To those who do not seem to heal :(

[[mo...]]

How is it that we do heal? Sometimes I think I am  so  s lo w l y  healing that I hardly notice it. And my memory was so badly affected that I have trouble remembering how I was say two years ago. And now because of illnesses (like heart issues (had surgery for that) (and breast cancer now) everything together is practically unrecognizable. I take medications for illness that have their own side effects -particularly a hormone blocker to hopefully shrink my breast cancer before surgery  - side effects - depression, anxiety and sleep issues - even foggy vision and cognitive issues. I have been living with constant DR and DP for years now and believe it or not I sometimes feel grateful to be in this fog of roaring in my ears and foggy vision because I have so much fear of my upcoming surgery and all that entails. I feel so out of control of my own fate and feel like I'm living my life in surprise that I keep waking up every morning. Can anyone tell me their own experience with slow healing. Thank you.

[[aa...]]

On 07/03/2024 at 04:17, [[M...] said:

All under 6 years I don’t count.  I mean hundreds between 6-10 years off…😓😭

I’m so sad cause I know after almost 28 months of severe weakness and Dystonia / stiffness muscle contractions, I will not heal. Even if I would heal 50% I don’t have a life. Can walk 20 meters and all muscles turn into stone and lost all sensations of having a body with organs, I am only eyes

Hi mascha,

My body is tilted one side the neck n back. My muscle tightness n contractions has made one side numb n other side is also started. If we continue lik this we become useless zombies.  Noone can help.. Am on bed from 14 days even going to the washroom i need support. Plz reply I need to chat With u I feel alone in this. 

[[st...]]

On 06/03/2024 at 11:16, [[S...] said:

I'm 11 years off and left with permanent neurological injuries.. Neurotoxicity.

I'm so sorry. Can I ask what you're left with? I feel like mine is neurological and won't ever go away. 

[[Sc...]]

15 hours ago, [[s...] said:

I'm so sorry. Can I ask what you're left with? I feel like mine is neurological and won't ever go away. 

Head tension, neck and back tension. Head is the worst. 11 years and it has not gone away. An alteration to the CNS occurred. Unfortunate but it is what it is.

Edited March 8 by [Sc...]

[[Ma...]]

When I had my MRI in October was told everything was fine. Nope. Have white matter disease. That doesn’t heal. It’s not from age, either, as my Neuropsychologist tried to kindly , but falsely, explain…

Untreatable damage, pure and simple. 🥹

Edited March 11 by [Ma...]

[[mr...]]

On 07/03/2024 at 03:13, [[M...] said:

At the same time there was a woman in the aka groups she has 9 years akathasia from 2 weeks of oxazepam. 2 weeks. God

I definetly have 2 years of damage from alprazolam off the darkweb from taking it about 2 weeks.

Im probably not as severe as someone who has done it for years but

its kinda of shitty to tell people they arent suffering when they obviously are the internet seeking answers and help from a drug which they know before they took they didnt have these problems

[[le...]]

On 12/03/2024 at 11:45, [[m...] said:

I definetly have 2 years of damage from alprazolam off the darkweb from taking it about 2 weeks.

Im probably not as severe as someone who has done it for years but

its kinda of shitty to tell people they arent suffering when they obviously are the internet seeking answers and help from a drug which they know before they took they didnt have these problems

I don’t t think we all recover. Just spent 9 nights with zero sleep feel like I’m in acute again. Spent last 3 days in bed crying, gets to the point you’ve not got any more fight left in you. Have fear everything is contaminated but no one available to help me. Feel totally alone and unloved. I can’t see a way out of this.

[[Ga...]]

Leann, so sorry for your suffering.  But, if you go back and review the many medicines you posted about on the boards and now the zopiclone, and some alcohol, your brain has never had a period of time when you took nothing!   And, who knows what is in the zop you are getting online!  If you only drank a little, if you only took a few pills, your brain is still being subjected to the harm these drugs can cause.  Try to stay off of everything as the proof is in the pudding.  You have not had any help with any drug so commit to No More Drugs.  I have had to take too many antibiotics for actual illnesses, and I, therefore, continue to have withdrawal symptoms.

Enjoy your new grand baby to come!

GG

[[le...]]

1 hour ago, [[G...] said:

Leann, so sorry for your suffering.  But, if you go back and review the many medicines you posted about on the boards and now the zopiclone, and some alcohol, your brain has never had a period of time when you took nothing!   And, who knows what is in the zop you are getting online!  If you only drank a little, if you only took a few pills, your brain is still being subjected to the harm these drugs can cause.  Try to stay off of everything as the proof is in the pudding.  You have not had any help with any drug so commit to No More Drugs.  I have had to take too many antibiotics for actual illnesses, and I, therefore, continue to have withdrawal symptoms.

