Lonely

[[he...]]

It’s 3am and I’m wide awake feeling like shit after an emotional night. I called 988 last night, I didn’t want to kill myself but I honestly do not want to live anymore. 
 

I feel so alone. My husband is gone a lot for work and even when he is here I am just so alone. I feel like it’s worse being alone with someone there. I don’t know how to express myself to him because even when I tell him something is wrong or broken in the house he tells me I ruined his day or I always ruin the mood. I just feel like I can’t even express myself. 
I am so sad and I am so alone, I have no where else to go. 

[[An...]]

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. It sounds to me like you are unhappily married b/c your spouse is unsympathetic. 

Your profile history says>>>>

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Discontinued June 2nd, 2023. 

So, you have been off benzos almost a year. Have you recovered a lot from the w/d syndrome?

[[Bu...]]

Hey @[he...],

I am so sorry that things are so hard right now.  I know well the darkness and silence of 3 am, when I can't help but ruminate on all that is wrong.  And I know there is a lot wrong right now, but it won't last forever. 

I am sorry that your husband just isn't getting it.  I know it can be very hard for people not feeling this to understand it and then they get frustrated and upset and it just comes out all wrong.  But please know that you are not alone.  All of us here understand what you're going through.  And better days are coming.  You're in my thoughts and prayers. ❤

 

[[he...]]

@[An...] Hi anti, yes I’ve recovered I’d say about 90% of my symptoms. I’ve also lost 53 pounds and started a slew of incredibly healthy habits. 
 

I

 

[[or...]]

On 18/04/2024 at 00:56, [[h...] said:

It’s 3am and I’m wide awake feeling like shit after an emotional night. I called 988 last night, I didn’t want to kill myself but I honestly do not want to live anymore. 
 

I feel so alone. My husband is gone a lot for work and even when he is here I am just so alone. I feel like it’s worse being alone with someone there. I don’t know how to express myself to him because even when I tell him something is wrong or broken in the house he tells me I ruined his day or I always ruin the mood. I just feel like I can’t even express myself. 
I am so sad and I am so alone, I have no where else to go. 

Well I can relate to most of this especially being up at 3 a.m.   I love how Parker explains what is happening in our brains, and can't recommend reading it more.  It's very long, but I just read a little at a time, then I've ended up doing the same thing over again when I can't understand the way I "feel", and this comes up often, but less now. 

Everything is magnified for me, I get this, seems even the good stuff is magnified too though I notice.  Probably many would just say I should have been an actress as I do drama real well but I'm over-the-top comedy as well.

Here's Parker's article if you want to try looking through it sometime: https://benzobuddies.org/topic/223403-what-is-happening-in-your-brain/#comment-2944995

What I truly understand, but conveniently forget, is that my feelings change if I can just remember my brain can lie to me, at times it might even convince me the lies are true.  I hope this makes some sense because I've seen a lot of healing in just over a year, and I'm still tapering. 

There are things I practice which I do believe have helped me heal.  I eat good nutrition, and exercise, my choice of both.  I also pray and I'm truly not a religious person, but it helps me when I think praying is at least worth a try. 

I'm 71 now, and after 35 years of taking a benzo, even I can heal and have true quality of life.  Hang on, stick with us here at BB, you are not alone, no matter how you feel, you just are not, oregonlady

 

Edited Saturday at 11:48 by [or...]