Happiness Scale at Stages of Benzo Withdrawal

[[ve...]]

Hi.  I was thinking about how to rate my level of contentment at various key stages of my benzo journey/recovery.  I divided them up into the following categories: "pre benzo", "shortly after starting the benzo", "a few months into benzos" "during taper" "initial months off benzo" "six months off" "one year off" "at present".

I think it can be interesting to try and gauge progress in a general way to see the big picture.  If anyone else would like to comment, I'd be curious to see how others feel.  I made a scale from 1-10 with 10 being super happy and 1 being very depressed.  5 would be feeling just ok or average.  7 would be maybe feeling better than average but not particularly very good. 8 would be feeling good most of the time. 9 would be feeling very good to excellent.  Looking at my scale ratings, things have gradually improved over the last couple years and a life off benzos is a life worth pursuing .

 

Pre benzos: - 4-5 (I was suffering insomnia and moderate anxiety for which I took the benzo)

It was May 2008.

 

Shortly after starting benzo:  - 6-7.5  (the first month was a significant improvement in sleep and anxiety).  This was June 2008 on a 2 1/2 week vacation.  I took the benzo for jet lag and to take edge off anxiety.

 

Several months later:   (things seemed to back down to a 6, started noticing cog fog and memory issues) Started becoming tolerant to the dose and had to updose to get less than the same effect. This was Fall 2008.  I started to think about getting off the benzo.

 

During Taper:   (ranged from 2-5, experienced moderate to severe levels of agitation and insomnia)

Taper was 10 months from January to November 2009.  By end of taper or last few months, I was about a 5, just so so but not terrible. The worst was the first 4-5 months when I went from 7mg valium to 2mg.

 

Initial months  off:   (First three months off were about a 3-5 range.  There were some setbacks)

 

6 months off:   (I was about a 6-7 most days by six months off, started to see light at the end of the tunnel ).  Sleep was better but still had anxiety and some lingering symptoms.  I think on my blog I rated myself as about 80% "back to  normal".

 

1 year off:   (range from 6.5 to 8.0.  Most days about a 7 but many 8 days increasing)

 

At present:  , I'm 16 months off.  I'd say most days are about a 7.5.  I still have anxiety about 20% higher than I did pre benzo but insomnia is gone and I have made diet and other health improvements that make my rating significantly  higher than before benzos .  

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo

 

[[Ta...]]

Thanks for sharing this Vertigo.  I am just starting my taper and have hit the point where things are going poorly.  It really helps a newbie like me to know that you do regain your moods and there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Guest [ke...]]

Keep improving Verti 

Just stay very still and act like nothing ever happened.

 

Thank you for the updates 

[[pa...]]

This is a good thread you've started V.

It is becoming rather difficult for me to categorize a rating scale or to remember how things were since my benzo ordeal simply because too many life events have happened since that time.

My history of benzos and meds began in June 2006 after a prolonged period of stress and a re-occurance of severe panic symptoms started to seriously affect my quality of living and my sleep.

My doctor had started me on ativan and also gave me a presription for prozac. The idea was for me to start on a low dosage of an A/D and to take the ativan to help me relax and mitigate the side effects of the prozac. Unfortunately, that's not how things ended up happening. After 2 weeks on the prozac, I had to stop taking it because my CNS could not handle the side effects. The doctor then had me switch to celexa, with the same results. Then He tried me on trazadone and the same thing happened. After 3 tries with negative results, I was then forced to wait until a new phsych was stationed at the medical center witch took about 2 months. In the meantime, my doctor had me stay on the ativan at bedtime (he then switched me to clonazepam) with the advise that I should take it before betime. After about 1 month, it became apparent to me that my sleep was becoming affected by constant use of the drug because it was taking me longer and longer to fall asleep. Also my hours of sleep time were diminishing (something that my doctor downplayed). So, by the time I saw the head psych, I was a nervous wreck from lack of proper sleep at night (something he flatly denied should happen).

How did I feel through all this ordeal? From the time the panic symptoms sarted straight through the ongoing med issues I had those first few months followed up by sleep issues.... I would have to say a 1-3. There just wasn't much happiness I was able to feel at all during this time of my life. Fortunatley, things did improve after going on the remeron in Aug 2006, so I'd have to say that when my sleep improved, I shot up to about a 7 or so and stayed that way until about about March 2007 when work issues started to impact my life once again.

In order to illustarted the next 4 years, it would take me about as long (or possibly longer) to explain and rate these on a scale since I had to deal with too many complex issues such as the death of my father in Dec 2007, the legal/personal/finacial/emotional issues I got thrown into after his death; ongoing work related issues; sleep issues; an inter dose w/d to klonopin; re-occuring med issues; a lack of guidance from the medical community; trying to maintain my sanity and still be a husband, father, and my further responsibilities; working through a benzo taper and moving on; resigning from full time employment; concerns over health care and finacial issues; a long period of anxiety and depression following several months post taper; etc, etc...

In short, I have had periods when I felt as high as a 9 or 10 and periods when I felt as low as a 1, 2 or 3. It has been quite a roller-coaster ride and how I wish I could seperate these periods of time and ratings as well as V has done.

I'm still confident that my life will stabilize. I don't completely blame my benzo ordeal for all the troubles I have experienced. Certainly, I would have had issues without it. Unfortunatley, the benzo beast just contributed more complications to an already overtaxed and stressed out human being. I'm sure that ALL members of the forum woul have to relate given there own histories and experiences. The interesting thing that I have discovered is that I'm still here and I'm still living and enjoying life even after all the ordeals I've been through, so , perhaps I'm stronger than I give myself credit for!

[[Bi...]]

Wonderful thread, thank you for sharing this. I am hopeful that the next 6 months and after my numbers will go up as well 

 

Keep feeling better and better