Any one else tapering or post taper get their feelings hurt easily?

[[pa...]]

This may sound like a silly topic but this has been a real problem for me.

I will be 1 year free of benzos next month.

The last month or so, I have noticed an huge increase in my anxiety levels, depression and a persistent insomnia. Last Sun, my anxiety was up so much that I felt like I was going to explode!

As I have been reflecting more on myself these last few weeks, I have discovered that (among other other things), there has been an issue between me and someone else I know that has been gnawing at me. I have sung with and been a part of a music ministry for many years. This has brought me a tremendous sense of joy, but, at the same time has brought me a some grief especially since my benzo issues began.

There are some people (thankfully not many!!) who have some mood problems who sing in our choir. One of them just happens to be the music director. During rehearsals before Christmas, I had an unfortunate altercation with another choir member.

This guy who I had (and have had) difficulties with is not an easy person to deal with. He's moody, arrogant, and bombastic. He really likes to speek his mind when he has an opinion about something and when he isn't speaking his mind, he tends to withdraw like a caged lion. he has a great singing voice and lots of musical talent and is so 'visible' in our choir as far as soloing and so forth... he just doesn't have a nice personality to go with it!

Anyway, the short end of it is that I'm amazed how much this issue has affected me especially the last month. I am a very sensitive person by nature, but the reactions and symptoms I'm getting from this guy are, for me, rather extreme!

My question is: Does anyone else (either pre or post taper) have difficulties with these kinds of issues when dealing with others? Right now, I feel like the only way I can bring peace of mind to myself is to try to apologize with this guy so that I can stop obesesing about the whole thing!

Would love to hear other members feedback...

[[as...]]

Hi pangelina!

 

I'm sorry that you are going through this It may be comforting to you to hear that it is normal..I am still tapering and I am extremely sensitive!! As i am a naturally sensitive person as well..Anything and everything that somebody may say to me that might seem the slightest bit negative I tend to obsess over it and worry alot.. and get my feelings hurt.. and most the time i am just perceiving things wrong!! This goes for big and small situations.. An example I am currently working at home taking customer service calls and if I get a angry caller I tend to take it very hard and get my feelings hurt! Even though it is not my fault and then I tend to worry alot that I will get in trouble at work for not doing something right when indeed again it was not my fault.. So even little things like that tend to get to me when I should know better! I really do think it is a part of W/D as it sensitizes EVERYTHING  and i think it is good you noticed it.. So now you will be able to hopefully move forward and not worry so much about these things like I'm trying to do!! good luck!!

 

Ashley

[[pa...]]

Thanks for respondng Ashley!

Yesterday, I tried to make peace with this choir member but he only seemed intent about getting off the phone... I try to remind myself that most people aren't rude on purpose and NO ONE ever makes trouble for someone else because they're happy. I think one of the biggest hurts for me about the church choir is that I felt that is was one of the last things I had on earth to feel happy about when all my troubles began.

I am coming to realize that this is a gross exageration on my part! So, the other day, I made a huge list of all the things positive that I have going for me in my life such as: family that loves me, achievements I've done, batlles I have conquered, and not to mention a well kept home, beautiful physical environment, etc... So, for me to get the idea that siging with a church choir was 'the last thing' I had was simply untrue.

I also think that part of my problem has been difficulty finding and having close friends who live nearby. When I was younger, I lead a fairly active social life, whereas now, my rolls have changed with being a Dad, etc...

I think that I am long overdo for a reframing of mind and a healing of memories.

Thanks again for your feedback! Wishing you the best as you continue your taper!

[[ve...]]

Hey Pangelingua.  I think you are describing a common experience where one becomes more sensitive to stress in the healing months off benzos.  People tell me that healing continues in the first 18 months.  Congrats on coming up on one year by the way .  I remember posting a couple months ago when I reached a year and was very pleased to have gotten rid of many symptoms, but several remain including anxiety.  So I can relate to the anxiety you have expressed in your post.  As you know, in the early months off benzos, some people report having " benzo rage".  I think it can happen any time stress gets very high or for long periods of time, or perhaps in your case, when you have not been sleeping well.  It doesn't take much for the nerves to be primed.  In regards to your fellow choir member, I don't know enough about the situation to know whether you have done or said anything that would require an apology.  I think sometimes it can be helpful to make the peace to offer some responsibility for a situation but in the long run it can undermine your own confidence if you apologize for something that is not entirely your fault.  So it can be a balance.  I had lunch with a buddy today who is extremely sensitive and gets very defensive sometimes.  I said something to him that was not thought out well, he reacted and I did apologize.  However, he started to accuse me of some other things and I held my ground and told him I thought he was being overly defensive, which he admitted, after a while.  So it's a balance. When he was attacking me by the way, I started to get very anxious and uncomfortable.  I don't know if I would have reacted quite the same way before benzos, so I think my nerves are still a little raw and need more time to heal.  Yet I do believe it can be helpful to be assertive sometimes, but no harm in trying to make peace at other times.  By the way, I just read your post back to Ashley about making a list of all the positives in your life, which was great.  I also read your other post about reading on mindfulness lately.  I think that is a skill that can really help ground you and help you to get in touch with what is really going on with the people in your choir and where you wish to go from here.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[pa...]]

