Anyone relate?

[[ro...]]

My thoughts don’t stop. They bombard me at 3 am every day  after a terrible 2-3 hours of sleep like clockwork as if my brain is just short circuiting. Non stop mix of random memories or people from past and worries and fears and current horror of life and terror runs rampant and it just loops violently. The center of my brain hurts and feels all of it. I don’t understand how this can happen or stop. It’s been going on for well over a year every single day. 

 

[[Th...]]

Sorry that you are experiencing "looping or intrusive" thoughts.  They are a fairly common withdrawal symptom.  Are you off, still tapering, still on?  I had these too, but not for a year.  They will fade and end given enough time as long as you are completely off of Benzos, ADs, etc.  The Benzos cause this, it will stop and end one fine day.  Hang in there.  Peace!

[[ro...]]

Oh man I am totally off. I was abruptly cold turkeyed by a dr 18 months ago. I was prescribed clonazepam for 15 years. Everything I try does not help. Anytime I wake or try to calm or rest this happens intensely. 

[[ro...]]

It feels more than just intrusive thoughts. It’s as if my brain is just firing, looking for some attachment or meaning or purpose. Some connection that just isn’t there. I have these thoughts and memories and what not and they invoke such a deep sense of terror and dread and agony that sends jolts through my whole body. Over and over anytime my nervous system try’s to calm or wakes from the minimal sleep I get. It’s utterly heartbreaking and feels like I am just permanently damaged. It’s like my brain is searching and there is just loss. Loss of a life once there. I know that sounds deep and crazy but I don’t know how else to describe it.

[[Th...]]

I did a CT too at the recommendation of my doctor as well after about 6 months of use.  I was on a lot towards the end.  15 years is a long time.  Normally the length of time you are on sort of correlates to how long your recovery will take, but not always.  I know exactly what you are going through.  I experienced the same sort of thoughts, jolts and brain "malfunction" you are describing, but fortunately for me, that symptom only lasted about 5-6 months.  There may be some depersonalization/derealization along with the intrusive thoughts? 

I know it seems hopeless now, but you are NOT permanently damaged.  Healing will happen for you, but it most likely will take longer than you'd like it to.  Unfortunately nothing short of another drug will help with symptom intensity.  And when I say another drug, I mean something other than a Benzo.  Benzos bind with GABA receptors and take the place of the normal GABA activity and that is to slow down your nervous system.  I like to think of GABA as your body's "brake pedal" or what makes you calm and relaxed.  With GABA temporarily taken offline by the K-pin, Glutamate receptors over fire.  Think of Glutamate as your body's gas pedal or what makes you active and alert, even fight or flight.  Normally GABA and Glutamate receptors are in a balancing act so one doesn't overpower the other and dominate.  Unfortunately the Benzos have taken your GABA offline.  Now Glutamate overfires (excitotoxicity) and causes all sorts of mayhem in your nervous system.  Hence all the symptoms and lack of sleep.  But the good news is your body knows how to repair and/or regrow damaged GABA receptors.  Eventually your GABA receptors will get back in balance with your Glutamate receptors.  It's a very slow, very nonlinear process that is a real roller coaster ride for most.  It makes zero sense and there is no rhyme or reason to any of it.  It seems like 1 step forward at times only to take 3 steps back.  But eventually it evens out.

Do your best to get through each minute, hour and day.  Healing is happening even if it doesn't feel like it.  Read success stories to distract.  Also, read this post too.  https://benzobuddies.org/topic/270442-2400-days-off-my-insomniabenzo-advice/page/4/#comment-3494780

 

Peace!

Edited March 1 by [Th...]

[[ro...]]

6 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

I did a CT too at the recommendation of my doctor as well after about 6 months of use.  I was on a lot towards the end.  15 years is a long time.  Normally the length of time you are on sort of correlates to how long your recovery will take, but not always.  I know exactly what you are going through.  I experienced the same sort of thoughts, jolts and brain "malfunction" but fortunately for me, it that symptom only lasted about 5-6 months.  It may be some depersonalization/derealization along with the intrusive thoughts.  

