How do we Heal?.....

[[ea...]]

Faking it was my motto for several years. I instinctively knew that if I faked it, I would feel better. This actually is an old therapy trick. If you fake it (that you feel better than you do-) it helps re-train your brain into being more positive about everything. This isnt an easy fix. It takes practice and patience. And if you add in other ways to cope with symptoms, you will be doing yourself a big favor. You are worth saving, my friends. You dont deserve what you are going through. But here you are, miserable because of benzos. Do whatever you can to feel better and more positive.

 

Healing is happening all the time whether you are aware of it or not. Healing is an automatic response of your brain. People do heal after having a stroke, or even brain surgery! The human brain was wired to heal itself, and now you just have to let that happen.

east

[[Ke...]]

I'm dealing with this today.

And my husband is saying "Snap out of it".

He doesn't believe it has anything to do with Ativan.

I went in the hospital almost a year ago.  He keeps saying "It's been a year".

Sometimes I feel like some healing as happened.

I mean, I don't have the severe DP/DR I had in the beginning.  That went away (Thank the Lord).

But the depression/anxiety just won't seem to pass.  Or, is it even depression/anxiety?  It's just the "off" feeling.

Like, today is Saturday.  I should be getting the fire pit out of the garage and having a fire tonight and making s'mores.

I should be thinking of what to grill tonight.

And, the CRAZIEST part is, there's nothing STOPPING me from doing those things . . . I "want" to do them.  It's just that . . . I can't even explain it.  It's impossible to explain.

Is that depression?  Is that anxiety?  And why can't anybody tell me???

Every Dr. just wants to write a script for an AD or something.

All I want is to feel normal again.

 

Is that how you guys feel?  Like you're in another universe or something?  Like you WANT to enjoy things, but can't??

 

Ugh.  This is just impossible to fathom it's happening to me.  This is NOT me.  I know who I am (was) and I WANT ME BACK!!

 

Someone tell me I am not stuck like this for life.

 

I can so relate to this in so many ways.  My friends don't understand it anymore and have stopped asking me to do anything with them.  I haven't had a girlfriend or dated anyone in almost two years, emotionally unavailable.  I'm almost your age and feel like I've wasted so much time.  It sucks to lose relationships during this but hopefully we can get them back after all of this is over.  I wake up everyday and want to do so many things but am unable to do but maybe one or two of them, it sucks!  I still have trouble cooking and cleaning my house, sounds crazy but I get anxiety when I start doing either of the two.  I'm a car nut and love keeping my cars clean but can't even do that.  The only positive thing I do is go to work and only because I don't have a choice.  I do good to get through the day without losing my mind.  I do pray a lot and try to stay as positive as I can but everyday that goes by, it gets harder and I'm getting very tired. 

[[ea...]]

Keith, I think that when one feels anxiouos, they often get busy- instinctively distractinig themselves. I STILL do this, even though I seldom feel real anxiety now. That left me when I healed from benzos along with a lot of other stuff.

 

Fakit: I will tell you this is not permanent. Many of our members have families, spouses, boyfriends, etc., who simply do not understand and say stuff like "Snap out of it." If you hadnt been going throuogh this, and perhaps a friend was, you might say something like that to her. Who knows. If a person has never been through something this weird, they have no way of understanding. My adivce is to fake it with your husband as best as you can. You always have us on BB to chat with and reassure you.

 

Please do not start on ADs. They have their own withdrawal and most people here simply do not think they work. I agree. Garbage drugs.

 

Yes. You are not YOU right now. "YOU" will come back when your tired brain finally heals. Just hang on and roll with the punches and keep on faking it.

[[Fa...]]

Keith, I think that when one feels anxiouos, they often get busy- instinctively distractinig themselves. I STILL do this, even though I seldom feel real anxiety now. That left me when I healed from benzos along with a lot of other stuff.

 

Fakit: I will tell you this is not permanent. Many of our members have families, spouses, boyfriends, etc., who simply do not understand and say stuff like "Snap out of it." If you hadnt been going throuogh this, and perhaps a friend was, you might say something like that to her. Who knows. If a person has never been through something this weird, they have no way of understanding. My adivce is to fake it with your husband as best as you can. You always have us on BB to chat with and reassure you.

