck, they only get worse with the anxiety and depression. I have now overcome both, but I did smoke one to help.

 

Hope you have a great evening

 

[[La...]]

Then today pulls a flip flop on me and I'm being inundated with depression. Been from tears and not thinking clearly, to the feeling as if my head is under water. I'm getting slammed this afternoon too. The depression is at a level where the next step are the bad thoughts that I won't even go into. I actually talked to a friend about taking all my ammo out of the house. Not that I think I'd do anything, because as a Christian, I do not believe suicide as a way out. Although I've been to a point in my mind where I justified it as passing onto my next life and merely leaving this one behind. Now, that's out there. I've promised a friend I'd call if I ever got that bad again. Scary thing is Robin Williams had his wife in the very next room. This is out there today. These are only thoughts and as long as they remain that way, I'm Ok. It's if they turn into feelings of having to do something that I've been told would be of concern.

[[La...]]

Wow, was I out there yesterday afternoon. I'm not doing good this morning but at least it isn't like it was. I'm very uncomfortable and my mind is racing, yet I'm tired. When I first woke up, my body was sweating I was so hot and now the chills are setting in. I'm feeling frightened.  It's as if I cannot think of what I want to write. Wish I had someone to talk to so early in the morning.

[[va...]]

Lakeside, check your pms.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Hi K, I just did and thank you. Man, this morning has been a hellish beginning to a day. I woke up around 5 or so and tried to get back to sleep, but couldn't. Finally got up and was I ever out there. It's thee most distant I've been since it all began. I didn't have that "attitude" that comes with depression, nor did I have the fear associated with anxiety, but it was an extremely distant feeling I've not had and hope not to again. I wished there had been someone to call so early though, it was like being in a different realm. My mind is better now, however there's this odd feeling I'm not able to pinpoint.

[[La...]]

.....and the wave continues. Found out the hard way that my equilibrium is off. Was pushing a wheelbarrow load of bricks and hit a little dip and I ended up on top of the wheelbarrow balancing for a few seconds before it came down back towards me vs taking me over the top and landing on my head. Then I went to move my motorcycle in the garage and nearly tipped it and myself over a few times. My mind is racing and it won't slow down. My brain also feels as though it wants to rest/sleep vs being awake. I'm alert, yet I'm unresponsive. This wave is extremely taxing and pulling me in so many directions. I have a slight tremble to my upper torso, arms and hands right now. What I don't have are the F it's. I don't like using those words, but it's what it is. I'm slightly above that miserable depression, as I've been pushing but am seeing my limits. It can't be but  35 degree's outside and when I came inside, I was sweating.

[[La...]]

Early this morning proved to be more intense than yesterday was. I woke up about 6:30, after around 6 hrs of sleep and was I out there. Surely wasn't myself nor was it like I was in my own home. I was pretty rattled for a while and then decided to go to town and get dog food. I just had to get out of the house and it helped. I get back home and find myself thinking about what I should be doing, but having zero energy to do it. At least I'm not rattled and that's a plus. But this distant, out there, unsure, confused feeling isn't any fun.

[[va...]]

{{{{{{{Lakeside}}}}}}}

 

I'm here if you need me. 

 

Namaste brother.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

Good morning and it is ever so slightly better. I got about 5- 5 1/2 hrs of sleep last night and woke up promptly at 5:30. Tried going back to bed, but that wasn't happening. I'm out there, but not as full of anxiety/fear this morning. I'm feeling a bit blue, but was still able to get out and go for a nice walk with my dogs in spite of the chilling cold now, brrr. On a scale of 10 and my last days being 6-7's, this is a 4. So it's manageable alright.

 

Hi K and thank you. It was a day where I was very restricted in what I could do. Hopefully it won't be as bad, like this morning is going. Part of me feels like I could go right to sleep, yet the other part of me is going zippity do dah. At least when I got up, I felt like I was in my own house this morning. I always welcome e a step in the right direction.

[[va...]]

hey Lakeside.  I'm glad to hear you got some sleep and are feeling a little better.    I wish I could do the walks, but I don't think my back will allow anything much other than just walking around the block, if even that, but that would at least be something, so I think I'll try to start doing that again.  If it turns out to be too painful I'll stop.

