My experience so far.

[[No...]]

 

Hello everybody!

First sorry for my English but it’s not my native language. I understand very well but speaking and writing are not very good.

So here is my short messy story:

I’ve started benzos in beginning of 2017, initialy Klonopin (here is generic clonazepam) as needed for insomnia usually 0.25/0.5 mg. I had no clue what is this drug, just listened to my doctor ( Lets add and an alcohol – everyday).  About a year it became daily due to too much and too big life stressors.

So from 2017 to 2022 I was on and off (every off was CT) on Klonopin, Lorazepam, Xanax,Denaxit (TC antidepressant banned in most countries), escitalopram, trazodone, never quit alcohol and started smoking in 2020 which I quit in 2012.

 In the summer of 2022 after CT Xanax (and smoking)  I’ve got ear infection and of course good dose of antibiotics. Then started to feel some pressure back of my head and in ears, like pulsing nerve but without pain. After few doctors and head scan there was nothing found. Ok, but this one made me crazy! This feeling is in my head and ears all day till now. So I’ve found that Klonopin helps and I start to take 1 mg daily. April 2023 I’ve realized that 1 mg is not working like before so I added 0.5 mg.

Let’s start the funny part:

After I realized that there is such thing like tolerance, I decided to meet a psychiatrist and find out what to do. The result was: 100 mg sertraline, 30 mg mirtazapine, 50 mg quetiapine, 0.5 mg flupentixol and 4 mg Klonopin daily.. 25 days later I quit CT sertraline (around 25 May 2023), quetiapine and flupentixol too. Stayed on Klonopin 1 mg (never took more than 2.5) and mirtazapine 30 mg (insomnia). Oh yes, I quit the doc too..

September I’ve quit mirtazapine CT and this was my break point. I was 1 month non functional and my CNS was damaged. In short from last days of October I started taper Klonopin but started AGAIN mirtazapine. It was too fast and miserable, 20 days later stopped AGAIN mirtazapine, updosed Klonopin to 0.875 mg. Started taper again and on 29 January I was on 0.5 mg and functional (CT smoking again).

Then cardiologist found that I have a heart problem.. Anxiety to the roof and Klonopin too – 1 mg.

18 February cut 0.5 mg (50%) and held 40 days and here became second cardiologist.. So last week before I go to the doctor I started 1 mg Klonopin again, smoking too (70 days off). From this Monday I am back on 0.5 mg Klonopin and still smoking.. Very strong anxiety, night terror with panic attacs which feel like someone stabbing me in the heart every morning 10 times at least. I am still functional, at work but don’t like my inner sense what is coming next. You are free to judge me, I do it myself. Now after all these “smart” moves seems like my only option is to hold and wait the hell. I hope my story will help somebody to miss the same mistakes. The worst part is that my heart needs to be calm, but this maybe is only possible if I go to high dose and I am very pessimistic right now.

Thanks for your time, wish you all to heal and be strong.

 

 

[[Br...]]

Hello @[No...] - Welcome to BenzoBuddies!  

I'm so sorry you've been through such a nightmare.  I feel confident that you will find information and support here to help you find the best way forward.  Your CNS has been through a lot with starting and stopping several meds including Klonopin.  I think the goal right now is to get you as stabilized as possible before you proceed with any further reductions.  It may take some time for you to stabilize.  What we mean by stabilize isn't that you won't have any withdrawal symptoms - it means the symptoms will be as tolerable to you as possible. 

Please tell us exactly what meds and their doses you're taking currently.

We will help you through this.  Many of us here can identify with what you're experiencing.  This is a community that understands and wants to support you, so please ask any questions you have and reach out for support.

We're glad you're here.

Brighterday

[[No...]]

