If a handbook for spouses/caregivers of BB's were written...

[Guest [pu...]]

My husband c/t off Ativan 18 1/2 months ago.  I've searched high and low for tips or any kind of support advice for the spouse and have only come up with the chapter that is in Benzo-Wise.  It's good but it's not specific enough.

 

I thought it would be a good idea to have a thread that is just for specific tips for the main caregiver/spouse so that they could simply come to one place for ideas on how to comfort or help in any way. I, myself, need some new ideas as I'm experiencing "compassion burnout".

 

So...could everyone leave one suggestion each for ... 

1.)  The one thing that bothers you the most that your spouse/caregiver has said or done that you would like to warn others not to do.

 

2.)  The one thing that you find yourself longing to hear said to you for comfort or a specific thing that someone has done for you that really made a difference and made you feel loved or comforted in some way.

 

3.)  When you are saying that it feels like you are getting worse or that you will never heal and someone tells you that you will heal and that it will all end...and when you get angry at them for saying the same thing over and over...how do you think the spouse/caregiver should respond to that anger?  Say nothing...continue to repeat the same things?...find something different to say?...simply try to not take it personally?  Has anything specific worked in your case?

 

 

I'm not writing the handbook, btw, just wishing for one!...puffin

[[Pe...]]

1) Don't think that by encouraging your loved one to push themselves you are helping.  This will only create more anxiety and feelings of worthlessness in your loved one if they can't do it.

 

2) The most helpful thing you can do for your loved one is to educate yourself on their condition.  Victims find tremendous comfort when the people supporting them have knowledge of what is happening to them.

 

3) Anger and irritability are common in w/d.  So if your loved one lashes out when you are offering support, remind them the w/d is making them irritable and do not take it personally.

 

Hope these are the type of answers you are looking for!

[[4l...]]

I understand the compassion burnout.  My husband is going through the final stages of the taper right now. 

 

I can't say I have any answers for you, but we have started rating days from 1 to 10 (10 being the best) so I know where he is at that day and can act accordingly.  We have also agreed that there are days when I just can't handle it or just can't hear about it.  Those days I am honest and simply ask him to change the subject because it is too much for me.  I know that is not helpful for him, but I have to be helpful to me sometimes too.  I think he understands.

 

If you do find a book - LET ME KNOW!!

[Guest [pu...]]

Just wanted to say hi to you, 4lovofpat!

 

Pattylu is on this forum also. She helped her husband taper off of Ativan.  We're a cold turkey so it's a little different but we both know what you are going thru.

 

Hopefully when the PM system comes back we can all connect again.  The support around here in my real world  seems to disappear as time goes by...understandably. 

 

It sounds like you have a wonderful husband also!  I'm so sorry that you both have to go thru this...it's just the worst.  We did have a month long window awhile back though that gave me hope that it will end and also my hub seemed to be a new and improved version of what he was before all this happened...back when we all took life for granted...and he was pretty darn awesome before! 

 

My kids and I give him back rubs in the morning with coconut oil and soft classical music...and my oldest son takes him on drives to the river or lake for the past 2 summers for a distraction...something about the driving seems to help.  Those are my tips, for what they're worth! 

 

 

Stay strong! I'm rooting for you...puffin

[[pa...]]

Hi Puffin & 4loveofpat....  Everything you both said.. they are the ? spouses/partners need answers on "how and what".  The three of us understand it and when you are at the helm of the ship trying to help navigate, guess we use instinct.  I have read and read, and of course no much for us.  Thought it would be a good idea, if the "forum" had a site for ones like us to post, how helpful that could be for all of "us".  Shoot, when we all get thru this, maybe the three of us should write a book together!   Thanks for posting this Puffin... Yes, the burnout is there, I think of you each morning, sure wish we could still pm.. but it will be back.. then the three of us can keep in touch with eachother.  Always, Pattylu