Antidepressants?

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hi buds - i was so thankful i got over 9 months without benzos and ad's but it got so brutal for my cns etc so i finally took about 1/4 of a 15 mg remeron and it helped me so darn much.

i went from severe "i need to go somewhere" to a window the next day.  confuses me.  yes the food thing is not good but i can't take ssri's - they made me worse in the past.  this is sedating so i sleep better and  helps the dep.  i am so confused by all this guys.  want to finish out the school year;  could not handle the intensity anymore

 

i feel so strange at times;  can u relate to that?  just feeling so not normal?  stupid ques i guess.

thanks for being there.  appreciate prayer

xo

[[re...]]

After 9 months you deserve a break, and remeron isn't a benzo, at least, so your recovery will continue.

I know what you mean by feeling "strange". It's not just anxiety, not just depression. It's something else, a nightmarish feeling. Every emotion is distorted, and everything is seen through those distorted emotions. For me it's worst in the morning. I call it my "morning psychosis."

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hey redevan - you described it so well; had it bad this morning.  felt crazy. got thru it once again tho. there was no intense anx; just depression and weirdness.  made it to the park with the fuzzies; helped. thanks for being there.

phew

[[sa...]]

Hi guys,

 

I ended up not putting an anti depressant on board. My depression lasted a week and Like I said in an earlier post on this thread, I chalk it up to some valiant coping skills, yoga, light excersize ( and I mean light), positivity, I've added massage to my list and positive self care.

 

I came accross this article that was wonderfully written as I think we are all over prescribed. The fact that there is a forum of very sick people trying very hard to get well, over SIXTY SIX THOUSAND MEMBERS, is proof enough for me. I am a huge advocate of natural resources and inner stregth to do so.

 

Please take a minute to read this. You may not agree with all of it, but there very well might be something that you can take away from it to put in your bag of tricks for your recovery and then use post taper to maintain wellness without the medications that we thought were helping us...but were really making us very very sick and undermining our own ability to heal ourselves.

 

It's written by a recovered Benzo user from Wales. Enjoy~

 

http://www.willbenzo.com/The%20Whittling%20of%20Wisdom%20.htm

 

Sarah

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Good article, Sarah. I think we will come out of this with renewed trust in our own inner resources.

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hi buds

good writing sarah

i think i have sort of programmed my brain for part of my dep...the thought patterns spiral down...working ob the cbt end of it.  tiring; discouraging

thanks for being there

hard re-connecting to life again i guess

xoxo

[Guest [...]]

Sarah

 

great article nice read without the scare tactics wish we would have know this without travelling the path we did.

 

Lizzyxx

[[Sp...]]

How do we know when an a/d is truly needed though? I was on one for 17 years prior to all of this and while life wasn't perfect, I wasn't crying everyday or feeling so hopeless. I am very confused and scared.

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hi spunky - that is a good question;  wish i could answer it.  as i am taking the rem now i am very confused.  i know docs would say i need them but that is them.

i do not cry like i did before when not taking it.  it got rough for me;  too rough i guess.

keep holding on sweetie.  maybe you will get some inights on here

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Thanks Pan- I guess I just don't know who I am without them. Is this me or benzo hell right now? Maybe only time will tell.

[Guest [Da...]]

I just wanted to say that it was Paxil (an SSRI) that put me onto benzos in the first place. Paxil helped with social anxiety but increased anxiety (got generalized anxiety). Prior to taking Paxil, I never took a benzo.

 

My originial depression was situtational and I have been on all types of ADs (too many to count) for 14 years now. I am now diagnosed with recurrent/clinical depression which was originally situational depression. Pdoc said I will have to be on ADs for life now (gave me the diabetes example to make me feel better). For me, SSRIs created and increased anxiety levels. It took me a long time to connect that because of my mind state.

 

I do remember tolerating Celexa and Cipralex because they didn't zombie me out and I didn't feel as if I was on anything (both SSRIs at the lowest dose..I could never tolerate an increase)...but I was already well into 6+ years of benzo use and using erractically. After a few years on Celexa it stopped working. Then on Cipralex for another few years and it stopped working. My depression returned each time. Apparently ADs do stop working after a few years of use.

 

I really don't know what to think anymore. I am remaining on Wellbutrin XL 150mg/day because that is what I was on prior to tapering. I don't want to change anything while tapering.

 

Before my tapering, my Pdoc was out of ideas re: new meds to give me so he turned to the old ADs with my okay. I told him I wanted some energy (e.g. not make me sleepy as most ADs do). He prescribed me an old AD from 1950s called Desipramine (has too many side effects including weight gain)...it's from the tricyclic family.  I was too afraid to take it. I have the pills at home, but I won't change anything while I am tapering.

 

Danni

[Guest [vi...]]

Apparently ADs do stop working after a few years of use.

 

this is true and not true. i've read stories of folks in other forums, dedicated to depression, who have remained on the same dose of an AD and symptom free for decades. but i've read twice, if not more, no. of stories on those boards from people on whom ADs stopped working after a few years (and then began the rollercoaster ride culminating in sad TRD -- and, oh, add fibromyalgia to it too somewhere down the line). many if not most (like you) are on benzos too 'cos of their ssri/snri. now factor all that that by the fact that symptom free folks rarely post on discussion boards. so, in the end, you have no firm conclusion about AD poop outs.