 

I finally got a decent nights sleep last night, after several days with little to no sleep at all.  I took a flexeril, not thinking about whether that was a good idea and whether it would affect my taper, until after I had taken it.  Then it was too late to worry about it.  I don't believe flexeril is a benzo though.  So I'm hoping I'll be fine.  I feel pretty exhausted this morning, but I have things to do today that I've putting off because of not having any sleep.  Sooooo...

 

Anyway.  Have a great day!

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[st...]]

Hey guys,  just need some advice on how to get off 1mg xanax asap! My sig says it all. Im so disappointed in myself

[[va...]]

starfish, you are on a smaller dose than I was when I began my taper, but I checked with others here who were tapering or had finished tapering from xanax (specifically) to see what they did.  Most people would cut every 7-14 days.  IOW, some people cut every 2 weeks, some every 10 days, some once/week.  I decided to cut every 10 days or so, but I gave myself a little flexibility, so ended up cutting between 8-12 days apart.  (I started out on 2mg/day).  I myself dose 2/day, once in the morning and once at night.  I give myself a window of about 3 hours, so I'm not strict about dosing at the exact same time every day..

 

I would suggest getting the .25mg pills, as they're easier to quarter when you make a cut.  Each quarter is approximately .0625mg, which is what many people who taper from xanax cut at.  (I hope I'm making sense.)  If you make out a schedule, it might look something like this...

 

Cut every 10 days.  Start at 1mg. 

1st cut -.0625 = .9375mg.

2nd cut - .0625mg = .875mg

3rd cut - .0625mg = .8125

4th cut - .0625mg = .75mg

5th cut - .0625mg = .6875

6th cut - .0625mg = .625

7th cut - .0625mg = .5625

8th cut - .0625mg = .5

9th cut - .0625mg = .4375

10th cut - .0625mg = .375

11th cut - .0625mg = .3125

12th cut - .0625mg = .25

13th cut - .0625mg = .1875

14th cut - .0625mg = .125

15th cut - .0625mg = .0625

jump

 

The amount of time it takes you depends on how often you want to cut.  Many people start cutting faster as they get lower in dose.  I hope this helps.  If anything is unclear, just ask.

 

Namaste.

 

~K 

[[La...]]

Hi starfish, I did a c/t and so wish I had known of the ramifications from not doing it. Looks like you've been tapering alright thus far. Just don't cut to much to soon is the key.

 

Hi K, flexeril eh ? Dunno anything about it. But glad you got some sleep. I sooo remember the days...well nights of none to 1, maybe 2 hrs is all of sleep and for weeks/months. Are you taking any vita C ? It helps with cortisol and I take 1,500 mgs in the evening with chelated magnesium and zinc. And thank you for the well wishes, as this has been my best day in weeks now. Wish I could pass it onto you.

 

[[va...]]

Lakeside, no, I'm not taking vit C.  I sometimes take a whole food multi-vitamin and a superfood powder, but not specifically vit C.  I'll have to get some and try it. 

 

I usually take 5htp to help me sleep, but every time I've been to the health food store recently they were out of the brand I like, so I haven't used it in over a month.  FINALLY got some earlier today.  A few people have mentioned GABA, and I'm almost out of theanine, so I picked up some theanine earlier that also has magnesium (which I also take), taurine, gaba and holy basil in it.  It's called Theanine Serene by Source Naturals.  I hope it works. I keep hearing contradicting stories about how certain supplements affect different people, so it seems to be a crap shoot.  For awhile I was drinking Yogi bedtime tea, and it made me really sleepy and helped me get a good nights sleep.  Now, nothing.  I might need to lay off for a few weeks and then start back up and see what happens.  I think I develop a tolerance to things after using regularly.  Or, it could be my system is just screwed up. 

 

Flexeril is a muscle relaxer.  I don't really like to take muscle relaxers, but have to every once in awhile because my neck will freeze up.  So I take them for one or two nights, and then it's better.  I haven't taken one in a very long time though.

 

Finally got a few things done today that needed doing.  So yay me.    My new mattress is supposed to be here sometime tomorrow, but the foundation isn't scheduled to arrive until Monday, so I'm really bummed about that.  Anyway.  Hope tomorrow is a good day for you. 

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[Bu...]]

Almost done.  One more cut.  Last cut was fine.  I didn't have any symptoms.  In fact, I felt pretty darn good.  From day one on this cut I'm feeling like shit.  I have enough pills to hold until this passes.  Cutting .126 in half is hard, doesn't seem to be too even, ha, ha. 

