It finally happened

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@[Cr...]said>>>

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Anyway, Xray.. did your firing circumstances leave you eligible for unemployment benefits (if in States)? If you think you may need temporary disability your best bet would be to get your condition medically documented as often as you can.

Agree 100%. 👍

Definitely look into the UI!

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I never applied for federal disability. I know it can be a long process but I also know people who were awarded it based on their first try. 

[[Sh...]]

X-ray I’m so sorry this happened mate. I think u deserve a break now, you have fought so hard. One door closes another opens. Keep hope the universe will provide something better. 💙 you are a warrior 

Edited May 24 by [Sh...]

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Xray:

I hope you take your time and read all of what I have to say here. I know you are not sleeping so it may be hard, but take your time. 

I will first say AMAZING on the working for 30 months with your condition. You have to see how strong you really are for being able to do that. That c/t off of 1.5 mg Xanax is nothing minor. That is some strong dysregulation right there even with your short term use. Doesn't matter.

I had a similar condition to you and I  no way could do that and I lost my whole life (residence, money, etc) in Phoenix because of it. I had a thriving LLC and I kept trying to work when my hypnic jerks/ extreme insomnia started to happen and I just couldn't keep going after even 6 months. 

I have been watching your condition for awhile Xray and I had a similar condition as you. In June of 2022 after working outside all day I went to the hospital after getting real loopy and I stopped peeing even though I was drinking TONS of water. Ended up having a severe hyponatremia incident that caused me a NDE that for some reason I pulled out of. 

This hyponatremia put me into an extremely long grand mal seizure/status epilepticus state that put me in a coma and almost on life support (hence the precedex). I was in ICU for 4 days and I came out of it thinking "this is amazing I survived I guess I am ok" Little did I know the hell that was about to be unleashed on me.

I was given a  hardcore medicine cocktail of Keppra, Ativan, Haldol, Precedex, 3 full spectrum antibiotics due to a staph infection I caught in there (I feel was due to the catherter put in me), as well as antiviral, anti nausea, and flomax. These were all IV and I am talking REAL high doses. When I got out  I completely lost the ability to sleep cause of hypnic jerks. I once went 3 days of basically no perceived sleep. And had hallucinations/possibly immediate REM sleep of a demon sitting on my lap. I tried all of the usual things from both natural docs (Mag, Theanine, Gaba, Valerian, CBD, Chamomile, Melatonin) and then of course the trad. doc pills of Mirt, Ambien, etc. Nothing I mean NOTHING would really work and I feel taking all of these things made EVERYTHING worse. Andj new symptoms started to appear from taking all this crap. All a bunch of BS.  And this went on for about 8 months or so. I went into alcohol drinking for an hour or two of sleep, but of course you know where this ends up. I started REALLY getting bad flashes of light and like movements would slow down like if i looked at my arm swaying it looked like it was going in slow motion or sometimes fast motion and seeing flashing snow with it. Scary stuff.

And if I didn't listen to all these 'professionals'

I would be better by now. 

But the ONE thing that started to change my life during all of this has been aerobic OUTDOOR EXERCISE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Please see the following post)

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I started doing TONS of research into brain health/ injuries and exercise and over and over again the winner by a mile seems to be aerobic exercise. It is the big kahuna (As said Samuel  L Jackson style lol) for brain healing. 

And exercise is not this "well I exercise so hard TODAY/All week so I should sleep well tonight WTH" Two months out of the hospital and I exercised once and then for a couple of weeks and I thought this way and it is so far from the truth. It is an actual labor you gotta do for this to work. It's not always enjoyable, although sometimes it is. 

Exercise quick results is not at all how this works for US here with serious brain dysregulation. This may happen for the normal folks, but not us. The exercise at a minimum should be 16 weeks (at least 5-6 days a week of 30 minutes to at least an hour of MODERATE outdoor aerobic exercise, Power walking, Hiking, Swimming, Cycling) before any assessment is done.

And YES you may get 'revved up' before you get any better. This is just your body adjusting to the additional stress put on it. And even healthy people get these feelings of racing heart, insomnia, etc when they first start IF they go all out at first which I don't recommend. This is not a competition with yourself, but it is similar to  medicine and medicine needs to be titrated up slowly and cautiously. Exercise is no different. And to me it has BECOME my medicine without a doubt. 

And for the first time in like FOREVER I have started to actually fall asleep watching TV or even the other day I took a nap by accident for 10 minutes............. this is HUGE. I remember when I first started exercising I would be getting so hyped up when I got home for about 5 hours but then something MIRACULOUS started happening. I started like getting these yawning attacks and I just KNEW something was going on with my brain chemistry in a positive way. Either Adenosine, Vagus Nerve, Gaba whatever 'science' wants to call it.  I started sleeping better midway and down in my taper than I ever have before this all happened. I could feel my brain changing for the better. 

Diet is important for the BODY more to me than the brain. Although still a great boost for brain health too.  But exercise is for both and seems to have the best results on brain health from injuries. 

I definitely suffered a SERIOUS brain injury with both my extended hyponatremia grand mal long seizures, coma and the resulting extreme poly drugging which basically was the nail in the coffin for my brain. So if I can get better than anyone can. I am still very new in my jump, but seem to be getting more and more windows then unfortunately some nasty waves. I don't wanna get too far or overconfident at all as I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I do definitely feel better for NOW than when I was at the end of my taper. I contribute this to an intense exercise program all thru my taper. It was so difficult at times. 

Post care if the doctors could of just said "you know exercise is proven in studies to have better outcomes in brain injuries" I would be completely better by now by a long shot. 

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And now that you are not working you maybe could implement this into your life. I think you would see real benefits in time. I saw a post where you slept a whole 6 hours. This is your brain showing you that sleep IS a possibility again. You just gotta believe in it. And not try and figure out WHY you slept for 6 hours. Just embrace the fact.  

Maybe you leaving that MRI job is the best thing for you and a blessing even though it may not feel like it right now. Sometimes in losing everything you gain even MORE.  You will always have that skillset and once you get back your sleep. Which YOU WILL!!!!!!!!!! You could go back to it even BETTER than before IMO. I personally would like to get back to my new home finishing service (punch list items that the GC's and subs leave behind) and my side electrician trade stuff I was doing before all this happened. 

Working around MRI's in a dysregulated brain state maybe is not a good thing....... all those radio waves and all that. I think even to much computer/phone use and the scrolling and movement it does is going to be proven in the future as dangerous for our brainwaves. To hell with the blue light argument. And then add the DOOM scrolling that most do on here (I was one of them beleive me) then you are just asking for a recipe of disaster. 

I think you are gonna see major blessings in all of this. I know it seems hard to believe, but try and not let it stop you as you have come this far. 

 

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On 24/05/2024 at 05:25, [[S...] said:

X-ray I’m so sorry this happened mate. I think u deserve a break now, you have fought so hard. One door closes another opens. Keep hope the universe will provide something better. 💙 you are a warrior 

thanks Shayna, I don’t really feel like a warrior at the moment. I feel like a worthless piece of crap. Nothing I do is good enough. I wish my brain would just come back online. 

 

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@[re...]thanks for the advice I do about an hour of power walking most everyday. I hope to someday regain what I have lost. It just pisses me off that the doc that did this to me is out living her life while I sit and suffer. Just remembering how easily she brushed me off after this and said that my “mental illness” was beyond her help. I never had mental illness until I met her. 
it’s good to hear that your sleep is starting to come back. I hope it continues to get better

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No way. They are full of shit!!!!!!!!! They cover it all up brother cause they KNOW!!!!!!!!!! And their god complex wont' allow them to admit they were WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!

You were DAMAGED/DYSREGULATED no doubt about it. End of story. Doesn't matter how long you were on it. 1.5 of xanax is serious business. That is a horse's dose for many of us just introduced to these devil's meds. 

I think that one and Ativan are exceptionally nasty medications. They all are really. 

I can't make any judgements on myself cause it is so early since I jumped. But so far it's tolerable. Who knows down the line. It does concern me. 

I am not trying to be prescriptive and not saying you are not trying cause I know you are. But what is helping me. 

Maybe now that the stress of trying to play "normal" at your job with insane lack of sleep. And now your job is behind you (for now) your healing may accelerate by something you have never known. 

There was this dude on the insomnia reddits I read when I was at my worst and what he ended up doing was just quitting his job, and just getting like this camper shell for his truck and made it SUPER dark. Then started doing uber from place to place and his sleep came back in droves. He got off most internet stuff and just worked his uber and side gigs here and there and he said it saved his life and he was an EXTREME case kinda like you. Never underestimate the power of leaving a big city (not saying you are in a big city as I am not sure) in all this and going back to a more earthy way of living. Of course everyone has there responsibilities. But health and life I think is paramount at any cost. For me getting out of the city(Phoenix) has been a huge help I think. 

I am not saying you can financially do this or anything like it. Just saying there is hope I believe for you. It is just taking it's sweet time. I think you will find discernment in this and it may be a blessing in disguise. But I know how it feels when piece by piece this thing we have experienced keeps taking and taking from us. 

Heal on man. 

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You know for us like the basic things normal people take for granted like a ten minute nap (or for you a 6 hour night of shut eye). Is like we have scaled Mt. Everest. Such an odd life we are trying to survive and live.

[[Sh...]]

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@[Sh...] I hope you’re right. And I hope your doctor corrects that report so that you can get that job you’ve always wanted. I don’t know how you stay so positive. It’s so hard to do when you feel like your slowly sinking into quicksand. 

[[Sh...]]

I haven’t been very positive at all this week. I feel terrible most of the time. My heart stuff has been really bad all month and it makes me feel lightheaded and also the head pressure is extreme. Yesterday I said a silent prayer that if god is going to take me can he please do it when I’m not driving my family. That’s how bad the heart stuff has been. But I smile, I laugh and I pretend everything is great. Not just for other people but for myself. I’m tired of being that sick person, I want to be well. So I act as tho I am. It hasn’t always been bad. I was doing really well for ages, but this month has been so bad, it has me wondering if I’ll ever be better again.

there is literally no other alternative. It’s grin and bear it, or the other thing which cannot be mentioned. 
I am no quitter and neither are u. So we keep going, with the fakest smile plastered to our face coz thinking well will surely get us feeling well. Hopefully x