Morning Dread. Need some advice on how to deal with it?

[[Je...]]

I’ve been tapering from 25mg Valium to 9 mg and been doing okay over the past 6 months.  Was on Xanax for a year and switched over to get off this crap.  
 

I wake up every single morning with extreme dread and panic.  Sweating and feelings of shame and every horrible thought you can think of.  
 

After about an hour it goes away and as the day goes on and I can function.  But for that hour laying there and trying to get up is really killing me.

 

I read here that it is probably the cortisol surge due to the benzos screwing with our CNS.  I’ve tried all the supplements.  Nothing helps.  
 

Anyone that has dealt with this knows how torturous this is.  It’s messing up my whole life because I’m afraid to go to sleep to wake up to that feeling. 

I’ve tried telling myself that this shall pass but we know tapering can be a long process and no way I could CT and risk damage.  
 

I want to get my PhD in addiction but can’t see how I will with this in my life

 

Bless you all kind souls 

[[Pa...]]

Hello Jeffgarvin12, glad to see you made it.  I'm sorry to hear your morning misery equates to sleep anxiety. 

[[Je...]]

46 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Hello Jeffgarvin12, glad to see you made it.  I'm sorry to hear your morning misery equates to sleep anxiety. 

Thank you 😊 

[[Pa...]]

You mentioned getting a PhD in addiction, are you really?

[[Fa...]]

Hi Jeffgarvin12,

This symptom is torturous, and I am so sorry you are experiencing it, too.

I have heard in discussion regarding this, and I chose to do this for a long time, that the best thing to do is to get up and out of bed as soon as you awaken.  Yes, the cortisol is the culprit in this...and, adrenaline.  If you can get yourself out of bed and start your routine right away and distract as the levels gradually drop.  Even try ending your shower with a cold blast at the end if a shower is part of your everyday morning routine...if it's something you think you could do.

When this really intensified for me, as soon as I would wake up, I would jump out of bed to try to get ahead of it somehow because the longer I stayed in bed awake, the more it would intensify and I would ruminate, and it would grow bigger and bigger.  Then, after time, you become more used to just feeling scared and just plain hellish upon awakening...almost like a desensitization to it.  At first, it is so friggin' scary, and you do begin to fear it happening...adding fear to the fear.  And, we ALL do it.  We all try our very best not to add fear to fear, but it takes practice.  Now, I will actually stay in bed for a while, but I just started to do that recently.  It has failed a couple of times, but I have tried to 'be' with the fear and all the ugly thoughts and feelings.  I could not do that for a long time.

I'm pretty sure my history is quite different than yours...but, slowing down your taper may help with this...even a hold.  But, there is no guarantee.  You have come down quite a bit now, and it may be beneficial to look at your taper...the speed, and the amount of your reductions moving forward.  If your symptoms are worsening, you could try to manage it by adjusting your tapering plan in order to avoid symptoms becoming any more uncomfortable.  However, it is not uncommon for symptoms to become more difficult the lower we get.  So, it is really up to you and what you would like to try.  We do not know if this is just happening because you are getting lower, or because your taper could benefit from an adjustment at this point, or if this has happened as a result of the cuts catching up to you...you just won't know because everyone is so different.  What we do know is that it is caused by the destabilization of the NS...for whichever reason.

I do know you can get through this because I have.  And, if I can...you can.  And, you have options to choose from.  You're not alone in experiencing this.

Warmly,

F

 

 

 

 

 

[[Je...]]

Just now, [[P...] said:

You mentioned getting a PhD in addiction, are you really?

Yes!  I’ve been an addict for 15 years.  Opiates, cocaine, adderall, and now Xanax.  It’s a cruel disease. 
 

I figured what better way to make a difference than understanding addiction from a personal perspective.  
 

I want to help change the stigma attached to addiction and what an “addict” looks like.  

😊

[[Pa...]]

1 minute ago, [[J...] said:

Yes!  I’ve been an addict for 15 years.  Opiates, cocaine, adderall, and now Xanax.  It’s a cruel disease. 
 

