Battle Field...

[[St...]]

Hi Jenny,

 

You are my "ok you are going to make it - it is going to be ok" story today.  Not a story but a real life - fact.  Thanks for posting various places that healing does happen.  I so needed to know that my muscles will return to a more normal condition than they are now.  Surely this weight expansion will stabilize and turn around soon.  I am almost 11 months off and now doing a very successful Lyrica taper - have such positive sights on getting off of it.  So with 1 year in sight and with healing in sight (most days my eyes are open to this is happening) I hope to be feeling more secure in my recovery.

 

hope you are having a great summer with your family,

love,

Sally 

[[ja...]]

Sally sweet Sally 

 

I am so glad if this was able to bring you some Comfort and Hope..Your doing so good. I am so proud of you. And doing a successful taper from the Lyrica is amazing. Your gonna have Happy Days.

 

I just really hope my Course thru Benzo w/d was able to help you Through Yours.

 

XO~Jenny

[[sa...]]

Thank you for your posts Jenny.  Words can not explain how much they have comforted me!

[[ja...]]

Aww Sarafina ...

 

Thank you..Your always so sweet and say such nice things to me.Thank You.

 

I hope you do feel comforted during this time. Just stay strong and keep positive .I cant wait till your all Done!

 

~Jenny

[[KR...]]

For me this W/D was the War amongst Wars ...It was a Battle Field.

I have never experienced such a Immence amount of Suffering..And Ive suffered in my Life alot.

This left me in a very Unfamiliar and Unknowing as to how am I supposed to Endure this and continue Fighting a Fight I was unsure if there was a Victory at the end..

 

I woke everyday Nonstop no let up with these sxs... Rt away ..A blanket of Vibes ran down my butt to my legs like all my nerves were in rare form and very much alive..Hit with in mins of a Extreme amount of Anxiety and Akethesia that forced me out of bed immediately. Muscles were completly loss of mass and tone had a rush of acid like burning through them with in 10 seconds. Pain I can not describe in all my muscles back theighs calves arms neck and my head would shake internally,Numbness from head to toe,Tingleing,Couldnt feel texture of the ground  or water temp.Muscles twisting,Spasms everywere.and GI was so bad. Pain severe in my head caused pressure in my ears .Sinuses were messed up terrible sneezed with in 30 seconds of wakeing, Then the feeling of Despair would hit by 9 am , tears I was just done,As the oh so wonderful sxs would now take there turn with me.. Intrustive thoughts, Raceing thoughts, Doom and Gloom hit me something awful and Now I would start to Burn all over my skin and my CNS was so active i felt in shock most the day..Im only saying this cause it was The Never Ending Story for me and Windows were non existint for me.. This w/d was leaving me who Once was a very extreme Fighter with a Will that couldnt ever be shaken ..Broken down and Humbled on my knees often ..devistated and now weaker by the min..

 

The loss was huge ..Family was being tested and marrige was falling to peices and Lost my buisness ,Cant see no Dr. No RX was going to help and Friends well lets say ..What friends..

Not only was I in a Torture Chamber I was now watching the walls come crumbleing down ..And I could do nothing about it.. This w/d Owned me and was now owning my family..

I put it in my heart I was going to fight against this monster No Matter What I was feeling No Matter What I was seeing and No Matter What any1 else told me.. I was now Going to fight this Battle Field and do it with every ounce of spirit I ever have ..No Matter What..

 

I did and it was unbelievable how much I was going to have to endure but It was the hardest most testing and blind experience ever... But this Battle Field does have a Victory and I know there are so many of you who are rt now begging for Help... Begging for answers and In dire need of someone to Please tell you this ENDS!!!

