Losing friends

[[...]]

As someone on the other side, looking on in this process as a caretaker of someone in wd, I can understand how friends and loved ones can prefer to distance themselves. This is something I've only been able to discuss with other caretakers because those who are in wd do not seem to have any awareness of how their personality changes at times and how they can be incredibly aggressive and even cruel towards loved ones. It's like empathy gets switched off and they become a whole different person.

I now know this is all part of the brain readjusting itself but it's disconcerting enough to lose all trust. The weird thing, and this is what we carers have discussed, is that people in wd DO NOT REMEMBER any of these temporary personality changes after they happen. So they are not aware of anything cruel they may have said or done. I myself have discussed this with my son when he's normal, telling him how he's been cruel and it's very frustrating for him because he has no idea whatsoever of doing those things, and tells me it's so unfair that I'm hurt or angry at things he has no idea he's done. 

My only suggestion would be to explain to loved ones that you're not yourself atm, that this condition makes you act in ways you're not aware of. 

[[Le...]]

treading dangerous ground here. if by caregiver you mean someone who gets people into these messes then this isnt going to be well received from you even though true in many ways. 

noone ever benefitted from this stuff in the long run and “caregivers” have a hard time admitting the harm they have done. 

Edited May 1 by [Le...]

[[Le...]]

i think i misunderstood and you are a mom. sorry. 

[[Le...]]

Just so you know. Many of us are in a non stop state of terror for a very long time. It would be hard to consider social niceties while being chased by a bear for 9 months too. 

 

We understand why it happened it is just another part of a horrible trauma that isnt really possible to fully recover from. 

Edited May 1 by [Le...]

[[He...]]

[[Le...]]

nice to hear someone was able to go through this with less loss. 

 

btw. I was a monster would could understand nothing around be cause that bear was on my heels. there was no space for people’s feelings in my head. 

Edited May 1 by [Le...]

[[Le...]]

Sorry I got sort of heated here. 

Most of us got into this because we trusted the wrong person. 

I am imagining bmom’s situation could be a parent making that mistake and their child paying for it. Then they come here full of self protecting rationalizations and pseudo victim blaming. I would feel bad for a parent who made that mistake but their child’s suffering is so much greater that the one little drop they experience is totally insignificant to me. 

i really doubt thats what happened. she probably helped them in withdrawal. 

Edited May 1 by [Le...]

[[...]]

@[He...] I'm happy you've been able to remain kind but that's not the common experience. And I'm not only talking about my own experience (btw my son is no teen, he's a grownup going through wd just like all of you), I've talked to spouses of people in wd who all report the same, the verbal and sometimes physical abuse caused by benzo rage and changes in personality, the complete lack of self awareness when dealing with others.

@[Le...] There is no need for you to blame me for a Dr's malpractice. I'm not the one who decided to put my (grown!) son on benzos, I'm just helping him get out of this hell. And my point is not that I want to blame any of you for your symptoms like benzo rage etc, I'm just trying to show the other side of this, where we are all victims of these poisons. Of course those who are in wd suffer this directly and more intensely, but don't think friends and relatives are oblivious in this situation, it is extremely painful to be on the receiving end of abuse even if you know it's just a symptom and especially when you're taking care of that person.

[[Le...]]

Edited May 1 by [Le...]

[[...]]

@[Le...] I'm so sorry you experienced this, just wanted to let you know that I'm on your side and I had the same experience regarding people's opinions about medical practice. I have also had to sever ties with friends and family who think I'm irresponsible for helping my son get off the drug that was poisoning him. His own father got out of the picture when he realized my son didn't want to experiment with other psychiatrists who would just give him other drugs. He just stopped taking his calls (and my son only called him when he was suffering from extreme bouts of anxiety), it was heartbreaking. It's also incredible how everyone seems to have an opinion about what he should do, even when you explain it clearly and show them the info etc. The only ones who have listened, in my case, are my parents, but sometimes it seems like the whole world is against us.

So yeah I do get it! It's a very lonely road and it's infuriating. Sometimes I just wish he didn't take out his frustration on us, the only people who are sticking with him and who will ultimately get him out of this.

[[Bo...]]

It is so indescribable and just know we do badly don’t want to take it out on anyone there is so so so much agitation irritability fear chemical terror inside of us , chemical shitstorm as Jenn Swan a therapist in this calls it that it’s impossible for us to consider how we are showing up to those around us. It is literally trying to stay alive second to second. 
My mom has been my best friend for my whole adult life, I’m an engineer volunteered fostering 25+ dogs , helped at children’s hospitals and for shelters almost every other weekend for years. I am 41, moved overseas by myself for my career at 27 having never been outside the States. Traveled to 45* countries, never so much took a melatonin for jet lag.

Was given a benzo after hospital for Covid like symptoms in March 2020 and my world fell apart bc of misdiagnosis if GAD and panic disorder. Polydrugged to high heavens not knowing initially that listening to the Drs was not the way to go to come off this stuff. Never had health issues prior except thyroid but that was managed fine….. so didn’t have a reason to not trust drs completely. worked out and ran multiple times a week and did 5k10k/half marathon and one full marathon in Paris.

i always had a smile on my face bc i truly loved life, all the little things, my fam and friends, loved doing special things for others, watching sports, the list goes on.

have had 25 different health diagnoses the last 4 years of this nightmare and almost lost my life multiple times due to akathisia. 

The amount of scary awful hateful thoughts and actions and words that my brain has spewed out at times is like I am a monster. It is so opposite of who I am and it’s so disturbing to people who were exact opposite …. I hated violence or anyone getting hurt, saved earthworms off the hot sunny ground bc I hated any living being suffering! My mom has been on the brunt of my hate and she’s my best friend. Unfortunately it’s caused her to spiral bc this has devastated our family seeing what’s happened to me and no one can fix it. More meds for the aka made it worse and now have a new taper I don’t know how I’ll survive. I’ve lost most around me bc as you said, people like to give suggestions instead of throwing on the fire suit and sitting inthe fire with us.

it is beyond comprehension what’s can do to someone and I’ll never understand it. I have always been so strong in my faith and this has caused me at times to feel so far away from Jesus. I trust as others have said that it will come back. I felt joy, happiness, love for everyone again, could laugh, eat more things and watch spots, be functional somewhat again last spring at the low doses of Klonopin so I know it can happen and will again. I hope this gives you some hope for your son.

Please know your son loves you and is beyond grateful for what you’re doing for him. It is tragic it is for a family to witness this happen. It is not us.  It’s is hard for us to focus on anything other than ourselves bc we have zero capacity to consider others as we try to live minute to minute in the waves. It’s impossible (again coming from someone that always thought of others more than myself bc I enjoyed it)
it is not spoken out about enough and so everyone has a tendency to blame the person in it and not recognize this is a chemical assault on someone’s nervous system and really a temporary (too long temp) chemical Brian injury.

Dr Josef Witt Doerring is getting the word out as is Dr Mark Horowitz but until a celebrity or public figure goes thru this and it’s not deemed addiction issues, it will still be judged by others instead of met with compassion grace and empathy like most give as with cancer , TBIs, diseases, etc.

Since it has to do eith psychotropic medications and people don’t know how someone can be injured by them bc well 1/4 of Americans are on one, it’s assumed the person is the problem instead of the medication.

what a wonderful mom you are. Thank God for you and what you’re doing. Remember to seek out support to someone who can fill your cup some. The benzo coaches all do a great job supporting caregivers, Dr Jenn Swanktowski meets with families to help support thru this and show your support network some of her videos and it might be helpful.

May your son have windows and great healing soon. There is an end to the pain and suffering, healing does happen. Continue to reach out and have your son lean on this board or benzo warrior Facebook group for support as he needs if he can. Someone’s just knowing others are here with us during this journey that get it and don’t have to explain one thing can really help.
Sending love from Texas and keep reaching out for your sanity too.

 

Edited May 2 by [Bo...]

[[Le...]]

34 minutes ago, [[B...] said:

It is so indescribable and just know we do badly don’t want to take it out on anyone there is so so so much agitation irritability fear chemical terror inside of us , chemical shitstorm as Jenn Swan a therapist in this calls it that it’s impossible for us to consider how we are showing up to those around us. It is literally trying to stay alive second to second. 
My mom has been my best friend for my whole adult life, I’m an engineer volunteered fostering 25+ dogs , helped at children’s hospitals and for shelters almost every other weekend for years. I am 41, moved overseas by myself for my career at 27 having never been outside the States. Traveled to 45* countries, never so much took a melatonin for jet lag.

