Benzos and agoraphobia

[[Jd...]]

Writing this post to hopefully give others some hope when things seem bad.  I tapered off Xanax 1.5mg rather quickly over a 5 month period.  The wd was absolutely brutal.  Head pressure and pain terrible akasthasia sleep was under 2 hours and a long long LONG laundry list of symptoms.  The one I think that mentally bothered me the most was the agoraphobia because I always prior to benzos loved to travel and go to the beach and had a quite adventurous life. I never was completely housebound but at rhe beginning all I could do was walk around my block but I couldn’t go into any stores nor drive.  It’s taken quite a while now at officially 19 months off and having taken my biggest challenge yet a week long vacation at the beach 1000 miles away for a week and it went perfectly!!! I have my life back!!!  I remember not long ago I couldn’t get in an elevator without crippling fear and dizziness and when I tried to drive over a bridge I nearly would pass out from panic to now driving through Miami 1000 miles from home driving over causeways suspended hundreds of feet over the ocean.  I would say at this point agoraphobia has been beaten.  I am writing this to give encouragement to others that it can be done.  It didn’t come easy.  I did many MANY things and had to face my fears on an almost daily basis to get to this point and continue to push my boundaries.  In my opinion agoraphobia won’t just go away on its own you must put the work in and be willing to face many things that cause you fear and panic but it’s worth it.    I went from trembling scared of going for just a walk around my block what seems like just yesterday to knowing I will be fine in 2 weeks when I schedule my second vacation driving back to Miami and hopping on a cruise ship and sailing out to the Bahamas.  It is a lot of work and it is scary but it is worth it!!  Keep pushing through !!!

[[Br...]]

Thank you for this uplifting post.  So happy for you.  Your story is a wonderful gift of encouragement to others who are struggling right now.

[[Co...]]

Wow Jdoe, amazing!!

 

I will be travelling myself across the ocean next week. Lots of symptoms and my black brain making me feel discouraged but no fear just worry. Your post is pushing me to do it. I will be fine. In January I could not even speak or leave my bed to shower.

[[dj...]]

That is fantastic.  I’m 9 months off and quite agoraphobic.  I’m largely housebound but will go places in short spurts.  Sit down restaurants are really hard and things like concert or sporting events are non-starters.  The thought of flying terrifies me right now.  Riding in a car is torture too, although I can drive…interstates hit or miss.   

 

I probably used to leave town 15 times a year for fun stuff but haven’t been since Apr22.  It’s killing me.

 

I want to add one thing though.  I have had sessions with Dr Jenn and by and large she said to avoid exposure therapy type stuff and pushing boundaries too much until you feel like you are really healing and ready.  Otherwise, it will just create more torment and give you more things to be afraid of during recovery.  She said the agoraphobia does go away on its own.  Yeah, there’s an acclimation process where you have to start getting out to assure yourself you can do things no problem.  But, by and large she seemed to suggest it does go away on its own.  And I have seen other people say that too.  Would you agree with that?  I couldn’t quite tell from your post.

[[Jd...]]

I’ve known other people who paid to have dr Jenn counsel them and in the end they said it wasn’t worth the money.  Me personally I was pushing through the agoraphobia even while tapering.  I didn’t wait.  I was working part time at 4 months off

[[dj...]]

I’ve known other people who paid to have dr Jenn counsel them and in the end they said it wasn’t worth the money.  Me personally I was pushing through the agoraphobia even while tapering.  I didn’t wait.  I was working part time at 4 months off

 

Dr Jenn is good for some reassurance and being able to talk live with someone with lots of knowledge about psychology that has been through this and gets it.  But, at the end of the day, she’s limited in what she can do.  Time is the only true healer. 

 

I saw her 3 or 4 times and stopped.  I got what I needed.

[[hl...]]