Enjoy your new grand baby to come!

GG

 

1 hour ago, [[G...] said:

Leann, so sorry for your suffering.  But, if you go back and review the many medicines you posted about on the boards and now the zopiclone, and some alcohol, your brain has never had a period of time when you took nothing!   And, who knows what is in the zop you are getting online!  If you only drank a little, if you only took a few pills, your brain is still being subjected to the harm these drugs can cause.  Try to stay off of everything as the proof is in the pudding.  You have not had any help with any drug so commit to No More Drugs.  I have had to take too many antibiotics for actual illnesses, and I, therefore, continue to have withdrawal symptoms.

Enjoy your new grand baby to come!

GG

 

[[le...]]

I have no interest in grandchild just feel dead inside think am one of those who never recovers sadly

[[Ga...]]

Leann, you may never recover fully, but there is a lot of living to be enjoyed in your future.  Having a grandchild is a true blessing; don’t you think that your son will want you to be part of his/her life?

You need to look behind the present and look to the future.  And, you will have a future beyond what you are experiencing.  If you have not been diagnosed with a mental illness, then maybe you are just very depressed.  I know anti-depressants don’t always work (as you have found out), but a good mindset, exercise, healthy eating, and positivity can go a long way in healing the mind.  A couple of years ago you were gardening and meeting friends for lunch and doing Pilates.  Do you not enjoy these pastimes anymore?  Are you and your husband getting out together?

Life is difficult for people not going through benzo recovery, as life in general has many twists and turns, the good, the bad and the ugly.  But, it is a blessing to just wake up in the morning!   Put your hand over your heart in the morning and say out loud one thing you are grateful for!

GG

[[de...]]

@[le...] Hey there!  So sorry to hear you are struggling so much.  Just wanted to check on you.   I was concerned a few days ago when I saw something you posted that was really incoherent.  I had a hard time understanding what you were saying,  Do you think there is possibly something else going on?  

[[Na...]]

4 hours ago, [[l...] said:

I have no interest in grandchild just feel dead inside think am one of those who never recovers sadly

The fact is @[le...], none of us knows what the future holds. Not even the people that never took a benzo.

But, do your best not to assume that you'll never recover. Believe me, I know how hard that is. After so long hope is the hardest thing to hold on to.

Some people even very far out do recover. But it's hard to be optimistic as the years roll on. I've gotten to the point where I just try to keep the pessimism in check, because it doesn't help. 

Think about it - if you thought you would get better but were wrong and never did, your life would be better than if you thought you'd never get better and it turned out you were right.

Edited March 13 by [Na...]

[[be...]]

Will be 11 yrs off the benzos for me in a few months. While I have had improvements I am not healed.

My symptoms are muscle and nerve pain. Neuropathy in legs..weak..numb..stiff..and painful. 

Had none of this prior to benzo use and wd. 

I don't agree with the statement that everyone heals. I'm so tired and worn out from it all. 

[[le...]]

18 hours ago, [[d...] said:

@[le...] Hey there!  So sorry to hear you are struggling so much.  Just wanted to check on you.   I was concerned a few days ago when I saw something you posted that was really incoherent.  I had a hard time understanding what you were saying,  Do you think there is possibly something else going on?  

Was just typo errors. I desperately need therapy for the OCD symptoms that started about 15 months ago from the flu jab. NHS is useless have been in contact with therapist I saw in the past. Can:t do anything I used to do anymore just sit on the sofa crying most of the day, intrusive thoughts are hellish, watch some of Melissa Boultier videos she explains how hellish they are. First couple hours when I wake up am fine then crying starts. I should be excited about grandchild but feel nothing horrible feeling.

Edited March 14 by [le...]

[[de...]]

@[le...] The people who heal do not continue taking benzos, Z-drugs or alcohol.  I think you mentioned you are taking Zoplicone currently.  That could prevent you from healing.  The subject line of this post says "To those who do not seem to heal"   It should say "To those who do not seem to heal while continuing to take Z drugs"   It is really hard for people to give good feedback if they don't know all the facts.  In my opinion, you will not heal if you keep taking Z drugs, but I could be wrong.   Also, you have mentioned in the past you occasionally drink alcohol.  This could also hinder the healing process.  In order for our brains to heal, we have to abstain from the substances that are causing harm. 

[[mr...]]