 

my lexapro pooped out on me after 4 years and now i am free of depression after increasing my lexapro to 20 mg, 1.5 months ago. my doc. too tells me that i have to be on them for life. i had no history of depression/anxiety till i started benzos 10 years ago. the reason i started an ssri 4 years ago was because my doctor had made me c/t my benzo and 2 weeks later, diagnosed my w/ds as symptoms of MDD and had got me started on an ssri and reinstated the benzo.  now this return of depression that i experienced 3 months ago (that led me to increasing my dose), can be attributed to,

 

• AD poop out after 4 years
  
• the combination of alcohol with  my AD ( i started drinking 6 months in my AD on a casual basis but now daily)
  
• alcohol or alcoholism
  
• my benzo that i have been taking for the last 10 years
  
• the combination of my benzo with alcohol
  
• the long term effects of the combination of benzo with ssri
  
• i am a chronically depressive patient in denial (my doc.'s view)
  

 

i don't know what caused my depression: poop out or whatever. but one thing i know. i have to quit alcohol and benzos (which are, to be honest, the same drug) and then pick up my life.

 

i also know, from experience, that if i am on a benzo long term, it eventually gives me fleeting yet quite manageable depression (not necessarily related to stress) and that quitting them gives me the worst sort of, indescribable, depression.

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i relate to  a lot of what is said.  i was on norpramine - desipramine quite well for many years.  i was also on wellbutrin and it stopped working after a few years.  i had shrinks tell me as well i'd be on them for life.  was off them well on and off tho.  i think if a person can give the depression a year they would be ok - that time the brain can get well.  just like how gaba receptors take a year. 

i wanted to stick it out but at month 10 i went on rem to give my cns a break.  i will get off it as soon as i can but now benzo w/d is a first.

luv u guys.  we are doing it. phew; rough day with depression today tho.  could hardly talk.  teenagers were walking all over me in one class.  oh well.  just putting the days together. xoxo

[Guest [Da...]]

Pan...I hope you are feeling better soon. Yes, depression can get so hard to deal with at times. I know what it is like when you can hardly talk.  When I get like that I start to become a little paranoid that I'll be like that forever which is absolute nonsense. I wanted to ask you...did you find that Remeron made you crave sweets? Did you gain weight on it?

 

vineet2...your post was very insightful and you seem to know what you are up against. It's so sorry that you have been hit with depression that way. I wish you good luck in your journey to wellness.

 

 

I have been hit with depression recently in my taper and I've been trying to get motivated, but I am extremely weary, tired, weak... so it's hard. Some hopelessness is creeping in. All I want to do is sleep so I do that. I know what major depression is and feels like. I know about depressive s/x and this is not exactly like that but it is still symptoms of depression and it is a struggle as everyone on this thread knows. I can't do a thing right now. I am waiting for it to lift. If it doesn't lift soon or I start going downhill, I am going straight to my doctor (he is supporting my tapering) to discuss this. I know I have been hit by my cut. A big whammy. I'm holding this cut longer. I know this is part of w/d from benzos and I'll hang in there...trying to be tough sort of speak and taking it day by day as I should.

 

The awful thing about depression is that you can't see past what you are feeling. Then you begin to think you have been like that for months and that everyday has been like this. Again, the rational mind can be overthrown by depression. I'm not there yet and I'll make sure I don't go there, but it can get hard. I need to keep a journal again.

 

Danni

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danni - yes i overate like crazy on remeron.  i kind of ct'd it 2 nights ago- no 3.  it made me so sluggish.

doing better off it i think

 

did 2 neural feedback appts.  85 each tho; yipes; no ins

 

wellbutrin - i was on that ok for years but it makes a person hyper usually doesn't it?  i tried a tiny bit early on and i went to the twilight zone i think. 

 

xoxo

[Guest [Da...]]

Hi Pan:

 

Wellbutrin XL is the one I'm on since around May 2011 and I take 150mg/day. No, it doesn't make me hyper at all but then I have been on benzos the whole time. I read that it is supposed to give you a boost. Maybe this is all I can get from it. I have tried to updose to 300mg/day but I can't handle it so I am back to my 150mg/day. I feel less anxious on it.

 

I was thinking of going on Remeron but I don't want to overeat. It appears that the most significant side effects are weight gain and sleepiness. I sleep too much already. So nix that one.

 

What about Despramine? Did that one help lift your mood? It's not supposed to make you sleepy according to my pdoc.

 

My depression has lifted a little.  Hope you are feeling better. Oh, the joys of depression.

 

Danni

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desipramine - generic for norpramine is an old tricyclic med;  i was on it successfully for many years.

 

i am pretty committed to staying off ad's if i can.  i just want my brain to do its own thing for now.  glad i was able to ct the remeron ok.

 

prayers and hugs to those still hurting.  thanks so much for being there xoxo