First Window

[[Cm...]]

Today I am 26.5 months off my last dose off a Valium/Xanax combo.

Today is also my 35 month off of alcohol.

 

I was having some stress earlier about some trivial stuff that really didn’t matter. After having this window I realize I’ve been in a state where I am constantly looking for reasons to be offended or be the victim of a situation. Idk if I was like this prior to Benzo’s because it’s been so long. I like to think not, but even the finest bottles of whiskey are unable to read their own labels. Nonetheless today I was thinking to myself, I am going to make an active decision to look past the trivial offenses and just focus on gratitude. During my yoga session shortly after it dawned on me I felt “normal” border line good. I haven’t felt like this in almost 3 years. It’s been so long I have forgotten what normal feels like. I’m sure I will have waves moving forward and I’m still dealing with some moderate physical issues like lethargy, muscle tension, and nerve sensitivity. But this is a welcomed sign of things to come willfully. As my mental continues to improve I look forward to being able to manage my physical symptoms better. It’s also nice to know, a lot of the anxiety and animosity I was feeling towards people was just another chemical induced side effect that will eventually fade away.

 

Pick your cross up and keep moving. We didn’t come this far to come this far.

[[Pa...]]

Wow, you've been doing some soul searching, I like the direction you're heading in and I hope it pays off with decreased symptoms and peace of mind. 

[[Cm...]]

Thanks. I think in one way or another, for everyone this is a culmination of some type of mental effect. For my personal journey coming to terms with that has allowed me to look at this as a very severe symptom of mental illness that had been bubbling for a while. In a lot of ways I am thankful for this experience because it’s forced me to confront the illness in ways I wouldn’t have if things were not as severe.