My w/d was Off the charts EXTREME and I know so many of you are going though so much more then I did.. Please Please Just hang In there and Hold on so dearly to HOPE..  The Hope in You that you can Endure such torture and be You again.. The Hope that this Ground Hogs day will come to a End . The Hope that You are not Permenant.Hope that You will make it through .The Hope that no matter what your going through you are not alone and many of us have been where you are and felt like you do rt now..And can Honestly say to you ,YOU HEAL.. our brain knows how to work this out ,.Have Faith ..In urself and Have Faith that even when you think you cant do nomore ...YES YOU CAN!!!! Dont doubt yourself .Know even though it can feel like 1 step foward and 3 steps back...Ur Healing.. To me this was My Battle Field,My War and my God we dont have to Fight it alone ..Look for the People who stand besides you in this and look for the Hands that will pick you rt up when you slip and fall.Hold onto Hope and stay close to your loved 1s..Hang in for the Trueth..and Thats... HEALING .. No Matter What..

As Blinding as this w/d can be it doesnt have to Blind YOU...Look in ur heart and you will see..

 

Yes This Battle Field can leaves us with Bumps Bruses and bleeding and Hurt.. Its a War ..But when you WIN all those will slowly disapear.. And You will be Rebuilt into the most amazing upstanding Human EVER..Put your Armour On and Fight this fight with all you are .. Dont ever give up and just know You Can Do This....

 

P.S I just wanted to give alittle of my experience so you know a bit about how my w/d was and If I can get to Healing ..Every1 Can..

 

P.SS so Sorry I rambled on..This is why I dont start Threads .LOL

~Jenny

 

Jenny....I've read this post MANY times. Ive just realized Ive never commented on it except to say hello to Mary once. I would like to point out a few things that I can relate to in your statements. I highlighted them in bold black letters. Come to think of it I could highlight the whole post in bold black letters. Its a GREAT story and I hope people read this and know just how bad you were and just how good your doing now. I wish there were more posts like this around here. You can find some in the success stories section. But your experience was really raw. You describe it well. Sorry you had to suffer so immensely to get to where your at now. I honestly think Ive read this post like 20 or 30 times since its been up. I have a few post that always refer back to in hard times. This is one of them for sure. Thanks again for all your help around the site. You bring hope to many.

 

Rock

[[Me...]]

I've read this post a couple of times now

You definitely are an inspiration to me & you give me the confidence that I can make through my taper & win & come out the other side a better & stronger person

Also it's encouraging to focus on the positives

 

Thank you 

[[ja...]]

J...Rock

 

I really appreciate you for coming on here and saying that. Thank You. Idk I have always tryed my best to do the Best I can to not really talk about my sxs but let you all know You can do this!!!

 

I really did spend most of my time while I was alone in this w/d with out having BB yet to remember everything that was so unbelievable and painful. I knew one day I just may be able to use my horrible road to do whatever I could to help another get through theres.

 

I hoped I helped You through allot of yours.I speak from my heart and I fight with it to. I just fought so hard in this and I know everyone else here is to. It literally makes me hurt to see what this w/d is doing to lives..

 

I have to be honest though.Had I not gone through what I did with my daughter passing and loosing all the spark in me and Joy for life.I was the most happiest girl before then with such a pure innocence for life. I lost it all..Then beating what I believe to be the impossible 4 years later.Which is Living with a Happiness for life and Joy in my heart again.Waking up to a smile back on my face and my eyes had life in them again. Trust me I never thought in my Lifetime I could ever do that again.But I did .I really did. So when I went into C/T W/D it hit me so hard I knew In my heart I beat the impossible once before ..I can do it again!

 

So if this was my first encounter with such a horrific extreme Life Altering test Idk how I would have done it.That's why I understand how hard this is for so many to keep Ur spirits up!Keep Ur self from falling into this dark hole and continuing to fight for your Life..

 

I just hope to bring Comfort in this and bring back Hope where Hope is low. That's it and I mean every word I ever say. Even the not so sweet ones I have done on a occasion lol.. I promise I only mean the best!

 

BTW ...I have only started a few threads in my time here and there all based on the same thing..You Will Make IT!!! This thread I did a few months back..There was a Driving Force behind me when I did. Someone close to me was Hurting so bad and I hoped if I wrote this It just might help.

 

I'm glad it has helped you J...Rock

 

~Jenny

[[ja...]]

I've read this post a couple of times now

You definitely are an inspiration to me & you give me the confidence that I can make through my taper & win & come out the other side a better & stronger person

Also it's encouraging to focus on the positives

 

Thank you 

Hi Meeshxo..

