Setback Support

[[Ya...]]

** Trigger Warning : Talking about setbacks 

I'm 30 month out , had AMAZING long windows (months long) where I felt zero mental symptoms but only fatigue and benzo belly and even forgot about benzo and hardly visited BB  

Had the normal window , wave cycling .

Bur waves are different than setbacks , setbacks I feel I become completely sensitive to everything and feel like acute and are longer in duration. My waves were max 6 weeks long but this setback is nothing like the old waves. It's breaking me apart. 

Been in this setback for 3 month ago due to taking supplements thinking I'm out of the woods , stupid me ! This is the second setback but had a hysterectomy back in June I'm not sure if this has added feul to the fire.. 

This setback has been fixating me on fear of panic , a single moment I'm sane and trying to talk my self out of panic and the next moment I'm in total fear and shivering and suffocating from Sadness and hellish feeling that is torturous. 

Is it normal to be afraid of my own mind! A single panic can make my terror increase folds and my functionality diminish . Like my mind is a monster introducing panicky thoughts and I try so hard to stop it cause each panic attack inducing thoughts increases my pain for days forward. Suffocating choking Sadness and fear in everything. 

Is this normal? Is this my new norm? I never had anxiety prior to taking benzo I took it back in June 2019 only due to a traumatic scene that sent me into 1 panic attack and doctor prescribed me clonazepam and escitalopram. I took it for 3 month then started tapering on my own very slowly for 1 and half year and took my last piece June 2021.

I'm so sad and need support. Is this normal, how can I be so sensitive to thoughts ! I'm afraid of my own thoughts that trigger unbearable panic, pain , torture . I'm usually very good w managing my thoughts and journalling and being my own therapist . But this is not working bec this is not a psychological disorder this is a neurological storm ! 

I was semi functional the past couple of weeks but with intense anxiety , sadness and on the verge of panic every minute , just 6 hours ago I got bammed with an intense panic attack that has bought me back 10 steps . My body is shivering, zero appetite, extreme doom and gloom, want to jump out of my skin, cannot sleep! 

I never had a panic disorder prior , maybe i did ruminate here and there. Maybe iam traumatised from panic attacks because they are what caused me to mistakenly take benzo in the first place from one single panic attack that freaked me out and the ignorant psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD and GAD after only sitting with me for 15 minutes due to the traumatic scene I have seen (a murder) . 

Please please need your reassurance that I will get better.

Seems I'm one of the long haulers. 

[[Th...]]

Yazz, I'm sorry you are going through this at 30 months out.  However, IMO, late waves or setbacks or whatever you want to call them are fairly common.  I'm 90 months out and I had waves or setbacks that lasted up to 2 months at 1.5, 3, 4, 5 and 6 years off.  I still get hit with off nights of sleep.  

The mind is very powerful.  Do you best to reassure yourself that things will even out over time.  Don't feed into the negative dark thoughts that can literally produce a panic attack.  I know as I've "talked" myself into panic attacks in the past by ruminating on thoughts of my dad passing, etc. 

You will recover from this.  Just let time do it's thing!  Peace!

Edited March 13 by [Th...]

[[Ya...]]

Can u plz share your symptoms within a setback versus when u r healed? Any triggers to setbacks ? Do u notice a difference between waves (short ones prior in the first 2 years) and these setbacks ? Benzo coach powers doesn't like thr word setbacks cause it gives the feeling that u r starting over . He calls them flare ups . All my family thinks I should see a neurologist or psychiatrist 

[[Ya...]]

Can u plz share your symptoms within a setback versus when u r healed? Any triggers to setbacks ? Do u notice a difference between waves (short ones prior in the first 2 years) and these setbacks ? Benzo coach powers doesn't like thr word setbacks cause it gives the feeling that u r starting over . He calls them flare ups . All my family thinks I should see a neurologist or psychiatrist 

[[Th...]]

My main symptoms were insomnia.  At 18 months off I had some panic attacks, depression and anxiety along with the insomnia and a bit of DP/DR.  That was my worst flareup and it lasted about 2 months.  

Early on, or within the first 3 or 4 years, these flareups lasted longer and were more intense.  The past 3 to 4 years they mainly last only a few days to a week although I did have about a 3 week (but not every day) flareup last May, but that was insomnia only.  I had about 15 other symptoms besides insomnia and all of those ended about 5 years or longer ago.  My flareups now are insomnia only and very short lived...  Peace!

[[Ya...]]

Im sorry about your dad's passing.  May He rest in peace