Reinstated advice with this Valium

[[Ja...]]

Hi, I am completely off the benzo’s though. I have been off for four months. So I’m basically restarting. I guess I’m not understanding the whole conversion thing. But the doctor gave me was 1 mg. My husband wants me to start it right now or tonight. I want to but I’m scared

 

Just my two cents. I would like to think that the conversion does not matter because hopefully your gaba receptors have upregulated in the last 4 months that you have been suffering and therefore a smaller dose would stabilize you. Just to be clear though, I still don’t think it’s a good idea. I know your husband is probably scared too. However, unless your husband is the son of Heather Ashton or has been through a multi year benzo withdrawal he probably does not know. Hell, I’m scared for you which is why I have been following this thread  and I don’t even know you. I just hope you make the right choice. Did you research how reinstatement went for others here in the past? There is so much information on this site from those who came before us.

[[Su...]]

I understand most day don’t do it.  And that does worry me. I just am at my wits end with this mental and physical crap. I think the cold turkey and fast taper really wasn’t a good idea and my body is proving that it needs help. I don’t know. All I know is I can’t work or do anything right now nothing.

[[Gi...]]

I understand most day don’t do it.  And that does worry me. I just am at my wits end with this mental and physical crap. I think the cold turkey and fast taper really wasn’t a good idea and my body is proving that it needs help. I don’t know. All I know is I can’t work or do anything right now nothing.

 

I think what your body needs is time.  I pray you get some relief one way or another.

[[He...]]

Hi SummerFun,

 

I'm just going to jump in here and say that I'm sorry for your intense suffering.  My two cents is this and I'm only doing this because I HATE for you to suffer more than you already are.  For years and years, I tried to taper from benzos and Z drugs and I always reinstated. It nearly killed me.  Each time I got worse and worse and worse. My nervous system just got more and more sensitive. Yes, it was a dreadful and painful feeing and yes, I disappointed family and friends but continuing to reinstate and think I could just handle the taper later at some other more "convenient" time was a massive mistake for me. I'm starting to feel better now and feel hopeful. I went through the fire and it burned but it's wonderful to be out of it.  I hope you can do this without the Valium but I wish the very best for you not matter what.

 

 

[[Su...]]

When you reinstated did you get any relief? At least for a little while? I am going bonkers over here and out of my mind. I just think that since I messed things up with a wrap and tape or after that cold turkey that I need a do over. If there’s a small chance it might help I think it might be worth it but I don’t know. I am really ready to climb the walls.

[[Su...]]

Also it sounds like they may have been kindles since I did take it in the past when my mom died 10 years ago for a month or two. It was a little shaky coming off of it but nothing like this.

 

I just guess I don’t understand why it would make it worse. Why would it make it worse. I’m trying to think it was like a diabetic who needs insulin. Maybe I just need the drug for a while and it can taper down the road. I’m not sure if that makes sense but maybe it does?

[[Ja...]]

Also it sounds like they may have been kindles since I did take it in the past when my mom died 10 years ago for a month or two. It was a little shaky coming off of it but nothing like this.

 

I just guess I don’t understand why it would make it worse. Why would it make it worse. I’m trying to think it was like a diabetic who needs insulin. Maybe I just need the drug for a while and it can taper down the road. I’m not sure if that makes sense but maybe it does?

 

It doesn’t make sense because of the word we use here. Withdrawal. It is not really withdrawal. Drug withdrawal does not last 4 months and just get worse and worse. You feel so awful right now because when you took the Ativan for your surgery recovery it did major damage to your CNS. It is a drug iniury. It is not withdrawal. There are people who have a 2 week withdrawal period from benzos and then they are back up and running. People who are still a mess 4 months out have a CNS injury. Benzos are not the only drugs that can cause these iatrogenic inuries. Many antibiotics, steroids and other drugs do this too. Funny this is when someone has a major injury from taking a course of Ciproflaxin no one ever says maybe I should go back on Ciproflaxin and see if that helps. We use the word withdrawal here because it’s a common term and we all know what we mean. However, it is misleading to use when talking to others. It is why no one believes us half of the time. You have an iatrogenic drug injury from taking Ativan. It sucks but it’s just how it is. You are now considering taking more of the thing that injured you to heal yourself. I understand that you want a do over on your CT. The reality is in life that we don’t get a do over on everything. I know you are an adult and know this already. I am not trying to ve condescending. I know you are just hurting right now and already understand the realities of life. The CT damage is done. Only time can reverse that now. Reinstating will not fix the damage that was done by the CT if in fact that really made any difference. Now you have to say this drug damaged me horribly and quickly. Will taking more of it actually help me? Also, stop thinking about others must have gone back on. The overwhelming majority of others would bot be in severe benzo withdrawal from taking low dose Ativan for 2 weeks. So others does not really apply here. You are not others. You are a small handful of people who are really unlucky. Nonetheless I believe that time will heal you.

[[Su...]]