 

Its so nice to see that you were able to find strength in my words and confidence You will WIN!!! Yay..

 

Im so happy that makes me feel really good.Thank you for coming on here to say that to me!

I promise you you really are gonna make it all the way through to the other side..Keep reading anything that is positive and makes you feel Empowered!!!

 

~Jenny

[[St...]]

For me this W/D was the War amongst Wars ...It was a Battle Field.

I have never experienced such a Immence amount of Suffering..And Ive suffered in my Life alot.

This left me in a very Unfamiliar and Unknowing as to how am I supposed to Endure this and continue Fighting a Fight I was unsure if there was a Victory at the end..

 

I woke everyday Nonstop no let up with these sxs... Rt away ..A blanket of Vibes ran down my butt to my legs like all my nerves were in rare form and very much alive..Hit with in mins of a Extreme amount of Anxiety and Akethesia that forced me out of bed immediately. Muscles were completly loss of mass and tone had a rush of acid like burning through them with in 10 seconds. Pain I can not describe in all my muscles back theighs calves arms neck and my head would shake internally,Numbness from head to toe,Tingleing,Couldnt feel texture of the ground  or water temp.Muscles twisting,Spasms everywere.and GI was so bad. Pain severe in my head caused pressure in my ears .Sinuses were messed up terrible sneezed with in 30 seconds of wakeing, Then the feeling of Despair would hit by 9 am , tears I was just done,As the oh so wonderful sxs would now take there turn with me.. Intrustive thoughts, Raceing thoughts, Doom and Gloom hit me something awful and Now I would start to Burn all over my skin and my CNS was so active i felt in shock most the day..Im only saying this cause it was The Never Ending Story for me and Windows were non existint for me.. This w/d was leaving me who Once was a very extreme Fighter with a Will that couldnt ever be shaken ..Broken down and Humbled on my knees often ..devistated and now weaker by the min..

 

The loss was huge ..Family was being tested and marrige was falling to peices and Lost my buisness ,Cant see no Dr. No RX was going to help and Friends well lets say ..What friends..

Not only was I in a Torture Chamber I was now watching the walls come crumbleing down ..And I could do nothing about it.. This w/d Owned me and was now owning my family..

I put it in my heart I was going to fight against this monster No Matter What I was feeling No Matter What I was seeing and No Matter What any1 else told me.. I was now Going to fight this Battle Field and do it with every ounce of spirit I ever have ..No Matter What..

 

I did and it was unbelievable how much I was going to have to endure but It was the hardest most testing and blind experience ever... But this Battle Field does have a Victory and I know there are so many of you who are rt now begging for Help... Begging for answers and In dire need of someone to Please tell you this ENDS!!!

My w/d was Off the charts EXTREME and I know so many of you are going though so much more then I did.. Please Please Just hang In there and Hold on so dearly to HOPE..  The Hope in You that you can Endure such torture and be You again.. The Hope that this Ground Hogs day will come to a End . The Hope that You are not Permenant.Hope that You will make it through .The Hope that no matter what your going through you are not alone and many of us have been where you are and felt like you do rt now..And can Honestly say to you ,YOU HEAL.. our brain knows how to work this out ,.Have Faith ..In urself and Have Faith that even when you think you cant do nomore ...YES YOU CAN!!!! Dont doubt yourself .Know even though it can feel like 1 step foward and 3 steps back...Ur Healing.. To me this was My Battle Field,My War and my God we dont have to Fight it alone ..Look for the People who stand besides you in this and look for the Hands that will pick you rt up when you slip and fall.Hold onto Hope and stay close to your loved 1s..Hang in for the Trueth..and Thats... HEALING .. No Matter What..

As Blinding as this w/d can be it doesnt have to Blind YOU...Look in ur heart and you will see..

 

Yes This Battle Field can leaves us with Bumps Bruses and bleeding and Hurt.. Its a War ..But when you WIN all those will slowly disapear.. And You will be Rebuilt into the most amazing upstanding Human EVER..Put your Armour On and Fight this fight with all you are .. Dont ever give up and just know You Can Do This....

