Just pull yourself through it and get better they say

[[Ka...]]

How do you cope with family who cannot comprehend how devastating and difficult this is.

I have spent most of the day bawling my eyes out because my husbands family is seeing me as a burden on my husband and can’t understand why I can’t snap out of it. And that they know people who took Xanax before and are just fine. This is making the depression and the anxiety so much worse for me. I already feel like complete shit I can’t be the wife and mother I was before all of this.

 

Im really struggling tonight

[[Wh...]]

Hi KanHope... may I suggest that you post this in the cold turkey or the post withdrawal part of the forum for more traffic?  It looks like people are not seeing your post here.

 

[[Ka...]]

How do you cope with family who cannot comprehend how devastating and difficult this is.

I have spent most of the day bawling my eyes out because my husbands family is seeing me as a burden on my husband and can’t understand why I can’t snap out of it. And that they know people who took Xanax before and are just fine. This is making the depression and the anxiety so much worse for me. I already feel like complete shit I can’t be the wife and mother I was before all of this.

 

Im really struggling tonight

[Guest [Le...]]

Wish I had an answer for this – nobody who hasn’t lived through this can understand the unbelievable hell of it. I’ve lived through plenty of horrible things in my life, but what benzos did to me is hands-down the worst experience ever.

 

Luckily, the depression will lift, along with the insomnia and all the rest of it. The catch is that it takes its own sweet time, which of course feeds the depression.

 

I’m not sure what you can tell your family, and many of us faced the same problem. I ended up limiting my contact with people by texting, and not even attempting to make personal appearances. I realize that’s not an option for everybody, though.

 

The key thing is for you, I think, to feed your own hope, because that is what will get you through this, and that hope is all that I can offer. Little by little, the shreds of my life began to come back together, one step at a time, and you’ll probably begin to notice changes too – I hope that will begin for you soon.

 

[[Ne...]]

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how" - Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Don't try to convince your extended family members. Don't even let their ignorance enter your life. If you should work on convincing anyone, it's your husband. Show him the Ashton Manual. Tell him to read it. The next time anyone calls you a burden, he will hopefully tell them what he knows. And even if he doesn't, he will know. That's all that counts, isn't it? You're not married to his family.

 

Plus, this isn't about them, it's about you. Your suffering is too great to concern yourself with other people's opinion about your condition. I have endured the barrage of verbal abuse by certain family members for a long time, but nowadays I don't even try to convince them anymore. I have said more than I can remember. They do not want to believe, which I presume is tied to a misguided attempt to make the condition I've found myself in seem "not so bad, and it's gonna be alright". I really mean it when I say you don't have time for that! This immense suffering has given me perspective. It doesn't matter if everyone accepts your suffering as legitimate. Make sure the few key people in your life are on your side. Maybe even just one person in your family. That is all you need. Information is key. Show them youtube videos of people in withdrawal. Show them videos of Baylissa Frederick and other more notable benzo survivors (if you can find them). Show them the Ashton Manual.

[[...]]

Dear KanHope,

 

The alienation adds to the long list of symptoms, something else we endure and which is added to the torture. I regularly find myself banging my head against the walls with my Dad who can't understand why I can't snap out of it or why I don't do anything to 'help myself', like go see a psychologist who, according to him, would convince me that I have no problem and just start living my life.  :brickwall:

 

You can find a great piece of writing by Parker, posted at the top of the post-withdrawal board, it's called 'what is happening in your brain'. You could also give this to your family to read:

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/recovery/what-we-wish-family-and-friends-knew-about-benzo-withdrawal/

 

Pick and mix what you think will convey the message you want to communicate to your loved-ones. You might find that using other survivors' words and strength will help you through this, they will help to get through to some more easily... I hope this works.

 

In the meantime, I hear you...

 

Warm Hugs,

Julz

[[No...]]

Sorry you're going through such a tough time. Thank god for places like this where we can come and vent and know that others will understand what we're going through.

 

Personally I would tell my husbands family to butt out and to mind their own business. In my situation only my closest family (husband and adult kids) know that I'm going through benzo withdrawal and a couple of close friends. I'm aware that I've put my husband through a lot over the past 7 years with my behaviour. The term 'carer's fatigue' comes to my mind frequently. I only discuss my symptoms with him on bad days. He's seen the list of WD symptoms. I'm mostly going through this on my own. Almost a month out from jumping I'm still having symptoms. I try and keep myself occupied. I don't know what else to say, except I know how hard it is. This drug affects everyone differently. For your inlaws to say that others have been fine shows their ignorance in my opinion. I would try to avoid them, or any potential confrontation as I'm sure you don't need that right now.