I understand what you are saying but if I have no hope then maybe a Hail Mary is all I have.    I just can’t handle the pain and suffering.  What is a person to do?

[[Ja...]]

I understand what you are saying but if I have no hope then maybe a Hail Mary is all I have.    I just can’t handle the pain and suffering.  What is a person to do?

 

Not that you said I did but I am not saying you have no hope. I believe you do. I would love to see you tough this thing out. Not that you aren’t tough if you can’t because 4 months of acute withdrawal is brutal. If there is any group that know this it’s this group here. Have you tried taking antihistamines for  relief and appetite? That is why Remeron helps people in benzo withdrawal. Some try Vistaril, Atarax or just plain benadryl. I took Remeron because it works all day and I could work and function. But sometimes just for putting on some weight antihistamines will stimulate appetite and even temporarily reduce anxiety.

[[Ho...]]

What Jack37 is spot on. The only way out is through unfortunately. 3 months ago I was in bed writhing in agony with stabbing stomach churning, ZERO sleep and I kid you not on that one, despair, afraid of the trees in my yard, not able to walk outside b/c I was scared, not driving and afraid of having the handyman come b/c I could not talk to anyone without terror. I could go on and on and on. I had no choice but to endure and have hope. Not once  did I want to go back to Klonipin b/c my life ON that crap was also horrible (I was in tolerance but did not know that).... I had no idea what this drug would do to me. I, unlike the civilians who have no issues going off this medication, am suffering from CNS damage that will take time to heal.

 

Today, I can drive limited days and times and locations, get the mail, go on walks outside, and am not afraid of my trees. I had the handyman over and while limited in ability to interact I let him in this week. I also have some craptastic sleep 6 hours of broken and often awake sleep.

 

So this will get better if you gut it out. The reinstating is a crap shoot. It might make you worse.

 

We are all here for you and feel your agony. Because we have been there and are still there. It does not get "better" at first. It gets "less crappy".....

 

Big hug!

[[Su...]]

Well what I read about an iogenic brain  injury is that it’s pretty hopeless.  My symptoms a month ago we’re better than they are now. I’m not sure it’s from the one Lexapro I took her not that put me in a tailspin. Before that I was driving a little bit and doing small tasks even though I was having issues. Now I’m basically homebound.

 

 

[[or...]]

This is not an analogy:

 

I’m trying to think it was like a diabetic who needs insulin. Maybe I just need the drug for a while and it can taper down the road. I’m not sure if that makes sense but maybe it does?

 

Your body does not need your benzo. No one's body needs a benzo. It became dependent on your benzo and is still having a hissy fit now that it's gone. Your body craves homeostasis . . . it's struggling to be okay without your benzo. Adding a benzo back in will be counterproductive.

 

Oh brother. I get it that you are suffering. I get it that things are awful. But your hope, as Jack said, is to tough things out and let your brain heal. It will. I can't tell you how many people on here had horrible s/x and got better. Why do you think you'll be different? Taking anything but a benzo to help makes sense. There are so many things to try for insomnia, anxiety (yes, even anxiety), appetite.

 

I kind of get the feeling that we are talking to ourselves, here, Summer. The people who are offering suggestions and help. Despite all our advice, warnings, explanations . . . I think you're going to take that 1 mg of valium out of a desperate, magical belief that it will make things all better and that you can pay the piper later.

 

You have a choice -- hang tough or cave. We've all been exactly where you are.

 

K

 

 

 

 

[[Su...]]

I guess I m so frustrated Since I did not take it very long and cannot understand how my body could be doing this. It is frustrating and maddening. And scary.

[[dj...]]

Please do not reinstate if you can avoid it.  I got off Klonopin in 2019 for 10 months and was insanely frustrated by and lack of progress.  It was hell and I reinstated.  Went back on for about 8 months until I started tapering again.  While I felt a lot better, it was not the same as it was before and some of the problems that surfaced when I got off the drug the first time did not go away completely…weird body sensations, fear of driving on interstate.  You can’t really conquer fears while on a benzo because your emotions are too numbed to recognize that sense of reward when you do conquer it.  It can mask the fears but you won’t beat them.

 

So I started tapering again and even though I was doing a much slower taper this time, the withdrawal has been A LOT worse.  Right now I would kill to have the intensity of symptoms I had in 2019.  That was terrible.  This is horrifying. 

 

Don’t mean to scare you but if you feel like you need pharmacological intervention, there are better things to try first before going back on a benzo.  1mg Valium will hardly give you any relief.

[[Su...]]

Hi, can you tell me which symptoms got worse? What made it so much more terrifying or problematic

[[He...]]

When you reinstated did you get any relief? At least for a little while? I am going bonkers over here and out of my mind. I just think that since I messed things up with a wrap and tape or after that cold turkey that I need a do over. If there’s a small chance it might help I think it might be worth it but I don’t know. I am really ready to climb the walls.

 

No,Summer I really didn't get relief from reinstating. I just kept feeling worse.  Reinstating just confused my brain and body even more.  As you can read in my message, I deeply regret having done it.