Hello @[Br...], thank you for your kindness! Right now I am on 0.5 mg Klonopin and 5 mg bisoprolol, nothing else. My physical condition is "good", tired, sleep is poor but I am 15 years insomniac. I can go to work and care to my 2 kids. Starting to feel little unstable with walking and standing, my head is in pressure but this is from almost 2 years. Shaking when doing physical job since quit mirtazapine CT. My mental state is poor.. After years of constant battle, all these drugs and lifes knock outs I am exhausted. My first concern is the withdrawal wave that comes for sure after my last week up and down with Klonopin. I read a lot here last month and I am now aware what a hazard game I play with my brain. I feel very guilty of course but what is done is done. I am a father of two and my family is the only thing that makes me to stand up on my feet every morning.

Thank you again.

[[Br...]]

@[No...] Do you think it would help to updose the klonopin and start to taper from possibly more stability? 

Are you taking the bisoprolol for blood pressure issues or to help with withdrawal symptoms?  

[[No...]]

Hello @[Br...]

At this point I am functional and think to hold the current dose of 0.5 mg and try to reach some steady level which was my goal before last week. I don't want to play again with my dose if it is possible but if withdrawal hit my heart I will not have other choice..

Bisoprolol is prescribed 5 years ago due to heart condition.

Thank you. 

[[Er...]]

I think the goal of stabilizing at 0.5 mg for now makes perfect sense. Then possibly very very slowly shaving 5-10% off every couple of weeks (or slower) as they recommend on this site. I have taken klonopin (0.5 - 1.0 mg and some nights more) at night for insomnia for 18 years. I also work and have kids, one still young and at home. I started this process of tapering several months ago. My sleep is variable.. sometimes fine and sometimes not good at all. I started exercising again which really helps me to feel better about myself overall as well.  Don't feel guilty or beat yourself up! These medications are some of the most widely prescribed medications there are and so you are far from alone! 

[[No...]]

The wave started yesterday on day 5, this one is stronger of course. I am angry that so much people suffer in such a torture with these poisons prescribed legally by doctors. And same these doctors are so ignorant.. The last one told me that he can makes me off of K about 4 days. I told him: I can quit right now, but I will die in 10 days and you will die the day before maybe.. 

[[PE...]]

4 minutes ago, [[N...] said:

The wave started yesterday on day 5, this one is stronger of course. I am angry that so much people suffer in such a torture with these poisons prescribed legally by doctors. And same these doctors are so ignorant.. The last one told me that he can makes me off of K about 4 days. I told him: I can quit right now, but I will die in 10 days and you will die the day before maybe.. 

Sorry to hear you suffering!

Last sentence made me laugh though 😅

[[No...]]

Day 12 and the wave is pretty acute. Breathing problems, sleep is 3 hours, developed restless legs, very intensive sleep jerks at night every time when I am going to drift off (sometimes even stopping breathing), reflux, etc.. Panic mode is on. Not sure what to do, ride the wave and waiting to stabilise, updosing or cutting down. Any advice will be appreciated. I am not sure if these breathing problems are due to high anxiety, but these jerks make me scary.

[[P3...]]

It's 4:48am...of course I'm not sleeping. Day 25 of acute withdraws. But found you guys. Hope to learn more. Still not functioning at all. Am just trying to survive this ordeal. 

[[Co...]]

Hello @[P3...]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

[[No...]]

This poison gave me a gift.. I realized that the fear is my monster which tortures me all the time. Yes, there are symptoms but the fear makes them worst. And not just this messy game with this poison, the fear rules my life. Now looking back I can see that this is all my life. I am always in the corner scared of everything and in survival mode, trying to fix this with alcohol, ADs and benzos while thinking that something is wrong with me. Yes, my life is not easy but my attitude is wrong trying to escape from something that I can't - the life itself. I am scared even from the lack of fear?! So it tooks me 44 years to find this truth or maybe just to be honest with myself and to admit it. And these are not some spiritual bs, this is just the reality of myself. What can one to do if someone is beating him all life long and there is no escape,  can't avoid this? Not much options here, stay in the corner and cry of such a misery or face the monster.. I am sure that this is not just my story, there are others like me, but I can't stay in the corner any longer. No more corners for me, no matter the cost. Keep going.