This is incredible! I’m so happy for you! Agoraphobia has been my WORST symptom so far and I’ve honestly been losing hope. I spent days reading posts on here about if it goes a way and never really found a clear answer. I hop on the forum tonight and this is the first post I see! It almost feels like a sign…

 

I have so many questions! How long did it take for you to start to see improvement?

 

Whenever I go out I feel dizzy and overwhelmed and experience sensory overload, did you ever feel that? I’d love to hear more about your story

[[Jd...]]

Yes I felt the same way.  I’d get extemely anxious then my heart would start racing and I’d get extemely dizzy and light headed.  Kinda pre -panic attack.  I’ve only had a couple panic attacks in my life but when I do I guess they are more on the severe side.  Some people can have a panic attack and just keep functioning and no one know it but the ones I’ve gotten I remember fading out of conciousness unable to walk and the paramedics pulling me out of my car.  Quite traumatizing of itself. So the panic attack itself scares me.  Well when I’d go into some place new (not my safe zone) I’d get those pre panic attack signs which would scare me even more often spiraling out of control until one day I just decided to beat it even if it kills me. Literally chose to die over being trapped.  So I began walking farther and farther away each day.  Yes I was scared yes I was dizzy yes as I walked on those railroad tracks it crossed my mind I may have a panic attack and pass out and get ran over by a train and really die but I continued walking until I got the the point I was walking approx 10 miles from my home.  I then began driving and same concept kept seeking out what it was that scared me. Challenged myself multiple times EVERY DAY. Never a day off. I’d go to hotels and pretend I was visiting “my brother” and practice riding the elevator. Bridges were another thing that scared me.  Practiced that a lot.  After a while I realized I was wasting a lot of gas driving to when I could be getting paid for doing the same thing so I got a job at door dash. Mostly for exposure therapy but so I wasn’t wasting all my money and got paid to do the same thing.  NONE of this came easy.  It was hard.  Very hard. Benzo wd AND agoraphobia out there in the cold doing door dash.  I think you just have to ask yourself how bad do you want it.  And for me I was willing to die to have my life back. I think once you start breaking through some milestones like being comfortable in a gas station then ALL gas stations are basically the same. So the fear of small buildings fades now opening up doors to fast food restaurants any gas station small stores and shops. And then you build on that and add Walmart to the resume. Once you can go in any corner of a Walmart and use the bathroom in the back and I’d even pretend to get lost and find my way into the employee break room. Just to be as far from the exit as possible once you get that good at Walmart then Lowes Home Depot and the bigger box stores now are fair game and easier. I moved onto hotels and exploring the second floor then 3rd 45678th etc  once all the hotels in my area was ok I moved onto hospitals.  Once you can purposely get yourself lost in the maze of a complicated creepy hospital on the 6th floor and not even know how to get back.  ANY BUILDING ANYWHERE is fine. At this point I knew it was time for me to work to build onto that and begin getting paid for my exposure therapy. I was delivering food on the 27th floor of high rise buildings and to the same hospitals and so it kept my “exposure therapy” refreshed every day.  At some point this got old and wasn’t even a challenge anymore so I got a normal job only about 10 miles from my home but still working full time and overtime and used my money for trips.  Hour long drive to the lake etc etc and continued to build.  I personally do not agree with the philosophy of just sit around watching family feud and wait and see.  I chose to take my own destiny in my hands. That may not be the easiest way but it’s what worked for me.  It was an uphill battle the entire time where I was scared and afraid and wanted to quit but I wanted my life back more than I wanted to quit so Wether I had any sleep or not or had other debilitating symptoms or was in pain. I got up every day and pushed myself and I went to work many days in extreme pain off 1 hour of sleep and in my opinion it accelerated my healed.  Extemely challenging and not for the faint of heart but it can be done

[[Pi...]]

Jdoe1211:  what an inspirational story.  I initially had agraphobia, which became social anxiety so I can relate.  Thanks so much.

[[cl...]]

Jdoe11 - I love your can-do spirit!