[[Ja...]]

I can tell you with me my fourth time onto benzos or this last time. I just got sicker and sicker. No appetite is a cakewalk compared to what happened. My whole digestive system just shut down. It was like the nerves that control it just died. I could not digest food at all. I did not consume anything but water most of the time. Then I started to lose control over my esophagus and my ability to swallow. Then it started to become difficult to even swallow water. If I did manage to trick my stomach into letting something in besides the water it would express through me in 30 minutes or less undigested. It was medically baffling. I still can’t believe a stomach is capable of that. It was like living in a horror movie. It was surreal. That is when I checked into psych and was CT’d off and put on Remeron which probably saved my life because the Remeron somehow stopped the gastroparesis and dumping syndrome and somewhat fixed my malfunctioning esophagus for the most part. It’s almost 3 years and still sometimes I have difficulty swallowing but it’s becoming less frequent. Most of the warnings here are from people like myself who experienced tolerance withdrawal and what it takes to get free from it. That’s why we’re so like “Noooooooooo” when you mention reinstating. I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through. I had to deal with all of this on top of akisthasia and anxiety levels so high that I was damn near hallucinating. Then during my CT I actually started hallucinating. This is actually helping me to talk about because I thought I was having a rough day with my Remeron withdrawal and it’s really putting it onto perspective for me right now. I’m getting soft now that I’m getting better. That by the way is a thing that happens so you should keep a log of your symptoms or a diary so that on six months when you think you haven’t improved you can look back and be reminded how much worse it was.

[[Su...]]

I am getting worse.  My brain feels like it is moving on on fire!  All night.

[[Su...]]

Help!!

[[Ja...]]

Help!!

 

Since you stopped have you

 

Consumed any alchohol at all?

Taken vitamin supplements like a multivitamin?

Vitamin d?

Magnesium?

 

[[Sh...]]

Summer I am new here as well. Suffering tremendously like you. I was only on low dose Klonopin for sleep for three months. Tapered rapidly and stopped. I wanted to chime in here and offer some support to you because I know exactly what you are feeling. In 15 months I have stopped opiates, an antidepressant and now a benzo. To say my brain is fried is an understatement to the max. I am now 7 months off of Klonopin and still suffering. However I will have decent moments here and there which I am hoping is a road to recovery. My mental anguish is horrific. Yet today is slightly better. I actually thought about reinstating as well on the advice from someone. I took one dose of 5mg valium because I needed to sleep so bad. And then I got terrified about kindling so I didn't take anymore. I think it might have set me back a little. But I am trying to persevere. You are not alone and everything you are going through we can all relate to. I don't really have any advice for you. Just support. I have reached out in desperation all the time to many doctors because of the bad SI. I have been offered ketamine, but too terrified. Everyone I speak to on these sights has been very kind and state that in time, things will improve. So I am holding on to that. I have been struggling for the 15 months since stopping opiates. I wish back then I would have stuck it out and not added any more meds to the list. So every time I think about trying something new, I remind myself that it will only make things worse.

Hang in there and I really truly believe that your healing time is coming quicker than you think

 

thinking of you

 

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[[Su...]]

Too intense.  Too hard.  Thinking of Er to help somehow?

[[Ho...]]

And the ER would do what to help? Maybe start a new thread titled “anyone have ER experience in WD?”

[[dj...]]

Hi, can you tell me which symptoms got worse? What made it so much more terrifying or problematic

 

After I reinstated, my anxiety definitely got a lot better and I didn’t feel like the life was sucked out of me all the time, but some symptoms that were new to me in that first withdrawal did not go away like I thought they would.

 

- DP/DR remained

- that sea legs / weird balance feeling while walking stuck around, but at a lesser extent

- cognitive difficulties, while improved, were still much worse than before I got off the first time

- fatigue, although improved, still problematic

- sleep was much better but still challenging 

 

I was a very long-term user and believe that over time the benzos were just rendering my underlying anxiety system (GABA receptors) more ineffective.  But with the constant benzo use this was largely masked.  Of course, when you remove the benzo, everything just went into shock.  But, as long as you stay on the benzo your GABA receptors are never going to heal properly. 

 

I know a lot of people stay on benzos for years with little to no problem.  They can also get off benzos with far less issues.  My theory is that the people who run into major problems while on benzos are the people who are going to have the most problems when they discontinue them.  It’s unfortunate but our brains just happen to be more succeptible to the damaging effects of benzos. 

[[or...]]

Too intense.  Too hard.  Thinking of Er to help somehow?

 

Been there, done that. Most likely at the ER you will be given a benzo. Probably Ativan . . . that's their benzo of choice. It was for me. You will temporarily feel better. They will talk to you earnestly about getting a script for your anxiety/panic/distress from your doc. But hey, you already have one!!

 

I don't get why you would go the the ER. More magical thinking imo.

 

Look, if you want to go back on a benzo, DO IT!!!!!! You've had all our advice. There's nothing else we can share with you.

 

 

Katz