Deep blues

[[co...]]

I'm having deep depression. how many people out there have been diagnosed with depression for a long time, been placed on benzos, come off of them, and then wallow in despair? That's me. I'm sure i came down with a slight bug Monday. I had muscle pains, felt feverish, slept for hours. Yesterday, I could't get out of bed. I barely made it to the store outside my door to buy some tea and orange juice. I had a shrink appointment today, but had to cancel it. I rescheduled it for Monday, but today was the day I wanted to discuss my other bouts of depression, which seemed to hit after I cut my Seroquel from 50 milligrams to 25 milligrams.

 

After the cut, I crashed, but seemed to be doing much better. Today, physically, I think the virus I had (or think I had) is better. Slight cold symptoms are better, fever responds to an over-the-counter pain medicine, and I didn't take any cold medicine.

 

But I'm just overwhelmed by the past. All my thoughts are of events that seem like they happened yesterday, not a decade ago. The loneliness abounds. So, is it live or is it Memorex (remember that commercial?)? Is it just the depression, the malady shrinks over more than 30 years have said I have? Am I just a casualty of chemical and talk therapy? Is it benzo withdrawal? Is it both?

 

Maybe I've just been in denial. Last week, I started to prepare an e-mail to the local Habitat for humanity here, feelling it was time to give instead of take. I haven't been able to send it. I haven't even been able to climb into the shower. I keep telling myself it's the psychotropic drugs, that the Seroquel is a big mistake, that the low-dosage Depakote I take could be contributing to my inability to heal.  know I should just chalk this up to a slight viral infection and feeling down, but it amazes me how far down I can go.

[Guest [my...]]

cold,

am i reading your sig line correctly?  you cold turkeyed from 20 mgs. of klonopin????  OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

you are not alone with the depression.  it's just horrible, that's not even the word.  i so hope things get better for you.  someone else will be along to help. 

 

Mamie

[[co...]]

Twenty. 20. Ten in the morning, ten at night, for five years. Lower dosages for five years before that. Was on the up. Now way down. About four months into it. Came down with a bug, now as low as the rug. Ugh.

[[BY...]]

Hey coldturk,

 

Having benzo sx's and fighting a flu bug is not fun at all. Been there and hopefully I don't get hit by another one.

 

I hope the bug and the depression give you a break soon.

 

Mike

[[ti...]]

Hi Coldturk,

 

I read your other post about smashing windows and just wanted to let you know I had a terrible time when I reduced the seroquel from 50mg to 25mg, the depression and the head pain was unbearable, at first I thought it was just a wave but when it didn't let up I decided to quit the seroquel, I'm now in my third week and things have improved slightly, I do feel worse than I did at 50mgs as i was doing fine then but knew I had to get off this drug, just letting you know it may be the seroquel making you feel worse, you may want to speak to your dr about quitting or going back up to 50mg, if you do quit the seroquel be prepared for a couple of rough weeks. Hope things improve for you soon.

 

Time

[[ma...]]

Hello,

Seroquel is a mood tranquilizer not related at all to benzo's  and is not addictive. It does make you feel gross and there are better choices.  ( I know first hand)

 

Lexapro, Celexa and even Zoloft (antidepressants) have a calming effect/and help make depression manageable,  and are not addictive either, (I know first hand)  of course when reducing they all have awful side effects.  Some people have low serotonin levels.

 

Also when dumping a drug (benzo or otherwise) and being told to bear the depression, please remember there is no shame in seeking help, as no one can know the actual DEGREE of anyone's depression. Inpatient is better than dead.

 

Keep yourself safe above all else.  Do not play with Depression it is Deadly (reference:  My father with a bullet in his head )

Mary

[[gi...]]

Hi Coldturk,

Congratulations for getting off such a large amount of klonopin !  Sounds like you have a very high threshold.  As for the depression, that is pretty par for the course with benzo withdrawl.  I also was on a large amount of klonopin for years and suffered depression because of it as I had reached tolerance early on.  It's a awful dark place.  Once I tapered the depression increased and I went on welbutrin midway thru my taper and it helped , but initially revved up my anxiety symptoms.  It was the right choice for me though. I can say though that I stopped the welbutrin 6 mos. post taper and have not had that awful "benzo depression" since !! As for the intrusive thoughts that is also a peculiar aspect of withdrawl.  We think of things in the past out of the blue and are hit with all kinds of memories, guilt, pain and every other emotion in the book.  I am not sure why this happens, I just contribute it too my brain chemicals being all screwed up for awhile as they were asleep from the benzo's for so long / .  As for the other meds and anti depressants they may be contributing to your problem if you reduce them too quickly or CT them right now.  I feel it is best to give oneself a break and only go off of one thing as a time and slowly as our poor systems are already hypersensitive and going off of benzo's is already taxing enough on our poor brains.  It helps to realize that the thoughts are not true to present reality and you will find later when you begin to heal, that when you think of the same things that upset you now or that are persistant. that later when you bring them to recall that they won't bother you at all.  I used "stop" therapy alot when I was plagued by the intrusive thoughts.  I ran around all day yelling "stop" to my mind.  Yes,  everyone thought I was crazy.

Hang in there and remember if things get too rough then it is important to go to a doctor and get some help.  Hang in there, it will get better.  Ginia

[[ma...]]

Ginia,

 

I like your post, I think it is great that you shared this with Deep blues.

I cried allot during the taper process from the high dose to a lower dose and lived in cognitive fog, along with lack of sleep, burning sensation and etc.  Once I reached a "lower" dose,(relative) for me, I started back on antidepressants. 

 

I have felt better but it could just be my regular mood disorder. You mentioned depakote, (for mood disorder)  but since this is a benzo forum, I won't comment on it.

 

The bottom line is that I strongly feel that benzo's are bad bad news! I do believe you cry allot and feel gross)

 

I do believe however that people have mood disorders which are physiological just as if you have high blood pressure or diabetes, or thyroid producing low level of hormone.

 

So take it for what it might be worth

 

Shared in good faith

Mary

[[fl...]]

Hello,

Seroquel is a mood tranquilizer not related at all to benzo's  and is not addictive. It does make you feel gross and there are better choices.  ( I know first hand)

 

Lexapro, Celexa and even Zoloft (antidepressants) have a calming effect/and help make depression manageable,  and are not addictive either, (I know first hand)  of course when reducing they all have awful side effects.  Some people have low serotonin levels.

 

Also when dumping a drug (benzo or otherwise) and being told to bear the depression, please remember there is no shame in seeking help, as no one can know the actual DEGREE of anyone's depression. Inpatient is better than dead.

 

Keep yourself safe above all else.   Do not play with Depression it is Deadly (reference:  My father with a bullet in his head )

Mary

 

They might not be psychologically 'addictive', but I can tell you with Zoloft at least that there ARE problems with physical dependence and w/d. If not tapered properly, it can be very bad news. I stopped zoloft ct once not knowing anything about wd's and ended up in the ER. Couldn't figure out why the room was spinning and I was getting electricl 'zaps' to my brain...  pretty much all AD's and antipsychotics like Seroquel must be tapered to avoid wd symptoms.

 

Jeff M.