Am I mentally I’ll

[[le...]]

Wondering if this is normal. Don’really get windows, but last week dirt coping, anxiety still ever present but did manage to do a bit. Today woke up nervous wreck, intrusive thoughts all day, like a panic attack all day. Nearly 4 years of anti depressants thought would be more stable. Sometimes thought I am bi polar but never get a happy creative day. Is this windows and waves. Can barely breathe today literally been crying all day

[[Ca...]]

So sorry about that, it is, some or most of the time, exceedingly difficult, coping day to day. My symptoms are mental as well, lot of anxiety, depression, grief, intrusive thoughts like having a fearful/guilty perception of everything. It's so insidious I can't tell what's true and what's not. We could really use a long, overdue catch a break!!

[[le...]]

Think it’s git bad because literally haven’t slept in a week. I do get sleeping tablets on line ran out and delay on them coming through. The f***ing doctors won’t give me anything. Was getting bit better but feel like I did in acute now

[[lo...]]

On 03/03/2024 at 16:58, [[l...] said:

Wondering if this is normal. Don’really get windows, but last week dirt coping, anxiety still ever present but did manage to do a bit. Today woke up nervous wreck, intrusive thoughts all day, like a panic attack all day. Nearly 4 years of anti depressants thought would be more stable. Sometimes thought I am bi polar but never get a happy creative day. Is this windows and waves. Can barely breathe today literally been crying all day

It depends what you mean by mentally ill.  These drugs can certainly make us feel very mentally unwell as can drug withdrawal.  I was led to believe I had a mental disorder when I started on benzos for muscle spasms, they made me very unwell, hence the reason I was put on antidepressants which never helped me, most made me worse.  Withdrawal was horrendous.  I didn't really get windows either, it was just never-ending suffering for about 4-5 years before it gradually started to get easier.  I had incessant looping thoughts, a nervous wreck, in a state of panic about absolutely nothing at all which would last for days.  Also had rapid mood switching which kind of gave me a flavour of what bipolar might be like though I am sure that would be much worse.  I still get sudden mood switches, can be quite upbeat and then quite quickly can change to being really quite low.   I think you will know yourself what you were like before you started on these drugs and how does this compare.  I had low mood before benzos but it was the drugs that really sent me into a spiral of what appeared to be mental illness, the same happened when I came off them, yet I had decades in between which were much less volatile.  Not being able to sleep is going to make matters much worse as you say.  At least when we sleep we get some respite from it all. 

[[le...]]

I was fine befire being made to CT zopiclone. No intrusive thoughts or anxiety. Yes been 8 days of zero sleep, feel I’m almost psychotic.was reading on line said insomnia can cause psychosis and mania. Just feel I am loosing my mind. Have lost lit weight was feeling but better now appetite gone again. The bloody dictirs won’t give you anything shirt term to help. Husband thinks should be sectioned so everything very bleak.

[[Ga...]]

Hi Leann, long time no chat!  Do you have a grand baby now?  I think you mentioned some months back that a delivery date in February was expected for your son and DIL’s happy event?  If yes, then congratulations are in order.  Did you get some knitted baby clothes done…I believe you shared that you enjoy knitting?

I am sorry to hear that you are still experiencing some harmful effects of the anti-depressives you took, but probably some of the other drugs you tried are contributing to your complicated recovery!  I, too, have been polydrugged, mainly with different antibiotics and a few doses of Ativan in the emergency room.  I have now had to stop using Benadryl for my allergies, as it can cause problems with the bladder!  Almost any type of OTC drugs or prescribed drugs can have an effect on our recovering bodies!  What pills are you taking for sleep that you are getting by mail?  I had used melatonin for sleep early on in my recovery and it did help.  Now I am lucky to fall asleep naturally, which I admit is a blessing.

As for mental illness, that would be up to a doctor to diagnose….I have a nephew who is bi-polar and he was tested by several doctors to get a firm diagnosis.  He does have the typical mania with periods of depression….he used to be highly creative and was enrolled in an art school, but could not stand the stress of attending.  He does take meds which help him on a daily basis.

