Obsessive Thoughts over Existence and Feelings

[[da...]]

Anyone ever get obsessive thoughts about whether or not our emotions are literally just brain chemicals? 

I don't know why but my obsessive thoughts have just latched on to this idea.  Almost like my feelings aren't even real because they're just chemicals.  Or that I'm not even real.  Heck, sometimes other people don't seem real.  It's hard to be present and feel motivated to do anything because things seem so pointless. 

I don't really feel panicky thinking (just kinda depressed) about this so it's subtly making me think that I actually believe this.  

Never struggled with anything like this before touching these meds.  While I was probably depressed to some degree in the past because of life circumstances, I didn't feel like life was meaningless, just if anything uncertain.  NOW it feels like I'm cursed with the "belief" that my joy and love in life are just chemicals in my head.  

I do feel calmer thinking about this at night time though, which is why I think this may legitimately be just part of the withdrawal, as it seems like most people going through this feel better at night.  

I guess I'm hoping for someone to tell me that this is just a symptom of my brain being currently dysfunctional (and not my true beliefs) and that it'll eventually go away.  

 

[[Th...]]

It's 99.99% likely that everything you are experiencing is part of withdrawal and is "normal" coming off of Benzos.  Are you off?  Are you still tapering?  Did you CT?  

I had a lot depersonalization and derealization along with intrusive or looping thoughts, negative thoughts, head pressure, brain fog depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation that I never had prior to these drugs.  ALL of these symptoms faded and ended and never returned.  

During withdrawal, my mind would always go the worst case scenario possible and most of the time my thoughts extremely negative and hopeless.  It's all part of the healing and recovery process and it will end for you too one day! Peace!

[[da...]]

I CT'd a little over two months ago off Lunesta. 1-2 mg a night for 10 months or so. 

I'm really hoping you're right.  The early morning and daytime existential dread is something else. 

Sometimes I'm eating food and doubting why it even tastes good.  Is it good because I like it or because my brain is reacting and producing brain chemicals to reward stimulus.  Like what the heck am I doing.  

Never had such a hard time being okay with just existing.  Makes me question everything on a spiritual level.  Feels like I'm crazy for even thinking like this, especially cause I felt so good like a few weeks ago.  

Edited January 22 by [da...]

[[wi...]]

Yes, it’s w/d.

Its good you’re not having panic or anxiety. That would certainly make the situation much more difficult. 
The philosophical ruminations become more difficult when fear and worry are involved. 
 

Glad you are sharing your experiences. Keep us posted.
 
 

[[ve...]]

16 hours ago, [[d...] said:

Sometimes I'm eating food and doubting why it even tastes good.  Is it good because I like it or because my brain is reacting and producing brain chemicals to reward stimulus.  

Both.

Life is made possible this way, with biochemical reactions.

[[ve...]]

Mystics, poets, philosophers and also scientists had this period of doubt that it's called "the dark night of the soul" for a reason, and emerged victorious.  You're going through it with the intensity that comes with benzo wd.

Write your thoughts on existence so you can later reflect on them.

[[Ca...]]

Yeah, it's been a nightmare of extreme depression, anxiety/panic, doubts, catastrophizing, other emotional stuff, still no way out. Just have to sort of mitigate the damage to the CNS. My biggest mistake is falling for the guilt routine about what I did or not do . . . or what it all means, who knows what. OMG, as if suffering through it to survive isn't enough! I would suggest though, that's a lot of ego talk and means nothing. I get caught up in it, gets to where I worry about losing my sanity. I just feel sick all the time like a sort of mental/emotional flu rather than physical and distinct from depression. The existence, physiological basis of thoughts, expression is problematic when it gets to be a tangled hierarchy. I can't think straight enough to figure it out, just that the answer is found only through experience. I'm way too stressed, wrapped too tight to try to make sense of anything anymore. Sorry, couldn't be of more help.

Edited January 31 by [Ca...]
Clarity, condensed

[[Ri...]]

My OCD symptom seem to always hook me in regarding existential questions, existences, etc. then I ruminate over it for months before it goes away..Only to come back.

[[...]]

