The Long Hold Support Group

[[He...]]

Lynn, glad to hear things are going well for you! Hope it continues that way all the way to your jump!

Good for you! Keep up the patience and good work! Wow!

Heath

[[jr...]]

Thank you, Heath.

 

After talking with my psychiatrist, I have decided to upside to 10 mg of Valium. I am going to introduce citalopram. I took it at one time and, looking back, it might have helped. I was also on high levels of benzodiazepines at that time though. I know the jury is split on anti-depressants. If I can stabilize, I will carry forward my taper, but much slower. Thank you again for your compassion.

 

I also have to take citalopram. I am also taking mirtazapine. They have been life savers for me. he citalopram will take 3-4 weeks before it kicks in.

[[Be...]]

Thanks, Jr. Hoping for the same. This head pressure will not go away and between that and horrible morning anxiety, functioning is getting really difficult.

[[be...]]

Good Morning Lynn, Liza, Heath, V, Gard, Anne, and all others here. Hope you are all doing the best you can, and I hope for those who are doing well, keep up your mojo, if it is working don't fix it. And for those that are struggling please know you are being thought of daily and we are here and sometimes when it is the very darkest, the Light will come, and I know that some have been waiting for some time, I send you Prayers and Hugs and I hope that things will turn for you today. . 

[[li...]]

Thanks BeGood!  Praying for you and everyone here too. Still really rough here and I'll be at six months August 31. Don't know what I will do then because I am definitely not stable. Go to three doses versus the four I am doing now?  Updose .06 mg to where I started?  Start tapering?  Hold even longer?  I thought I'd have more hope by now. Tiny improvements that come and go but still housebound and not very functional--mostly brain fog/sedation/confusion/disorientation, major concentration and memory issues, feeling exhausted and physically poisoned all the time and DR. Hope everyone is doing much better.

Liza

[[ly...]]

 

 

I wonder how many don't benefit from a long hold and whether they feel better cutting.  It would be great if anyone who visits here and has experienced this would come back and post.

[[an...]]

Good Morning Lynn, Liza, Heath, V, Gard, Anne, and all others here. Hope you are all doing the best you can, and I hope for those who are doing well, keep up your mojo, if it is working don't fix it. And for those that are struggling please know you are being thought of daily and we are here and sometimes when it is the very darkest, the Light will come, and I know that some have been waiting for some time, I send you Prayers and Hugs and I hope that things will turn for you today. .

Good Morning Back to you Begood!!  Thank you so much for your encouragement.  Your words help so much.  I hope that you are doing well. 

 

Enjoy the day!!

 

Anne

[[an...]]

 

 

I wonder how many don't benefit from a long hold and whether they feel better cutting.  It would be great if anyone who visits here and has experienced this would come back and post.

 

Hi Lynn,

 

I hope all is going well with you.  I remember Kgirl posted here a while back.  She was one that did not benefit from long holds.  She said she felt better while cutting. I hope someone else chimes in.

 

Liza, do you notice a pattern with your symptoms?  I have read how some people feel better before dosing. Once they take their dose, the symptoms get worse.  Just a thought.

 

Anne 

[[ly...]]

 

 

Hi Anne,

 

I am feeling very well and am definitely one of those who benefit from holds.  The past two cuts, after my 4 month hold, have been the easiest of my, now, 18 month taper (a year of which has been spent in a "holding pattern").  I think (know) that I needed time to catch up and let my brain do what it needed to do.  Even now I am holding 30 days between cuts.  If it ain't broke...

 

Hope you are well.

[[be...]]

Lynn you raised a good question, Those who have decided that holding does not work for them are doing what they think is best, and unless we see some improvement I think some tend to get in mindset to just jump as soon as possible, of course, jumping off and getting to the end seems for some the way to go and I have read some that are telling newbies to do this very thing, that the bits and pieces of medication are not working anyway, so be it, then why am I doing so well on the smaller amts, I am not a believer of this, I know that V can stay in our fat tissues for a long, long time, and I know that the Brain takes time to heal, even at the lowest dose I feel we are getting something, no wonder so many are confused, but then there is our side, the ones the Hold is working for, and we are fully functional, I have my wonderful blips, and no way is this without some sx's, but so different and so mild, thank goodness. I believe in what I am doing and I tell all that will listen to try it, but to keep an open mind, do not overthink, and while we are waiting Distract Distract, leave the Benzo's out of your thoughts 24/7, I know it is horrible for some, but this will consume your whole life. I just wish everyone could be well and today would be a good to have Complete Wellness for all BB.  Just to add I have been to the pit of Hell twice and this time it is so different and I know it is because I am holding and cutting slowly and my mindset has changed completely.

[[fr...]]

  Such wise words from all.  It really boils down to what works for some might not work for others.  I have also seen where some people post to just jump if you are really low.  If you are still symptomatic I don't see how this is wise but there again, whatever works for you.  We can only report our experiences.  Unfortunately for me the long hold didn't help so I cut again and am getting hit again.  We'll see how long it takes to settle back down to just horrible from the last few days of really awful and horrendous.  I am a different case as I am on two other meds so could be interaction etc.  Bottom line, even the Drs. don't know so how can we.  We just have to crawl off this poison the best way that works for each of us.  So happy for you all here that it is working for.  Keep up the good work. 