I figured what better way to make a difference than understanding addiction from a personal perspective.  
 

I want to help change the stigma attached to addiction and what an “addict” looks like.  

😊

I've taken my turn on the addiction merry-go-round, alcohol and benzodiazepines and I look nothing like the stereotype so thank you for doing this.

[[Je...]]

3 minutes ago, [[F...] said:

Hi Jeffgarvin12,

This symptom is torturous, and I am so sorry you are experiencing it, too.

I have heard in discussion regarding this, and I chose to do this for a long time, that the best thing to do is to get up and out of bed as soon as you awaken.  Yes, the cortisol is the culprit in this...and, adrenaline.  If you can get yourself out of bed and start your routine right away and distract as the levels gradually drop.  Even try ending your shower with a cold blast at the end if a shower is part of your everyday morning routine...if it's something you think you could do.

When this really intensified for me, as soon as I would wake up, I would jump out of bed to try to get ahead of it somehow because the longer I stayed in bed awake, the more it would intensify and I would ruminate, and it would grow bigger and bigger.  Then, after time, you become more used to just feeling scared and just plain hellish upon awakening...almost like a desensitization to it.  At first, it is so friggin' scary, and you do begin to fear it happening...adding fear to the fear.  And, we ALL do it.  We all try our very best not to add fear to fear, but it takes practice.  Now, I will actually stay in bed for a while, but I just started to do that recently.  It has failed a couple of times, but I have tried to 'be' with the fear and all the ugly thoughts and feelings.  I could not do that for a long time.

I'm pretty sure my history is quite different than yours...but, slowing down your taper may help with this...even a hold.  But, there is no guarantee.  You have come down quite a bit now, and it may be beneficial to look at your taper...the speed, and the amount of your reductions moving forward.  If your symptoms are worsening, you could try to manage it by adjusting your tapering plan in order to avoid symptoms becoming any more uncomfortable.  However, it is not uncommon for symptoms to become more difficult the lower we get.  So, it is really up to you and what you would like to try.  We do not know if this is just happening because you are getting lower, or because your taper could benefit from an adjustment at this point, or if this has happened as a result of the cuts catching up to you...you just won't know because everyone is so different.  What we do know is that it is caused by the destabilization of the NS...for whichever reason.

I do know you can get through this because I have.  And, if I can...you can.  And, you have options to choose from.  You're not alone in experiencing this.

Warmly,

F

Aww thank you so much for the reply!  You know exactly how it feels.  It’s like I know if I get up as quick as possible I can end those intrusive negative attacks that are bombarding me.  But like you said, it’s so scary to get up.  But the more I sit there and fight them, the more they fight back.  It’s like you can’t win them with positivity. It’s almost like it has you trapped and you have no defenses right?

DeeP down I knew what I needed to do, just get up and face it.  I just got out of rehab for opiates too so my body is also really sensitive to everything.  But I realized in rehab I didn’t have that dread because I was forced out of bed for group sessions.  And they cut me 20% in there.  Wow, I just realized that! 
 

After you got off, did it persist? I’m wondering if I hold for awhile if it will go away.  It’s like that debate of wanting to taper faster to be done with it, but knowing the best way is to go slow and let your body heal.  I’ve only been on a year and it might take me 2 years to get off.  I guess that’s okay right? 
 

Thanks so much for your message.  I guess I just needed to know someone felt the same way I did.  Means a lot 😊

[[Je...]]

6 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

I've taken my turn on the addiction merry-go-round, alcohol and benzodiazepines and I look nothing like the stereotype so thank you for doing this.

Aww I’m so sorry.  I have so much empathy for people like us. The best people I ever met were people in rehab.  All the staff were in recovery. I never met such kinder people.  So sensitive to the world.

 

And I don’t fit the stereotype either.  No one would believe the drugs I’ve done.  Yet I could have been another statistic, with no voice.  
 

Hope you are doing better.  I know the battle is never over 

[[Pa...]]

2 minutes ago, [[J...] said:

Aww I’m so sorry.  I have so much empathy for people like us. The best people I ever met were people in rehab.  All the staff were in recovery. I never met such kinder people.  So sensitive to the world.

