Why Can't I sleep? What the heck is Going on?

[[Rx...]]

I blame malpractice and always will.

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Bump!

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MTfan,

Excellent post and great thinking. Gratitude IS very crucial when recovering from benzos. The average benzo brain is temporarily damaged. If all we do is focus on the negatives, we only scare ourselves more. Being grateful for the GOOD things is a huge step forward and it may help re-train your brain to be more positive.

This is kind of part of why I think "faking it" helps us in WD. Your brain needs to re-wire itself (simple words here, nothing too technical). If you pretend you feel better than you really do, your brain usually will accept this and turn it into REAL feelings. Fake it til you make it was my motto for several years. And OH! what a huge work that was... a brain injured after 30 years on benzos is indeed an injured brain. But I just kept faking it and over time, it DID help.

 

I have to say this. Your post was one the absolute BEST ones I have ever read here on BB. I have been here for 6.5 years, so that's a huge compliment. You are obviously a person who is intelligent, and one who truly THINKS instead of just reacting. NOT an easy thing to do.

 

Thank you for writing this hopeful and truthful post. GOOD job.

east

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MTfan,

 

Really appreciated your examples of practicing giving thanks. So often "gratitude" is talked about in a way that pushes us to minimize our suffering, or blames us for not  ignoring/denying our suffering. But your examples seemed to recognize that one can be in a very difficult place (as we all often are) and still find something to be thankful about.

 

If we can do that, I think it will be a big help on our road to healing.

 

Thanks for sharing that.

[[MT...]]

Eastcoast,

 

You make some excellent points about "faking it." That is one way to form new neural pathways and have them become the preferred pathways rather than the usual paths of marinating in your misery. Our default setting seems to be to marinate as if we think about it enough we'll be able to think our way out of it but that only serves to reinforce the pain. I like the mindfulness approaches of noticing the pain, discomfort, whatever, but opening up your awareness to other things as well. As part of a class I'm taking they had us work with a symptom. Mine was fatigue and on that day it was absolutely overwhelming and I was getting obsessive and despairing. The instruction was to scan the body and look for differences in how the symptom shows up. Is it equally bad everywhere? Does it fluctuate in any way? I discovered that my hands weren't fatigued. Finding that little island provided me with some space around the fatigue, another place to focus and even rest. I could draw a kind of strength from my hands and feel less panic about my overall fatigue. This helped me get through a tough day at work with no energy.

 

GonnaGetBetter,

 

I think something that is misunderstood about gratitude is that it is less about an emotion than a practice. There are many times I practice gratitude when I don't have the emotion of gratitude. But over time it has increased my capacity to experience gratitude and allowed me to hold my suffering more lightly. It's like building a house. First you dig a hole for the foundation, pour concrete, put up the wooden frames, etc. You gradually build a house that you can then live in it. By practicing coming up with things to be grateful for and finding ways to express gratitude even for difficult things, you're ultimately building a house/self worth living in with some protection from the storms and comfy furniture.

 

:smitten: MT

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Insomnia is a beast but even when you experience night after night of zero sleep minimal sleep, you're probably not doing so in a war zone, you probably have a roof over your head, and you (most likely) are not in the midst of a zombie apocalypse:-)

 

MT fan.

 

I just wanted to add that if I'm grateful to someone for something they've done for me -- a little extra something e.g. the kid at the gas station always washes my front AND back windows, even though he doesn't have to . . . I got a free coffee at Dutch Brothers yesterday . . . a neighbor thanked me for always backing out of my driveway slowly so as not to run into dog walkers . . . I thank them. Before benzo w/d I was different. Now, after w/d, when I realize OMG I lived!! I am mindful of things (and people) to be thankful for.

 

I'm sitting at my desk right now looking out the window at goldfinches on my bird feeder and I consider myself blessed (thankful?) to see them.

 

Great post, MT.

 

 

Katz

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I started a slower liquid taper 2/1/19 and ever since I cannot sleep and to top it off, I'm having sharp, severe headaches with the Insomnia every night.  I cannot take meds....for the headache.  So I keep using ice packs till they thaw and then run downstairs to the kitchen to get more.  This has been my sleep for many nights.  I think I could handle the Insomnia better w/o the severe headaches.  Doing CBT and listening to Scripture when I KNOW I'm not going to get any sleep.  Trying to stay positive though.  I know it's the WD but.....hard to bear.

[[MT...]]

Oregonkatz,

 

That's wonderful that you're noticing the kindness of others and are grateful for it. One thing that can happen when you're suffering is that the small kindnesses or moments of joy (even microjoy, or moments when you feel the suckatude less) shine more brightly. But I have to remind myself to open my eyes and take it in. I was blown away a few weeks ago on a very difficult day when the cashier at the convenience store responded to some offhanded comment I made about stress eating, by looking straight into my eyes and sincerely expressing she hoped things got better for me soon. I was on the verge of collapse but that helped me hold it together to get home.

 

Hopeforrecovery,

 

I found that no medication helped for those early wd and sleep deprivation headaches anyway. I did the same thing with ice packs to survive. The nausea was tougher. Every meal was choking it down for almost a year and a half (From going off a series of drugs and some off and on. Once I got off benzos the nausea improved within a few months.) I hope you feel some relief soon. I know it will come, it just feels super far away when you're in the thick of it. I understand, this is exceptionally hard to bear.

 

MT

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You're a gem, MTfAn. We're blessed to have you among us!

 

 

Katz

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MTfan thanks for your post about gratefulness. I'm going to give it a try.