I really wonder if someone can write why exactly the withdrawal symptoms are less at night, I also feel better at night, I feel especially bad in the morning, why is that? I also have feelings of unreality, the most unpleasant symptom(

[[Th...]]

While it is nice to know why things are happening during withdrawal, it isn't going to change anything.  Since almost all doctors do not believe in or recognize Benzo withdrawal or any related symptoms, there is little interest in researching this and coming up with logical answers or theories.  Curious, what would you do with information that explained why symptom intensity was less at night?  

 

[[Pi...]]

I'm right here with all of you. Except for this site no one gets it even my wife. 19CT months out the depression is tough. A lot of fear that comes and goes literally by the hour. Then there's the physical pain and burning eyes after pushing through a short period of exercise. Fake it till you make it is getting old. Actually was feeling better a month ago. This latest wave mentally has been brutal.

[[Th...]]

Please keep in mind if you were feeling better a month ago (window), then you will have windows again.  Eventually the windows will last longer than the waves until the waves end for good.  Peace.

Edited February 3 by [Th...]

[[Pi...]]

Thank you. Believing that is what keeps me going. Doesn't make the waves any easier. It's been a long haul. Not for the faint of heart.

[[ro...]]

On 28/01/2024 at 19:02, [[C...] said:

Yeah, it's been a nightmare of extreme depression, anxiety/panic, doubts, catastrophizing, other emotional stuff, still no way out. Just have to sort of mitigate the damage to the CNS. My biggest mistake is falling for the guilt routine about what I did or not do . . . or what it all means, who knows what. OMG, as if suffering through it to survive isn't enough! I would suggest though, that's a lot of ego talk and means nothing. I get caught up in it, gets to where I worry about losing my sanity. I just feel sick all the time like a sort of mental/emotional flu rather than physical and distinct from depression. The existence, physiological basis of thoughts, expression is problematic when it gets to be a tangled hierarchy. I can't think straight enough to figure it out, just that the answer is found only through experience. I'm way too stressed, wrapped too tight to try to make sense of anything anymore. Sorry, couldn't be of more help.

This is so spot on. How far out are you. I am stuck in this experience.

[[Ca...]]

7 hours ago, [[r...] said:

This is so spot on. How far out are you. I am stuck in this experience.

I'm at over 7 yrs off Klonopin, 6~8 mg / day, 30 day rapid-detox. Hope you see light at the end of the tunnel. Sure wish I could.

[[Ca...]]

On 01/02/2024 at 14:39, [[R...] said:

My OCD symptom seem to always hook me in regarding existential questions, existences, etc. then I ruminate over it for months before it goes away..Only to come back.

Yes, same type of thing here. But I get too stressed out trying just to focus, think with clarity, but I cannot. It's a stressor to try to learn stuff I once found interesting. Now I can't think without lot of effort, self-doubt, confusion and feeling dumb as a tree stump. I'm a wreck.

Edited February 9 by [Ca...]

[[ro...]]

10 hours ago, [[C...] said:

I'm at over 7 yrs off Klonopin, 6~8 mg / day, 30 day rapid-detox. Hope you see light at the end of the tunnel. Sure wish I could.

I’m terrified because this is how I feel exactly. It’s not livable and I was rapid detoxed off a 15 year clonazepam script 18 months ago. I’ve lost everything about myself and am left with sheer terror and constant confusion and panic. 

Edited February 9 by [ro...]

[[wi...]]

I don’t see how I would be able to make it for years like some of you. You’re incredibly strong!

One day at a time is how I have to live. 
 

its wears on a person.

Edited February 9 by [wi...]

[[Ri...]]

12 hours ago, [[C...] said:

Yes, same type of thing here. But I get too stressed out trying just to focus, think with clarity, but I cannot. It's a stressor to try to learn stuff I once found interesting. Now I can't think without lot of effort, self-doubt, confusion and feeling dumb as a tree stump. I'm a wreck.

The reality is people like us are extremely intelligent. We just need to learn how to harness the anxiety (like a heard of wild horses) for our benefit, or so my doctor told me. Easier said than done. Mindfulness works - takes the edge off if you do it several times a day, everyday. It’s just when your in that state of hyper vigilance & analysis it seems impossible.