I know it seems hopeless now, but you are NOT permanently damaged.  Healing will happen for you, but it most likely will take longer than you'd like it to.  Unfortunately nothing short of another drug will help with symptom intensity.  And when I say another drug, I mean something other than a Benzo.  Benzos bind with GABA receptors and take the place of the normal GABA activity and that is to slow down your nervous system.  I like to think of GABA as your body's "brake pedal" or what makes you calm and relaxed.  With GABA temporarily taken offline by the K-pin, Glutamate receptors over fire.  Think of Glutamate as your body's gas pedal or what makes you active and alert, even fight or flight.  Normally GABA and Glutamate receptors are in a balancing act so one doesn't overpower the other and dominate.  Unfortunately the Benzos have taken your GABA offline.  Now Glutamate overfires (excitotoxicity) and causes all sorts of mayhem in your nervous system.  Hence all the symptoms and lack of sleep.  But the good news is your body knows how to repair and/or regrow damaged GABA receptors.  Eventually your GABA receptors will get back in balance with your Glutamate receptors.  It's a very slow, very nonlinear process that is a real roller coaster ride for most.  It makes zero sense and there is no rhyme or reason to any of it.  It seems like 1 step forward at times only to take 3 steps back.  But eventually it evens out.

Do your best to get through each minute, hour and day.  Healing is happening even if it doesn't feel like it.  Read success stories to distract.  Also, read this post too.

Peace!

Thank you my brother. I just pray I have what it takes to continue on like this. I’m can’t function. I’ve lost my career and sociaL life and abilities. My health is jacked too. I’m doing this for my 5 year old son and a chance to rewrite a new future for myself. I have a tiny sliver of hope left. I think.

 

peace.

Edited March 1 by [ro...]

[[Th...]]

Amen!  Family is what made this fight worthwhile for me too.  Do you ever get any "windows" or periods of time, even if it is just minutes, where you sort of feel "normal?" If so, those should slowly get longer in length.  Fight for your son and fight to get your life back.  Praying for some relief for you!

[[ro...]]

10 minutes ago, [[T...] said:

Amen!  Family is what made this fight worthwhile for me too.  Do you ever get any "windows" or periods of time, even if it is just minutes, where you sort of feel "normal?" If so, those should slowly get longer in length.  Fight for your son and fight to get your life back.  Praying for some relief for you!

No windows. 

[[Ca...]]

On 01/03/2024 at 05:07, [[r...] said:

My thoughts don’t stop. They bombard me at 3 am every day  after a terrible 2-3 hours of sleep like clockwork as if my brain is just short circuiting. Non stop mix of random memories or people from past and worries and fears and current horror of life and terror runs rampant and it just loops violently. The center of my brain hurts and feels all of it. I don’t understand how this can happen or stop. It’s been going on for well over a year every single day. 

That's rough going I know only too well. I know the terror of intrusive thoughts. Mine tell me a critical story about myself that feels like I'm an absolute beast. My depression is so extreme at times, I become demoralized and so exhausted. Has been a living nightmare. 

[[ro...]]

7 hours ago, [[C...] said:

That's rough going I know only too well. I know the terror of intrusive thoughts. Mine tell me a critical story about myself that feels like I'm an absolute beast. My depression is so extreme at times, I become demoralized and so exhausted. Has been a living nightmare. 

This never existed before the cold turkey. What do I do? I’m debilitated. It doesn’t let up. Will this go on forever? I can’t handle this.

[[PE...]]

6 hours ago, [[r...] said:

This never existed before the cold turkey. What do I do? I’m debilitated. It doesn’t let up. Will this go on forever? I can’t handle this.

That's good you know what's withdrawal symptoms and your baseline self. To feel like you do right now is also a common symptom. Will it be like this for the rest of my life. Questions regarding your own sanity etc.

Right now coping strategies is what you should looking for.

You got this!

[[Be...]]

Dear Lord I hope not!

 

 

[[Du...]]

Do u have non stop jumbled images and thoughts?? And songs..

Random images like brain is a broken tv and just shows u rubbish ..of random ppl and stuff in full colour .?

[[ro...]]

On 15/03/2024 at 01:02, [[D...] said:

Do u have non stop jumbled images and thoughts?? And songs..

Random images like brain is a broken tv and just shows u rubbish ..of random ppl and stuff in full colour .?

Yes

[[ro...]]

On 13/03/2024 at 16:37, [[B...] said:

Dear Lord I hope not!

Thanks for this

[[ad...]]

just coming across this now i’m 7 months out and one of the main mental symptoms hanging around is this intrusive thoughts memories it’s bad some days all day non stop , stuff and people i haven’t thought about for years ruminating thoughts to.  
iv started mediating that helps somewhat but doesn’t stop it . 
hope it goes for us soon man