Are you experiencing any spring weather there in your home across the pond?  We are beginning to have some nice weather with plenty of rain which is encouraging the tulips and daffodils to pop up!

Take care and keep the faith!

GG

Edited March 5 by [Ga...]
Changed a word

[[le...]]

Baby due in about 3 weeks time. Been knitting a baby blanket. Think just when goes on long time you start having doubts. I was fine before being made to to go CT and taking the AD SI really think it’s the drugs. Haven’t slept in 8 nights, says that can cause mania and psychosis type symptoms, which is why I am feeling so bad. Husband getting really snappy with me. Yes the anti depressants really messed me up, stupidly did try one few months ago still makes me fill awful. Yes get. zopiclone on line, doctors get very funny with me. Had insomnia for about 20 years, went through several years barely sleeping, not ideal taking them but can’t exist on no sleep permanently. I’m OK with over counter stuff for sleep, but none worse. Dud think about sectioning myself, but what I need is meds for sleep and therapy, which won’t get here in psych wards. Dud look at private one but £9000 a week that can’t afford.

Very cold here still

m, but 

Edited March 5 by [le...]

[[Ca...]]

On 05/03/2024 at 01:22, [[l...] said:

I was fine befire being made to CT zopiclone. No intrusive thoughts or anxiety. Yes been 8 days of zero sleep, feel I’m almost psychotic.was reading on line said insomnia can cause psychosis and mania. Just feel I am loosing my mind. Have lost lit weight was feeling but better now appetite gone again. The bloody dictirs won’t give you anything shirt term to help. Husband thinks should be sectioned so everything very bleak.

OMG, that's too long insomnia, don't know how you've kept it together as well as you have. But insomnia could cause delirium beyond certain point. I do vape ∆8 to help with falling asleep but I still don't really get enough sleep and I can definitely tell when it gets to be critical to my mental state. 

They must help you! Or I'd get another doc that takes you seriously. I've had to change docs on such occasions. 

[[le...]]

1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

OMG, that's too long insomnia, don't know how you've kept it together as well as you have. But insomnia could cause delirium beyond certain point. I do vape ∆8 to help with falling asleep but I still don't really get enough sleep and I can definitely tell when it gets to be critical to my mental state. 

They must help you! Or I'd get another doc that takes you seriously. I've had to change docs on such occasions. 

 

1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

OMG, that's too long insomnia, don't know how you've kept it together as well as you have. But insomnia could cause delirium beyond certain point. I do vape ∆8 to help with falling asleep but I still don't really get enough sleep and I can definitely tell when it gets to be critical to my mental state. 

They must help you! Or I'd get another doc that takes you seriously. I've had to change docs on such occasions. 

 

[[le...]]

The meds I ordered on line have come today thank goodness hopefully sleep today. Really hard change doctors here as they won’t take on new patients. It’s made me quite manic keep getting panic attacks. Wish we had system more like US, you are very limited here which doctor you can go to. They moan if you get meds in line but reuse give you anything can’t go on fir weeks with no sleep.

[[Sc...]]

On 03/03/2024 at 08:58, [[l...] said:

Wondering if this is normal. Don’really get windows, but last week dirt coping, anxiety still ever present but did manage to do a bit. Today woke up nervous wreck, intrusive thoughts all day, like a panic attack all day. Nearly 4 years of anti depressants thought would be more stable. Sometimes thought I am bi polar but never get a happy creative day. Is this windows and waves. Can barely breathe today literally been crying all day

The term "mentally ill" is stigmatizing, labeling, casting a slur on and shaming someone. This is what psychiatrists do. You are not mentally ill, nobody is. Having anxiety, depression are normal human emotions that everyone feels. Life's problems is not a mental illness. 

[[lo...]]

