Depression deepening -

[[Ca...]]

I don't know what I would have expected - or what even could be expected with this hideous Benzo thing but it's been 3+ yrs. off K, through a solid nightmare of anhedonia depression and  boughts of grief. Has been a slight downward trend since about a year but a steep, almost plunge into a new place of darkness. I recently got good news - winning my SSDI case after waiting 5 years. Was denied 2 years ago but was remanded by the appeals board. It was an uplift in terms of stress relief over the finances but flat otherwise. But again, slipped yet further downwards. I vowed to hang long enough to get to the hearing so in the event it would be a win, I'd have, at 61, something to leave my wife. The funds could take another month or so, to come in. After that all bets are off. Has been a lifetime issue - for whatever reason so . . . . I don't know at this point. I can easily understand how depression took my brother's life. I would be the last person to judge anyone.