 

Please do not start on ADs. They have their own withdrawal and most people here simply do not think they work. I agree. Garbage drugs.

 

Yes. You are not YOU right now. "YOU" will come back when your tired brain finally heals. Just hang on and roll with the punches and keep on faking it.

 

Thank you I needed to read that today. Hugs!

[[Ma...]]

Walking is something I must incorporate in this process.  I’m soooo over feeling weird.

 

Great idea, you will feel better, even if it's just a short walk.  Luv ya, Mary

[[am...]]

My question is, when the brain is balanced you’re supposed to feel totally in sync with your old self but I have a hard time imagine that when we’ve been out of it for so long is it really possible to feel your old self again ?

[[Fi...]]

My question is, when the brain is balanced you’re supposed to feel totally in sync with your old self but I have a hard time imagine that when we’ve been out of it for so long is it really possible to feel your old self again ?

 

I agree.....  it would be nice to get some brutal honesty instead of sugar coated empty hope. 

[[Ma...]]

My question is, when the brain is balanced you’re supposed to feel totally in sync with your old self but I have a hard time imagine that when we’ve been out of it for so long is it really possible to feel your old self again ?

 

I agree.....  it would be nice to get some brutal honesty instead of sugar coated empty hope.

 

We shut downs our gaba receptors with the benzo's, which put us in this horrible condition we are in now.  We have changed our lives and ourselves.  As the gaba receptors start working again, which may take a while, we will start coming back.  After what we've been through, our personalities will probably have changed some.  We ought to be wiser, and much more careful with meds and our bodies.  Some may be bitter, I hope not.  You will be in some control of the person you are when this ordeal is over.  How much you heal, how fast you heal will all be determined by all the things that are determining our experience now, it will be different for everyone.  I can't give you a medical answer, don't believe a Dr could.  Time, patience, attitude now will effect who you are on the other side.

Novel and probably not a lot of help is over.  Love you, Mary☮️🙏💜

 

[[ea...]]

Very, very well-said, Mary. Thasnk you for saying this. This brain stuff is hard to explain, isnt it? I have struggled for 6 years to adequately describe this without being too technical. Neuro was not my favorite area of medicine (as an RN). It was too darn complicated, although I did take care of patients (perhaps a thousand) who had strokes, brain surgery and other traumatic brain issues.Little did I know that I would be one of them someday.

 

My basic personality stayed the same but other things did change, some quite a bit. I became OCD about cleaning during withdrawal, and once healed, that remains (although slightly less than a few years ago.) That is why I chose to clean houses now and NOT be an RN. Other things changed. My perceptions became somehow clearer. My anxiety has all but left me, thank GOD! I sleep very well. I still have weird dreams, mostly about nursing or about school...subjects that were important to me. I feel MUCH stronger now. I was tested and I won. That alone is priceless. My health is about 100% better now. So weird that benzos caused such a horrible mess in my body and brain. And it all was benzos, nothing else at work there.

east :thumbsup:

[[Ma...]]

Very, very well-said, Mary. Thasnk you for saying this. This brain stuff is hard to explain, isnt it? I have struggled for 6 years to adequately describe this without being too technical. Neuro was not my favorite area of medicine (as an RN). It was too darn complicated, although I did take care of patients (perhaps a thousand) who had strokes, brain surgery and other traumatic brain issues.Little did I know that I would be one of them someday.

 

My basic personality stayed the same but other things did change, some quite a bit. I became OCD about cleaning during withdrawal, and once healed, that remains (although slightly less than a few years ago.) That is why I chose to clean houses now and NOT be an RN. Other things changed. My perceptions became somehow clearer. My anxiety has all but left me, thank GOD! I sleep very well. I still have weird dreams, mostly about nursing or about school...subjects that were important to me. I feel MUCH stronger now. I was tested and I won. That alone is priceless. My health is about 100% better now. So weird that benzos caused such a horrible mess in my body and brain. And it all was benzos, nothing else at work there.

east :thumbsup:

 

Eastcoast, what a fab story  . I could use a little OCD about housekeeping.  It's always great to hear a happy ending and be able to hear the happiness in your post.  thank you so much for that!!! Love. Mary. ☮️💜🙏

[[ea...]]

