13 months off.....want to give up

[Guest [St...]]

Hi 2Writerlou

 

Chipping in late, but sending heaps of healing vibes.  When you are alone in the night, do you have a  pet you can have with you or even a giant teddy bear?  Just having something to 'cling' to or 'stroke' seems to help me. 

 

Think about how far you have come - across many deep and unforgiving waters, over mountans and treacherous grounds, the end is near..... I hope that some day very soon you awaken fully healed.

 

StaffyGirl x

[[os...]]

 

You are stronger than you think.

 

 

 

[[Ne...]]

I have to stop isolating and trying to control this myself, it doesn't do me or anyone else any good.

 

Hello Lou, I, too, am badgering myself with the same sentence...yet, here I am ditto-ing you...unable, no, just so undisciplined that I do not DO anything about it.  Some of the inertia must come from so many months of minimal sleep..last night two 2hour segments...plus a nightmare or two thrown in. The bottom line, however, is that I am alone and lonely.  Well, it is still morning here so maybe just by acknowledging this ridiculous situation I will be motivated to make SOMETHING happen today.  Blessings to you, NL

 

 

 

 

[[2w...]]

Hey

Hi 2Writerlou

 

Chipping in late, but sending heaps of healing vibes.  When you are alone in the night, do you have a  pet you can have with you or even a giant teddy bear?  Just having something to 'cling' to or 'stroke' seems to help me. 

 

Think about how far you have come - across many deep and unforgiving waters, over mountans and treacherous grounds, the end is near..... I hope that some day very soon you awaken fully healed.

 

StaffyGirl x

Hi StaffyGirl,

 

I do have my dogs....they are my little angels. When I wake up scared or crying, they are right there to calm me down and make me realize that I am safe. I never would have made it this far without having them here. They are there for me night and day. I take them to the beach, talk to them about all my intrusive thoughts and they give me lots of love and hope all of the time.

 

Is that your dog in the picture? That's a beautiful Staffiture......they are sweet dogs.

 

I hope you have a good weekend. Thank you for your post.

 

Love,

Lou

[[2w...]]

dont give up. you have gone to far now. stay the course. it will get easier.

arcey

 

Psalms 55:22

Thank you Arcey. I read that verse in Psalms.....thank you so much for the reminder. I needed it !

 

Hugs,

Lou

[[2w...]]

I have to stop isolating and trying to control this myself, it doesn't do me or anyone else any good.

 

Hello Lou, I, too, am badgering myself with the same sentence...yet, here I am ditto-ing you...unable, no, just so undisciplined that I do not DO anything about it.  Some of the inertia must come from so many months of minimal sleep..last night two 2hour segments...plus a nightmare or two thrown in. The bottom line, however, is that I am alone and lonely.  Well, it is still morning here so maybe just by acknowledging this ridiculous situation I will be motivated to make SOMETHING happen today.  Blessings to you, NL

Hey New Life,

I think everyone feels alone and isolated and I guess we are going to feel stuck like this for some time and we just need to make the best of it.

 

Hope you get some good sleep soon.

 

Love,

Lou

[[2w...]]

 

You are stronger than you think.

 

 

 

Hi Oscar,

 

Wow, that was such an inspiring video. Thank you so much for sharing it !

 

Love,

Lou

[Guest [St...]]

Hey

Hi 2Writerlou

 

Chipping in late, but sending heaps of healing vibes.  When you are alone in the night, do you have a  pet you can have with you or even a giant teddy bear?  Just having something to 'cling' to or 'stroke' seems to help me. 

 

Think about how far you have come - across many deep and unforgiving waters, over mountans and treacherous grounds, the end is near..... I hope that some day very soon you awaken fully healed.

 

StaffyGirl x

Hi StaffyGirl,

 

I do have my dogs....they are my little angels. When I wake up scared or crying, they are right there to calm me down and make me realize that I am safe. I never would have made it this far without having them here. They are there for me night and day. I take them to the beach, talk to them about all my intrusive thoughts and they give me lots of love and hope all of the time.

 

Is that your dog in the picture? That's a beautiful Staffiture......they are sweet dogs.

 

I hope you have a good weekend. Thank you for your post.

 

Love,

Lou

 

Hi Lou

 

Just that is my rescue boy 'Jacka' in my avatar, I have some pics of my 'pack' in my blog if you ever want to take a look.  Dogs are my world and I refer to them as my 'fur kids', my 'skin kids' think it's kinda crazy,  I hope you are feeling ok today.  The beach sounds beautiful, I wish I lived closer to the beach.

 

Please take care of yourself. 

 

StaffyGirl x

[[Ho...]]

Lou, I just want to give you  a hug... I understand what you're going through and know how hard it is! I am 14 months, and still suffering a lot. Mostly mental stuff still, but of course the insomnia is still lingering, and some other recurring random physical sxs that pop up here and there (shortness of breath was one today). It is so so hard...

 

 

[[2w...]]

Hi Hollyms,

 

Thank you for the hug. I'm sending you one right back. It sounds like we have a lot of the same lingering symptoms. I'm so sick of the mental stuff and the insomnia. I just want to sleep in, be able to take naps and rest.

 

How are your mornings? My mornings are still rough....mainly nausea and mood issues.

 

Congrat's on being 14 months free...that is awesome ! We will win this battle.....it's just really long and slow.

 

Thanks for the support....I truly appreciate it !

 

Love,

Lou

[[Sp...]]

Lou,

 

  How are you today? Did you notice your mornings get better and then worse again? Last night was rough, up a lot with back pain I haven't had for a while. I hope you aren't in pain. Thinking of you.....

[[Ne...]]

