sense of the apocalypse

[[ki...]]

I have been clean for 5 months now.

Every day is hard,

I do not feel the normal human calmness that people feel when they are sitting in a summer cafe, in a family circle at dinner or on the beach.

constant pressure.

Colors and clarity are gone. There is no motivation.

Constant feeling of "dullness" and Doom.

Even in sunny weather, even when everything is fine. my brain cannot see anything positive and creates pictures of the apocalypse, death.

 

Sometimes I wake up at night an hour after I fell asleep, sweat, dilated pupils, feeling that I'm about to die and I don't recognize my body.

 

I touch my hands, my face, my back.

everything else.

everything feels like this body is not mine or I'm on strong drugs, in a state of altered consciousness.

 

Will motivation and positivity return?

 

Will my huge benzo stomach pass with a weight of 60 and a height of 178

.

I eat once a day and bloating like a pregnant woman until the end of the night.

 

damn this is hard

[[Ra...]]

Hang in there. It gets better. I dont want to even remember me at 5 mos. It was so hard

It will get better. It takes time!!

[[ki...]]

Hang in there. It gets better. I dont want to even remember me at 5 mos. It was so hard

It will get better. It takes time!!

Thank you

my god just saw you took clonazepam for 32 years. Can not imagine. I could not stay on it for more than 4 months. I lost control of myself, my memory, and did terrible things.

 

I really hope that the problems with the stomach will pass and I will recover. This is the only symptom unchanged for 3 months and it's scary. there was no improvement for 1 day. At the same time, neuropathy in the face and numbness in the hands and fear-depersonalization sometimes disappear.

[[Ch...]]

Yeah, I remember this feeling like the world was ending. Especially in the morning. I’d jolt awake feeling like the literal apocalypse was happening and then I’d spend the day in the worst depression imaginable. It faded over time and now I’m calm in the mornings and my mood is actually ok. What’s lingered is that it’s easier for things that are a real concern to overwhelm me, but over time I’ve learned how to not lean into worries and give myself all the space that I need if I need to solve a real problem. It will fade and then it will feel strange that this ever happened, but yeah it’s hell while it’s happening.