Mary,

I chuckle over my newfound OCD about cleaning. It is SO unlike the old me. I just have to laugh about it. And it all is because of benzo WD. Nothing else.

 

I put my new talent to use, and started cleaning houses. I now earn money sole because of benzo withdrawal. Ya gotta laugh about this stuff!!!

east

[[Ma...]]

Mary,

I chuckle over my newfound OCD about cleaning. It is SO unlike the old me. I just have to laugh about it. And it all is because of benzo WD. Nothing else.

 

I put my new talent to use, and started cleaning houses. I now earn money sole because of benzo withdrawal. Ya gotta laugh about this stuff!!!

east

 

Loving your job is one of the best things in life, even if you went about it the hard way .  . Mary

[[ea...]]

Oh yes. If you don't LIKE what you work at, you will not be very good at it!!! When the day comes that I don't enjoy cleaning, I will find something else to do. I have been considering my options, since I ANM 68 now. I have more energy and strength than most people my age (nor do I look my age-). But time will not stop for little me. Time marches on and I need to find another way to earn money.

 

Do you work, Mary??? Just curious. You sound like a level headed person.

east

[[ar...]]

Has anybody ever used  CBD to help with symptoms? (medical marijauna)

[[of...]]

Oh yes. If you don't LIKE what you work at, you will not be very good at it!!! When the day comes that I don't enjoy cleaning, I will find something else to do. I have been considering my options, since I ANM 68 now. I have more energy and strength than most people my age (nor do I look my age-). But time will not stop for little me. Time marches on and I need to find another way to earn money.

 

Do you work, Mary??? Just curious. You sound like a level headed person.

east

 

Eastcoast you are so positive and inspiring. What’s your secret to looking and feeling so young at 68? Do tell the rest of ladies .....

[[Ca...]]

Oh yes. If you don't LIKE what you work at, you will not be very good at it!!! When the day comes that I don't enjoy cleaning, I will find something else to do. I have been considering my options, since I ANM 68 now. I have more energy and strength than most people my age (nor do I look my age-). But time will not stop for little me. Time marches on and I need to find another way to earn money.

 

Do you work, Mary??? Just curious. You sound like a level headed person.

east

A level headed Benzo "wrecking ball" of positivity... Imo...

[[Ma...]]

Oh yes. If you don't LIKE what you work at, you will not be very good at it!!! When the day comes that I don't enjoy cleaning, I will find something else to do. I have been considering my options, since I ANM 68 now. I have more energy and strength than most people my age (nor do I look my age-). But time will not stop for little me. Time marches on and I need to find another way to earn money.

 

Do you work, Mary??? Just curious. You sound like a level headed person.

east

 

No, I have chronic migraines and now withdrawals.  I miss working, liked my job, but I envy people that found something they love to do  .  That would be such a 🎁 gift.  Mary

[[ea...]]

Mary, what I found is that WD puts things on hold. You just have to wait until you feel more normal.

It is worth the wait.

I get the sense that you are level headed, and could possibly be a good Moderator. Maybe not now, but in the future. BB is always in need to part time Mods. Its a wonderful way to give back.

Think about this. Being a Mod even briefly gave me even more confidence in myself.

 

Getting through WD is a huge challenge. But if you do get through it, you will be a far stronger, wiser person.

east...big hugs!!!

[[Ma...]]

Mary, what I found is that WD puts things on hold. You just have to wait until you feel more normal.

It is worth the wait.

I get the sense that you are level headed, and could possibly be a good Moderator. Maybe not now, but in the future. BB is always in need to part time Mods. Its a wonderful way to give back.

Think about this. Being a Mod even briefly gave me even more confidence in myself.

 

Getting through WD is a huge challenge. But if you do get through it, you will be a far stronger, wiser person.

east...big hugs!!!

.

 

Thanks eastcoast.  I know so little about so many of the drugs on here.  I do try to give common sense knowledge that I have learned on here or about things I've experienced myself but really don't have enough knowledge to be a moderator  . But if the day comes I would be honored to help out 💜☮️🙏 Mary

[[ea...]]

Mary, most Moderators here do not claim to be experts. They only try to help members, based on thieir own benzo experiences. They are just ordinary people who also happened to go thru benzo withdrawal.

