What is hitting a wall?

[[mi...]]

What do people mean when they say they've hit a wall? I've been tapering relatively easily, 2-3% every 14 days for 8 months or so. Minimal symptoms, occasional minor flareups. I've gotten down to .172 K and all of a sudden I feel like I've started all over again. Depression, panic attacks, anxiety, akathisia, insomnia, weight loss, feelings of dread and doom, fear of leaving house. I was 100% functional just a few weeks ago with a job at a school and an active social life. I know it gets harder as you get lower, but I expected that to come on gradually. This feels like the rug was pulled out from under me and quickly and scares the heck out of me.

 

I have not once cheated on my taper or altered it. Yes it is linear so the % has been slowly increasing from probably 4% per month to 6.4% per month over the 8 months, but that's still low. I've also recently switched generics, but this started before the switch and has only worsened after it. I can't think of any other reason for these symptoms. I've been feeling more sensitive to things over the months I suppose so maybe it finally just built and came to a head and fell apart. Stress at work was somewhat present. But it never bothered me like this before. Can someone reassure me that this is temporary and that I'm not the only one to have had this happen on such a slow taper and seemingly out of nowhere? And I'm assuming everyone is going to tell me to hold until I stabilize, right?

 

The weird thing for me is that cutting always brings me significant relief for 5-7 days. I get feelings, energy, vitality back, then i start feeling flat and lifeless and lousy the second week. I always cut with this feeling still present, and by the next day i feel a surge of wellness and it pulls me out of the funk. Can't tell if the flatness I feel the second week is mild withdrawal or just my body doesn't like the drug and it's toxicity building back up until I cut again. Updosing makes me feel atrocious. So holding seems counterproductive since cutting makes me feel good, but the overall misery is getting worse on my "off week" and even creeping into my good weeks. So again, is holding the likely solution? And when I hold, am I doing it to feel better, or do I hold even if I don't feel better so my nervous system can tolerate future cuts easier? Thanks.

[[Fa...]]

Hi MJ,

 

Hitting a wall, to me, implies that your symptoms become unmanageable, and the smallest cut becomes not doable due to this.

 

I am hoping by my replying that more will pop in to give their opinion.  My taper has been the opposite of yours, and my 'baseline' is far from ideal.  The goal is to keep your baseline as comfortable as possible...and, it sounds like your are at a crossroads.

 

My thoughts are this...I do know that as you get lower, which you are, it has been recommended to slow the taper down and/or making smaller reductions.  Your taper schedule looks ideal...you didn't rush and took it steady.  However, it can still catch up with you...and, since you are nearing the lower end, you may want to wait a little longer than two weeks before your next cut while reducing the cut simultaneously.  And/or perhaps calculating your percentage from this point forward on your current dose rather than, as you say, approaching it linear will help you to achieve a gentle landing rather than coming in with a bumpy one as well as get your baseline in a better place again.

 

I believe, from what I have read of others, that how you end your taper is incredibly important in setting yourself up for the best possible cessation outcome.  So, I think that you have the opportunity now to make a plan from this point forward.  Things are getting a little rough...so, take a look at making some adjustments to help make things a little smoother.  The symptoms you are mentioning are not pleasant, and do speak to the need to alter things at this point in your taper to accommodate.

 

Holding is an option, too.  However, it is still worth looking into how you decide to move forward from this point.

 

You've done really, really well.  Many need to tweak things as they go along.  My feeling is that your NS is needing a slow down.  In that department, I have much experience! 

 

Warmly,

F

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[mi...]]

Thank you so much, that was very thorough and helpful and well written. Appreciate it!

[[Fa...]]

Hi MJ,

 

You're welcome.  I'm glad it was helpful.

 

Warmly,

F