Hi V!

Thanks for the response and the PM. I sent a response to your anxiety post just now...

After getting only 2 hours sleep last night, I decided to call the other choir member and try to clear the air. Basically, I let him know where I was coming from as far as issues go, and I also wanted to make sure their was no bad fealings, etc. He seemed very sympathetic and I don't expect I'll have these kinds of issues again with him, at least not without getting an apology.

Since talking with this guy, I have gotten some info from him about life issues that he has had. He is a cancer survivor and being so young (30), this may have had an affect on his personality, making him a bit 'off' at times. In any case, no harm was ment on his part toward me, he just gets frustrated during choir practices when too many people are talking.

I also extened my hand in friendship to him, which he accepted.

Part of my problem is that I don't have any really close friends who live in the area. I work 2 or 3 times a week and during the day, I spend alone because my wife's at work. A sure recipe for lonliness! Of course, I do enjoy the companionship I get on the forum, but it still isn't the same as a face to face if you know what I mean.

I don't know if my conversation with Peter will lead to any close friendship, however, I at least feel I cleared the air and let him know more about me.... Now, its on to the 'Mindfulness'!

Thanks again for the feedback!

[[ve...]]

That's very good news that your choir buddy was receptive to your call.  It seems it worked itself out with your intuitive decision to call and offer your friendship and understanding to him. As a cancer survivor, no doubt he has some fears and concerns about his health and may not have a lot of patience sometimes.  By the way, it sounds great to me to have some time alone when you're not at work and your wife is at her job.  What a great opportunity to practice your mindful meditation. I do understand the desire to meet some other friends outside of work or perhaps church. Is there a hobby you are interested in?  Perhaps photography or some other interest that you could pursue? Maybe you'd like to take an evening class?  Learn a foreign language or some other skill?  I'm sure that you can come up with some ideas on that too.  Sometimes you can also meet some people by enrolling your kids in some after school activities like soccer or something else like a martial art. Well, glad things seem to be working out now with your choir buddy.

 

Best,

 

Vertigo

[[Mi...]]

I always have been sensitive, but last eyar when still on the klonopin I was ALWAYS getting upset with my parents and getting shaky near them.  Itw as horrible and about every day.  I'm sure most of it was the med.

[[al...]]

Yeah, my feelings get hurt very easily. I think my family has picked up on the things that upset me (the good old days, thoughts of the future, thoughts of death) and try their best to steer away from the trigger words.

[[Mi...]]

My family seemed NOT to pick up on it.  Or not to care about it.  Because I flat told them what bothered me and they never stop.

[[pa...]]

Hi Midnight and alwaystired, Thank you for responding to my post!

I have been fortunate in that the last 2 years, the negative family experiences have died down. I think that my toughest times dealing with difficult family was after my father's death and the legal/estate affairs got out of hand. Add to this the threat of legal exposure that I had do to mishandling of property of the estate by my sister and her boyfriend and... well, you can guess the rest!

Right now, my biggest difficulty is learning to not place every difficult persons who I have life dealings with into the same big catagory. I can think back over the last 4 years to several family and extended family members who I got nothing but criticism and lack of cooperation, plus issues at work with supervisors and some co workers plus anyone else I might have diificulties with such as certain choir members. I'm trying to reframe and rethink my thoughts and feelings towards people like that.

It's been difficult, but I've found that learning to forgive difficult people can be a big step towards healing! Don't think that I discount what you are both going through with family members... sometimes these kinds of things can sting!

Anyway, I do wish for the best as you both continue your journeys! Always remember to take time to be kind towards yourself! The other day when I was feeling low, I made a list of all my strenghts and positive things that are going well for me in life and that really helped to get me to a more realistic mindset on how my life is.