 

Going thru BWD taught me so much. I will never forget what I went through, although time does tend to erase painful memories.

 

Its been a long day and I am ready to call it quits.

east

[[Ma...]]

Mary, most Moderators here do not claim to be experts. They only try to help members, based on thieir own benzo experiences. They are just ordinary people who also happened to go thru benzo withdrawal.

 

Going thru BWD taught me so much. I will never forget what I went through, although time does tend to erase painful memories.

 

Its been a long day and I am ready to call it quits.

east

 

Rest peace, enjoy the end of your day ☮️💜🙏, Mary

[[He...]]

Because you WANT to heal and it is not happening as fast as you hoped. This is quite common, and many people have felt this way. Healing from benzos can take a lot longer than you expected. It came as a huge shock to me. Took me almost 5 years t be fully recovered. But T, my case is a lot worse than yours. Do not compare yourself with me! What matter is this: you WILL heal, when it it is your time to heal. And when you start to FEEL this healing, you will start to understand that what you read here was true.

 

You will get through this mess and recover, as long as you keep on going. I pray that you do because you are SO well worth saving! Please do not give up and reinstate.

BIG hugs,

East

 

I love reading everything you post. You're so encouraging, and I so appreciate it.

[[He...]]

Faking it was my motto for several years. I instinctively knew that if I faked it, I would feel better. This actually is an old therapy trick. If you fake it (that you feel better than you do-) it helps re-train your brain into being more positive about everything. This isnt an easy fix. It takes practice and patience. And if you add in other ways to cope with symptoms, you will be doing yourself a big favor. You are worth saving, my friends. You dont deserve what you are going through. But here you are, miserable because of benzos. Do whatever you can to feel better and more positive.

 

Healing is happening all the time whether you are aware of it or not. Healing is an automatic response of your brain. People do heal after having a stroke, or even brain surgery! The human brain was wired to heal itself, and now you just have to let that happen.

east

 

Hi East Coast,

 

Can you explain to me a little more about tolerance withdrawal (what it is and how it works), or direct me to other posts. I C/T 18 months ago, and I still feel terrible. Constant 24/7 ruminating thoughts, depression, anxiety, insomnia, and Dp/DR. I saw it mentioned somewhere that tolerance withdrawal can intensify and prolong symptoms, so I was wanting to learn more about it to see if that's potentially part of what I'm dealing with through my personal withdrawal. Any information is appreciated, thanks!

[[Ke...]]

Hellbutrin-  I'm about right where you are, 18 months out next Monday and still have awful symptoms.  My biggest being anxiety/impending doom and fear.  A lot of the physical symptoms have subsided except today I woke up feeling very lethargic and tired even after getting almost 6 hours of sleep which is a lot for me.  My legs feel like jello and I feel jittery all over.  I'm beginning to wonder if I have an underlying condition, seems crazy to feel this bad 18 months out.  I have had more windows  but they only last for an hour or two then back to hell.  I'm trying to stay busy to distract from the symptoms, stay positive and pray to God a few times a day.  We just have to ride this out until it gets better.

[[Ma...]]

Oh yes. If you don't LIKE what you work at, you will not be very good at it!!! When the day comes that I don't enjoy cleaning, I will find something else to do. I have been considering my options, since I ANM 68 now. I have more energy and strength than most people my age (nor do I look my age-). But time will not stop for little me. Time marches on and I need to find another way to earn money.

 

Do you work, Mary??? Just curious. You sound like a level headed person.

east

A level headed Benzo "wrecking ball" of positivity... Imo...

 

No, I quit working when we had the housing crash.  I was a loan officer, made great money and got a nice severance package.  Then I went back to same company in less than a year to keep my tenure.

They closed my department 5 months later, got another great severance package because I kept my tenure.  I was having chronic migraines at the time and decided to quit until I could get relief, which by the time I found something that would help, I was 61 , had started taking xanax  and my dog was slowly dying, which was breaking my heart.  So never made it back to work.  Unfortunately, a couple years of xanax lead me to this.  Damn.....but doing my best, having to go very slow, but I am headed in right direction.  Mary. ☮️💜🙏🐱🐾🐾🐾🐾