On 05/03/2024 at 09:22, [[l...] said:

I was fine befire being made to CT zopiclone. No intrusive thoughts or anxiety. Yes been 8 days of zero sleep, feel I’m almost psychotic.was reading on line said insomnia can cause psychosis and mania. Just feel I am loosing my mind. Have lost lit weight was feeling but better now appetite gone again. The bloody dictirs won’t give you anything shirt term to help. Husband thinks should be sectioned so everything very bleak.

I am really very sorry.  A psychiatrist suggested sectioning me at the height of my worst years in my 20s, after being prescribed benzos and antidepressants.  My husband refused, he saved me from that.   As you were fine before CT then clearly you are suffering withdrawal effects.  The lack of sleep will definitely make matters so much worse.  I would be very wary of being in a psych ward as they would generally prescribe more drugs. 

[[Du...]]

I'm the worst

Speech in brain

Looping words 

Brain talking random words

Brain showing random images open and close eyes non stop

Earworm 24/7

Brain can't read .. misread

Comatose

Insomnia

Brain talking wrong words 

Flashback of memories or random scenes

Breathless 

Head pain and pressure

Thinking visually and tactilely 

Heart palpitations

Only on benzo for 3 wks..then polydrugged for 2 months due to insomnia 

 

I just lying and waiting to die 

Edited March 19 by [Du...]

[[Ga...]]

Duck tales, your symptoms sound pretty awful!  What drug did you use and for how long?  I am 76 years young, suffered a concussion from a fall in 2018, had a benign lesion removed from my cranium in 2019, then suffered through a one year period of taking Valium for muscle tension from the fall, and only tapered for three and one half months.  I have had off and on headaches, brain burning, and all sorts of brain sensations for a long time, but was pretty much healed in 2019, until I was given the benzo Versed in August of 2019!  I truly felt fully recovered! The good news is that at 48 months this month, I am seeing good relief from all my head symptoms.  I have actually gone two months with NO head sensations, so I know my brain is healing.  All of my brain MRI’s show a very healthy brain for this senior citizen, so age doesn’t define whether one heals or not.  I know my benzo journey is coming to an end, for which I will be forever grateful. So, don’t count yourself out…..healing is going on behind the scenes and if this 76 year old can recover so can you!

GG

Edited March 19 by [Ga...]
Added a word

[[de...]]

@[Du...]  I am sorry for your suffering!    I looked at your list of symptoms, and it looks like you don't seem to have a lot of physical symptoms.   Can you tell me a little bit more about your history?  I am sorry if you have already explained this on the forum, but I am interested in what you were taking, for how long, and when you stopped taking a benzo.    It is really tough when you were only on a benzo for 3 weeks to still be struggling.  

[[Du...]]

48 minutes ago, [[G...] said:

Duck tales, your symptoms sound pretty awful!  What drug did you use and for how long?  I am 76 years young, suffered a concussion from a fall in 2018, had a benign lesion removed from my cranium in 2019, then suffered through a one year period of taking Valium for muscle tension from the fall, and only tapered for three and one half months.  I have had off and on headaches, brain burning, and all sorts of brain sensations for a long time, but was pretty much healed in 2019, until I was given the benzo Versed in August of 2019!  I truly felt fully recovered! The good news is that at 48 months this month, I am seeing good relief from all my head symptoms.  I have actually gone two months with NO head sensations, so I know my brain is healing.  All of my brain MRI’s show a very healthy brain for this senior citizen, so age doesn’t define whether one heals or not.  I know my benzo journey is coming to an end, for which I will be forever grateful. So, don’t count yourself out…..healing is going on behind the scenes and if this 76 year old can recover so can you!

GG

GG

This is my history (May 22)

Prozac and Ativan - 3 weeks

Switch to Lexapro Pregabalin - CT due to physical adverse reaction after 5 days

Pregabalin and propanol for one month daily

Mirtazapine hydrozine zopiclone for 2 weeks

Zoloft and zopiclone for 3 weeks (brain exploded and stated showing random images and songs till now)

Risperidone, luvox and 2 tablets of seroquel (lead to speech in brain) for 2 months - CT in Feb 23

Drug free since Feb 23

Worsening everyday now 

[[de...]]