Was given a benzo after hospital for Covid like symptoms in March 2020 and my world fell apart bc of misdiagnosis if GAD and panic disorder. Polydrugged to high heavens not knowing initially that listening to the Drs was not the way to go to come off this stuff. Never had health issues prior except thyroid but that was managed fine….. so didn’t have a reason to not trust drs completely. worked out and ran multiple times a week and did 5k10k/half marathon and one full marathon in Paris.

i always had a smile on my face bc i truly loved life, all the little things, my fam and friends, loved doing special things for others, watching sports, the list goes on.

have had 25 different health diagnoses the last 4 years of this nightmare and almost lost my life multiple times due to akathisia. 

The amount of scary awful hateful thoughts and actions and words that my brain has spewed out at times is like I am a monster. It is so opposite of who I am and it’s so disturbing to people who were exact opposite …. I hated violence or anyone getting hurt, saved earthworms off the hot sunny ground bc I hated any living being suffering! My mom has been on the brunt of my hate and she’s my best friend. Unfortunately it’s caused her to spiral bc this has devastated our family seeing what’s happened to me and no one can fix it. More meds for the aka made it worse and now have a new taper I don’t know how I’ll survive. I’ve lost most around me bc as you said, people like to give suggestions instead of throwing on the fire suit and sitting inthe fire with us.

it is beyond comprehension what’s can do to someone and I’ll never understand it. I have always been so strong in my faith and this has caused me at times to feel so far away from Jesus. I trust as others have said that it will come back. I felt joy, happiness, love for everyone again, could laugh, eat more things and watch spots, be functional somewhat again last spring at the low doses of Klonopin so I know it can happen and will again. I hope this gives you some hope for your son.

Please know your son loves you and is beyond grateful for what you’re doing for him. It is tragic it is for a family to witness this happen. It is not us.  It’s is hard for us to focus on anything other than ourselves bc we have zero capacity to consider others as we try to live minute to minute in the waves. It’s impossible (again coming from someone that always thought of others more than myself bc I enjoyed it)
it is not spoken out about enough and so everyone has a tendency to blame the person in it and not recognize this is a chemical assault on someone’s nervous system and really a temporary (too long temp) chemical Brian injury.

Dr Josef Witt Doerring is getting the word out as is Dr Mark Horowitz but until a celebrity or public figure goes thru this and it’s not deemed addiction issues, it will still be judged by others instead of met with compassion grace and empathy like most give as with cancer , TBIs, diseases, etc.

Since it has to do eith psychotropic medications and people don’t know how someone can be injured by them bc well 1/4 of Americans are on one, it’s assumed the person is the problem instead of the medication.

what a wonderful mom you are. Thank God for you and what you’re doing. Remember to seek out support to someone who can fill your cup some. The benzo coaches all do a great job supporting caregivers, Dr Jenn Swanktowski meets with families to help support thru this and show your support network some of her videos and it might be helpful.

May your son have windows and great healing soon. There is an end to the pain and suffering, healing does happen. Continue to reach out and have your son lean on this board or benzo warrior Facebook group for support as he needs if he can. Someone’s just knowing others are here with us during this journey that get it and don’t have to explain one thing can really help.
Sending love from Texas and keep reaching out for your sanity too.

wish i found these 2 years ago

[[An...]]

[[Ma...]]

Just a shoutout to @[Bo...]. Well said, well said and I wish more would read this post as it encapsulates just about everything. ❤️‍🩹 

[[An...]]

18 hours ago, [[H...] said:

I think you are wrong. Maybe some few people get cruel or agressive in WD and dont remeber it but that sounds strange.

I have never been agressive or cruel to anyone .nor before i had to start up taking small dose 5mg valium about 1,5year ago and when in WD.Im always kind and loving to other people i meet never agressive to anyone. If it is your son i understand it is easyer for him to be agressive on you.That is normal for teens

Everyone is different I have had aggressive outburst mainly at my family never my friends  

[[Le...]]

41 minutes ago, [[A...] said:

Everyone is different I have had aggressive outburst mainly at my family never my friends  

When noise causes you pain it would be quite the strong person not to react. 

[[An...]]

1 hour ago, [[L...] said:

When noise causes you pain it would be quite the strong person not to react. 

I know but it’s so hard when your not in control with this taper