 

P.S I just wanted to give alittle of my experience so you know a bit about how my w/d was and If I can get to Healing ..Every1 Can..

 

P.SS so Sorry I rambled on..This is why I dont start Threads .LOL

~Jenny

 

Dearest Jenny,

 

I went searching today looking for how you felt at 13 months, but these were the words that I read and re read.  How you were or weren't at my stage won't make a difference in my reality right this moment, for I am where I am.  Right? My chemistry, my age, my everything is not you so to compare you to me at this moment won't matter.

 

What matters is that I dig down deep and find this strength and determination that you have.  My Jenny you are an amazing young woman.  I hope that you do fully recognize and instill this into your everyday life.  You can rebuild anything you have lost during this benzo hell.

 

I am holding my Lyrica taper but I really don't believe that it is the tapering that is causing me these waves.  I see others that get hit at 13 and 14 months out and they aren't on Lyrica.  I do kinda believe that yes tapering right now while getting hit might make it worse, but who knows. I honestly wasn't feeling negative sxs in my tapering these past 3 months. I went down from 75 mg 3xs a day to 30 mg 3xs a day.  I'm on day 5 of my last cut and I continue to struggle where I wasn't before.  Tomorrow would ususally be my cutting day but I will hold to see if I'm wrong. I don't know, but I don't believe that holding will be a negative. That is holding for now, not permanently.

 

Jenny please don't go away.  You honestly give me such hope.  I have to have a positive example to hold on to.  I so want to do the same.  Make it through this and come back on a regular basis and tell others to hold on that they will heal.  Yes I so understand going on with my real life, but I truly want this to be a part of my hours.  I totally appreciate you and others Jenny for being here for me, for others, volunteering your time and heart just as though it were for an organization.  It is an organization just not a tax deductible one.

 

Another day Jenny, I'll make it thru another day.  Thanks for being here offering your hand to help me thru. Believe me I'm holding on firm.

 

love,

Sally   

 

PS how is your little boy?  How many stitches did he have to have?  I hope all is well with him and your family.

[[ja...]]

Aww Sally thank you sooooo much for saying this

 

Its so strange you said  cause today I was feeling like kinda a failure at helping in this horrible w/d .Like maybe I don't have the right things to say all the time. I was just feeling like down on myself.. Thank you I am so glad you have found some Hope in me that my experience can bring you strength.. Your one strong woman Sally..

 

I know tapering the lyrica can be difficult .I C/Ted that about 6 years ago and it was a nightmare but the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. It took over 2 months of hell and a number of specialists until it left me. Just listen to your body it was similar to benzo w/d for me but no where as long or intense. Your gonna make it honey . just keep doing what you are.

 

I am very proud of how you continue to keep reaching for the Hopeful threads that's perfect. Its so hard to stay so positive I know. I also know staying positive is completely exhausting..But it really can Built the spirit up and rejuvenate the fire in you to continue on all the way through.

 

There is a Victory at the end of this and you are going to get there. Stay strong Sally!

 

Oh thank you for asking about my son. He was so bad and so hurt but hes OK now. I just got home from the ER about a hour ago they just removed the stitches.. He had 8 under his chin

 

All better thank god he didn't hurt his head...

 

I'm pushing for you Sally 

 

~Jenny

[[IG...]]

Jenny,

Thank you for writing the Battle Field,

 

I've gone back and read it often through my recovery but never replied.

When the battle was to much for me to bear I would read posts like this and they carried me through.

 

You have a kind heart and beautiful soul.

 

Molly

[[Ja...]]

Love you Jenny 

[[ja...]]

Jenny,

Thank you for writing the Battle Field,

 

I've gone back and read it often through my recovery but never replied.

When the battle was to much for me to bear I would read posts like this and they carried me through.

 

You have a kind heart and beautiful soul.

 

Molly

Molly 

 

Thank you so much.. You know I forgot about this thread and it was one that I really put my heart into. I never thought anyone read this when they were struggling its so nice to know Ive been able to help you.. Your so sweet and I hope ur doing ok.. 

[[ja...]]

Love you Jenny 

Love you to Jazzy !