Not so brief history, looking for advice and saying hello

[[Cl...]]

 

I had a heart attack while working as a carpenter 22 years ago. The cardiologist sent me home with an SSRI (anti-depressant used to quit smoking), a beta blocker, and a statin. The statin began affecting my muscles right away causing crippling pain at the same time that the anti-depressant caused profound depression, periods of white rage, and suicidal ideations - at the time I was unaware of which med was causing what. 5 different cardiologists said none of the listed meds had the described side effects. At that time I was prescribed Clonazepam .5mg daily as needed for mood swings. I took .5 mg daily for a year until I finally felt normal again.

 

I continued to take Clonazepam as a sleep aid three or four times a week as my muscles got worse. I was sent to a pain specialist and over the course of 2 years he continued to increase my pain meds (morphine, tramadol, vicodin, etc, etc) until I was up to 325mg a day of morphine. Info on statin damage began to come out of Europe but doctors here (Illinois) refused to even read the peer reviewed studies.

As more people began to be injured from statins, I contacted a doctor that was heading a study on statin damage at Mayo clinic and was told that the damage appeared permanent and progressive , there was no cure, and they were simply collecting data.

When I heard that there was no cure, I began a morphine taper - 325mg down to 90mg. If I remember right, the taper took around 18 months. While tapering I foolishly increased the Clonazepam to .5mg daily to help with withdrawal. Once I stabilized I then dropped down to .25mg nightly because it helped with sleep.

I apologize for the lack of precise numbers as to the amount and duration that each drug was taken. There were periods of anxiety and what I thought was restless leg syndrome that were probably withdrawal symptoms as I took Clonazepam irregularly. It’s only as of the last year that I’ve been experiencing a disturbing set of symptoms.

 

About a year ago I noticed that I would feel fine at bedtime, take ½ of a .5 Clonazepam and begin jerking 45 minutes later. I’ve come to understand that some call this a Paradoxical response. Is this an accepted concept? I’ve been reading the Ashton Manual as well as following a Dr. Josef on YouTube. He talks a lot about Paradoxical response as well as Tolerance withdrawal. Both of these would explain what I’m experiencing.

About the same time I started getting an obvious neurological symptom on very rare occasions – just as I was falling asleep it would feel like I was being violently palm-struck in the back of my head. Very similar to the sensation of being knocked out from a blow I didn’t see coming. This only happened 4-5 times but was very disturbing. I kept it to myself as it was so bizarre. Since then, I’ve read of “brain zaps” felt by those taking benzos.

 

I decided that I was going to taper off of the Clonazepam. I planned on doing it the same way that I did the Opiate taper. When I got down to ½ the amount that I had been taking I asked my doctor to cut my prescription in half. That was a year ago. I suspect I’ve been cutting too quickly because I’ve been experiencing spasms involving my whole core, a random crossing of my eyes, brain fog, etc.

 

I talk to my doctor every three months and was looking forward to asking him for advice. He is an addiction/pain specialist and I thought perhaps I should up-dose and taper slower. However, I was told that due to new legislation he needed to cut my dose of morphine from 90mg daily to 70mg.

 

As of now, I’m taking less of both meds and have no idea which cut is causing what withdrawal symptoms.

I’m willing to go through whatever I need to in order to be free of the dependence on the doctor and the meds. But I recently have been reading of permanent brain damage resulting from tapering benzos too quickly. I stopped tapering the Clonazepam and am slowly coming off of the morphine. Once I’m off of that, I plan to taper the Clonazepam. I joined this forum for advice. The bulk of the Clonazepam questions will start once I’m off of the morphine. I’m not involving my doctor as he is an advocate of rapid withdrawal using suboxone. I assume everyone here would be with me on my opinion of rapid withdrawal from benzos.

 

Sorry for the length of this post. I’m well versed in tapering opiates as I did that before. Benzodiazapines are a much scarier drug. I only bring up Opiates and statins because they are a large part of what I’m up against. I have much info on statin “therapy” if anyone needs it. When it comes to statins, I’m like a Mormon missionary with an Amway franchise. So, don’t hesitate to ask. They are crippling thousands.

Thanks, clive

 

[[Bu...]]

Hello @[Cl...],

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

I am so sorry for everything that you've been through.  When you feel that you're ready, we can definitely help you with a sensible, symptom-lead taper off of the Clonzeapm.  And some good news for you, in the vast majority of cases people heal from the damage caused by benzos.  It takes time, but healing happens.  

We're so glad you found us.  Please let us know how we can support you.