Wow!   Did a psychiatrist prescribe all those drugs in that short time period?     It looks like in a nine month period you were on 12 different drugs.   Is that correct?     I am so sorry that happened.    You have been drug free for a little over a year it looks like.   Unfortunately, given the number of drugs you were on and then quickly taken off it could take some time for your brain to settle down.   This might explain why you are struggling to this extent.   I believe every single drug you were on can cause a physical dependence in a pretty short period of time, and then requires some kind of taper.   It appears as if you were just taken off each one CT at different times.   Is that correct?  I just don't understand why a doctor would keep switching things around like this.   I am sure you can help me understand!  

[[Ga...]]

I, too, was polydrugged on every type of drug you can imagine because of illnesses and surgeries, i.e., flagyl, morphine, several different antibiotics, Ativan, dilaudid, tramadol, fentanyl, and versed, most given before and after surgeries.  I am pretty sure that I would have been healed if not for the polydrugging, plus the one year of Valium.  However, my windows have been so great that I have proof that my body is struggling to regain homeostasis!   Oh, and I was also put on Gabapentin and was told to just stop it after a month or so!

I am healing and you are, too.  You have to keep the faith and hope🙏

GG

[[Du...]]

5 minutes ago, [[d...] said:

Wow!   Did a psychiatrist prescribe all those drugs in that short time period?     It looks like in a nine month period you were on 12 different drugs.   Is that correct?     I am so sorry that happened.    You have been drug free for a little over a year it looks like.   Unfortunately, given the number of drugs you were on and then quickly taken off it could take some time for your brain to settle down.   This might explain why you are struggling to this extent.   I believe every single drug you were on can cause a physical dependence in a pretty short period of time, and then requires some kind of taper.   It appears as if you were just taken off each one CT at different times.   Is that correct?  I just don't understand why a doctor would keep switching things around like this.   I am sure you can help me understand!  

Cos I had total insomnia

Then had schizophrenic like symtoms from adverse reactions ..and took risperidone etc...

One leads to another

I'm the worst in the world...far worst than traumatized80

Brain shows random images ..digits .WhatsApp texts, texts, numbers 

Non stop songs and changes every minute.

Still worsening in last 2 weeks..misreading of words. 

Brain doing gesturing..like it it see the word jump..it will do the jump gesture

My head hurts n pulsate 24/7..it's very very painful inside and outside ..inside brain turning into a rock while outside..feel sore like someone hits me repeatedly with baseball bat

Brain also produces funny noises from throat 

I think I have total brain damage 

[[Du...]]

I think visually..and brain will show me doing things before I do it...I also feel things..like I can suddenly feel a tripod stand..

It's worsening in last 2 months

I'm really very very very very severe. It's all chaotic

Sorry if I can't type properly 

I just lie in bed daily..watch the images..and songs..and wait to die

[[de...]]

@[Du...]  I am so sorry!!  This sounds truly horrific.   Did a psychiatrist prescribe all these drugs?    

[[Du...]]

I have many other scary symptoms..

Too long to type

It's like I have sfi ..I also don't sleep..or feel sleepy..like x-ray..I just drift straight to dreams.

I feel comatose..and as if I don't sleep

[[Du...]]

Just now, [[d...] said:

@[Du...]  I am so sorry!!  This sounds truly horrific.   Did a psychiatrist prescribe all these drugs?    

Yes...different psychiatrists

[[Du...]]

I know there's no chance of recovery

Brain keeps talking rubbish and I hear voices etc

Never have any of this bullshit symptom..just anxiety

What should I do? I can now feel a badminton randomly as I speak ..it's all gone 

[[de...]]

So in nine months there was more than one psychiatrist involved?  I am just trying to piece together what happened, and then maybe we can come up with a game plan for you.   Are you currently seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist?