on traz 15+ years--up to 300 mgs, then back to 200--issues

[[ju...]]

Have never been much of a good undrugged sleeper. Was told by parents that I had what I recognise as an insecure attachment style--felt like anxiety at the time; always worried about bullying at school, and so on. Into street drugs and alcohol early; weed helped sleep immensely, and did act as a gateway into the other stuff. Alcohol stayed with me.

 

Off it and anything illegal, and down to 0.25 Klon, from 2 mg/24 hrs, as recently as 2 years ago. Like ETOH, though, trazadone has been a long-term companion. Been on it from between 15 to 20 yrs. B/c of shelter living situation, asked pdoc to bump me back up from 200 mgs to 300 mgs--to deal with noise and heat and pretty much knocl me out. (And to act as another buffer between a Klon cut and reality, I suppose.)

 

The sedation was entirely too much, night Klon or none.  Went back to 200 mgs, and 0.25 Klon, and a sprinkling of Neurontin. I never feel entirely rested. Am pretty sure that all of this would be a lot easier if I were alone someplace, in a tiny apartment, with cool and quiet and a white noise machine to help me get through. No such options exist. Have filed for SSDI and been turned down; att'y says expect a 12-month period until my admin hearing.

 

 

How do I make this situation better? My brain is taking it up the u-n-what, no lube.

 

Thank you :'(