On 13/03/2024 at 08:07, [[l...] said:

I don’t t think we all recover. Just spent 9 nights with zero sleep feel like I’m in acute again. Spent last 3 days in bed crying, gets to the point you’ve not got any more fight left in you. Have fear everything is contaminated but no one available to help me. Feel totally alone and unloved. I can’t see a way out of this.

the more stressed i am the harder it is to sleep , i can easily do 2 or 3 nights with only a 1 or 2 hours of sleep.

i notice my symptoms get worst the longer i stay up then i will end up staying in bed crying until i fall alseep.

I may not have been exposed the to drug as long as you though, keep fighting u have a grandchild to live for.

[[Ai...]]

Hi, I’m 10+ years off.  70 years old. That being said, I’m still not well.  I was on Xanax for 16 years (.25 mg 3 times a day) Never increased dosage .  I started experiencing interdose withdrawal after 6 years.  Finally I was able to go off it and was sick like everyone else.  At this point I am able to function normally for a few months (drive, listen to music, go to restaurants, etc. but then it all comes back with a vengeance.  Tinnitus is bad.  Mind fog is bad. My hyperaccussis is bad and my body jumps with terror when this is going on.  I also have interior tremors in my body constantly.  About six months ago my feet have started tingling.  This is no joke.  The medication destroyed my nervous system. There are a ton of us out there.  It just goes on and on. I am unable to make a regular commitment to anything.  I don’t share this with many people. I just say I have a neurological problem that I cannot control as to when it will show up.  I am blessed with an understanding husband.  When I am not well going for rides is a wonderful thing.  

[[Sn...]]

12 hours ago, [[d...] said:

@[le...] The people who heal do not continue taking benzos, Z-drugs or alcohol.  I think you mentioned you are taking Zoplicone currently.  That could prevent you from healing.  The subject line of this post says "To those who do not seem to heal"   It should say "To those who do not seem to heal while continuing to take Z drugs"   It is really hard for people to give good feedback if they don't know all the facts.  In my opinion, you will not heal if you keep taking Z drugs, but I could be wrong.   Also, you have mentioned in the past you occasionally drink alcohol.  This could also hinder the healing process.  In order for our brains to heal, we have to abstain from the substances that are causing harm. 

Please leave out the 'I could be wrong.' You're exactly right. Alcohol and psychiatric drugs prevent healing. There are no shortcuts, you have to suffer through it.

It's been told to certain persons here over and over again, and yet they keep on complaining that they don't heal, while leaving out the fact that they keep on taking stuff that doesn't belong in the brain in the first place. 

What makes me angry is that they scare other people and bring them down and take away their hope. Also, these people who do this also have a tendency in telling that they have it way worse than others here, while they don't know what everybody is going through. Complaining is okay, but don't take other people down with you. It's toxic. 

Stay away from drugs and alcohol, eat healthy, work out it you're able too. And that's just it. There are no shortcuts. 

Edited March 15 by [Sn...]

[[de...]]

@[Ai...]So sorry you are still having symptoms after all these years!   This injury to our central nervous system can take a long time to heal.  So it sounds like you started having inter-dose withdrawal 20 years ago,  then got off 10 years ago.   Having a supportive spouse is such a tremendous help.  At what level do you function when you are not feeling well?

[[Ai...]]

2 hours ago, [[d...] said:

 At what level do you function when you are not feeling well?

I have trouble getting up in the morning so I immediately go and empty the dishwasher to get myself moving.  I have a lost feeling.  I have trouble thinking because my body is in fright and flight mode.  I just try to keep doing the next thing.  I don’t want to speak to people that early.  I can go out and drive and shop but the music in the store bothers me.  I meanwhile I continually have the inner tremors.  I feel dull with no joy of life as I go through the motions.  I then start feeling a tiny bit better.  By dinner time I’m even better— meaning the terror seems to abate.  I dread going to sleep because I don’t want it all to start over again the next morning.  This will go on and on.  Then out of the blue I feel like someone turns on a switch and it subsides. It is amazing and it can happen anytime. Then I am normal again, my sense of humor returns, I want to plan things again , I start sewing projects and then everything just fizzles out.  Rinse and repeat.. 

[[Du...]]

Im worsening... brain just shows random images non stop and I don't have deep sleep and hence no memory consolidation

 

[[Du...]]

Im worsening... brain just shows random images non stop and I don't have deep sleep and hence no memory consolidation

 

[[Du...]]

Im worsening... brain just shows random images non stop and I don't have deep sleep and hence no memory consolidation

 

[[Du...]]

Im worsening... brain just shows random images non stop and I don't have deep sleep and hence no memory consolidation