[[th...]]

Almost done.  One more cut.  Last cut was fine.  I didn't have any symptoms.  In fact, I felt pretty darn good.  From day one on this cut I'm feeling like shit.  I have enough pills to hold until this passes.  Cutting .126 in half is hard, doesn't seem to be too even, ha, ha. 

 

Yay!!!!

 

G

[[va...]]

Almost done.  One more cut.  Last cut was fine.  I didn't have any symptoms.  In fact, I felt pretty darn good.  From day one on this cut I'm feeling like shit.  I have enough pills to hold until this passes.  Cutting .126 in half is hard, doesn't seem to be too even, ha, ha. 

 

Right on Bunny!  That's awesome. 

 

Namaste.

 

~K   

[[La...]]

This is a tough one this morning. I woke up at 5:30 after having fallen asleep watching tv and going to bed around 3:00 or so. Having the chills and near sweats too...... I texted my sister a few minutes ago and she just called and we spoke for about 5 minutes. That little conversation really helped to settle my mind from all the panic. Now my mind is back to wondering and racing but at least it isn't full of panic and dismay. I'm cooling off and almost chilled now. This is just unreal is what it is. So far out and getting hit like this.

[[La...]]

This is just ridiculous, it's a total repeat of days past. I've been awake since 5:00 and it's now 6:30 and I'm just getting to where I'm functional from the anxiety. Was nearly in a panic attack when I woke up and was flying ! It's now 6:30 and I'm still flying, but without all the intense panic now. I still feel extremely insecure and uneasy, almost scared. My mind wanders so easily, it's even difficult to focus to type. I had woke up around 3:00 or so and took 10 mgs of buspar and just now took another 15. That's all I'll take until noon now and hope it gets to working here soon. This is just insane.

[[Bl...]]

I am sorry you are suffering Lakeside. The morning anxiety is a bitch, that is for sure. And I think it builds upon itself the more we have it. It is almost like we become fearful of the fear it causes us, thus compounding the intense feelings. Have you found anything that has helped you get through this time besides medication? There is a simple technique I have heard of. It is called "switching the channel". Easy to say, but hard to do. It involves changing what we are thinking about to something more peaceful or productive. It means moving away from the anxiety and fear, not only in mind, but in body.

 

I have found that when I am in an anxious, fearful state of mind, I feel like I will be there forever, which I never am. So what helps me is that when I am feeling good, I make a note of it. I "read" this note when the bad stuff comes around that makes me uncomfortable.  It helps me remember I will feel better again and that this state of mind and body is only temporary.

 

These are just my thoughts. If they help, great. But if they do not "speak to you", I am not offended.

 

Blue

[[La...]]

Hi Blue and thank you. This morning anxiety is pretty intense. Not to the point of deep breathing, but pretty close. I like your idea, thank you. What I have been trying to do when I get like that is talk to someone. I find talking takes my mind away from the anxiety/fear/worry, as I'm concentrating on a conversation. Within 5 minutes and I'm usually good. But, when it's O dark thirty in the morning and there isn't anyone to call....I'll follow your idea now. It helps to get my dogs out and walk too. My boy Eqyu, (E Q), knows me as well as I do, maybe better. In the midst of my worry that I was in, he came up to me and pushed himself abruptly against me. That's one his ways of letting me know it's time for a walk. I eagerly took him and Yuri out and that helped quite a bit too. It got me to church and that was so nice. I've missed the last couple weeks because of this morning hell that can be so crippling.

 

Thank you for stopping by Blue, very much appreciated.

 

[[va...]]

I cut again a few days ago.  I'm now down to .5625.  YAY!  So I'm guessing somewhere around 8-9 more weeks.   

 

And I finally got some sleep.  I slept for 1 1/2 days straight, without waking up.

 

Lakeside, my thoughts are with you.  Check your pm. 

 

Namaste.

 

~K

[[La...]]

Oh my, 1 1/2 days of sleep ? Wouldn't that be sweet and am I ever jealous ! My dogs surely wouldn't allow that, lol. Won't be long now and you'll be free of it. I'm happy for you and to think you're getting such good sleep.

 

Got the message and thank you. Hope there isn't any early wake up with panic, but if there is......