[[Gi...]]

How do you cope with family who cannot comprehend how devastating and difficult this is.

I have spent most of the day bawling my eyes out because my husbands family is seeing me as a burden on my husband and can’t understand why I can’t snap out of it. And that they know people who took Xanax before and are just fine. This is making the depression and the anxiety so much worse for me. I already feel like complete shit I can’t be the wife and mother I was before all of this.

 

Im really struggling tonight

 

Kan,

 

You’re having some really nasty symptoms so I understand why you’re struggling. Been there many many times and hope to never go there again. But who knows?

 

I think it’s hard for anyone to ‘get’ this. Only those that truly love you will take the time to really understand. If your extended family don’t, then you can’t change that and I would just accept that fact. You don’t have enough energy to deal with recovery and deal with them.

 

In time these symptoms are going to lessen and disappear. And when they start to go you are going to feel so much more positive. But it’s no straight line so take a deep breath.

 

We are all different in our symptoms and recovery. But it WILL get better. Hang on in there.

 

G

[[Cu...]]

Hi G.M. Hope,

You have a support system in place: Your Husband.  Let him deal w/his side of the family.  Basing this on a husband who is "in your corner".  Toxic people are not something you can contend with right now - nor, should you ever have to. 

 

People are always going to know someone else who's been though it.  They're the ones w/the blinders on; they don't want to hear what this actually is.  Urge you to learn to not allow others to negate your feelings - they are yours & you are entitled to them.  It's taxing & frustrating on the benzo person to have to explain...usually repeatedly.  You don't need that further draining your energy reserves.

 

This is a situation where it is not selfish to be thinking about your own needs, first.  When it comes to this, that's survival.

Wishing you better days ahead, ~    CuzKK

 

[[Ka...]]

Thank you so much for all your comments. Its so nice to have a place to go to for support through this horrible time. 

 

Julz, I had my husband send the info you linked so hopefully they will see what’s really going on with me.

 

I dunno what I would do without B.B.

[[de...]]

You are understood Kan. 

 

Dee x

[[Ca...]]

Great perspectives here... Sadly..

 

Just to add, that I found being confident in my own understanding of whats going on to be a big help... -Self doubt Reduction...

 

 

[[Fr...]]

This is why the only person that knows is my husband. I don’t have time to convince people I am suffering.

[[Ea...]]

I have a pretty good idea of where u r coming from, as I have dealt with a somewhat similar situation involving some of my family members. Although in my case, I’ve been incredibly blessed with an amazingly supportive immediate family. I heard another buddy say this & I thought it was a good analogy. Just bc they know someone that has taken a benzo & gotten off without any struggle doesn’t mean that is the same reaction everyone will have. A good example is a peanut allergy. Just bc a person can eat peanuts doesn’t mean that everyone else across the globe can. Some people will go into anaphylaxis & die if they consume them. It’s the same thing with not only benzo’s but all medications. Not everyone is going to react the exact same predictable way. I know that u already know this & r probably over trying to get this message across to them. I suggest that if causes unnecessary & unwanted stress, don’t bother trying. If they don’t come around that’s not ur fault & u shouldn’t hold urself responsible for them not understanding. Some people just refuse to even try to empathize. That’s ok though. Your only focus rn should be on doing everything u can to help urself heal & recover. I’m sorry that those closest to u r having a hard time comprehending this. Eventually u might just have to accept that it is not ur job to make them understand & just continue to do what’s best for u. Hope things work out, all the best in healing.

[[Ca...]]

That's a familiar situation to so many of us. Whether they are unwilling to understand - they really cannot. Their awareness is limited to what they can see at the moment. The worst part of it - at least from my experience is the guilt of it. It's no wonder there would be depression/anxiety - what else can it come to when guilt has taken hold. It can be a heavy obstacle but is not based in fact. We are not guilty - on the contrary - we are doing the best we can under the circumstances and are 100% innocent. Hopefully the time comes when we recover and can recharge and look back on what we can finally see the truth of what really happened. I tend to avoid family, friends anymore - I don't want to be an object of ridicule and don't need to stress.