And I don’t fit the stereotype either.  No one would believe the drugs I’ve done.  Yet I could have been another statistic, with no voice.  
 

Hope you are doing better.  I know the battle is never over 

No, its never over. I was clean from alcohol for many years when I fell into the benzo trap, holy cow, talk about a humbling experience.  But thank you, I'm doing great now, I've been recovered from benzo's since 2008 and so far, so good. 

[[Fa...]]

44 minutes ago, [[J...] said:

Aww thank you so much for the reply!  You know exactly how it feels.  It’s like I know if I get up as quick as possible I can end those intrusive negative attacks that are bombarding me.  But like you said, it’s so scary to get up.  But the more I sit there and fight them, the more they fight back.  It’s like you can’t win them with positivity. It’s almost like it has you trapped and you have no defenses right?

DeeP down I knew what I needed to do, just get up and face it.  I just got out of rehab for opiates too so my body is also really sensitive to everything.  But I realized in rehab I didn’t have that dread because I was forced out of bed for group sessions.  And they cut me 20% in there.  Wow, I just realized that! 
 

After you got off, did it persist? I’m wondering if I hold for awhile if it will go away.  It’s like that debate of wanting to taper faster to be done with it, but knowing the best way is to go slow and let your body heal.  I’ve only been on a year and it might take me 2 years to get off.  I guess that’s okay right? 
 

Thanks so much for your message.  I guess I just needed to know someone felt the same way I did.  Means a lot 😊

You are more than welcome.  Please feel free to reach out to me at anytime.  

Yes, I know exactly how it feels.  And, it is scary to get up.  But, I do believe it is the best approach given what I have listened to and read, and now based on my experience.

Ya...it's not about positivity...it's about distraction.  Because it is not psychological...it is chemical/physical.  So, don't feel as though you aren't handling it correctly because you can't beat it with positive thinking.

There are many people who experience this who have never been on a psych meds/benzos...it is an over-taxed/destabilized NS.  However, ours is caused by the benzo.

Okay...so, they reduced you by 20% while there.  So...it may be worth your holding for a while to allow your NS to adjust to that cut.  It is a very large cut and could easily account for this onset of the morning terror/dread.

I am not not off yet.  I am still tapering, and I have a long way to go still.  And, yes...it is okay for it to take as long as is required to get you off safely and comfortably.  This happened to me as a result of too rapid a taper at its onset.  I have had complications as well.  So, no comparing me to you.  But, you can see what can happen when tapering is too rapid.  It sounds like your NS could use a break from cuts for a bit.  I know we all want this over and done with ASAP, but, it's not necessarily the best way. These are just my thoughts...but, the decision is yours, Jeff.

Warmly,

F 

 

[[Je...]]

4 hours ago, [[F...] said:

You are more than welcome.  Please feel free to reach out to me at anytime.  

Yes, I know exactly how it feels.  And, it is scary to get up.  But, I do believe it is the best approach given what I have listened to and read, and now based on my experience.

Ya...it's not about positivity...it's about distraction.  Because it is not psychological...it is chemical/physical.  So, don't feel as though you aren't handling it correctly because you can't beat it with positive thinking.

There are many people who experience this who have never been on a psych meds/benzos...it is an over-taxed/destabilized NS.  However, ours is caused by the benzo.

Okay...so, they reduced you by 20% while there.  So...it may be worth your holding for a while to allow your NS to adjust to that cut.  It is a very large cut and could easily account for this onset of the morning terror/dread.

I am not not off yet.  I am still tapering, and I have a long way to go still.  And, yes...it is okay for it to take as long as is required to get you off safely and comfortably.  This happened to me as a result of too rapid a taper at its onset.  I have had complications as well.  So, no comparing me to you.  But, you can see what can happen when tapering is too rapid.  It sounds like your NS could use a break from cuts for a bit.  I know we all want this over and done with ASAP, but, it's not necessarily the best way. These are just my thoughts...but, the decision is yours, Jeff.