Lou, from what I read, we don't have a choice..we cannot "give up."  Others who have done so, "reinstated" I believe it is called, or switching to another benzo or a/d indicate further problems. My current challenge is to continue stifling the fear that creeps up on me when I read things like on the "protracted" support group thread where people report miseries years out...have decided not to visit that thread .  Onward, NL 

[[so...]]

 

2writerlou--  ( hope my eyes read correctly )

 

I understand your feeling of stuck and alone in this. I am alone and wonder what it would feel like to meet face to face with a BB.  Would I be comforted for the first time in what feels like forever??

 

It's difficult being alone, but who would truly understand?

 

"Distraction" is the main escape, even if only for a brief time period.

 

I escape via audio books --

 

Stay the course -- picture yourself on a raft in the ocean & you have crossed the half-way mark or even more--- you would not turn back.

 

Sofar

 

 

[[Ho...]]

Hi Hollyms,

 

Thank you for the hug. I'm sending you one right back. It sounds like we have a lot of the same lingering symptoms. I'm so sick of the mental stuff and the insomnia. I just want to sleep in, be able to take naps and rest.

 

How are your mornings? My mornings are still rough....mainly nausea and mood issues.

 

Congrat's on being 14 months free...that is awesome ! We will win this battle.....it's just really long and slow.

 

Thanks for the support....I truly appreciate it !

 

Love,

Lou

 

 

Lou, my mornings are full of brain fog, cloudy thinking, and obsessions. It is not fun. I actually do sleep pretty late since my entire sleep cycle is messed up, and my body still wants to sleep from 6am-1pm. But I try to force myself to go to sleep at a proper time, like 11pm - it doesn't work. My insomnia follows the pattern that I just simply cannot fall asleep. If I somehow manage to fall asleep (with trazodone), then I can sleep fine. If there is nothing to knock me out, I literally will not fall asleep... period. It is so frustrating!! During the worst wd, I tried to go without anything to put me to sleep, and I was up for 3 days straight before I cracked. It's obvious that the part of my brain that shuts everything off to sleep is very, very injured!

 

 

But anyway, I have lots of mood issues too. Lately it's been like I'm PMSing all the time. Not fun, for me and those around me, I'm sure!

 

I can always tell how the day's going to go based on how I feel when I wake up. Today was the first time in several months that I actually felt kind of peaceful, comfortable, and my brain was just...quiet upon waking. I cherished every moment of it!! Hope you get one of those windows too.

 

Holly

[[2w...]]

Lou,

 

  How are you today? Did you notice your mornings get better and then worse again? Last night was rough, up a lot with back pain I haven't had for a while. I hope you aren't in pain. Thinking of you.....

Hey Spunky,

Today I've been really nauseous and bloated. I'm so sick of this benzo belly. I also have a weird pain in my neck/shoulder on the right side and it's making my right arm numb. I had a lot of back pain over the last year, especially in my lower back but it is better now.

 

I'm super crabby today. It's 110 degrees here and miserable so we're going to the beach to walk. I hope I don't get sick of the beach it's all I really do now. Thanks for thinking of me. I'm sorry you didn't sleep well. It's so hard when you don't get enough rest.

 

I hope your Sunday gets better.

 

Talk to you soon friend.

Love,

Lou

[Guest [St...]]

Hi Lou

 

Just checking in from the land 'down under', hoping you are feeling *slightly better today.  I am so jealous you can take a walk to the  beach with your fur kids, I live 2 hours away from the nearest beach here in Australia.

 

Love and Light your way,

 

StaffyGirlx

[[Sp...]]

Let me know how you are? I had a crabby, crappy day yesterday too!!

[[2w...]]

Hi Lou

 

Just checking in from the land 'down under', hoping you are feeling *slightly better today.  I am so jealous you can take a walk to the  beach with your fur kids, I live 2 hours away from the nearest beach here in Australia.

 

Love and Light your way,

 

StaffyGirlx

 

Hi StaffyGirl,

 

Thanks for sending the light and love my way. I caught it and today was the first descent Monday I've had in a while. I live about 25 miles from the beach. It's not too close, but close enough. Austrailia's beautiful....it's a lot better than LA. We have a lot of smog and benzo people here.

 

I hope you're having a descent Monday.

 

Love,

Lou

 

 

[[2w...]]

Let me know how you are? I had a crabby, crappy day yesterday too!!

Hi Spunky,

 

I was so crabby yesterday. I was just irritated by everything and everyone. I hate how my moods swing from depression to anger to irritability and then to calm. It's so weird. I know it will pass. I use to be a really mellow person.

 

I hope you're having a better day today. Talk to you soon.

 

Love,

Lou

[[os...]]

Hope things are less negative Lou, just vent on here whenever you need a boost.

 

Oscar

[[2w...]]

Hope things are less negative Lou, just vent on here whenever you need a boost.

 

Oscar

Hi Oscar,

Things were a lot less negative today. I got out had lunch with my husband and went to see "Hope Springs" It was an uplifting movie.

 

The weekend was hard. I get so aggravated with my parents. They're getting older... I know but most of the time I feel like their either not listening or that we only talk about certain things.

 

I think I isolated myself a lot while on benzos and other meds and now I have to build up my friendships again. Most of my friends from the past don't understand and weren't there when I needed them so I guess it's for the best. We all move on and grow and some friendships are only for a certain season in our lives.

 

This process is really like starting over. I can't wait to get back to work.....not sure doing what but I know it will help. I don't know how I am going to explain what I've been doing all of this time but I'm hoping it will work itself out.

 

I need to remember days like today where the depression has subsided, the anxiety is barely noticeable and my sx's are few and far between. I'm keeping the faith that we're all healing and getting better day by day.

 

Thanks for listening to my rant.

 

Love,

Lou