[[Va...]]

Good morning everyone! So many good points made. It truly is an individual journey and we all have to do what is best. Since we all have different biochemistry and external factors there are too many variables for a "one size fits all" but I look at the different methods ( cut and hold, micro taper, long holds, updosing, etc. ) as tools to the same end. The goal is to get off with minimal or no sxs so we all have to do what works best. I'm one where, like BG and lynn and many others where long holds and slow tapering is working well. I do believe it will work for most but acknowledge that everyone has to do what is best. Hope you all have a wonderful day! --V

[[li...]]

I'm sobbing because everything I've tried--nothing has worked.  I'm beyond depressed and hopeless.  How do you do this with very few symptoms?  I was sent to this thread because I kept crashiing on a 1% a month daily microtaper and I thought that a long hold was the answer and it was just a matter of time.  I have no idea what to do and no hope.  The daily microtaper people said that was the answer, the long hold people said that was the answer, the updose people say that's the answer and no matter what I do, I still am housebound and brain damaged.  Guess this is my life and I have to figure out how to live like this.  It's so hard to not have hope.  I had hope for 5 1/2 months.  I don't expect to be symptom free so please don't tell me that--though so many here just have slight sxs.  Mine are significant.  Anne--my pattern is that mornings are horrific and if I can hold on, I ususally get better by the end of the day so that I have the strength to fight another day.  Mostly just totally gone the whole day.

[[Va...]]

I'm sobbing because everything I've tried--nothing has worked.  I'm beyond depressed and hopeless.  How do you do this with very few symptoms?  I was sent to this thread because I kept crashiing on a 1% a month daily microtaper and I thought that a long hold was the answer and it was just a matter of time.  I have no idea what to do and no hope.  The daily microtaper people said that was the answer, the long hold people said that was the answer, the updose people say that's the answer and no matter what I do, I still am housebound and brain damaged.  Guess this is my life and I have to figure out how to live like this.  It's so hard to not have hope.  I had hope for 5 1/2 months.  I don't expect to be symptom free so please don't tell me that--though so many here just have slight sxs.  Mine are significant.  Anne--my pattern is that mornings are horrific and if I can hold on, I ususally get better by the end of the day so that I have the strength to fight another day.  Mostly just totally gone the whole day.

Liza, you'll get through this. You've done it before and you'll do it again. Your in a dark place right now but it's always darkest before the dawn. There are still tools you haven't used yet. Just take it one day at a time for now. We will support you and give you advice but you have to listen to your own body. I hate to say this but it's been on my mind for quite some time now. Is it possible that the K just doesn't agree with you?  Hope it turns around very soon! --V

[[fr...]]

  Liza, I so feel for you.  I am also in the same boat.  I have mostly physical s/x's which are so bad and it does knock the life out of me most days.  I finally cut and it got really bad for a few days esp. the last two.  I must be a really slow metabolizer because tomorrow its 3 weeks since my small cut.  I feel a little less horrible today so I am praying it goes back to its normal soon.  I also wonder if the valium doesn't agree with me because its when I got fully on it and started to cut it hit me so hard and fast.  It might have happened with the Ativan also, I'll never know.  I really know where you are coming from.  Just try not to lose hope.  I do at times and have a good cry and then live to face another hr.  Its all we can do.  I know you are sick of hearing this but what else can everyone say.  I pray for you and all of us who suffer so.  V is right, I hold on to the hope that maybe tomorrow will be a better day and I can get a moment of peace.  I hope and pray for this for you also.  I know exactly how you feel as I am living this nightmare along with you.  Why we are different, who knows.  Hang on and know that people are thinking and praying for you. 

[[be...]]

  Liza, I so feel for you.  I am also in the same boat.  I have mostly physical s/x's which are so bad and it does knock the life out of me most days.  I finally cut and it got really bad for a few days esp. the last two.  I must be a really slow metabolizer because tomorrow its 3 weeks since my small cut.  I feel a little less horrible today so I am praying it goes back to its normal soon.  I also wonder if the valium doesn't agree with me because its when I got fully on it and started to cut it hit me so hard and fast.  It might have happened with the Ativan also, I'll never know.  I really know where you are coming from.  Just try not to lose hope.  I do at times and have a good cry and then live to face another hr.  Its all we can do.  I know you are sick of hearing this but what else can everyone say.  I pray for you and all of us who suffer so.  V is right, I hold on to the hope that maybe tomorrow will be a better day and I can get a moment of peace.  I hope and pray for this for you also.  I know exactly how you feel as I am living this nightmare along with you.  Why we are different, who knows.  Hang on and know that people are thinking and praying for you. 

Dear Free I could not have said it better for Liza, this is why you have a special spot in my Heart, it is the loving giving Soul you have, I am so glad you are my Friend, and like I always say it is coming and I will never give up on you and your Quest for Recovery. Hugs My Friend. :smitten:

[[Pl...]]