Warmly,

F 

You are so sweet!  Your comment helped get me through the day! You don’t know how much this meant to me😊

 

Everything you said was in the back of me head I guess I just needed someone who has been through it to reiterate it. I’m going to pause the taper for a bit.  Today was the worse it’s been I’m so thankful for this 😊

[[Iw...]]

Hi there, Unfortunately I have this experience too in the mornings. It sucks and is awful. However long I hold to try and 'stabilise', it doesn't reduce the dread and horrendous anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I get before I take my morning dose of V. All the best. 

[[Je...]]

18 hours ago, [[[...] said:

Hi there, Unfortunately I have this experience too in the mornings. It sucks and is awful. However long I hold to try and 'stabilise', it doesn't reduce the dread and horrendous anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I get before I take my morning dose of V. All the best. 

I’m sorry to hear that.  It’s such a horrible feeling.  It’s crazy how it goes away after a little while.  But just getting up to face it is so dam hard.  
 

my addiction doctor just prescribed me a clonidine patch which he said could help lower adrenaline while I wake.  I’m going to give that a try!

[[Tr...]]

I've been in a terrible wave and have this too. I've been asking people how they hold on too. The people i talked to who have healed all said the cortisol surges went away/lessened when they did cardio. I know not all can exercise tho. 

I get a nasty pain/lurch in my gut and restlessness around 3am. I stay in bed and try to breathe 4-2-8 or 4-7-8, with my eyes closed. Then... (i am sorry if this is too religious 🙏) i repeat over and over: I trust God's guidance. I am safe. God is with me. Jesus is healing me. I am safe.

I wake up again and super miserable, nasty electricity in my body around 8am. I drag myself out of bed, drink warm water, and drag myself out of the house to walk. I don't feel like it, it feels painful each time but I drag myself out to try to catch sunlight. I listen to Christian music about healing, and I cry and beg for healing while walking around the community. 

I don't know how long I will last like this but I've been like this for a week now with my wave. 

[[Je...]]

4 hours ago, [[T...] said:

I've been in a terrible wave and have this too. I've been asking people how they hold on too. The people i talked to who have healed all said the cortisol surges went away/lessened when they did cardio. I know not all can exercise tho. 

I get a nasty pain/lurch in my gut and restlessness around 3am. I stay in bed and try to breathe 4-2-8 or 4-7-8, with my eyes closed. Then... (i am sorry if this is too religious 🙏) i repeat over and over: I trust God's guidance. I am safe. God is with me. Jesus is healing me. I am safe.

I wake up again and super miserable, nasty electricity in my body around 8am. I drag myself out of bed, drink warm water, and drag myself out of the house to walk. I don't feel like it, it feels painful each time but I drag myself out to try to catch sunlight. I listen to Christian music about healing, and I cry and beg for healing while walking around the community. 

I don't know how long I will last like this but I've been like this for a week now with my wave. 

I’m so sorry for you! I’ve been feeling this for 6 months ever since I started dripp My my dosage.  It’s a horrible feeling that unless you have been through it,  you would never know how painful it is.

It’s just the worse way to wake up.  Like all the bad things that could happen did happen and everything is wrong.  
 

I start telling myself of all the things grateful for:  when I was in rehab, just telling myself or reminding myself that some people didn’t wake up today and that this will past. 
 

I hope you get better!

[[Tr...]]

16 minutes ago, [[J...] said:

I’m so sorry for you! I’ve been feeling this for 6 months ever since I started dripp My my dosage.  It’s a horrible feeling that unless you have been through it,  you would never know how painful it is.

It’s just the worse way to wake up.  Like all the bad things that could happen did happen and everything is wrong.  
 

I start telling myself of all the things grateful for:  when I was in rehab, just telling myself or reminding myself that some people didn’t wake up today and that this will past. 
 

I hope you get better!

You are very strong! 6 months, wow. I am off CT all brain drugs for 89 days. The fatigue is getting to me. Sorry, i am piling my pain on you. Pls ignore.***

You are healing and will be healing quickly. One day at a time. It's indeed horrible we start the day like that, and hard to explain to others just how painful this is. 