Peace and happiness to both of you!

[[re...]]

i can barely stand an unhappy moment on tv....

[[Mi...]]

This may sound like a silly topic but this has been a real problem for me.

I will be 1 year free of benzos next month.

The last month or so, I have noticed an huge increase in my anxiety levels, depression and a persistent insomnia. Last Sun, my anxiety was up so much that I felt like I was going to explode!

As I have been reflecting more on myself these last few weeks, I have discovered that (among other other things), there has been an issue between me and someone else I know that has been gnawing at me. I have sung with and been a part of a music ministry for many years. This has brought me a tremendous sense of joy, but, at the same time has brought me a some grief especially since my benzo issues began.

There are some people (thankfully not many!!) who have some mood problems who sing in our choir. One of them just happens to be the music director. During rehearsals before Christmas, I had an unfortunate altercation with another choir member.

This guy who I had (and have had) difficulties with is not an easy person to deal with. He's moody, arrogant, and bombastic. He really likes to speek his mind when he has an opinion about something and when he isn't speaking his mind, he tends to withdraw like a caged lion. he has a great singing voice and lots of musical talent and is so 'visible' in our choir as far as soloing and so forth... he just doesn't have a nice personality to go with it!

Anyway, the short end of it is that I'm amazed how much this issue has affected me especially the last month. I am a very sensitive person by nature, but the reactions and symptoms I'm getting from this guy are, for me, rather extreme!

My question is: Does anyone else (either pre or post taper) have difficulties with these kinds of issues when dealing with others? Right now, I feel like the only way I can bring peace of mind to myself is to try to apologize with this guy so that I can stop obesesing about the whole thing!

Would love to hear other members feedback...

[[Mi...]]

Hi pangelina!

 

I'm sorry that you are going through this It may be comforting to you to hear that it is normal..I am still tapering and I am extremely sensitive!! As i am a naturally sensitive person as well..Anything and everything that somebody may say to me that might seem the slightest bit negative I tend to obsess over it and worry alot.. and get my feelings hurt.. and most the time i am just perceiving things wrong!! This goes for big and small situations.. An example I am currently working at home taking customer service calls and if I get a angry caller I tend to take it very hard and get my feelings hurt! Even though it is not my fault and then I tend to worry alot that I will get in trouble at work for not doing something right when indeed again it was not my fault.. So even little things like that tend to get to me when I should know better! I really do think it is a part of W/D as it sensitizes EVERYTHING  and i think it is good you noticed it.. So now you will be able to hopefully move forward and not worry so much about these things like I'm trying to do!! good luck!!

 

Ashley

[[pa...]]

Hi

I was surprised to see my old topic get bumped up. I appreciate that it's still viewed.

Since I last posted to this topic, I have recovered from a major downswing of depresssion/insomnia issues. It may be that cutting an A/D (remeron) caused me an extra bit of hardship along the way of healing from my taper. Looking back in hindsite, I would not recommend anyone cutting an A/D right away post taper. It certainly left me more vulnerable to stress issues, hence this posting.

I will add a parting thought. The world seems to be filled with many people who are rather insensitive and who can be quite callous without meaning to be so.

The reason I started this post was because of some issues that were going on my my church choir that really ended up affecting me emotionally. We have a parish here that has a lot of people who have lots of musical talent. For the most part, that's a good thing. However, musical talent and congeniality don't always go hand in hand. If you look at musical groups who in history that had lots of musicaly talented members (the Beatles is the best example), you will find lots of 'infighting' going on. This was the reason the Beatles broke up as a group.

It is rather unfortunate, but we seem to have a church choir that is somewhat this way. There is lots of musical talent, the song selections and singing is absolutely, beautiful. However, there are also politics, ego clashes, and temperment that seem to go on there. I still do love singing for our choir, it's just that it has been a somewhat strained relationship for me. Especially, our choir director seems to suffer from depressive issues. She is on some pretty hefty doses of prozac. She has a poor ability to handle stress and doesn't seem to handle dealing with too many people well.

For someone healing from benzo w/d, this can be quite a challenge, to continue doing something that you have a passion for doing, but also trying to put up with idiosychrasies along the way...

I feel rather fortunate now in that I have recovered enough to feel like I can handle this better than before. An important part of getting through difficult people like this is to let them know when they've 'crossed the line'.

In the meantime, I continue to enjoy singing and I also realize that we are there to sing and praise God! I hope to continue doing this for many years!