I don't post on here all the time but I read this thread all the time..... I'm in the same boat as Liza and I'm crying hysterically trying to figure out what to do.....I'm so sorry Liza and Free so much for what we are going thru and everyone on here...

 

I'm afraid this is how my life is going to be too.... :'(

 

I've been holding a few weeks and don't know what to do.... I have all of Liza's symptoms and more ....

 

I dont know how to taper down in this condition....

 

Right now I have severe outside tremors in my legs and I can't even hold my weight up or walk... I don't know if anyone has ever had this held and had their legs get stronger..... the sedation of the drug is killing me too so holding and reducing is a no win-win situation for me....

 

All comments appreciated.... Thank you and bless you all...

 

 

 

 

[[Pl...]]

Guys..... Is it possible at least some of the symptoms (maybe not all) that Liza , Free and I are experiencing could possibly be side effects and tapering could possibly lessen these symptoms?

[[li...]]

Some of my fog and sedation went away last summer 2015 when I was tapering 5% a month but then I got about 6-7 other symptoms that were worse. Maybe it would be different now. No idea. Paralyzed by fear of making yet another wrong move. I'd go back to Ativan in a heartbeat if it covered the same receptors as klonopin but it doesn't so that's not an option. How often are you dosing please?  What is the size of each dose?

[[Pl...]]

I'm sobbing because everything I've tried--nothing has worked.  I'm beyond depressed and hopeless.  How do you do this with very few symptoms?  I was sent to this thread because I kept crashiing on a 1% a month daily microtaper and I thought that a long hold was the answer and it was just a matter of time.  I have no idea what to do and no hope.  The daily microtaper people said that was the answer, the long hold people said that was the answer, the updose people say that's the answer and no matter what I do, I still am housebound and brain damaged.  Guess this is my life and I have to figure out how to live like this.  It's so hard to not have hope.  I had hope for 5 1/2 months.  I don't expect to be symptom free so please don't tell me that--though so many here just have slight sxs.  Mine are significant.  Anne--my pattern is that mornings are horrific and if I can hold on, I ususally get better by the end of the day so that I have the strength to fight another day.  Mostly just totally gone the whole day.

 

This is me exactly, Liza.... You are not alone.... My symptoms are significant too.... and my daily pattern is just like yours....

 

There is someone who was a member on here who was cold turkeyed multiple times, reinstated ( don't know if he ever stabilized before tapering) but I do know he started his taper and he said he felt himself healing on the way down in spite of this...... don't know how serious his symptoms were...

 

He said he still has neuro issues but feels so much better after completing his taper 3 months out.... I just don't know what to think or do....

[[li...]]

Me either Please--I've been up, down and all around and am more confused by everything. Daily microtapering was supposed to be great but I crashed at three months so I slowed down and still crashed and now this long hold I am not any more functional. The psychotic stuff is gone but I'm just a vegetable and don't know how I took a little more of this last year and actually could drive every afternoon. When I first crossed over I was okay for a couple of weeks and then it was like it kept building up in my system and I can't ever "wake up".

[[fr...]]

  Are you both on K?  I am on Valium and dose twice a day.  Morning and bedtime.  K is supposed to be long acting also so dont know if switching to valium would help you two.  I don't find it sedating at all.  BG, you are so sweet.  Love you also.  So many wonderful people on here.  I am also at a loss and don't know which way to turn so I am going to try tapering again and see if I can get lower in dose and maybe feel better. 

[[Pl...]]

Me either Please--I've been up, down and all around and am more confused by everything. Daily microtapering was supposed to be great but I crashed at three months so I slowed down and still crashed and now this long hold I am not any more functional. The psychotic stuff is gone but I'm just a vegetable and don't know how I took a little more of this last year and actually could drive every afternoon. When I first crossed over I was okay for a couple of weeks and then it was like it kept building up in my system and I can't ever "wake up".

 

I can completely relate to your last sentence...100 percent...

It's a feeling that something built up in my system too much and I can't "wake up" feeling... That's why I'm so eager to taper but don't know if that's the right thing to do...

[[Pl...]]

Some of my fog and sedation went away last summer 2015 when I was tapering 5% a month but then I got about 6-7 other symptoms that were worse. Maybe it would be different now. No idea. Paralyzed by fear of making yet another wrong move. I'd go back to Ativan in a heartbeat if it covered the same receptors as klonopin but it doesn't so that's not an option. How often are you dosing please?  What is the size of each dose?

 

I dose 3 times a day .... 9am....5:00 pm and 1:00am ..... My dose of approx. 94.50mg is broken out evenly between those 3 doses....

[[Pl...]]

  Are you both on K?  I am on Valium and dose twice a day.  Morning and bedtime.  K is supposed to be long acting also so dont know if switching to valium would help you two.  I don't find it sedating at all.  BG, you are so sweet.  Love you also.  So many wonderful people on here.  I am also at a loss and don't know which way to turn so I am going to try tapering again and see if I can get lower in dose and maybe feel better.

 

Yes...Free.... Liza and I are both on k....