 Drag ourselves out of bed and get sunlight. Motion. New location. Distraction. You are right about gratitude. I've been skipping this since this horrible wave. My assignment from the therapist is to list 3 things I am grateful of.

We are healing. i pray we heal completely, permanently and speedily.

 

[[Je...]]

It makes me so sad to read about EVERYONE'S suffering! I've been there. Truly. I'm not going to describe because I think reading about it can be a trigger, but please know I do understand. 

I think, maybe, that planning ahead for your morning - the night before if that is when you're feeling well enough to do so - might help. (I like how Faith just jumps out of bed and gets going. It sounds like that may be just the thing!) If you want to get up and go for a walk, for example, maybe have everything you need already ready to go so you don't have to make a bunch of decisions first thing out of the gate. I think that can be really hard when your brain is trying to heal. Sometimes I get terrible decision fatigue when I have too many choices or have to plan something more complicated than what socks to wear. (I wear pretty much the same outfits over and over and over ... like a uniform.) Planning ahead can ease that kind of stress. 

I was thinking, too, and I have no idea what your tapering schedule is, but for myself I take my single dose of clonazepam as late in the evening as I can so that it will last through the night. During the day I can distract myself, but at night, all the chickens come home to roost, so to speak. 

I'm wondering if the clonidine patch has helped? I hope it has and that some of the wonderful suggestions I've seen might help you, too. So much wonderful experience and support.

Jess

[[Je...]]

18 hours ago, [[T...] said:

I've been in a terrible wave and have this too. I've been asking people how they hold on too. The people i talked to who have healed all said the cortisol surges went away/lessened when they did cardio. I know not all can exercise tho. 

I get a nasty pain/lurch in my gut and restlessness around 3am. I stay in bed and try to breathe 4-2-8 or 4-7-8, with my eyes closed. Then... (i am sorry if this is too religious 🙏) i repeat over and over: I trust God's guidance. I am safe. God is with me. Jesus is healing me. I am safe.

I wake up again and super miserable, nasty electricity in my body around 8am. I drag myself out of bed, drink warm water, and drag myself out of the house to walk. I don't feel like it, it feels painful each time but I drag myself out to try to catch sunlight. I listen to Christian music about healing, and I cry and beg for healing while walking around the community. 

I don't know how long I will last like this but I've been like this for a week now with my wave. 

You are stronger than you know. Hold on to your Faith. Take a deep breath and feel the Love filling you. Know that you are not alone. Ever. 

Jess

[[mi...]]

Agree 100 % with Faith. If you can't sleep get up. In my case and, I know it sounds like torture, I take a cold shower if I cant sleep or wake up too soon. Cold is part of the triggers to get asleep so having it cold will lower your body temp and relax you later on. You not necessarely need to have it cold but just luke warm and a few seconds with cold helps a lot. Sometimes Cortisol surges occure because of a late dinner or actually what you eat. Breathing also helps. 

Mice 

[[da...]]

On 22/07/2023 at 20:06, [[J...] said:

I’ve been tapering from 25mg Valium to 9 mg and been doing okay over the past 6 months.  Was on Xanax for a year and switched over to get off this crap.  
 

I wake up every single morning with extreme dread and panic.  Sweating and feelings of shame and every horrible thought you can think of.  
 

After about an hour it goes away and as the day goes on and I can function.  But for that hour laying there and trying to get up is really killing me.

I read here that it is probably the cortisol surge due to the benzos screwing with our CNS.  I’ve tried all the supplements.  Nothing helps.  
 

Anyone that has dealt with this knows how torturous this is.  It’s messing up my whole life because I’m afraid to go to sleep to wake up to that feeling. 

I’ve tried telling myself that this shall pass but we know tapering can be a long process and no way I could CT and risk damage.  
 

I want to get my PhD in addiction but can’t see how I will with this in my life

Bless you all kind souls 

It is the cortisol amongst the damaged receptors. Its normal that it affects you in the morning, especially if your sleeping patterns aren’t consistent. 
 

this all resolves naturally after brain heals 👍🏽